what the crown carries (2/2)
part one |
x.
If Jongin is suspicious, he doesn't say anything. When Kyungsoo drags him into his room in the middle of the day, he doesn't protest. He doesn't even question the tears that fall from Kyungsoo's eyes when they're asleep, because he knows it's none of his business, even if he wishes it was.
Jongin is suspicious, but he doesn't say anything because he doesn't want any of it to stop. He doesn't want reality to put an end to his fantasy. He wants Kyungsoo to stay by his side. He wants things to be the way they were five years ago, when they were careless teenagers.
But things aren't the same, and Jongin has to swallow that sad truth every time Kyungsoo puts his crown on and leaves the room with advisers attached to his side.
Still, they can at least pretend when they're alone.
They don't do much together. After all, there's only so much to do within the castle walls.
When the castle is busy, Kyungsoo takes him out to walk around the garden - and Jongin would share his surprisingly impressive knowledge of gardening with the king - and they would stroll together, secretly holding hands when they think no one is looking. Sometimes they would go to the library and Kyungsoo would read Jongin some of his favorite classics. When Jongin is feeling especially bold, he drags Kyungsoo to the kitchen, their old favorite hiding spot, to snack on foods and laugh at each other as they smear food over the other's face.
As grand as everything is in the castle, it's not enough to keep the two busy though, so they opt for spending their time together in one of their room, laying around and sharing stories. It's an act of innocence, and it's Jongin's favorite, even better than their not-so-innocent acts together.
"When I turned eighteen, I remember sneaking into a tavern in town and drinking until I couldn't feel anymore," Jongin recalls, head leaning against Kyungsoo's.
"Why?" Kyungsoo asks, tracing endless patterns on the back of Jongin's hand mindlessly.
"I don't even know. I just got sick of everything going on, with my sister's marriage and everything. It all got so boring and so-so-"
"Tedious?" Kyungsoo finishes for him.
"Yeah," Jongin sighs, turning so his lips are on Kyungsoo's forehead. "Does it ever get tedious for you?"
"All of the time," Kyungsoo admits. Jongin has learned not to push Kyungsoo's answers; he will tell Jongin all he plans to tell him, nothing more but nothing less either.
Instead, Jongin leans over and presses a chaste kiss to Kyungsoo's lips. "Do I make it better?" he asks, brushing Kyungsoo's hair back as the older smiles up at him.
"Yes," Kyungsoo replies truthfully, almost bashfully, which is new for the king Kyungsoo Jongin has become accustomed to. "You make it much better," he whispers, hand coming up to grasp Jongin's.
They lay there, smiling at each other before Kyungsoo turns away and continues the stories. Jongin childishly asks him for a bed time story when night falls, and Kyungsoo laughs but gives in anyway.
"Once upon a time, there was a king," Kyungsoo starts, mock-seriously. "And he had a very annoying prince following him around."
"A very annoying, but handsome prince," Jongin interjects, and Kyungsoo flicks him on the forehead playfully before continuing.
"Eventually, after a lot of pestering, the prince finally makes a dent in the king's heart."
"His cold, rock hard - but not as rock hard as the prince's abs - heart."
Kyungsoo's eyes narrow at Jongin, whose grinning stupidly at him now. He knows Jongin is just playing around to get a reaction out of Kyungsoo. "Who's telling the story here?"
"You," Jongin coos, and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.
"That's right, so shut up," Kyungsoo says, and Jongin closes his mouth. "As I was saying, the prince somehow weasels his way into the king's heart. They hang out, make out here and there, make love, and spend their days talking about dumb things, but it's okay because at least they're together."
"And they all live happily ever after?" Jongin asks, staring up at Kyungsoo expectantly. Kyungsoo swallows hard and just smiles.
"And the king is happy to be with the prince," Kyungsoo whispers, and it's apparently enough for Jongin, who wraps his arm around Kyungsoo and presses their foreheads together, eyes locked. Kyungsoo intertwines their fingers and kisses each of Jongin's fingertips before closing his eyes.
Jongin relishes in the fact that the world is in the palms of their hands when they're with each other. Together, he wants to believe that they can do anything.
Well, almost everything.
xi.
Time flies out the door before Kyungsoo can catch up to it. Before he knows it, it's the last week of his stay. They're in Jongin's room, Jongin's head on Kyungsoo's chest as the two stare up at the ceiling blankly, talking about everything from the weather to music they like and dislike.
