i'm a fucking disaster.

it's all the good, that won't come out of you. and all the stupid lies you hide behind.

i would like to tell you what it means to live in this stillness. i would like to tell you about paper hearts and that feeling in the pit of your stomach that says i will never see you again. i would like to make these particles tangible, so i would have something to work with. my mother calls me in a panic, and i hold the phone away from my ear. i ( Read more... )

if there was any other way, you know i would. if there was anything left, if there were any words i had not used, any reasons not all ready given. i am too tired, you know. i thought this would be different. you dont know how much i mean that.

this is not a letter to you. i am not that foolish. the cardinal points have betrayed me again. time zones shift like seasons, and my heart is made of many layers; do you see how thin they have become? i am being devoured by your silence, by your easy submission. you always told me you wouldn't go without a fight, yet i see clearly now. you are a ( Read more... )

the days are getting longer; there is more time to remember. i put on my summer dress and shut the door behind me, pretending there is someone to come home to. we are strangers living behind thin walls, laughing too loud because no one knows the difference anymore. i am sure you will miss me. i am also quite certain you will walk away in anger, ( Read more... )

your bird-like arms would press me against the sheets, and i would smile between my teeth, knowing that this could stay, that this could be real, that this didn't have to be like all the others. i can feel you leaving me like a fever slowly breaking. i could feel it before you would admit the truth. there are nights when street lights cradle the ( Read more... )

you leave so often darling that one more night really won't make a difference.

we all choose our paths of destruction.

take one look at me and tell me what's left to remember. your heart moves backwards, your eyes chew more than they can swallow, your hands are too eager to grasp for objects that are far too heavy. i would like to bottle this sadness; i would like you to taste it. you prey on my every weakness and deny the words you can never take back. and we can' ( Read more... )