pretty boy polaroids (oneshot)
pretty boy polaroids
junmyeon/jongdae.
pg-13.
au, romance, friendship, drama.
oneshot/~7800w.
Change is often involuntary but necessary, as is love.
a/n: for changdictator. ilu cha, and thank you x100000 for your exoforsichuan bid ;_; /fills your pockets with my love.
PRETTY BOY POLAROIDS
Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Somewhere in between the blurred lines, there lies a plot mixed with conflict and confusion and sometimes even love (because what is a life without love?). It's up to the writer to decide all those components and more, translating them into words on paper that are hopefully enough yet not too much, because every writer wants to be a little mysterious.
There is no fun in a story written out in plain words; a story without secrets is never the full story.
At first glance, Junmyeon's story has no secrets. It's an old journal with neat handwriting confessing every whisper, every glance that Junmyeon has every given or received. It's not finished yet - Junmyeon has ran out of pages and needs a new journal - but it's getting there.
"Hey, does the bookshop has any new journals?" Junmyeon asks as he enters the kitchen where his roommate sits on the counter, eating cereal and watching YouTube videos on his phone. Jongdae barely spares him a glance, eyes focused on the screen.
"I dunno. Go check," Jongdae mumbles through a mouth full of cereal.
"You work there," Junmyeon says, exasperated. "How could you not know?"
"Not anymore," Jongdae replies offhandedly as he stuffs another spoonful into his mouth. Junmyeon watches him in surprise, waiting for him to finish chewing to continue. "I quit last week."
"What? Why?" Junmyeon asks, frowning. He liked having a roommate who worked at the nearby bookshop; it made things easier for him. He could just pop his head out and ask Jongdae if they had any of the books he wanted to read, and he could get a discount from Jongdae (although Jongdae could be stingy with them).
"Wasn't feeling it," is all Jongdae offers.
"Are you kidding me?" Junmyeon snaps, walking over to him and grabbing the phone out of his hand, ignoring Jongdae's protests. "You can't just quit your job because you weren't feeling it." They have a rent to pay, and Junmyeon is already struggling as is. He doesn't need a jobless Jongdae to add to the weight on his shoulders.
"Of course I can," Jongdae snorts, standing up to put his empty bowl in the sink. "The greatest thing about life is that you can do whatever you want with it."
"You can do whatever you want with your life," Junmyeon corrects. "Not with mine. And right now, you're messing up mine."
Jongdae rolls his eyes. "Stop being such a party pooper, pretty boy." Junmyeon grimaces at the nickname. "I'll get a new job soon enough."
Junmyeon bites back his bitter laugh. "You make it sound so easy."
"Because it is," Jongdae says over his shoulder as he leaves for his room. "Besides, I already have an idea in mind."
"And what is it?" Junmyeon calls after him, arms crossed.
"Photography," Jongdae answers, stopping to look back at Junmyeon and throw him that confident smirk of his that Junmyeon has gotten too used to.
"Photography," Junmyeon deadpans. "How exactly is that a job?"
"It's not," Jongdae admits readily. Junmyeon's left eye twitches, and Jongdae laughs. "Not yet. But I just dug up my old Polaroid camera, and I'm ready to give it a spin.
So much for that car Junmyeon was saving up for. Riding a bike to work would have to suffice for now.
-
We always remember the firsts. The first word, the first step, the first laugh - these are the moments that linger in between the commute to work, when the city is still waking up and the caffeine from cheap coffee is just starting to kick in.
Junmyeon can't help but be nostalgic. He's always been fond of his memories, reliving yesterday's bliss instead of realizing today's. Jongdae's always teased him for being so "out of touch," as he puts it, with the present. But then again, Jongdae's always teasing Junmyeon about everything, so he's learned to stop paying attention.
When Junmyeon first met Yixing, he thought, This is the one. This is who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Yixing was Junmyeon's first love, first boyfriend, first everything.
Yixing was Junmyeon's opposite in many aspects. While Junmyeon preferred to get a job done quickly, Yixing would dwell on it for days, perfecting it to his taste and savoring the time spent. Junmyeon would rush to get home, but Yixing would stroll and smell the flowers on his way back.
Yet Yixing completed Junmyeon. For all their differences and quirks, Junmyeon could never turn away from Yixing. First loves often have a way of grabbing a hold of your heart then your mind.
Yixing was also Junmyeon's first heartbreak.
Upon learning of Yixing's acceptance into a prestigious dance academy back in his home country, Junmyeon tried his hardest to make things work. He looked for new job opportunities, cheap dorms in China, anything to keep him by Yixing's side.
But fate had other plans, and the night before Yixing left, he pressed a soft kiss to Junmyeon's forehead and whispered, "I'll miss you." And he didn't say anything more, but Junmyeon knew. Knew the same way as how he knew Yixing always woke before the sun did, how he knew how to tell Yixing' sad kisses apart from happy ones, and how he knew Yixing loved dance more than he loved him.
Junmyeon called. He called, and called, and hoped more than anything that maybe this long-distance relationship could work. Maybe he could visit on the weekends, or they could video chat, or something. Anything to keep Yixing his.
But Yixing faded. Junmyeon could see it play out in his mind, see the way Yixing's eyes glazed over with something new, something passionate whenever the music started and his body took over. Could see Yixing forget him under the stage lights, the way he seemed to forget all his worries that way.
Junmyeon tried reasoning with himself. He told himself love was letting go, that this was best for Yixing, that he should be happy. But no matter how many times he reminded himself of the clichés that he read over and over, his mind could never reason with his heart.
So he buried it. He buried his heart and his pain underneath work and words, made himself into a shell of what he once was and shipped the rest off to Yixing in some blind hope that he'd receive it.
Junmyeon was always convinced that his story was with Yixing. He was the main character, Yixing his love interest, and their happily ever after would come eventually, even if it took hundreds of thousands of journals to finish it.
But every writer knows there is no happily ever after ending in life, because life - like love - doesn't end with a simple phrase.
-
"He's coming back."
Junmyeon looks up from his desk, where he's trying to make sense of numbers, to meet his co-worker-slash-good-friend Jongin's gaze. "Who?" he asks, but a name comes to mind without even thinking. But he knows he can't get his hopes up, not again.
Jongin shoot him that you-know-who look before answering, "Yixing. He's coming back."
Junmyeon feels his throat tighten. It's been over two years since Yixing left with a chaste kiss to Junmyeon's cheek and a soft I'm sorry, yet he still manages to steal Junmyeon's breath away with just the mention of his name. "I-Is he?" he stammers, and Jongin nods.
"He's coming back to complete his training," Jongin answers. Hearing the unspoken question Junmyeon thinks, Jongin continues, "He flies back in Saturday night. Sehun and I are going to go pick him up."
"Sehun...?"
"Luhan's boyfriend," Jongin explains. "Yixing asked Luhan to pick him up, but since he's busy, he asked Sehun. And since Sehun doesn't know Yixing, I'm going too to smooth things out."
"Oh." Junmyeon tries to hide his disappointment at the fact that Yixing didn't ask him - didn't even tell him he's coming back to begin with - but Jongin sees through his strained smile.
"When was the last time you two spoke?" Jongin asks quietly, shuffling papers to fill in the tense silence.
"Since we last saw each other at his apartment, I guess," Junmyeon answers a little bitterly, a little sadly, and maybe a little angrily because maybe he should've tried harder.
"You didn't watch him leave at the airport?" Jongin asks, frowning. "But I thought..." Upon seeing Junmyeon's empty gaze, he stops himself. "Well, if you'd like, you're welcome to come to his Welcome Back party. Luhan and Kyungsoo are organizing it, and you know that when Kyungsoo is organizing a party, it's going to be good."
Junmyeon smiles weakly. "I don't know, Jongin." He's not sure if he can handle seeing Yixing so soon, or at all after everything.
"He probably wants to see you," Jongin pushes. "I mean, it's been a while, and you guys are friends, right?" Junmyeon doesn't just want to be Yixing's friend though - he wants more, more than Yixing ever promised.
But despite everything, Junmyeon really does want to see Yixing. He wants to see him smile and laugh the way he did, full of life and love. Wants to see him throw his arm around everyone, singing softly and swaying back and forth. Wants Yixing back, in one way or another.
"Okay," Junmyeon finally relents, and Jongin smiles.
"Bring Jongdae, too. I'm sure Yixing will be happy to see you two."
Junmyeon returns the smile weakly. He hopes so.
-
"Yixing's back?" Jongdae asks, eyebrows raised skeptically as he glances between his camera and Junmyeon. "I thought he was doing that dance stuff in China."
"Yeah, but he's coming back," Junmyeon repeats as patiently as he can manage, washing the dishes.
"I thought he was gonna stay there," Jongdae thinks aloud, and Junmyeon turns to look at him with a frown. Why does Jongdae sound so unhappy about Yixing's return? They were friends, too, from what Junmyeon can remember.
"Well, maybe he was feeling homesick," Junmyeon defends, and Jongdae snorts.
"His home is in China," Jongdae reminds him, and Junmyeon doesn't voice the thoughts in his mind wishing that Yixing's home was with him instead. He just continues scrubbed the dishes, listening to Jongdae complain about the hot summer weather and how it makes it harder for him to take a good polaroid.
"You know, if you've been taking photos, how come I never see them?" Junmyeon asks, glancing at his roommate. "Are you even taking any?"
"Of course," Jongdae scoffs. "But I don't have to show them to you."
"Well you have to show them to someone," Junmyeon deadpans. "Or else you'll never sale them and we'll never make money and the next thing we know, we're both out on the streets, living in cardboard boxes with nothing but the clothes on our back."
"At least we'll have each other," Jongdae coos, and Junmyeon throws him a glare.
"Stop messing around and go make money. I'm sick of picking up your slack."
Jongdae snorts, picking up his camera and film and placing them in his bag. "Chill, pretty boy. I'll make rent this month, trust me."
"You better," Junmyeon hisses at Jongdae's retreating back. "And stop calling me pretty boy!"
Jongdae's laughter echoes through the kitchen as he leaves. It's unsettling, but then again, everything about Jongdae is to Junmyeon.
If Yixing is a map, then Jongdae is a puzzle. While Junmyeon could read every look in Yixing's eyes, write haiku after haiku about the colors in them, he would find broken pieces to an imcomplete story in Jongdae's. Jongdae is always guarding something underneath his playful expression, and not even Junmyeon, who has known him since freshman year in college, knows what he hides behind his wary eyes.
