I wanted to put on a song that'd inspire me to write something beautiful. Something that effectively conveyed everything that I'm feeling and have been since September. I had it all planned out: I was going to put on some Sarah McLachlan- Do What You Have To Do, in particular. It was going to make my heart wrench but who gave a fuck. It'd inspire me to write just the right words so things could be ok again. I wish I knew the secret formula. . . each word being an ingredient in this crazy concoction that would make things ok. Because really that's all words are. . . arranged and rearranged into different patterns and in my seeing it as such, I feel that there really is no way to show you how much I miss you. No words to express what I felt when I watched you dance
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I don't miss anything. The "real me" has been making the decisions the entire time. The real me knows that once a decision is made it's made and there is no pussing out on it. There's where you and i differ. I dont have the desire or the patience to have you in my life. That was made clear to me the night of greg's party. It was made crystal clear to me when your number popped up on my cell out of no where after i already told you not to contact me again. I refuse to have the same conversations with you over and over again because you say you understand but you don't behave as though you do. I made my decision and it wasnt a difficult one to make. If you respect me at all respect my wishes. I did it for you.
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