I might try that. I hope it doesn't descend into "Can't, won't, don't wanna!" entries.
Quite frankly, I have been encouraged in the past by a couple of friends to write LJ entries. I'm starting to think that they provided the encouragement because they perceived my passive-aggressive tendencies, but couldn't let me know in so many words due to my probable negative reaction to being told.
Or I might be second-guessing them incorrectly.
At least my self-confidence, which has stemmed from my "this is how I am - take me as you see me" passive-aggressive attitude stops me getting too emo about it ;)
I think the first and most important part is to just let go. It's all a case of "it's not worth getting in trouble over, but (X) irritates me, thus I'm going to retaliate without really retaliating."
If it's not worth risking anything over, it's not worth getting upset over it. Do the Buddha-like laugh and enigmatic smile, and skip the part about annoying others in retaliation.
Not very good advice, I know. But I used to have a similar problem of an impulsive temper. Too dumb to be passive in my aggressiveness, I guess you could say. So I learned a lot about reducing stress and it all seems dumb, then POW.
I'm not sure how much of it is retaliation. I see that I've often put friends into no-win situations, been obstinate, stubborn and sullen, and frequent procrastination.
Examples: I do my tax return on the last possible day. I have emailed snarky comments when I've felt put-upon at work.
An example that possibly supports your view: I recall when I washed-up in a pub/restaurant (when I was 18). The manager decided that latte glasses should be washed in the kitchen sink, rather than the glass washer in the bar. I was at the sink, and intentionally broke some of the glasses to avoid the extra work, and felt justified in doing so.
I recognise both of those scenarios, one of which happened just today. I went and ranted at Doris about it for a while. She said that it was good to vent it to someone who didn't mind, and that it stopped me being snarky with the person who caused that reaction. I don't feel any different, though, and when I have to do the thing that gave me the reaction, I'll be feeling the rage.
So, how do I change my attitude? Will it just dissipate, the more I talk about it? Do I need to confront the person (who actually asked a reasonable question, just something that is not good for me)? Do I suppress it and smile through gritted teeth?
It really depends on the situation. Sometimes you need to do whatever it is even though it pisses you off. Sometimes you can afford to negotiate a compromise. Mostly you need to figure out WHY it's pissing you off and bite into that. That's where the secret to making it go away is and it's different for everyone and often for different situations.
See if you can ferret that out -- think about power and position and how you see yourself versus the other person, it might give a clue.
Either way, the fact that you are looking at it, like I said, is going to make a huge difference just in and of itself.
Comments 14
I capture negative thoughts throughout the day, and then when no longer in the moment, objectively analyze each thought, and rationally answer it.
This, at least for me, helps to foster objectivity, and helps to reform some of the "average" or "automatic" thought patterns I have.
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Quite frankly, I have been encouraged in the past by a couple of friends to write LJ entries. I'm starting to think that they provided the encouragement because they perceived my passive-aggressive tendencies, but couldn't let me know in so many words due to my probable negative reaction to being told.
Or I might be second-guessing them incorrectly.
At least my self-confidence, which has stemmed from my "this is how I am - take me as you see me" passive-aggressive attitude stops me getting too emo about it ;)
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I love you.
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<3
Is this a passive-aggressive response? Gah!
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If it's not worth risking anything over, it's not worth getting upset over it. Do the Buddha-like laugh and enigmatic smile, and skip the part about annoying others in retaliation.
Not very good advice, I know. But I used to have a similar problem of an impulsive temper. Too dumb to be passive in my aggressiveness, I guess you could say. So I learned a lot about reducing stress and it all seems dumb, then POW.
Now I know why they call it illumination.
Reply
Examples:
I do my tax return on the last possible day.
I have emailed snarky comments when I've felt put-upon at work.
An example that possibly supports your view:
I recall when I washed-up in a pub/restaurant (when I was 18). The manager decided that latte glasses should be washed in the kitchen sink, rather than the glass washer in the bar. I was at the sink, and intentionally broke some of the glasses to avoid the extra work, and felt justified in doing so.
Reply
Reply
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So, how do I change my attitude? Will it just dissipate, the more I talk about it? Do I need to confront the person (who actually asked a reasonable question, just something that is not good for me)? Do I suppress it and smile through gritted teeth?
Reply
Never that.
It really depends on the situation. Sometimes you need to do whatever it is even though it pisses you off. Sometimes you can afford to negotiate a compromise. Mostly you need to figure out WHY it's pissing you off and bite into that. That's where the secret to making it go away is and it's different for everyone and often for different situations.
See if you can ferret that out -- think about power and position and how you see yourself versus the other person, it might give a clue.
Either way, the fact that you are looking at it, like I said, is going to make a huge difference just in and of itself.
Reply
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