But after a while, Junmyeon decided that Jongdae is always going to be just that - a puzzle. Maybe he'll be completed one day when someone decides to pick up the courage to put the pieces together, but Junmyeon knows that will never be him. He needs someone like Yixing, who can be read easily, secrets open for the world to see.
That didn't change anything between them. It was understood that Junmyeon and Jongdae were good friends. Junmyeon had a good sense of humor to match Jongdae's sometimes overbearing act around others. Junmyeon would even stand up for Jongdae when people would berate him for acting too childish at times with his jokes and pranks.
Lately, however, Junmyeon has been acting restless around Jongdae, and Jongdae has lost that playful aura around him. Maybe it's just stress pressing down on them, the need for financial security and something more than just a boring monotonous schedule suffocating them.
Whatever it is, Junmyeon doesn't have the time to think about it. Yixing is coming back, after all, and he needs to figure out how to talk to him (and maybe even how to win him back).
-
This was a mistake, this was a mistake, Junmyeon thinks as he enters the apartment, Kyungsoo urging him to try a refreshment while Minseok tells Kyungsoo to let them eat as they please (which Jongdae does without hesitation).
But Junmyeon is feeling too sick to even look at the food - which upsets Kyungsoo greatly - as he keeps glancing at the door, waiting for Yixing to walk through them.
"Calm down, pretty boy," Jongdae says with a mouth full of food and a plate full of snacks in his hands. "You look like you're about to pee your pants."
Junmyeon glares at Jongdae, who backs off with a defensive look. "I'm just saying, maybe you should go get a drink or something before you explode. Or at least eat something before Kyungsoo burns you with his glare." To make his point, he gestures to Kyungsoo who is muttering about the hours he spent preparing the food and how no one appreciates him, and Minseok beside him who is trying to calm him down while stuffing food into his mouth at the same time.
"Fine," Junmyeon relents, only because Kyungsoo can hold a grudge sometimes. He grabs a plate and puts a couple of eggrolls on his plate, glancing at Kyungsoo who is scrutinizing his every move. He quickly moves back to Jongdae's side, where he proceeds to nibble on his snacks. "This doesn't make me feel any better."
Jongdae shrugs. "If food doesn't work, nothing will."
So much for support. Junmyeon throws the plate away in the kitchen, where Luhan is opening up wine and beer bottles. Upon seeing Junmyeon, Luhan offers, "Want one?"
Junmyeon shakes his head. It's too early to get drunk, and he doesn't want to act like a fool when he sees Yixing. Jongdae enters at that moment, though, and grabs the bottle out of Luhan's hand, saying, "Don't mind if I do," as he pops the cap open. "I plan to get wasted tonight."
Luhan chuckles and Junmyeon frowns as Jongdae leaves the kitchen. He follows just in time to see the door open, Sehun walking in coolly with Jongin behind him, stumbling as he carries two suitcases in his hands. He glares daggers at Sehun, ready to snap, when Kyungsoo comes rushing to his side, taking the suitcases and helping Jongin, whose grimace softens immediately.
But Junmyeon's eyes aren't on them; they're on the one behind him, staring at everyone with gleeful eyes and a smile. Junmyeon's heart aches at the sight of his smile - so familiar, yet so different. His eyes are no longer as tired, filled with a different light that makes Junmyeon wonder - and fear.
"Yixing!" Luhan is the first to greet him, running to him and enveloping in a big hug. Yixing laughs and wraps his arms around his best friend, squeezing. "It's good to see you so bright and healthy."
"Back at you, Luhan," Yixing says with a grin. He scans the room, and Junmyeon wants to disappear when his eyes land on him. His grin turns into a soft smile before he continues to wave at everyone, stepping in and stepping the door behind him.
"Wait, who is this?" Luhan asks, gesturing to the guest behind Yixing. He's tall, an almost brooding look on his face with sharp features that make him even more intimidating. Junmyeon can't help but feel jealous and insecure at the man's height and good-looks; he looked like he came straight out of a manga.
"Oh, this is Yifan," Yixing answers, glancing back at the man and reaching out and taking his hand, lacing their fingers, a look so familiar to Junmyeon written on his face. It was his look. Junmyeon's heart stops, because he knows before Yixing says it. "He's my boyfriend."
Jongdae walks back into the kitchen and out with two beers this tme.
-
Junmyeon wakes up with a pounding headache, but not even the pain in his head can distract him from the pain in his heart. He should have never taken the beer from Jongdae, but at the time, nothing made sense. Yixing has a new boyfriend, Yixing is in love, Yixing is in love with someone who is not Junmyeon. Everything was wrong, except for the alcohol.
Stumbling out of bed, slamming half of his body into the doorway before successfully making it to the living room, Junmyeon notices his passed out roommate on the couch and decides he doesn't want to know how they even got home.
Junmyeon manages his way to the kitchen, ready to make himself a cup of tea to battle his hangover. He has work today, and he can't afford to take another day off. Hangover or not, he is going to work.
And who knows, maybe work will distract him. It has before.
When Yixing first left, Junmyeon worked all day, and almost all night if it wasn't for his friends' pleads to take it easy. But without work to distract him with numbers and meaningless tasks, he would to think. And thinking only ever leads to regret, so Junmyeon decided work was the best option.
Jongdae never complained either. That was one of the good things about being roommates with Jongdae - he knew when to back off and not ask questions. Even if he would ask about every other thing, like what you had for breakfast and how many dogs you saw on the way to work, he would never bring up anything you didn't want him to.
So when Junmyeon wouldn't come home at night, Jongdae never asked. He knew, but he never asked.
That wasn't to say Jongdae was the perfect roommate though. He still used up all of Junmyeon's toothpaste, never buys new shampoo, deletes all of Junmyeon's voicemail "by mistake" - although it's happened so often, Junmyeon wonders if they're all accidental -, drinks all of Junmyeon's milk, and steals - or, in his words, "borrows without asking" - Junmyeon's CDs when he's not at home.
But despite all the times Jongdae can be a nuissance, he makes up for it all the times he saves Junmyeon from himself in the most uncanny of ways.
-
Junmyeon almost jumps when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket during work. He checks to see that it's a text message. He has half a mind to ignore it, but against his better judgement he checks it anyway.
from jongdae
buying lunch @ the bakery. do u want anything?
Glancing at the clock, Junmyeon realizes he didn't even know it was lunch time. He's still battling his hangover, although it's been much better after he took his painkillers. He hasn't felt hungry though.
to jongdae
no thanks
He sends the text, before thinking about it for a moment and adding
to jongdae
wait what bakery are u at?
The reply comes shortly after.
from jongdae
the one across from the park w/ the croissants & fancy french stuff
Junmyeon hums in thought. That's his favorite bakery after all. But what is Jongdae doing there anyway? It's not exactly close, and Jongdae doesn't exactly have cab fare right now.
to jongdae
well if that's the case, can u get me a custard roll and two croissants? thanks
He's about to put his phone away when it vibrates again.
from jongdae
do u want a turkey sandwich?
Well, their turkey sandwiches do happen to be Junmyeon's favorite...
to jongdae
yeah thanks
to jongdae
wait what r u doing over there anyway and how did u get there
Junmyeon figures he may as well ask now, because there really is no reason for Jongdae to travel so far just to grab lunch.
from jongdae
i needed new scenery for my polaroids & i biked duh
Surpressing a snort, Junmyeon puts his phone away for good now and goes back to his shapes and numbers. At least now with the food, he'll have something to look forward to when he gets back.
-
At first, Junmyeon doesn't really question it. The fact that Jongdae is always at a restaurant, particularly ones Junmyeon is fond of, offering to buy Junmyeon lunch or a snack happens maybe once or twice a month, sure. But after the fifth time in the past two weeks, Junmyeon really starts to notice.
However, whenever he asks, Jongdae just answers that he wanted to see new places for new polaroids. Junmyeon's not entirely convinced anymore, though, because he has barely seen any income on Jongdae's behalf, despite the fact that he should have plenty of polaroids available for sale now.
"Don't worry about it," Jongdae says breezily when Junmyeon asks him during breakfast. "We're getting by, aren't we?"
"Yes, but no thanks to you," Junmyeon replies dryly, watching as Jongdae stuffs eggs into his mouth. "Seriously, where are you even getting money for all the cafes and restaurants anyway?"
Jongdae shrugs. "Pocket change."
"Pocket change, my ass," Junmyeon mutters under his breath as he takes a bite of his breakfast. Jongdae smirks from across the table.
"You should be happy I buy you food," Jongdae says matter-of-factly, almost arrogantly even. "I don't do that for just anyone."
"Well, I'm the one keeping a roof over your head," Junmyeon tells him as a 'friendly reminder' just in case he forgot. "Buying me food is the least you can do, right?"
Jongdae takes a sip of his juice, in thought. "Right," he finally echoes. "It's the least I can do."
Junmyeon looks up, surprised at Jongdae's willingness to submit so easily when usually Jongdae is always picking fights, especially about things like this regarding his ego. "I was just joking," he says hastily. "This whole roommates thing was my idea in the first place, anyway, and I don't mind."
Jongdae rolls his eyes and doesn't reply, continuing to drink his juice.
"Besides, I don't know what I'd do without you around," Junmyeon admits, face heating up. It's so embarrassing admitting things like this, but Jongdae deserves to know at least this - that he is the only real anchor in Junmyeon's life. He looks away when he feels Jongdae staring at him, though, and clears his throat before standing up and putting his dish away in the sink.
He leaves before Jongdae can bore a hole into the back of his skull.
Despite the awkward episode, Jongdae continues to buy Jongdae lunch and other things during his 'travels' around the city on his bike (he once brought Junmyeon back a new journal, which made him smile a thousand watts). Junmyeon lets it be and life goes on, but in a different way than before.
Maybe the sun shines a little brighter now, or the sky is bluer than usual, but Yixing crosses his mind less and less, as do numbers and stress. He mostly thinks of lunch and bike rides across town. So life is different, yet the same. It's not enough - yet.
-
Junmyeon really should be working today, but his friends somehow manage him to take a break. They invite him out, but the knowledge that Yixing will be there makes Junmyeon reject their offers half-heartedly. However, to ease their worries, he promises them he will not go into work.
Right now, he's on the couch, watching mindless TV, when Jongdae exits his room, camera around his neck, already dressed.
"You're here," Jongdae states, surprised. "No work today?"
"No, they told me to stay home," Junmyeon says with a sigh.
