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kuhori_rei in thoughts_to_ink

(Untitled)

Oct 26, 2014 22:56

Title: the face of wind is on the sky
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4756
Spoilers/Warnings: swearing, self-indulgent settings, vague blood and gore
Summary: Cal has been following Dia's trail for a year now, but any search is harder when Eyes are always Watching. And it never seems to stop raining.
Notes: Written for the October week 4 writing contest ( Read more... )

original fiction, brigits_flame

Comments 5

darlinleo November 2 2014, 19:56:09 UTC

So... you're boring me with all these great stories. You should really try something different.

HaHa! Gotcha ;) That was a cool venture into cyberpunk, kuhori. I do enjoy your characters!

jlly_coppercorn November 2 2014, 20:02:01 UTC

You have got some serious writing chops my friend. You had my complete attention from the first line to the last. The subcity is really well envisioned and described; I felt like I was there. You also did a great job conveying Cal's feelings for Dia. (And I love the name Wren.)
There is one thing that jumped out at me though. Something that felt like a wrap-up and likely would not have happened if this were a larger work of fiction. Cal's been searching for Dia for over a year and on the same night she finally stumbles across the Companion with the clue, Dia happens to be waiting in a speedboat near the dock Jes gets her to jump off of. Even with the GPS locator in the tech of the ID card it's way too neat. I understand why it played out that way, you wanted Dia to be in it and had already written so much. I point this out because what you have here is publishable. It is amazingly good and I would be one of the fans eagerly awaiting your next story after this got published. Stretch out the time between the clue and their reunion and ( ... )

kuhori_rei November 2 2014, 20:08:48 UTC

Oh I TOTALLY feel you on the ending. It ended so quickly because I realized 11:45pm was rapidly drawing nearer and the fic was already 4000 words long. Fortunately (or unfortunately???) this story kind of grabbed me by the ovaries and is now being stretched into a novel as my NaNoWriMo project. Yay? *head-meets-desk*

jlly_coppercorn November 2 2014, 20:11:01 UTC

You have wise ovaries.

#gowrite :)

fawatson November 3 2014, 21:50:02 UTC

This is very powerful. I only wish the poll were still open so I could vote for it!