"There's going to be a ball," Kyungsoo suddenly says, absentmindedly stroking Jongin's hair.
"What for?" Jongin asks, glancing up at Kyungsoo, who just continues to stare off into the distance, eyes unfocused.
"Celebration," Kyungsoo replies, voice tight. Jongin can tell he's hiding something, and something about the way Kyungsoo's jaw clenches and unclenches makes Jongin want to know what it is.
"Celebration of what?" Jongin asks despite knowing better, and Kyungsoo doesn't reply. He stops stroking Jongin's hair, and Jongin's about to sit up to get a better look at the older when Kyungsoo speaks.
"Why do you care?" Kyungsoo finally asks. "It's a ball and there will be food and wine and that is all you need to know."
Jongin hums, stopping himself before he can ruin the moment. "I suppose," he murmurs thoughtfully. "Will you save me a dance?"
Kyungsoo just laughs before bringing up another old story, drowning them back in the familiar childhood nostalgia Kyungsoo wishes he could live in instead of this reality he's been trying to avoid.
xii.
Kyungsoo doesn't know who or what to expect at the ball; he had given Baekhyun full responsibility of planning everything. Baekhyun did not object either, happy to know Kyungsoo was spending the time relaxing instead. He knows his friend deserves it.
Luckily, Baekhyun has good taste. Kyungsoo watches as the castle servants run around putting up last minute decorations and setting up the plates for the food table. Everything looks in place, so Kyungsoo returns to his room to finish getting ready. There's a knock at the door, and Kyungsoo expects it to be Jongin, but instead in walks Baekhyun.
"The ballroom looks good," Kyungsoo tells him, staring at him through the mirror as he fixes his tuxedo.
"Thank you," Baekhyun replies with a smile.
"When will the guests start arriving?"
"Around sundown," Baekhyun answers, hesitating before adding, "The Chois will be arriving a little later."
Kyungsoo's shoulders stiffen for a passing moment before his body relaxes again. "Make sure they are welcomed warmly when they arrive," he says, tone more formal this time.
Baekhyun nods and excuses himself to watch over the last of preparations.
Kyungsoo refocuses on his reflection when the door clicks closed. "Tonight is the big night," he murmurs to himself. He tells himself he's had plenty of time to prepare himself for this, but all the time in the world doesn't seem like enough anymore.
Because now all he can think about is one person's reaction in particular, and how heartbroken they are both going to be afterwards.
-
The ballroom is bustling with people by the time the sun fully sets. Kyungsoo greets them all politely before excusing himself to grab something to eat, all the while scanning the room for a familiar face. He hasn't seen Jongin yet, but he's not surprised; the prince is not the most timely person Kyungsoo knows.
When Kyungsoo finally spots Jongin, he starts making his way over to the younger, only to be stopped by Baekhyun.
"I'm sorry to interrupt you, Your Majesty, but the Chois have arrived," Baekhyun tells him in a lowered voice. Kyungsoo stiffens, tearing his eyes from Jongin to see the Chois and the princess enter. The princess is pretty, but nothing compared to Jongin, Kyungsoo thinks without meaning to.
"Thank you, Baekhyun," Kyungsoo replies formally with a nod. He takes one last look at Jongin, who is already walking away, and bites his lip as he forces himself to walk towards the Chois instead.
"Welcome!" he greets, putting on the happiest face he can, even if it's the mirror opposite of how he truly feels. "We are honored you could make it."
"Of course," the king replies. "We have to be here for the announcement."
Kyungsoo smiles tightly. "Yes, of course," he says before turning to Princess Jimin. She's young, much younger than Kyungsoo, but she's as poised as someone twice her age. Kyungsoo bows and introduces himself. Princess Jimin is polite and formal, but nothing special.
"When shall we make the announcement?" Kyungsoo asks as he leads the Choi family to a reserved area.
"As soon as possible," the king answers, eyebrow raised. "Isn't it the purpose of this ball, after all? There's no point in delaying it."
Kyungsoo nods, but inside he's screaming for another five minutes. "Of course," Kyungsoo replies through a clenched smile. He leads them to the front of the ballroom where the stage is. Baekhyun notices and gets the orchestra to stop playing.