"Hmm. Well, want to go out?" Jongdae offers.
Junmyeon's eyes widen, and Jongdae immediately re-evaluates his choice of words. "Oh, w-wait, I meant as friends. You know, hanging out and stuff," Jongdae says awkwardly, and this comes as a shock to Junmyeon, who has only ever seen the quiet and collected Jongdae at home or the boisterous and playful Jongdae with friends. Never the nervous one in front of him. "I'm, uh, going downtown to take some polaroids. It's not much, but it's more than you'll get staring at the TV."
Junmyeon can't argue with that.
"Okay, wait a minute," Junmyeon says as he turns the TV off and walks to his room to get ready. When he emerges, he finds Jongdae looking through the photos in his bag. He walks over, wanting to see them; after all these months, he hasn't even seen a single picture.
But as soon as he comes close, Jongdae puts the photos away. "Hey, I wanted to see those," Junmyeon protests, but Jongdae only grins.
"Maybe later," Jongdae says, closing his camera bag.
"Why not now?" Junmyeon asks, eyebrow raised. What's so secretive about pictures?
"It's not the time," Jongdae replies with a shrug. "Come on, let's go already. I want enough time to take pictures before the traffic rush during dinner."
Junmyeon raises an eyebrow. "We'll have enough time. It's only one."
"Yeah, but it takes a while to get there," Jongdae says, rolling his eyes.
"If we take the bus, it'll only take twenty minutes."
"We're not taking the bus; we're biking." There's something mischevious about Jongdae's tone, and Junmyeon wonders if this is a good idea anymore. That doesn't keep him from mounting his bike and riding after Jongdae, who's already way ahead of him, calling behind him to tease Junmyeon for being so slow.
"What's the point of being pretty if you're so slow?" Jongdae sings.
Junmyeon huffs and pedals faster.
When they finally reach downtown, Junmyeon is almost out of breath. It's been so long since he worked out, busy with work and all. Meanwhile, Jongdae is coolly locking their bikes, used to the exercise already.
"Hurry up," Jongdae calls as he begins walking, Junmyeon still catching his breath. Junmyeon surpresses a groan as he jogs over to catch up to Jongdae.
"Where are you going?"
"To take pictures, isn't that what you want?" Jongdae asks mockingly.
Junmyeon refrains from flicking Jongdae in the back of the neck. "No, I just want your pay for rent."
Jongdae grins, glancing at Junmyeon. Maybe it's just because Junmyeon hasn't had lunch yet, but something about the way the sunlight hits Jongdae's eyes makes his stomach lurch. Junmyeon hurries and looks straight ahead. "You just want me for my money," Jongdae teases.
"Pretty much," Junmyeon replies, still avoiding his gaze.
Jongdae laughs. "Well, don't worry, we still have a roof over our heads, don't we?"
"No thanks to you," Junmyeon deadpans.
"I keep you fed," Jongdae says proudly. "My job is done."
"What am I, a kid? I don't need you to feed me," Junmyeon argues.
Jongdae raises an eyebrow, glancing at him again. "Oh, really?"
Junmyeon sputters. He hates it when Jongdae speaks condescendingly. "Yes, really!"
Jongdae snorts. "Whatever you say, pretty boy," he says, walking ahead.
"Stop calling me that!" Junmyeon yells after him, speeding up his pace to catch up again.
"Why? It has a ring to it, doesn't it?"
"No, it's just annoying," Junmyeon huffs.
"That's too bad," Jongdae coos, but he doesn't sound like he means it at all.
Their mindless banter continues, even as Jongdae stops to take polaroids of the downtown scenery. When Jongdae seems pleased with his polaroids, they find a small cafe tucked away in the corner of an old building to eat a late lunch/early dinner at.
"When was the last time we actually sat down and ate dinner together?" Junmyeon wonders aloud.
"I don't know, when was the last time you were home for dinner?" Jongdae asks, and Junmyeon frowns. He knows Jongdae is just joking, but he feels bad for never being home, especially these days.
"Sorry," Junmyeon mumbles, and Jongdae looks up from his menu to notice Junmyeon's expression.
"I was joking," he says, surprised. "It's okay. I don't mind - I get the place to myself while you're gone anyway."
Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "No, really. I'll try to get home earlier more often."
Jongdae raises an eyebrow. "Really? Well, then how about we go out to eat dinner tomorrow together? You can make up for everything then." Junmyeon stares, surprised at the sudden invite, but he can't help but smile anyway.
"Okay," he agrees. "Only if you pay for everything."
"Deal."
"And we take a taxi, not our bikes."
Jongdae laughs but doesn't disagree, so Junmyeon goes back to reading the menu happily. It's been a while since he's had such a fun time. He can't even remember the last time him and Jongdae did something like this, something for themselves together.
After they take their orders and the waiter brings them their drinks, they start talking again.
"How's writing coming along, by the way? I never see you with your notebooks these days," Jongdae says as he reaches over to grab his drink.
Junmyeon has to think about it, because it's true - he hasn't been with his notebook that often lately. He's just been busy with work and not thinking about Yixing and wondering about lunch and Jongdae. "I guess I've been too busy."
"A writer who's too busy to write," Jongdae muses. "How ironic."
A crease forms in between Junmyeon's eyebrows. "It's not like writing is my job. It's just a hobby."
"But you love it," Jongdae points out.
"Well, yeah-"
"Then you should never have an excuse to not write," Jongdae finishes confidently. "C'mon, Junmyeon, I know you just want to get things done, but don't forget about what makes you happy. Go write before I throw your notebook at you."
Junmyeon doesn't know how to reply - since when did Jongdae become so thoughtful? He's about to ask when the server brings out their appetizers, and his mind goes straight to the food. After all that biking and walking, he's starved.
As he and Jongdae fight over the last meatball, Junmyeon wonders why he and Jongdae don't do this more often.
-
The next night Junmyeon waits for Jongdae to come home so they can go and eat dinner together, like Jongdae said. He'll never admit it to Jongdae, but he left work early to get ready and pick out a nice outfit. He has no idea why he's so anxious about a simple dinner with his roommate, but that doesn't stop him from putting on cologne.
He's in the living room right now, trying to find something to watch while he waits. He looks through the DVD collection, but he can't find the movie he's looking for. Figuring Jongdae probably took it, he goes to Jongdae's room.
Jongdae's room is a whole new place in itself. Decorated with posters on the wall and photographs everywhere, it's dazing at first. Junmyeon realizes he hasn't been in Jongdae's room in a long time; the last time was probably months ago, when he had to wake Jongdae up to tell him that the repair man was coming and to wait for him (Jongdae forgot anyway and Junmyeon had to rush home to meet the impatient repair man).
There is never really a reason to go into Jongdae's room anyway. If Junmyeon ever needs anything from him, he just calls for him. There's nothing in Jongdae's room that he needs or wants, except his DVDs back maybe.
He shuffles through the stacks of CDs, DVDs, and books on Jongdae's desk, trying to look for the film. But he stops mid-search when he sees a polaroid on top of one of his notebooks; it's the first polaroid he's ever seen of Jongdae's.
It's a polaroid of their bikes. Junmyeon frowns, wondering why he would take a picture of such an ordinary scene from their everyday life. He flips the picture around and reads the date, surprised when he sees 11/5/10 on the back. That was years ago; in fact, it was the week they first moved in together.
"Why would he take a picture of our bikes though?" Junmyeon wonders again aloud. As he puts the polaroid back, he notices a tin box beside his books in the drawer. Junmyeon raises an eyebrow, reading the label on top, written in sharpie, pretty boy polaroids.
He opens it slowly, surprised to find a picture of him at the top. It looks fairly recent too, maybe just a few weeks old, but Junmyeon can't pinpoint when or where it was taken. He continues to look through them. Some of them are of scenery, and Junmyeon recognizes a lot of the places as parks or streets near the restaurants Jongdae visited. Others are of him, but in awkward shots, as if taken in secret or from afar.
As Junmyeon places the ones he's seen on the desk, he notices there's writing on the back of them in sharpie. His eyes widen as he reads them.
pretty boy, forget him
pretty boy, forgive him
pretty boy, notice me
pretty boy, smile more
He's rushing to read them all when he hears a knock at the door. Startled, Junmyeon turns around to find Jongdae waiting at the door, face expressionless. He looks for something, anything, but is only met with a blank look that asks too many questions, the most glaring one shouting, "Well?"
"W-What is this?" Junmyeon stammers, gesturing to the box and the polaroids scattered over the bed, a story in itself.
"Isn't it kind of obvious?" Jongdae asks, raising an eyebrow as he walks into the room, heading straight for the polaroids and past Junmyeon, who can only stare. He picks up a couple, examining at them in thought, before saying, "Then again, you've been pretty stupid ever since he left. Even stupider since he got back, too."
Junmyeon stiffens. Yixing was never a conversation topic, as Junmyeon established from the very beginning, even before he left. He wanted Yixing's name on his tongue and his only. It was selfish, but love blinds and binds.
Jongdae's eyes narrow, noticing Junmyeon's squared sholders. He looks away and scoffs, shaking his head. "Right," he says, and Junmyeon hates how Jongdae sounds as if he knows everything while Junmyeon knows nothing. "I don't even know why I bothered," he mutters bitterly, tossing the polaroids aside. Junmyeon doesn't know why, but it hurts.
"What are you talking about?" Junmyeon asks, crossing his arms. "What are these pictures?" he repeats, fists clenched as Jongdae begins to smile - it looks so wrong, so out of place, so forced.
"Do you really want to do this?" Jongdae asks, head cocked to the side. "Because there's no going back to your little fairy tale story if you want your answer."
"Stop digressing and just answer the question," Junmyeon asks, getting more nervous as the time passes. He doesn't want to even try and make sense of Jongdae's words.
"Fine," Jongdae snorts, tilting his head back as he prepares to answer. Their eyes lock, and Junmyeon's heart races at the look in Jongdae's eyes, familiar yet foreign. "The polaroids are of you, obviously. Yeah, they're not great, but they're candid, something you rarely are."
"What-"
"If you want me to answer your question completely, I suggest you don't interrupt me," Jongdae says calmly. Junmyeon presses his lips together, annoyed, but doesn't open them. "As I was saying, I took pictures of you and the places that remind me of you, hoping to remember why I'm here." He pauses in thought, and Junmyeon wonders what the hell he's talking about.
"Because you can only love someone for so long without any recipricated feelings without forgetting why you stick around," Jongdae says, trying to sound as casual as possible but Junmyeon senses he's straining. But that's the last thing on his mind, because did Jongdae did say he loves him?
