(Untitled)

[thisnottaken]

In lieu of an actual update/new year's resolutions, et al...

post a comment, and I'll tell you how we met*.

*this will have no basis in reality.

Comments

[slowigo]

All right, let's hear it!

[thisnottaken]

When travelling in one of the more horrid regions of Darkest India, a fine young negro porter of mine fell into a pit dug by a local tribe of savages and immediately fell unconscious. The poor lad could not even be stirred by smelling-salts, and we left him for dead. Three days later, he returned to us, leading a young savage girl by the hand. We soon adopted the cheerful little scamp, and are currently trying to civilize her with liberal use of the strap.

[slowigo]

Haha!! I love it!

[moot123]

my turn

[thisnottaken]

after a near fortnight of overindulgence in the opium dens of the port-town of San Francisco, I found myself perched in an alleyway with a rather tawdry lady of the evening. Although I am reasonably certain we did not consummate our relationship, she was most insistent I pay her, her harpylike voice screeching on and on about gin money and the like. Being without purse, I beat a hasty retreat onto the main thoroughfare. Alas, she followed me, reeking of vomit, her hunched syphilitic back giving her the visage of a gargoyle. To avoid a scene I dove into a passing horseless carriage, the owner of which was a quite personable young lass. She boarded me for several days and we remain quite good companions. I may write her if I am ever in San Francisco again.

[monologues]

ah gad

[thisnottaken]

A close friend and companion of mine talked me into a quite profitable business venture in the West Indies, shipping rum atwixt the colonies. However, after twoscore days on the high seas, our schooner was beset upon by a sloop filled with all manner of bloodthirsty pirates. Fortunately, our lookout had a keen pair of eyes, and the crew was able to assemble to repel boarders. When the pirates fell among us, I was able to quickly dispatch a number of them through judicious use of my pistols and a saber, but it soon became obvious that unless some miracle were to happen, the pirates would be able to claim the ship through weight of numbers. Immediately after I realized this, my cabin boy removed his hat, revealing himself to be a member of the gentler sex! (In retrospect, this fact should have been obvious, seeing how terrible he was at shaving my whiskers) Needless to say, everyone in the battle was distracted by the transformation, giving me a handful of seconds which I used to slay the pirate captain. My cabin boy was promoted to