When Kyungsoo reaches the stage, he hears the crowd slowly quiet down. He can feel his throat close up as all eyes fall on him, one in particular causing Kyungsoo's palms to sweat
"Thank you all for coming," Kyungsoo starts loudly, inwardly cringing at the sound of his voice. "You must be wondering why we invited you all here. Tonight is a big night for not only our kingdom, but the Chois" - Kyungsoo gestures to the royal family standing beside him. He hesitates on the next part, gulping before continuing -"for we are announcing the engagement between Princess Jimin and myself."
There's a collective silence in the ballroom for a split second before a roaring applause sweeps the room. Kyungsoo looks around, nodding and smiling at the crowd while looking for Jongin. He sees him and wishes he didn't, because Jongin is staring at him, and even with the distance between them Kyungsoo can still see his heart breaking in his eyes.
After what feels like forever, Kyungsoo reluctantly breaks eye contact with Jongin and refocuses on what he's doing. He takes in a deep breath and walks over to the Choi family, smiles, and bows. The princess does the same, and they walk off, hand in hand, to dance together. The crowd makes way for them, and Kyungsoo tries his hard to keep his smile on as he sees the only face he cares for walk out of the ballroom.
xiii.
When the ball is over and everyone has left, Kyungsoo does not return to his own room; instead, he heads straight to Jongin's in hopes of finding the younger prince and explaining everything to him. He knows words won't be enough at this point, but he can try.
Kyungsoo knocks twice, like he always does, before letting himself in, closing the door quietly behind him. Jongin is standing over his bed, and Kyungsoo gulps, not knowing what to do next.
"Jongin...?" he asks slowly, walking over to him.
Said boy's shoulders are moving up and down quickly, as if he's trying to catch his breath. Kyungsoo stops mid-step as Jongin shakes.
Then everything comes falling down.
"YOU CHOSE YOUR CROWN OVER ME!" Jongin screams, not even caring who hears. He turns around, eyes red and Kyungsoo wonders if it's from his tears or his rage or if it's both.
"No, I chose life over you, Jongin," Kyungsoo whispers, trying his best to act calm because he knows yelling back at Jongin won't do anything. Besides, he doesn't have the strength to argue. "I chose my life, my people's lives... your life. How would your father feel if he found out you were in love with another man?"
"Please, don't make this about me. My father doesn't give a rat's ass about me any more, and apparently, you don't either," Jongin laughs bitterly. "This is all about you and your 'duties' as king, and you know what? Damn you, Kyungsoo. Damn you and your crown and everything." Jongin throws something into the bag in front of him that Kyungsoo finally notices.
"Are you... packing?" Kyungsoo asks, eyeing the bags on Jongin's bed warily. His mind whirls at the idea of Jongin leaving already.
Jongin looks at him and searches for something, anything to indicate he should stay, but is met with nothing. He snorts and continues stuffing his belongings into the bag. "Did you forget? I'm only staying for a month, and the month ends tomorrow." Jongin pauses mid-throw of his shirt as he turns to look at Kyungsoo, lips quirked in an ugly fashion so bitter and broken and not Jongin that it hurts Kyungsoo to see it.
"I guess everything works out for you. I leave and you get your princess and a good fuck before everything," Jongin bites out, throwing his shirt into the bag with more force than necessary. Kyungsoo flinches as if the shirt hit him instead.
"That's not true," Kyungsoo says quietly, staring at Jongin, who refuses to look back.
"I don't know what to believe," Jongin mumbles, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "You really fooled me, you know, Kyungsoo? You really had me thinking we could have our happily ever after." Jongin spits those three words out like poison, and they hit Kyungsoo like acid.
"You know we could have never," Kyungsoo whispers, slowly losing his voice the more Jongin speaks and breaks his heart. "You know I'm the king and I have to produce an heir." Jongin opens his mouth to protest and Kyungsoo interrupts, already knowing what he's about to say, "A blood heir. He has to be mine, Jongin."
"And why can't I be as well?" Jongin whispers, and Kyungsoo wonders where they went wrong. Maybe this really is all his fault, maybe Kyungsoo went over the line a long time ago. He should have stopped, and maybe then Jongin would be leaving with a smile instead of tears streaming down his cheeks.
"I'm sorry," Kyungsoo breathes, taking a step closer. Jongin doesn't move away, and Kyungsoo takes it as a chance to close the distance between them by wrapping his arms around Jongin's neck and pulling them together. He can feel his heart race as Jongin reaches up to trace his fingers along the side of Kyungsoo's face.
"Did you ever love me?" Jongin asks, voice so soft and sad Kyungsoo wishes he could erase all doubt from his mind with kisses.