"It's really dumb, since I know you'll always love him, because a first love never goes away and all that cliched crap you seem to love," Jongdae bites, voice dripping in bitterness. "But I had hope and I thought maybe one day you'd finally see me and give me a chance."
Jongdae glances at the polaroids and shakes his head. "Lately, I thought maybe you might be changing, finally forgetting him and noticing me... how stupid of me, right?" Jongdae asks, finally locking eyes with Junmyeon again. His breath hitches, and he's relieved that Jongdae doesn't seem to notice.
They stand there in silence, just staring at each other. Junmyeon can't speak, his heart and mind arguing on what to say and everything gets stuck on his tongue. Jongdae takes his silence as an agreement, and he lets out a bitter chuckle.
"Well, I guess that settles it," he says, straightening up. "I shouldn't have ever stayed," he mutters, walking away without another glance. Junmyeon doesn't even process him leaving until he hears the front door slam shut.
Junmyeon doesn't understand why he couldn't say anything, even though his mind is racing with words and thoughts to scream out. He looks at the polaroids Jongdae left behind, reading the last one.
pretty boy, love again
-
There's a knock at the door later that night. Junmyeon rushes to open the door and yell at Jongdae for leaving without letting him explain when-
"Hi, Junmyeon," Yixing's cool voice greets.
"Y-Yixing," Junmyeon stammers, falling back. "What-what are you doing here?"
"Can't I visit my friend?" Yixing asks innocently, but upon seeing the sober look on Junmyeon's face, he knows it's not the time for jokes. "I want to talk," he finally says, closing the door behind him. He notices the reluctant look on Junmyeon's face before he gives in, walking over to the couch. Yixing follows and takes the seat one cushion away. There's enough space, but not too much as to create a gap.
"What do you want to talk about?" Junmyeon mumbles, looking around the apartment at everything but Yixing.
"Us."
Junmyeon's eyes widen as he finally meets Yixing's gaze. He's surprised he manages to breathe, when the sight of Yixing once made him breathless. "W-What do you mean? There is no us anymore."
"I know," Yixing says with a nod. "But there's still a you and a me, so there's still an us. Right?"
Junmyeon frowns. That's not exactly the 'us' he wanted - no, wants. He still wants an 'us' between himself and Yixing. Right?
"I guess," he murmurs, looking down at the coffee table in front of them and focusing on the stains. There's the one Jongdae left when he forgot to use a coaster, and there's the one he made when he spilled cola all over Junmyeon's journals. Junmyeon wonders if it's an appropriate moment to laugh, staring at the stains Jongdae left while facing his ex. Fate is cruel.
"I'm sorry we had to end the way we did. I shouldn't have been so hasty in leaving for China - and leaving you," Yixing starts quietly. Junmyeon glances at him, surprised; they had never spoken of the break-up like this before. "But... I'm not sorry we broke up."
Junmyeon clenches his fist, trying to keep the pain at bay. Is Yixing back to make him relive the heartbreak? He doesn't say anything, afraid he'll let years of perfecting the art of 'being okay' slip through if he does.
"Junmyeon, we never would have worked out," Yixing says softly, placing an arm on Junmyeon's shoulder, trying not to frown when he feels the other stiffen under his touch. "We're too... alike. And different. At the same time."
Junmyeon looks at him, confused. "How?"
"I don't know," Yixing admits slowly, letting his arm drop to his side as he thinks. "But we are. You're all neat and organized, and I'm everywhere I need to be. But you're also an open book, just like me. And-and I mean, you're the writer here, help me with my words." Yixing offers Junmyeon a small smile, but Junmyeon can't return it.
"But we worked so well," Junmyeon whispers. "You-You-" completed me. The words die on his lips, the way they were meant to die in his heart.
"I loved you," Yixing murmurs, staring at the wall behind Junmyeon. "Don't ever forget that. I did love you, and I still do, but not in the same way." Yixing watches Junmyeon's reactions and sighs. "And I don't think you love me the same way either."
Junmyeon frowns. "I have never stopped," he whispers harshly, voice cracking. How could Yixing ever suggest a thing?
"Really? And that's why you keep glancing at the door?" Yixing asks, turning around to make his point. "Are you waiting for someone?"
Junmyeon wants to deny anything, but he already knows Yixing knows. "J-Just Jongdae," Junmyeon stammers, not understanding what Yixing is implying. "He's my roommate, so I just..." The look on Yixing's face tells Junmyeon he's not buying it, so he relents and admits, "We... we got into a fight."
"About what?"
"I don't even know," Junmyeon answers, frustrated at just the thought of Jongdae. "He's so infuriating these days."
"Jongdae's always been kind of infuriating," Yixing says, eyebrow raised in amusement as he sees the first sign of emotion in Junmyeon he's seen in a long time, something different than his usual melancholic expression. It's nice, a refreshing reminder that the real Junmyeon still exists beneath the prim and proper Junmyeon he wears as a disguise.
"Yeah, but he's even worse these days. I mean, one day he's fine and acting all happy, and the next he won't return my calls or even come back until the next morning, reeking of alcohol," Junmyeon scowls. "And you know, he started calling me pretty boy."
"Really?"
"Yeah, and he won't even tell me why. It's so annoying, because what man wants to be called a pretty boy?" Junmyeon hisses, shaking his head. "I don't get what's going through that weird head of his head, and I don't want to know." He falls back, crossing his arms, but not before glancing at the door again.
"Are you sure about that?" Yixing asks knowingly.
"Sure about what?"
"About not wanting to know about Jongdae. He's a pretty interesting guy if you actually talk to him," Yixing admits. He and Jongdae were good friends, but it isn't until now that Yixing realizes that their friendship started fading when he started dating Junmyeon.
"How would you know that?" Junmyeon asks, eyes narrowing at Yixing. It's a pleasant surprise to hear Junmyeon sound so jealous.
"Because he's my friend," Yixing answers simply. "And if he were truly yours, you would know that too."
Junmyeon's lips part, but nothing comes out. Yixing almost laughs because he's managed to render the writer speechless.
"I should go now," Yixing finally says, standing up. Junmyeon nods numbly, following him to the door. "It was nice talking to you, Junmyeon. I hope we can be friends again. You're a great guy, and you deserve to love again."
Love again? It's weird, but the idea is no longer as foreign to Junmyeon. He smiles gratefully and replies, "Thank you, Yixing. I'm-I'm sorry it took so long for this to happen. I hope you and Yifan are happy together."
"We are," Yixing says, smiling a little proudly. "And you will be, too."
Junmyeon is not as confident.
-
"If I may, I would like to start off with a 'what the hell' and 'why are you in my room again'?" Jongdae's quiet yet sharp voice startles Junmyeon, waking him from his slumber. Jongdae is standing in front of him, arms crossed and a slightly annoyed look on his face.
Junmyeon sits up straight, looking down and trying to compose himself before speaking, eyes not meeting Jongdae's. "Sorry, I was just waiting for you."
"I'm flattered, but you shouldn't have," Jongdae says flatly. "Wouldn't want to give me the wrong idea again, right?"
Junmyeon flinches. "I never-"
"Save it for the next time you see Yixing," Jongdae interrupts coldly. "Just get out of my room before I do something bad."
Junmyeon frowns. "But I did see Yixing." He doesn't think he's imagining it when he sees Jongdae stiffen. "He came over just a couple of hours ago."
"Oh, really?" Jongdae asks, trying to sound uninterested. "That must be great for you."
"I guess it was," Junmyeon admits. "He put things into perspective, and-and now things are okay between us."
Jongdae chuckles lowly. "I thought he has a boyfriend."
"He does, and he's happy," Junmyeon replies. "And now he wants me to be too."
"What, are you guys going to do a threesome?" Jongdae mutters bitterly, still not meeting Junmyeon's eyes.
Junmyeon frowns. "No. He just opened my eyes up about someone else, someone who's been there from the start."
Jongdae doesn't say anything, so Junmyeon stands up and walks towards him. Jongdae looks at him, eyes narrowing at him, trying to figure out what he's doing when Junmyeon reaches a hand out and grabs Jongdae's arm, pulling him into him.
"What are you-" Jongdae's words are cut off by Junmyeon's lips on his, soft and gentle. Jongdae's confused as hell, but who is he to complain with Junmyeon's tongue sliding over his bottom lip like that?
Jongdae is really getting into the kiss when Junmyeon pulls away, barely managing a moan of protest as Junmyeon rests his forehead on his. "Sorry this is kind of late," he murmurs.
"Better late than never," Jongdae hums, grinning as Junmyeon smiles. He hears their rapid heartbeats, and Junmyeon closes his eyes, soaking in the moment.
Thinking about it now, if someone were to ask Jongdae to choose between Yixing and Jongdae, he would have chosen Jongdae readily. Junmyeon relied on Jongdae, not only as a roommate, but as a friend and a carer. With Yixing, he only wanted the thrill of love, of having that first kiss and first stolen breath. But if he were to take away that, there wouldn't be much less.
That's the thing - Yixing made him breathless, but Jongdae causes his heart to beat faster. He doesn't make him feel like he's walking on air; he plants his feet to the ground and makes Junmyeon walk, all the while holding his hand the entire time.
Jongdae has always been Junmyeon's biggest secret. There from the very beginning, he hid in plain sight, so obvious Junmyeon forgot he was his secret. And when Yixing stepped into the picture, Jongdae was pushed to the back of Junmyeon's mind. But now Junmyeon remembers everything, why Jongdae was always there and why Junmyeon wanted and needed him there.
"I love you," Junmyeon breathes, lips barely brushing Jongdae's.
"Took you long enough," Jongdae murmurs, smirking as he finally takes the step to start what should have began years ago and presses their lips together again and again and again.
And that is how this story ends and begins.
• fin.
a/n:
- a polaroid photography career would be terrible if you were broke tbh. polaroid film is expensive, man - 8 films for $25. it's not even funny; it's quite sad.
- i was supposed to finish my other exoforsichuan fics earlier but ugh my schedule is a mess right now i'm sorry T_T i'm going to try to get another fic out this weekend soooo please wish me luck ;;
- it wasn't until i was like 90% done with this fic that i remembered i have another photographer!jongdae suchen fic planned out. i'm so sorry omg it's a totally different plot but gah OTL
- not betaed btw oops
- again, much love and thanks to cha ;; i hope this is worthy of your money!
- thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed!
junmyeon/jongdae.
pg-13.
au, romance, friendship, drama.
oneshot/~7800w.
Change is often involuntary but necessary, as is love.
a/n: for changdictator. ilu cha, and thank you x100000 for your exoforsichuan bid ;_; /fills your pockets with my love.
PRETTY BOY POLAROIDS
Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Somewhere in between the blurred lines, there lies a plot mixed with conflict and confusion and sometimes even love (because what is a life without love?). It's up to the writer to decide all those components and more, translating them into words on paper that are hopefully enough yet not too much, because every writer wants to be a little mysterious.
There is no fun in a story written out in plain words; a story without secrets is never the full story.
At first glance, Junmyeon's story has no secrets. It's an old journal with neat handwriting confessing every whisper, every glance that Junmyeon has every given or received. It's not finished yet - Junmyeon has ran out of pages and needs a new journal - but it's getting there.
"Hey, does the bookshop has any new journals?" Junmyeon asks as he enters the kitchen where his roommate sits on the counter, eating cereal and watching YouTube videos on his phone. Jongdae barely spares him a glance, eyes focused on the screen.
"I dunno. Go check," Jongdae mumbles through a mouth full of cereal.
"You work there," Junmyeon says, exasperated. "How could you not know?"
"Not anymore," Jongdae replies offhandedly as he stuffs another spoonful into his mouth. Junmyeon watches him in surprise, waiting for him to finish chewing to continue. "I quit last week."
"What? Why?" Junmyeon asks, frowning. He liked having a roommate who worked at the nearby bookshop; it made things easier for him. He could just pop his head out and ask Jongdae if they had any of the books he wanted to read, and he could get a discount from Jongdae (although Jongdae could be stingy with them).
"Wasn't feeling it," is all Jongdae offers.
"Are you kidding me?" Junmyeon snaps, walking over to him and grabbing the phone out of his hand, ignoring Jongdae's protests. "You can't just quit your job because you weren't feeling it." They have a rent to pay, and Junmyeon is already struggling as is. He doesn't need a jobless Jongdae to add to the weight on his shoulders.
"Of course I can," Jongdae snorts, standing up to put his empty bowl in the sink. "The greatest thing about life is that you can do whatever you want with it."
"You can do whatever you want with your life," Junmyeon corrects. "Not with mine. And right now, you're messing up mine."
Jongdae rolls his eyes. "Stop being such a party pooper, pretty boy." Junmyeon grimaces at the nickname. "I'll get a new job soon enough."
Junmyeon bites back his bitter laugh. "You make it sound so easy."
"Because it is," Jongdae says over his shoulder as he leaves for his room. "Besides, I already have an idea in mind."
"And what is it?" Junmyeon calls after him, arms crossed.
"Photography," Jongdae answers, stopping to look back at Junmyeon and throw him that confident smirk of his that Junmyeon has gotten too used to.
"Photography," Junmyeon deadpans. "How exactly is that a job?"
"It's not," Jongdae admits readily. Junmyeon's left eye twitches, and Jongdae laughs. "Not yet. But I just dug up my old Polaroid camera, and I'm ready to give it a spin.
So much for that car Junmyeon was saving up for. Riding a bike to work would have to suffice for now.
-
We always remember the firsts. The first word, the first step, the first laugh - these are the moments that linger in between the commute to work, when the city is still waking up and the caffeine from cheap coffee is just starting to kick in.
Junmyeon can't help but be nostalgic. He's always been fond of his memories, reliving yesterday's bliss instead of realizing today's. Jongdae's always teased him for being so "out of touch," as he puts it, with the present. But then again, Jongdae's always teasing Junmyeon about everything, so he's learned to stop paying attention.
When Junmyeon first met Yixing, he thought, This is the one. This is who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Yixing was Junmyeon's first love, first boyfriend, first everything.
Yixing was Junmyeon's opposite in many aspects. While Junmyeon preferred to get a job done quickly, Yixing would dwell on it for days, perfecting it to his taste and savoring the time spent. Junmyeon would rush to get home, but Yixing would stroll and smell the flowers on his way back.
Yet Yixing completed Junmyeon. For all their differences and quirks, Junmyeon could never turn away from Yixing. First loves often have a way of grabbing a hold of your heart then your mind.
Yixing was also Junmyeon's first heartbreak.
Upon learning of Yixing's acceptance into a prestigious dance academy back in his home country, Junmyeon tried his hardest to make things work. He looked for new job opportunities, cheap dorms in China, anything to keep him by Yixing's side.
But fate had other plans, and the night before Yixing left, he pressed a soft kiss to Junmyeon's forehead and whispered, "I'll miss you." And he didn't say anything more, but Junmyeon knew. Knew the same way as how he knew Yixing always woke before the sun did, how he knew how to tell Yixing' sad kisses apart from happy ones, and how he knew Yixing loved dance more than he loved him.
Junmyeon called. He called, and called, and hoped more than anything that maybe this long-distance relationship could work. Maybe he could visit on the weekends, or they could video chat, or something. Anything to keep Yixing his.
But Yixing faded. Junmyeon could see it play out in his mind, see the way Yixing's eyes glazed over with something new, something passionate whenever the music started and his body took over. Could see Yixing forget him under the stage lights, the way he seemed to forget all his worries that way.
Junmyeon tried reasoning with himself. He told himself love was letting go, that this was best for Yixing, that he should be happy. But no matter how many times he reminded himself of the clichés that he read over and over, his mind could never reason with his heart.
So he buried it. He buried his heart and his pain underneath work and words, made himself into a shell of what he once was and shipped the rest off to Yixing in some blind hope that he'd receive it.
Junmyeon was always convinced that his story was with Yixing. He was the main character, Yixing his love interest, and their happily ever after would come eventually, even if it took hundreds of thousands of journals to finish it.
But every writer knows there is no happily ever after ending in life, because life - like love - doesn't end with a simple phrase.
-
"He's coming back."
Junmyeon looks up from his desk, where he's trying to make sense of numbers, to meet his co-worker-slash-good-friend Jongin's gaze. "Who?" he asks, but a name comes to mind without even thinking. But he knows he can't get his hopes up, not again.
Jongin shoot him that you-know-who look before answering, "Yixing. He's coming back."
Junmyeon feels his throat tighten. It's been over two years since Yixing left with a chaste kiss to Junmyeon's cheek and a soft I'm sorry, yet he still manages to steal Junmyeon's breath away with just the mention of his name. "I-Is he?" he stammers, and Jongin nods.
"He's coming back to complete his training," Jongin answers. Hearing the unspoken question Junmyeon thinks, Jongin continues, "He flies back in Saturday night. Sehun and I are going to go pick him up."
"Sehun...?"
"Luhan's boyfriend," Jongin explains. "Yixing asked Luhan to pick him up, but since he's busy, he asked Sehun. And since Sehun doesn't know Yixing, I'm going too to smooth things out."
"Oh." Junmyeon tries to hide his disappointment at the fact that Yixing didn't ask him - didn't even tell him he's coming back to begin with - but Jongin sees through his strained smile.
"When was the last time you two spoke?" Jongin asks quietly, shuffling papers to fill in the tense silence.
"Since we last saw each other at his apartment, I guess," Junmyeon answers a little bitterly, a little sadly, and maybe a little angrily because maybe he should've tried harder.
"You didn't watch him leave at the airport?" Jongin asks, frowning. "But I thought..." Upon seeing Junmyeon's empty gaze, he stops himself. "Well, if you'd like, you're welcome to come to his Welcome Back party. Luhan and Kyungsoo are organizing it, and you know that when Kyungsoo is organizing a party, it's going to be good."
Junmyeon smiles weakly. "I don't know, Jongin." He's not sure if he can handle seeing Yixing so soon, or at all after everything.
"He probably wants to see you," Jongin pushes. "I mean, it's been a while, and you guys are friends, right?" Junmyeon doesn't just want to be Yixing's friend though - he wants more, more than Yixing ever promised.
But despite everything, Junmyeon really does want to see Yixing. He wants to see him smile and laugh the way he did, full of life and love. Wants to see him throw his arm around everyone, singing softly and swaying back and forth. Wants Yixing back, in one way or another.
"Okay," Junmyeon finally relents, and Jongin smiles.
"Bring Jongdae, too. I'm sure Yixing will be happy to see you two."
Junmyeon returns the smile weakly. He hopes so.
-
"Yixing's back?" Jongdae asks, eyebrows raised skeptically as he glances between his camera and Junmyeon. "I thought he was doing that dance stuff in China."
"Yeah, but he's coming back," Junmyeon repeats as patiently as he can manage, washing the dishes.
"I thought he was gonna stay there," Jongdae thinks aloud, and Junmyeon turns to look at him with a frown. Why does Jongdae sound so unhappy about Yixing's return? They were friends, too, from what Junmyeon can remember.
"Well, maybe he was feeling homesick," Junmyeon defends, and Jongdae snorts.
"His home is in China," Jongdae reminds him, and Junmyeon doesn't voice the thoughts in his mind wishing that Yixing's home was with him instead. He just continues scrubbed the dishes, listening to Jongdae complain about the hot summer weather and how it makes it harder for him to take a good polaroid.
"You know, if you've been taking photos, how come I never see them?" Junmyeon asks, glancing at his roommate. "Are you even taking any?"
"Of course," Jongdae scoffs. "But I don't have to show them to you."
"Well you have to show them to someone," Junmyeon deadpans. "Or else you'll never sale them and we'll never make money and the next thing we know, we're both out on the streets, living in cardboard boxes with nothing but the clothes on our back."
"At least we'll have each other," Jongdae coos, and Junmyeon throws him a glare.
"Stop messing around and go make money. I'm sick of picking up your slack."
Jongdae snorts, picking up his camera and film and placing them in his bag. "Chill, pretty boy. I'll make rent this month, trust me."
"You better," Junmyeon hisses at Jongdae's retreating back. "And stop calling me pretty boy!"
Jongdae's laughter echoes through the kitchen as he leaves. It's unsettling, but then again, everything about Jongdae is to Junmyeon.
If Yixing is a map, then Jongdae is a puzzle. While Junmyeon could read every look in Yixing's eyes, write haiku after haiku about the colors in them, he would find broken pieces to an imcomplete story in Jongdae's. Jongdae is always guarding something underneath his playful expression, and not even Junmyeon, who has known him since freshman year in college, knows what he hides behind his wary eyes.
