LJ Idol, Week 2: Spoons

[thistle_verse]

Mint green walls, a few shades too bright. White and gray flecked tile, mopped and bleached every night, easily sanitized. She taps the spoon on the edge of the porcelain, lets the excess milk drip back into the bowl. The oatmeal is too thin today

Comments

[halfshellvenus]

So bittersweet, and I know there are so many who can relate to this personally, having been there.

Really nice piece. I noted the same line that bleodsean did above-- it tells you about the man she's meeting as well as his "demographic" in the adult world (and the pub's overall atmosphere), and it does so naturally and economically.

[thistle_verse]

Thank you so much!!

I'm glad that line worked for you... I wasn't sure about it. I thought maybe I was getting too far into the "telling, not showing," area.

[xo_kizzy_xo]

I like how this goes from feeding her father to watching Andy play spoons at the pub then back to her father with the spoon-on-nose trick. It's very sweet and poignant. Good job!

[thistle_verse]

Thank you so much!

[logical_fallacy]

I absolutely loved the ending.

[thistle_verse]

I'm glad to hear that! Thank you!

[rayaso]

I really liked how you used the spoons in two different ways, as well as your descriptions. Very well done!

[thistle_verse]

Thank you!!

[dee_aar2]

You write beautifully well.... The flow of this piece is engaging and touching. The ending ... well had me choking ... I am sure most of your readers can relate to this ... Good Luck :)

[thistle_verse]

Thank you so much!