Depressed and alone.
I will spaire you with this helpful cut
Well, so far I only have maybe 2 friends in the area that I acctualy hung out with more then once. One is a guy whom I used to think I loved, but then realised it just boiled down to awkard sex and talking about geeky shit, yet if I say the wrong thing I get pissed at. :/
The other, a stooner girl I met at group is pretty cool on the surface... Until I realised she is being a huge prick to me and she dose not even realise it. She keeps talking about her ex and how she still wants to talk to him, and that the reason he hates her is because of bad karma(She used to be a huge prick, especialy to him) and now she is still being a prick by denying him peace. And she also happens to know I have(had) feelings for her, so she must have known that it is a subject that I would find kinda depressing. Also, when she talks about him, not only can I not change the subject, but if I try to offer advice or common sense, she will tell me it's none of my bussiness and she dose not want to forget about him.
Another thing that depresses me, is when she talks about how bad she has it, how her friends all live so far away (the other side of town, as opposed to me, having my friends on the other side of the atlantic), and they don't make time for her(Before I left to Quebec for a month I clearly told her I wanted to see her before I left... She was hanging out with friends... When I came back, 2 weeks passed before she could squeeze me in... One of those weeks she was not online AT ALL!) ... I go right out and tell her that I have it worse... She acctualy just ignores that, I'm guessing because it's too depressing and "un cool" of me to bring it up. She also keeps mentioning the amount of times she has been rejected and so forth... I have lived NOTHING BUT rejection!
Yeah, life fucking SUCKS , no one ever makes any time for me, I am, as usual, absolutely totaly fucking disposeable.
All I want is one real friend damn it! One that I can talk to and not cherry pick what they want to hear. Fuck, am I a bad guy? Did I do something to deserve this? I never cheated on anyone, back stabed or anything, no I would sit and listin word for word about other peoples problems, and make them feel better, even if it would only be for only a few minutes... Just one smile makes it worth it to me... Fuck!
I am sick of the couple who always make out infront of my locker, makeing me wait for there hormons to die down!
I am fucking sick of everything!
I never had anyone tell me they loved me face to face before... Never, never kissed anyone, never cuddled or had an big hug that did not feel awkard... It's those things in life that I want. Sex? Pfff, if I wanted to I could get all of that I need, but it's always empty. Fuck sex!
-_- Fuck my life. Pardon any spelling errors, spelling takes a back seat in my rants.
Well, so far I only have maybe 2 friends in the area that I acctualy hung out with more then once. One is a guy whom I used to think I loved, but then realised it just boiled down to awkard sex and talking about geeky shit, yet if I say the wrong thing I get pissed at. :/
The other, a stooner girl I met at group is pretty cool on the surface... Until I realised she is being a huge prick to me and she dose not even realise it. She keeps talking about her ex and how she still wants to talk to him, and that the reason he hates her is because of bad karma(She used to be a huge prick, especialy to him) and now she is still being a prick by denying him peace. And she also happens to know I have(had) feelings for her, so she must have known that it is a subject that I would find kinda depressing. Also, when she talks about him, not only can I not change the subject, but if I try to offer advice or common sense, she will tell me it's none of my bussiness and she dose not want to forget about him.
Another thing that depresses me, is when she talks about how bad she has it, how her friends all live so far away (the other side of town, as opposed to me, having my friends on the other side of the atlantic), and they don't make time for her(Before I left to Quebec for a month I clearly told her I wanted to see her before I left... She was hanging out with friends... When I came back, 2 weeks passed before she could squeeze me in... One of those weeks she was not online AT ALL!) ... I go right out and tell her that I have it worse... She acctualy just ignores that, I'm guessing because it's too depressing and "un cool" of me to bring it up. She also keeps mentioning the amount of times she has been rejected and so forth... I have lived NOTHING BUT rejection!
Yeah, life fucking SUCKS , no one ever makes any time for me, I am, as usual, absolutely totaly fucking disposeable.
All I want is one real friend damn it! One that I can talk to and not cherry pick what they want to hear. Fuck, am I a bad guy? Did I do something to deserve this? I never cheated on anyone, back stabed or anything, no I would sit and listin word for word about other peoples problems, and make them feel better, even if it would only be for only a few minutes... Just one smile makes it worth it to me... Fuck!
I am sick of the couple who always make out infront of my locker, makeing me wait for there hormons to die down!
I am fucking sick of everything!
I never had anyone tell me they loved me face to face before... Never, never kissed anyone, never cuddled or had an big hug that did not feel awkard... It's those things in life that I want. Sex? Pfff, if I wanted to I could get all of that I need, but it's always empty. Fuck sex!
-_- Fuck my life. Pardon any spelling errors, spelling takes a back seat in my rants.