But after a while, Junmyeon decided that Jongdae is always going to be just that - a puzzle. Maybe he'll be completed one day when someone decides to pick up the courage to put the pieces together, but Junmyeon knows that will never be him. He needs someone like Yixing, who can be read easily, secrets open for the world to see.
That didn't change anything between them. It was understood that Junmyeon and Jongdae were good friends. Junmyeon had a good sense of humor to match Jongdae's sometimes overbearing act around others. Junmyeon would even stand up for Jongdae when people would berate him for acting too childish at times with his jokes and pranks.
Lately, however, Junmyeon has been acting restless around Jongdae, and Jongdae has lost that playful aura around him. Maybe it's just stress pressing down on them, the need for financial security and something more than just a boring monotonous schedule suffocating them.
Whatever it is, Junmyeon doesn't have the time to think about it. Yixing is coming back, after all, and he needs to figure out how to talk to him (and maybe even how to win him back).
-
This was a mistake, this was a mistake, Junmyeon thinks as he enters the apartment, Kyungsoo urging him to try a refreshment while Minseok tells Kyungsoo to let them eat as they please (which Jongdae does without hesitation).
But Junmyeon is feeling too sick to even look at the food - which upsets Kyungsoo greatly - as he keeps glancing at the door, waiting for Yixing to walk through them.
"Calm down, pretty boy," Jongdae says with a mouth full of food and a plate full of snacks in his hands. "You look like you're about to pee your pants."
Junmyeon glares at Jongdae, who backs off with a defensive look. "I'm just saying, maybe you should go get a drink or something before you explode. Or at least eat something before Kyungsoo burns you with his glare." To make his point, he gestures to Kyungsoo who is muttering about the hours he spent preparing the food and how no one appreciates him, and Minseok beside him who is trying to calm him down while stuffing food into his mouth at the same time.
"Fine," Junmyeon relents, only because Kyungsoo can hold a grudge sometimes. He grabs a plate and puts a couple of eggrolls on his plate, glancing at Kyungsoo who is scrutinizing his every move. He quickly moves back to Jongdae's side, where he proceeds to nibble on his snacks. "This doesn't make me feel any better."
Jongdae shrugs. "If food doesn't work, nothing will."
So much for support. Junmyeon throws the plate away in the kitchen, where Luhan is opening up wine and beer bottles. Upon seeing Junmyeon, Luhan offers, "Want one?"
Junmyeon shakes his head. It's too early to get drunk, and he doesn't want to act like a fool when he sees Yixing. Jongdae enters at that moment, though, and grabs the bottle out of Luhan's hand, saying, "Don't mind if I do," as he pops the cap open. "I plan to get wasted tonight."
Luhan chuckles and Junmyeon frowns as Jongdae leaves the kitchen. He follows just in time to see the door open, Sehun walking in coolly with Jongin behind him, stumbling as he carries two suitcases in his hands. He glares daggers at Sehun, ready to snap, when Kyungsoo comes rushing to his side, taking the suitcases and helping Jongin, whose grimace softens immediately.
But Junmyeon's eyes aren't on them; they're on the one behind him, staring at everyone with gleeful eyes and a smile. Junmyeon's heart aches at the sight of his smile - so familiar, yet so different. His eyes are no longer as tired, filled with a different light that makes Junmyeon wonder - and fear.
"Yixing!" Luhan is the first to greet him, running to him and enveloping in a big hug. Yixing laughs and wraps his arms around his best friend, squeezing. "It's good to see you so bright and healthy."
"Back at you, Luhan," Yixing says with a grin. He scans the room, and Junmyeon wants to disappear when his eyes land on him. His grin turns into a soft smile before he continues to wave at everyone, stepping in and stepping the door behind him.
"Wait, who is this?" Luhan asks, gesturing to the guest behind Yixing. He's tall, an almost brooding look on his face with sharp features that make him even more intimidating. Junmyeon can't help but feel jealous and insecure at the man's height and good-looks; he looked like he came straight out of a manga.
"Oh, this is Yifan," Yixing answers, glancing back at the man and reaching out and taking his hand, lacing their fingers, a look so familiar to Junmyeon written on his face. It was his look. Junmyeon's heart stops, because he knows before Yixing says it. "He's my boyfriend."
Jongdae walks back into the kitchen and out with two beers this tme.
-
Junmyeon wakes up with a pounding headache, but not even the pain in his head can distract him from the pain in his heart. He should have never taken the beer from Jongdae, but at the time, nothing made sense. Yixing has a new boyfriend, Yixing is in love, Yixing is in love with someone who is not Junmyeon. Everything was wrong, except for the alcohol.
Stumbling out of bed, slamming half of his body into the doorway before successfully making it to the living room, Junmyeon notices his passed out roommate on the couch and decides he doesn't want to know how they even got home.
Junmyeon manages his way to the kitchen, ready to make himself a cup of tea to battle his hangover. He has work today, and he can't afford to take another day off. Hangover or not, he is going to work.
And who knows, maybe work will distract him. It has before.
When Yixing first left, Junmyeon worked all day, and almost all night if it wasn't for his friends' pleads to take it easy. But without work to distract him with numbers and meaningless tasks, he would to think. And thinking only ever leads to regret, so Junmyeon decided work was the best option.
Jongdae never complained either. That was one of the good things about being roommates with Jongdae - he knew when to back off and not ask questions. Even if he would ask about every other thing, like what you had for breakfast and how many dogs you saw on the way to work, he would never bring up anything you didn't want him to.
So when Junmyeon wouldn't come home at night, Jongdae never asked. He knew, but he never asked.
That wasn't to say Jongdae was the perfect roommate though. He still used up all of Junmyeon's toothpaste, never buys new shampoo, deletes all of Junmyeon's voicemail "by mistake" - although it's happened so often, Junmyeon wonders if they're all accidental -, drinks all of Junmyeon's milk, and steals - or, in his words, "borrows without asking" - Junmyeon's CDs when he's not at home.
But despite all the times Jongdae can be a nuissance, he makes up for it all the times he saves Junmyeon from himself in the most uncanny of ways.
-
Junmyeon almost jumps when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket during work. He checks to see that it's a text message. He has half a mind to ignore it, but against his better judgement he checks it anyway.
from jongdae
buying lunch @ the bakery. do u want anything?
Glancing at the clock, Junmyeon realizes he didn't even know it was lunch time. He's still battling his hangover, although it's been much better after he took his painkillers. He hasn't felt hungry though.
to jongdae
no thanks
He sends the text, before thinking about it for a moment and adding
to jongdae
wait what bakery are u at?
The reply comes shortly after.
from jongdae
the one across from the park w/ the croissants & fancy french stuff
Junmyeon hums in thought. That's his favorite bakery after all. But what is Jongdae doing there anyway? It's not exactly close, and Jongdae doesn't exactly have cab fare right now.
to jongdae
well if that's the case, can u get me a custard roll and two croissants? thanks
He's about to put his phone away when it vibrates again.
from jongdae
do u want a turkey sandwich?
Well, their turkey sandwiches do happen to be Junmyeon's favorite...
to jongdae
yeah thanks
to jongdae
wait what r u doing over there anyway and how did u get there
Junmyeon figures he may as well ask now, because there really is no reason for Jongdae to travel so far just to grab lunch.
from jongdae
i needed new scenery for my polaroids & i biked duh
Surpressing a snort, Junmyeon puts his phone away for good now and goes back to his shapes and numbers. At least now with the food, he'll have something to look forward to when he gets back.
-
At first, Junmyeon doesn't really question it. The fact that Jongdae is always at a restaurant, particularly ones Junmyeon is fond of, offering to buy Junmyeon lunch or a snack happens maybe once or twice a month, sure. But after the fifth time in the past two weeks, Junmyeon really starts to notice.
However, whenever he asks, Jongdae just answers that he wanted to see new places for new polaroids. Junmyeon's not entirely convinced anymore, though, because he has barely seen any income on Jongdae's behalf, despite the fact that he should have plenty of polaroids available for sale now.
"Don't worry about it," Jongdae says breezily when Junmyeon asks him during breakfast. "We're getting by, aren't we?"
"Yes, but no thanks to you," Junmyeon replies dryly, watching as Jongdae stuffs eggs into his mouth. "Seriously, where are you even getting money for all the cafes and restaurants anyway?"
Jongdae shrugs. "Pocket change."
"Pocket change, my ass," Junmyeon mutters under his breath as he takes a bite of his breakfast. Jongdae smirks from across the table.
"You should be happy I buy you food," Jongdae says matter-of-factly, almost arrogantly even. "I don't do that for just anyone."
"Well, I'm the one keeping a roof over your head," Junmyeon tells him as a 'friendly reminder' just in case he forgot. "Buying me food is the least you can do, right?"
Jongdae takes a sip of his juice, in thought. "Right," he finally echoes. "It's the least I can do."
Junmyeon looks up, surprised at Jongdae's willingness to submit so easily when usually Jongdae is always picking fights, especially about things like this regarding his ego. "I was just joking," he says hastily. "This whole roommates thing was my idea in the first place, anyway, and I don't mind."
Jongdae rolls his eyes and doesn't reply, continuing to drink his juice.
"Besides, I don't know what I'd do without you around," Junmyeon admits, face heating up. It's so embarrassing admitting things like this, but Jongdae deserves to know at least this - that he is the only real anchor in Junmyeon's life. He looks away when he feels Jongdae staring at him, though, and clears his throat before standing up and putting his dish away in the sink.
He leaves before Jongdae can bore a hole into the back of his skull.
Despite the awkward episode, Jongdae continues to buy Jongdae lunch and other things during his 'travels' around the city on his bike (he once brought Junmyeon back a new journal, which made him smile a thousand watts). Junmyeon lets it be and life goes on, but in a different way than before.
Maybe the sun shines a little brighter now, or the sky is bluer than usual, but Yixing crosses his mind less and less, as do numbers and stress. He mostly thinks of lunch and bike rides across town. So life is different, yet the same. It's not enough - yet.
-
Junmyeon really should be working today, but his friends somehow manage him to take a break. They invite him out, but the knowledge that Yixing will be there makes Junmyeon reject their offers half-heartedly. However, to ease their worries, he promises them he will not go into work.
Right now, he's on the couch, watching mindless TV, when Jongdae exits his room, camera around his neck, already dressed.
"You're here," Jongdae states, surprised. "No work today?"
"No, they told me to stay home," Junmyeon says with a sigh.
"Hmm. Well, want to go out?" Jongdae offers.