"I love you," Kyungsoo sighs, pressing his face into Jongin's shoulder. "But love isn't enough to save my kingdom."
Jongin lets out a shaky breath as he presses his lips to Kyungsoo's hair. "Maybe, in another life, we could've... could've worked out," Jongin whispers, voice barely audible above the sound of Kyungsoo's racing heart.
"I don't think so.... Maybe we were destined to always be together but not"- he looks down at their intertwined fingers and swallows thickly -"together."
Kyungsoo looks up just in time to watch Jongin turn away, and he pretends not to notice the glistening in his eyes. He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes or his heart. It's a diplomatic smile, an ending to a deal.
Jongin opens his mouth to speak, but Kyungsoo leans forward and presses their lips together, drinking in any of the words lingering on the tip of Jongin's tongue. The kiss is desperate, and tastes nothing like the everything they mean.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, Kyungsoo thinks over and over as he tastes the salt on Jongin's lips. Instead, what comes out between breathy kisses is, "I love you, I love you," as if Kyungsoo can't help the words from spilling over his lips, as if it's the last time he'll say it and mean it.
Jongin just lets him continue to chant, "I love you," like a mantra and drinks up the apologies for as long as he can, knowing they're the last he'll ever get.
xiv.
Jongin leaves at sunrise, pressing a kiss to the back of Kyungsoo's hand as he slowly gets out of bed and prepares for the long journey back to his kingdom. He's quiet as to not wake up Kyungsoo, knowing that if the other were to wake up, he wouldn't have the heart to say goodbye to his face. He doesn't look back once as he pushes the door open and steps out, knowing that if he does, he'll go running back to Kyungsoo in a heartbeat. He swallows what's left of his pride as he walks away.
Just two months later, Jongin and his family receive the invitation. In cursive writing, Jongin can barely make out the words as he crumbles the paper, along with his heart, in his hands.
The Kim Family is cordially invited to King Kyungsoo and Princess Jimin's wedding this December as the King's honored guests.
ix revisited.
Kyungsoo had never done anything like this before. He'd had sex before, sure, but never like this, never so abruptly and never with someone who actually meant something to Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo wondered if there was another way, if he should have come out to Jongin differently to show his feelings.
It was a scary thought, how much Jongin meant to Kyungsoo, but even scarier was the idea of losing him.
Lying in Jongin's arms, Kyungsoo pushed any thoughts of a treaty out of his head and let himself focus on the man pressing soft kisses to Kyungsoo's sweaty forehead. If he had to choose any moment to live in, he would choose this one in a heartbeat.
"Hey, Soo," Jongin murmurred, breath brushing over Kyungsoo's ear. Kyungsoo doesn't say anything; he just shifts to show Jongin he's listening.
Kyungsoo wasn't expecting what came next. Even if he knew it, he wasn't expecting it as Jongin's lips moved and out fell, "I love you."
Kyungsoo stilled in Jongin's arms. He could feel Jongin's chest rise and fall as he breathed in hope and exhaled disappointment, nodding and pressing his lips into Kyungsoo's hair.
"I know," Jongin murmured when Kyungsoo didn't reply. He almost sounded defeated, and Kyungsoo wanted to ask what he knew. Did he know Kyungsoo couldn't answer? Did he know Kyungsoo's heart was racing in his chest, pounding to get out? (Did he know Kyungsoo loved him too?)
The answer was the same to all of those questions anyway - yes.
"Let's just sleep," Kyungsoo whispered instead, digging his face deeper into Jongin's chest.
They closed their eyes. Kyungsoo wished the morning would never come, and Jongin wished that night could last forever.
Most of all, they wished love could be enough.
• fin.
a/n:
- finally omfg sorry this took so long (/weeps)
- thank you again to kristy for bidding on me! :) and for being so patient with me ;;
- my medieval(?) lexicon is literally nonexistent omg i'm sorry most of the technical stuff in this fic is bs
- this was betaed by myself at like 2AM so, while i really did try to read everything thoroughly, please understand i haven't stayed up this late in a long time because school has made me a weak bitch who needs to sleep before midnight or i will pass out OTL i'll probably reread everything tomorrow night again just in case
- i'm sorry btw i really wanted this to be happy but i just couldn't make it happen realistically ;A;
- thank you for reading, and i hope you enjoyed! (and happy thanksgiving to those celebrating in the states here with me! ^^)