Cabin Fever
Cabin fever is an actual psychological condition, resulting from being isolated or shut in for long periods of time with your girlfriend, her dog, your cat, and very expensive computers. So I should not be held responsible for whatever it was that I did last night.
For the record, I've been avoiding going out of my safe house due to the horrific biological weapons various dangerous things stored inside my building that the Computer Virus from Hell could launch at me, should it choose to. But as far as I can tell, not only is it not destroying the world around it using the tactical nukes perfectly legal but still deadly weapons inside, it's just sitting there. Watching. The same goes for the currently-evil version of JARVIS. He threatens to eviscerate Stark whenever we get near the property line (and as entertaining as that might be, I don't think I'd get to actually see it. So I might as well just let Stark and his goatee live), but he hasn't actually done anything.
I've checked with the various other companies and people around the world who've had their AIs hacked. In addition to finding out that many of them strongly dislike me (no news there), they're all reporting the same thing. They've been chased and threatened out of their own buildings, but the machines haven't used any of their abilities on the rest of the world. It doesn't make sense. But I, of course, have a theory.
It's possible that whatever we're dealing with isn't from Earth, and it still in the process of adapting to human computers. The fact that they might be technologically superior is currently irrelevant. They might be able to hack into the big stuff, but bringing it all under control is still posing a problem. For example, "Don't hurt Tony Stark" is probably one of the most integral commands that JARVIS has, and the virus isn't entirely able to reverse this command. Hence Stark's continued survival. This is backed up by the total lack of action on the part of the Computer Virus from Hell, except in the case of the Fortress of Solitude. The only reason that thing hasn't ground us beneath its alien heel is that Superman is camped outside of it, picking off robots as they attack. That would indicate that the virus is either Kryptonian in origin, or comes from someone who had similar enough technology that the Fortress, oddly enough, poses less of an obstacle.
So again, and I say this with all my heart: Fuck you, alien. Aliens. Whichever.
Anyway, I went out last night, after finally losing it completely and screaming at Kitty for an hour for sneezing. (Sorry about that. I would never skin you, despite what I may threaten. I hope the diamond necklace was sufficient apology.) And I'm fairly certain I was drugged, because I can remember very little of it, and the parts that I can remember involve dancing on tables, something about body glitter, and not wearing a shirt. That, and bright neon lights. And Lady Gaga songs. So it was probably in a club somewhere.
I'm fairly certain there's no photographic or video evidence, because I have a distinct memory of using my laser-focused senses to attack someone who was pointing their cellphone at me. Specifically, I leapfrogged off several tables and tackled him to the ground. I may also have bitten him on the throat. So hopefully neither of us became a vampire from that encounter. I woke up in an alley off Lincoln Street without shoes, and wearing my tie as a headband.
I'm not really sure who drugged me, as the list of suspects includes the entire JLA, the entire Legion of Doom, the League of Shadows, a competitor, one of my ex-wives, all of my ex-wives, and possibly a version of me from the past or future. Although that might have just been me getting very confused by a mirror while hallucinating.
All in all, it was not a bad night.
For the record, I've been avoiding going out of my safe house due to the horrific biological weapons various dangerous things stored inside my building that the Computer Virus from Hell could launch at me, should it choose to. But as far as I can tell, not only is it not destroying the world around it using the tactical nukes perfectly legal but still deadly weapons inside, it's just sitting there. Watching. The same goes for the currently-evil version of JARVIS. He threatens to eviscerate Stark whenever we get near the property line (and as entertaining as that might be, I don't think I'd get to actually see it. So I might as well just let Stark and his goatee live), but he hasn't actually done anything.
I've checked with the various other companies and people around the world who've had their AIs hacked. In addition to finding out that many of them strongly dislike me (no news there), they're all reporting the same thing. They've been chased and threatened out of their own buildings, but the machines haven't used any of their abilities on the rest of the world. It doesn't make sense. But I, of course, have a theory.
It's possible that whatever we're dealing with isn't from Earth, and it still in the process of adapting to human computers. The fact that they might be technologically superior is currently irrelevant. They might be able to hack into the big stuff, but bringing it all under control is still posing a problem. For example, "Don't hurt Tony Stark" is probably one of the most integral commands that JARVIS has, and the virus isn't entirely able to reverse this command. Hence Stark's continued survival. This is backed up by the total lack of action on the part of the Computer Virus from Hell, except in the case of the Fortress of Solitude. The only reason that thing hasn't ground us beneath its alien heel is that Superman is camped outside of it, picking off robots as they attack. That would indicate that the virus is either Kryptonian in origin, or comes from someone who had similar enough technology that the Fortress, oddly enough, poses less of an obstacle.
So again, and I say this with all my heart: Fuck you, alien. Aliens. Whichever.
Anyway, I went out last night, after finally losing it completely and screaming at Kitty for an hour for sneezing. (Sorry about that. I would never skin you, despite what I may threaten. I hope the diamond necklace was sufficient apology.) And I'm fairly certain I was drugged, because I can remember very little of it, and the parts that I can remember involve dancing on tables, something about body glitter, and not wearing a shirt. That, and bright neon lights. And Lady Gaga songs. So it was probably in a club somewhere.
I'm fairly certain there's no photographic or video evidence, because I have a distinct memory of using my laser-focused senses to attack someone who was pointing their cellphone at me. Specifically, I leapfrogged off several tables and tackled him to the ground. I may also have bitten him on the throat. So hopefully neither of us became a vampire from that encounter. I woke up in an alley off Lincoln Street without shoes, and wearing my tie as a headband.
I'm not really sure who drugged me, as the list of suspects includes the entire JLA, the entire Legion of Doom, the League of Shadows, a competitor, one of my ex-wives, all of my ex-wives, and possibly a version of me from the past or future. Although that might have just been me getting very confused by a mirror while hallucinating.
All in all, it was not a bad night.