(no subject)
i've been waiting so long that i forgot he existed. i forget being in love so much that i posted something on ontuesdays that says even if the love of my life showed up i'd tell them to wait 8 years til i'm ready to settle down.
i guess god is testing that stupid declaration. because i was driving down reisterstown rd. when i saw military hummers and thought "oooooOOOoooo, military boys are hot!" and so i looked at each guy driving them and there were a couple of black guys and then there was this familiar looking tan white guy. and i thought, no way is that chris! so i followed them onto the highway and honked at his car because i thought it totally was! and so i randomly had his cell phone number and i called him and it was definately him! i called him and he was driving the hummer to havre de grace to get some maintenance and stuff. Chris asked me out and we're going on a date tonight. lindsay is out of his life now.
i've been waiting so long for him that i forgot i was. i was waiting so long i forgot what it felt like to be complete and happy. now i can't stop crying. i literally can't stop crying. because i've been waiting so long for this its all built up.
if he asked me to marry him tonight, i would say yes. i love him and i was in love with him. and i just can't stop crying.
i'm going to be an absolute mess tonight. especially if he kisses me. i just won't be able to handle it. i never knew how much i missed him until now. i'm crying as i write this. i've been crying for about an hour. i ts just so wierd.
and then joan (my doc/ther.) gave me the best gifts i've ever gotten. she knows me as well as my parents. she gave me a book about finding meaning in life, nietzsche book, and a starbucks gift card.
its just cosmic. thats the only way to describe it.
i'm going to burst.