Junmyeon's eyes widen, and Jongdae immediately re-evaluates his choice of words. "Oh, w-wait, I meant as friends. You know, hanging out and stuff," Jongdae says awkwardly, and this comes as a shock to Junmyeon, who has only ever seen the quiet and collected Jongdae at home or the boisterous and playful Jongdae with friends. Never the nervous one in front of him. "I'm, uh, going downtown to take some polaroids. It's not much, but it's more than you'll get staring at the TV."
Junmyeon can't argue with that.
"Okay, wait a minute," Junmyeon says as he turns the TV off and walks to his room to get ready. When he emerges, he finds Jongdae looking through the photos in his bag. He walks over, wanting to see them; after all these months, he hasn't even seen a single picture.
But as soon as he comes close, Jongdae puts the photos away. "Hey, I wanted to see those," Junmyeon protests, but Jongdae only grins.
"Maybe later," Jongdae says, closing his camera bag.
"Why not now?" Junmyeon asks, eyebrow raised. What's so secretive about pictures?
"It's not the time," Jongdae replies with a shrug. "Come on, let's go already. I want enough time to take pictures before the traffic rush during dinner."
Junmyeon raises an eyebrow. "We'll have enough time. It's only one."
"Yeah, but it takes a while to get there," Jongdae says, rolling his eyes.
"If we take the bus, it'll only take twenty minutes."
"We're not taking the bus; we're biking." There's something mischevious about Jongdae's tone, and Junmyeon wonders if this is a good idea anymore. That doesn't keep him from mounting his bike and riding after Jongdae, who's already way ahead of him, calling behind him to tease Junmyeon for being so slow.
"What's the point of being pretty if you're so slow?" Jongdae sings.
Junmyeon huffs and pedals faster.
When they finally reach downtown, Junmyeon is almost out of breath. It's been so long since he worked out, busy with work and all. Meanwhile, Jongdae is coolly locking their bikes, used to the exercise already.
"Hurry up," Jongdae calls as he begins walking, Junmyeon still catching his breath. Junmyeon surpresses a groan as he jogs over to catch up to Jongdae.
"Where are you going?"
"To take pictures, isn't that what you want?" Jongdae asks mockingly.
Junmyeon refrains from flicking Jongdae in the back of the neck. "No, I just want your pay for rent."
Jongdae grins, glancing at Junmyeon. Maybe it's just because Junmyeon hasn't had lunch yet, but something about the way the sunlight hits Jongdae's eyes makes his stomach lurch. Junmyeon hurries and looks straight ahead. "You just want me for my money," Jongdae teases.
"Pretty much," Junmyeon replies, still avoiding his gaze.
Jongdae laughs. "Well, don't worry, we still have a roof over our heads, don't we?"
"No thanks to you," Junmyeon deadpans.
"I keep you fed," Jongdae says proudly. "My job is done."
"What am I, a kid? I don't need you to feed me," Junmyeon argues.
Jongdae raises an eyebrow, glancing at him again. "Oh, really?"
Junmyeon sputters. He hates it when Jongdae speaks condescendingly. "Yes, really!"
Jongdae snorts. "Whatever you say, pretty boy," he says, walking ahead.
"Stop calling me that!" Junmyeon yells after him, speeding up his pace to catch up again.
"Why? It has a ring to it, doesn't it?"
"No, it's just annoying," Junmyeon huffs.
"That's too bad," Jongdae coos, but he doesn't sound like he means it at all.
Their mindless banter continues, even as Jongdae stops to take polaroids of the downtown scenery. When Jongdae seems pleased with his polaroids, they find a small cafe tucked away in the corner of an old building to eat a late lunch/early dinner at.
"When was the last time we actually sat down and ate dinner together?" Junmyeon wonders aloud.
"I don't know, when was the last time you were home for dinner?" Jongdae asks, and Junmyeon frowns. He knows Jongdae is just joking, but he feels bad for never being home, especially these days.
"Sorry," Junmyeon mumbles, and Jongdae looks up from his menu to notice Junmyeon's expression.
"I was joking," he says, surprised. "It's okay. I don't mind - I get the place to myself while you're gone anyway."
Junmyeon rolls his eyes. "No, really. I'll try to get home earlier more often."
Jongdae raises an eyebrow. "Really? Well, then how about we go out to eat dinner tomorrow together? You can make up for everything then." Junmyeon stares, surprised at the sudden invite, but he can't help but smile anyway.
"Okay," he agrees. "Only if you pay for everything."
"Deal."
"And we take a taxi, not our bikes."
Jongdae laughs but doesn't disagree, so Junmyeon goes back to reading the menu happily. It's been a while since he's had such a fun time. He can't even remember the last time him and Jongdae did something like this, something for themselves together.
After they take their orders and the waiter brings them their drinks, they start talking again.
"How's writing coming along, by the way? I never see you with your notebooks these days," Jongdae says as he reaches over to grab his drink.
Junmyeon has to think about it, because it's true - he hasn't been with his notebook that often lately. He's just been busy with work and not thinking about Yixing and wondering about lunch and Jongdae. "I guess I've been too busy."
"A writer who's too busy to write," Jongdae muses. "How ironic."
A crease forms in between Junmyeon's eyebrows. "It's not like writing is my job. It's just a hobby."
"But you love it," Jongdae points out.
"Well, yeah-"
"Then you should never have an excuse to not write," Jongdae finishes confidently. "C'mon, Junmyeon, I know you just want to get things done, but don't forget about what makes you happy. Go write before I throw your notebook at you."
Junmyeon doesn't know how to reply - since when did Jongdae become so thoughtful? He's about to ask when the server brings out their appetizers, and his mind goes straight to the food. After all that biking and walking, he's starved.
As he and Jongdae fight over the last meatball, Junmyeon wonders why he and Jongdae don't do this more often.
-
The next night Junmyeon waits for Jongdae to come home so they can go and eat dinner together, like Jongdae said. He'll never admit it to Jongdae, but he left work early to get ready and pick out a nice outfit. He has no idea why he's so anxious about a simple dinner with his roommate, but that doesn't stop him from putting on cologne.
He's in the living room right now, trying to find something to watch while he waits. He looks through the DVD collection, but he can't find the movie he's looking for. Figuring Jongdae probably took it, he goes to Jongdae's room.
Jongdae's room is a whole new place in itself. Decorated with posters on the wall and photographs everywhere, it's dazing at first. Junmyeon realizes he hasn't been in Jongdae's room in a long time; the last time was probably months ago, when he had to wake Jongdae up to tell him that the repair man was coming and to wait for him (Jongdae forgot anyway and Junmyeon had to rush home to meet the impatient repair man).
There is never really a reason to go into Jongdae's room anyway. If Junmyeon ever needs anything from him, he just calls for him. There's nothing in Jongdae's room that he needs or wants, except his DVDs back maybe.
He shuffles through the stacks of CDs, DVDs, and books on Jongdae's desk, trying to look for the film. But he stops mid-search when he sees a polaroid on top of one of his notebooks; it's the first polaroid he's ever seen of Jongdae's.
It's a polaroid of their bikes. Junmyeon frowns, wondering why he would take a picture of such an ordinary scene from their everyday life. He flips the picture around and reads the date, surprised when he sees 11/5/10 on the back. That was years ago; in fact, it was the week they first moved in together.
"Why would he take a picture of our bikes though?" Junmyeon wonders again aloud. As he puts the polaroid back, he notices a tin box beside his books in the drawer. Junmyeon raises an eyebrow, reading the label on top, written in sharpie, pretty boy polaroids.
He opens it slowly, surprised to find a picture of him at the top. It looks fairly recent too, maybe just a few weeks old, but Junmyeon can't pinpoint when or where it was taken. He continues to look through them. Some of them are of scenery, and Junmyeon recognizes a lot of the places as parks or streets near the restaurants Jongdae visited. Others are of him, but in awkward shots, as if taken in secret or from afar.
As Junmyeon places the ones he's seen on the desk, he notices there's writing on the back of them in sharpie. His eyes widen as he reads them.
pretty boy, forget him
pretty boy, forgive him
pretty boy, notice me
pretty boy, smile more
He's rushing to read them all when he hears a knock at the door. Startled, Junmyeon turns around to find Jongdae waiting at the door, face expressionless. He looks for something, anything, but is only met with a blank look that asks too many questions, the most glaring one shouting, "Well?"
"W-What is this?" Junmyeon stammers, gesturing to the box and the polaroids scattered over the bed, a story in itself.
"Isn't it kind of obvious?" Jongdae asks, raising an eyebrow as he walks into the room, heading straight for the polaroids and past Junmyeon, who can only stare. He picks up a couple, examining at them in thought, before saying, "Then again, you've been pretty stupid ever since he left. Even stupider since he got back, too."
Junmyeon stiffens. Yixing was never a conversation topic, as Junmyeon established from the very beginning, even before he left. He wanted Yixing's name on his tongue and his only. It was selfish, but love blinds and binds.
Jongdae's eyes narrow, noticing Junmyeon's squared sholders. He looks away and scoffs, shaking his head. "Right," he says, and Junmyeon hates how Jongdae sounds as if he knows everything while Junmyeon knows nothing. "I don't even know why I bothered," he mutters bitterly, tossing the polaroids aside. Junmyeon doesn't know why, but it hurts.
"What are you talking about?" Junmyeon asks, crossing his arms. "What are these pictures?" he repeats, fists clenched as Jongdae begins to smile - it looks so wrong, so out of place, so forced.
"Do you really want to do this?" Jongdae asks, head cocked to the side. "Because there's no going back to your little fairy tale story if you want your answer."
"Stop digressing and just answer the question," Junmyeon asks, getting more nervous as the time passes. He doesn't want to even try and make sense of Jongdae's words.
"Fine," Jongdae snorts, tilting his head back as he prepares to answer. Their eyes lock, and Junmyeon's heart races at the look in Jongdae's eyes, familiar yet foreign. "The polaroids are of you, obviously. Yeah, they're not great, but they're candid, something you rarely are."
"What-"
"If you want me to answer your question completely, I suggest you don't interrupt me," Jongdae says calmly. Junmyeon presses his lips together, annoyed, but doesn't open them. "As I was saying, I took pictures of you and the places that remind me of you, hoping to remember why I'm here." He pauses in thought, and Junmyeon wonders what the hell he's talking about.
"Because you can only love someone for so long without any recipricated feelings without forgetting why you stick around," Jongdae says, trying to sound as casual as possible but Junmyeon senses he's straining. But that's the last thing on his mind, because did Jongdae did say he loves him?
"It's really dumb, since I know you'll always love him, because a first love never goes away and all that cliched crap you seem to love," Jongdae bites, voice dripping in bitterness. "But I had hope and I thought maybe one day you'd finally see me and give me a chance."
Jongdae glances at the polaroids and shakes his head. "Lately, I thought maybe you might be changing, finally forgetting him and noticing me... how stupid of me, right?" Jongdae asks, finally locking eyes with Junmyeon again. His breath hitches, and he's relieved that Jongdae doesn't seem to notice.
They stand there in silence, just staring at each other. Junmyeon can't speak, his heart and mind arguing on what to say and everything gets stuck on his tongue. Jongdae takes his silence as an agreement, and he lets out a bitter chuckle.
"Well, I guess that settles it," he says, straightening up. "I shouldn't have ever stayed," he mutters, walking away without another glance. Junmyeon doesn't even process him leaving until he hears the front door slam shut.
Junmyeon doesn't understand why he couldn't say anything, even though his mind is racing with words and thoughts to scream out. He looks at the polaroids Jongdae left behind, reading the last one.
pretty boy, love again
-
There's a knock at the door later that night. Junmyeon rushes to open the door and yell at Jongdae for leaving without letting him explain when-
"Hi, Junmyeon," Yixing's cool voice greets.
"Y-Yixing," Junmyeon stammers, falling back. "What-what are you doing here?"
"Can't I visit my friend?" Yixing asks innocently, but upon seeing the sober look on Junmyeon's face, he knows it's not the time for jokes. "I want to talk," he finally says, closing the door behind him. He notices the reluctant look on Junmyeon's face before he gives in, walking over to the couch. Yixing follows and takes the seat one cushion away. There's enough space, but not too much as to create a gap.
"What do you want to talk about?" Junmyeon mumbles, looking around the apartment at everything but Yixing.
"Us."
Junmyeon's eyes widen as he finally meets Yixing's gaze. He's surprised he manages to breathe, when the sight of Yixing once made him breathless. "W-What do you mean? There is no us anymore."
"I know," Yixing says with a nod. "But there's still a you and a me, so there's still an us. Right?"
Junmyeon frowns. That's not exactly the 'us' he wanted - no, wants. He still wants an 'us' between himself and Yixing. Right?
"I guess," he murmurs, looking down at the coffee table in front of them and focusing on the stains. There's the one Jongdae left when he forgot to use a coaster, and there's the one he made when he spilled cola all over Junmyeon's journals. Junmyeon wonders if it's an appropriate moment to laugh, staring at the stains Jongdae left while facing his ex. Fate is cruel.
"I'm sorry we had to end the way we did. I shouldn't have been so hasty in leaving for China - and leaving you," Yixing starts quietly. Junmyeon glances at him, surprised; they had never spoken of the break-up like this before. "But... I'm not sorry we broke up."
Junmyeon clenches his fist, trying to keep the pain at bay. Is Yixing back to make him relive the heartbreak? He doesn't say anything, afraid he'll let years of perfecting the art of 'being okay' slip through if he does.
"Junmyeon, we never would have worked out," Yixing says softly, placing an arm on Junmyeon's shoulder, trying not to frown when he feels the other stiffen under his touch. "We're too... alike. And different. At the same time."
Junmyeon looks at him, confused. "How?"
"I don't know," Yixing admits slowly, letting his arm drop to his side as he thinks. "But we are. You're all neat and organized, and I'm everywhere I need to be. But you're also an open book, just like me. And-and I mean, you're the writer here, help me with my words." Yixing offers Junmyeon a small smile, but Junmyeon can't return it.
"But we worked so well," Junmyeon whispers. "You-You-" completed me. The words die on his lips, the way they were meant to die in his heart.
"I loved you," Yixing murmurs, staring at the wall behind Junmyeon. "Don't ever forget that. I did love you, and I still do, but not in the same way." Yixing watches Junmyeon's reactions and sighs. "And I don't think you love me the same way either."
Junmyeon frowns. "I have never stopped," he whispers harshly, voice cracking. How could Yixing ever suggest a thing?
"Really? And that's why you keep glancing at the door?" Yixing asks, turning around to make his point. "Are you waiting for someone?"
Junmyeon wants to deny anything, but he already knows Yixing knows. "J-Just Jongdae," Junmyeon stammers, not understanding what Yixing is implying. "He's my roommate, so I just..." The look on Yixing's face tells Junmyeon he's not buying it, so he relents and admits, "We... we got into a fight."
"About what?"
"I don't even know," Junmyeon answers, frustrated at just the thought of Jongdae. "He's so infuriating these days."
"Jongdae's always been kind of infuriating," Yixing says, eyebrow raised in amusement as he sees the first sign of emotion in Junmyeon he's seen in a long time, something different than his usual melancholic expression. It's nice, a refreshing reminder that the real Junmyeon still exists beneath the prim and proper Junmyeon he wears as a disguise.
"Yeah, but he's even worse these days. I mean, one day he's fine and acting all happy, and the next he won't return my calls or even come back until the next morning, reeking of alcohol," Junmyeon scowls. "And you know, he started calling me pretty boy."
"Really?"
"Yeah, and he won't even tell me why. It's so annoying, because what man wants to be called a pretty boy?" Junmyeon hisses, shaking his head. "I don't get what's going through that weird head of his head, and I don't want to know." He falls back, crossing his arms, but not before glancing at the door again.
"Are you sure about that?" Yixing asks knowingly.
"Sure about what?"
"About not wanting to know about Jongdae. He's a pretty interesting guy if you actually talk to him," Yixing admits. He and Jongdae were good friends, but it isn't until now that Yixing realizes that their friendship started fading when he started dating Junmyeon.
"How would you know that?" Junmyeon asks, eyes narrowing at Yixing. It's a pleasant surprise to hear Junmyeon sound so jealous.
"Because he's my friend," Yixing answers simply. "And if he were truly yours, you would know that too."
Junmyeon's lips part, but nothing comes out. Yixing almost laughs because he's managed to render the writer speechless.
"I should go now," Yixing finally says, standing up. Junmyeon nods numbly, following him to the door. "It was nice talking to you, Junmyeon. I hope we can be friends again. You're a great guy, and you deserve to love again."
Love again? It's weird, but the idea is no longer as foreign to Junmyeon. He smiles gratefully and replies, "Thank you, Yixing. I'm-I'm sorry it took so long for this to happen. I hope you and Yifan are happy together."
"We are," Yixing says, smiling a little proudly. "And you will be, too."
Junmyeon is not as confident.
-
"If I may, I would like to start off with a 'what the hell' and 'why are you in my room again'?" Jongdae's quiet yet sharp voice startles Junmyeon, waking him from his slumber. Jongdae is standing in front of him, arms crossed and a slightly annoyed look on his face.
Junmyeon sits up straight, looking down and trying to compose himself before speaking, eyes not meeting Jongdae's. "Sorry, I was just waiting for you."
"I'm flattered, but you shouldn't have," Jongdae says flatly. "Wouldn't want to give me the wrong idea again, right?"
Junmyeon flinches. "I never-"
"Save it for the next time you see Yixing," Jongdae interrupts coldly. "Just get out of my room before I do something bad."
Junmyeon frowns. "But I did see Yixing." He doesn't think he's imagining it when he sees Jongdae stiffen. "He came over just a couple of hours ago."
"Oh, really?" Jongdae asks, trying to sound uninterested. "That must be great for you."
"I guess it was," Junmyeon admits. "He put things into perspective, and-and now things are okay between us."
Jongdae chuckles lowly. "I thought he has a boyfriend."
"He does, and he's happy," Junmyeon replies. "And now he wants me to be too."
"What, are you guys going to do a threesome?" Jongdae mutters bitterly, still not meeting Junmyeon's eyes.
Junmyeon frowns. "No. He just opened my eyes up about someone else, someone who's been there from the start."
Jongdae doesn't say anything, so Junmyeon stands up and walks towards him. Jongdae looks at him, eyes narrowing at him, trying to figure out what he's doing when Junmyeon reaches a hand out and grabs Jongdae's arm, pulling him into him.
"What are you-" Jongdae's words are cut off by Junmyeon's lips on his, soft and gentle. Jongdae's confused as hell, but who is he to complain with Junmyeon's tongue sliding over his bottom lip like that?
Jongdae is really getting into the kiss when Junmyeon pulls away, barely managing a moan of protest as Junmyeon rests his forehead on his. "Sorry this is kind of late," he murmurs.
"Better late than never," Jongdae hums, grinning as Junmyeon smiles. He hears their rapid heartbeats, and Junmyeon closes his eyes, soaking in the moment.
Thinking about it now, if someone were to ask Jongdae to choose between Yixing and Jongdae, he would have chosen Jongdae readily. Junmyeon relied on Jongdae, not only as a roommate, but as a friend and a carer. With Yixing, he only wanted the thrill of love, of having that first kiss and first stolen breath. But if he were to take away that, there wouldn't be much less.
That's the thing - Yixing made him breathless, but Jongdae causes his heart to beat faster. He doesn't make him feel like he's walking on air; he plants his feet to the ground and makes Junmyeon walk, all the while holding his hand the entire time.
Jongdae has always been Junmyeon's biggest secret. There from the very beginning, he hid in plain sight, so obvious Junmyeon forgot he was his secret. And when Yixing stepped into the picture, Jongdae was pushed to the back of Junmyeon's mind. But now Junmyeon remembers everything, why Jongdae was always there and why Junmyeon wanted and needed him there.
"I love you," Junmyeon breathes, lips barely brushing Jongdae's.
"Took you long enough," Jongdae murmurs, smirking as he finally takes the step to start what should have began years ago and presses their lips together again and again and again.
And that is how this story ends and begins.
• fin.
a/n:
- a polaroid photography career would be terrible if you were broke tbh. polaroid film is expensive, man - 8 films for $25. it's not even funny; it's quite sad.
- i was supposed to finish my other exoforsichuan fics earlier but ugh my schedule is a mess right now i'm sorry T_T i'm going to try to get another fic out this weekend soooo please wish me luck ;;
- it wasn't until i was like 90% done with this fic that i remembered i have another photographer!jongdae suchen fic planned out. i'm so sorry omg it's a totally different plot but gah OTL
- not betaed btw oops
- again, much love and thanks to cha ;; i hope this is worthy of your money!
- thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed!