Fic: K is for Kohl
My apologies. I've written precisely squat in the last few months. I'm having a tough time acheiving a work/parenting/life balance, and any creative thoughts in my head tend to shrivel and die long before I find time to write them down. However, I've had such fun writing Jacob and Selmak in the past (here, although it's S/D ship and thus not a suitable read for Gen Fic Day), that I couldn't resist Fig's Jacob Alphabet Soup when
amaranthtraces pointed it out to me.
I was going to attempt something deep and profound. Really. I was. Sadly, I ran out of time and energy and thus you have my standard fluffy attempt at humour instead. Hope it amuses.
K is for Kohl
Set in Season Two during 'A Matter of Time'. Thank you, amaranthtraces for the ultra-quick beta!
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Jacob winced as the pilot of the tel’tak turned to peer at him. He’d spoken aloud. Again. A month wasn’t nearly long enough for him to be used to talking to someone else entirely inside his head. And he really didn’t want the extra attention at the moment. He shrugged an apology and the woman turned back to her console.
“I assure you,” Selmak answered. “I am not.”
“I can’t wear this.” He held up the offending garment, wrinkling his nose. “It’s ridiculous.”
“It is expected.”
“Why didn’t you tell me it would be this bad?”
“You didn’t ask.”
Jacob snorted. Fair enough. And he supposed Selmak would be used to skirts. As a species, Jacob found that even male Tok’ra had pretty strange taste in wardrobes. As for Selmak, she’d...he’d...she’d been a woman for quite some time.
“Will you please pick a pronoun? You’re driving me mad.”
“You don’t mind if I call you a he?”
“I am in a male body.”
“Believe me, I’d noticed,” Jacob said. “Are you sure you don’t mind? You’ve spent so much time in female hosts...”
“Call me whatever makes you comfortable. Just get dressed.”
Jacob sighed. With another glance at the pilot and a curse for Tok’ra views on privacy, he pulled off his tunic and leggings and stepped into the skirt, quickly wrapping it around his waist. It came maybe halfway to his knees. He could actually remember having an argument with a teenaged Sam over a hemline this short. He had to clamp down on the thought before his worry got to him again. “He really expects his court to wear this crap?”
“Zipacna is not so powerful that he can be considered to have a court, though that may be changing.” Selmak was silent as Jacob pulled the matching shirt-for lack of a better term-over his head. “There is a mirror inside the storage cabinet. We can use it to apply the kohl.”
“The what?” Jacob was really hoping he’d misunderstood. He opened the door and found a small pot of the black substance he remembered from his days in the Middle East. “You want me to wear makeup?”
“I want you to look the part. You’ve served in your military’s covert operation forces. Surely you’ve had to disguise yourself from time to time?”
Yeah, but this was a far cry from camo face paint. And he’d never dressed in what on any normal planet would be considered drag. Although, there was that one time in Kuwait with the burqa...never mind. He really didn’t need to remember that at the moment. He tugged at his hem. Then again, at least the burqa had covered his thighs and knees. Not to mention his-“Alright, how do I do this?”
“It would be easier if you let me do it.”
Jacob considered arguing-after all, he was going to be trapped on the sidelines for days while they fulfilled their mission-but he figured they didn’t have time for him to work out the great female mystery of eyeliner. With what even he had to admit was ill grace, he let Selmak take control.
Selmak was quick and efficient. Jacob’s eyes soon stared back at him, fully rimmed in black. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”
“The information we obtain may prove valuable. Amonet, Apophis, and Klorel have all disappeared, one by one. The Tok’ra must learn of their fates if we are to determine who will soon wield their power. It is a dangerous assignment for your first mission as Tok’ra, but as your face is completely unknown...”
“I know. I just wish we’d been able to get a hold of Earth. They’ve dealt with Apophis before, Garshaw said.”
“As have we.” Selmak dabbed at a smudge on the tip of Jacob’s nose. “Your daughter is most likely quite well, Jacob. There are many reasons the chappa’ai might not have engaged. Most of them are benign.”
“It’s the ones that aren’t that have me worried.” Now Selmak was fussing with smudges Jacob couldn’t even see. “Enough already, we look fine.” Fine enough for Jacob to risk a dishonourable discharge if he’d still been military, he thought ruefully.
“Our manner of dress might warrant your dismissal from your military forces?” Selmak asked.
“Well, no...Yes...Maybe.” Jacob sighed. “It’s complicated. Can I please have my body back while I can?”
Selmak returned control without further comment, though Jacob was sure the silence wouldn’t last long.
The pilot turned to look back at them. “Selmak,” she said, in that reverberating voice Jacob still hadn’t gotten used to. “We have arrived. They expect you to transport down momentarily.”
Jacob nodded. “Thanks.”
He started heading for the rings but was interrupted when Selmak said, “Wait. We’ve forgotten our hat.”
“Hat?”
“In the box beside the storage cabinet.”
With some trepidation, Jacob opened the box in question.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!”
END
Well, this story has one thing going for it. For the first time in my fanfic 'career', Daniel didn't manage to take over a plot. He's neither in this story nor mentioned specifically. Yay me!
amaranthtraces pointed it out to me.
I was going to attempt something deep and profound. Really. I was. Sadly, I ran out of time and energy and thus you have my standard fluffy attempt at humour instead. Hope it amuses.
K is for Kohl
Set in Season Two during 'A Matter of Time'. Thank you, amaranthtraces for the ultra-quick beta!
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Jacob winced as the pilot of the tel’tak turned to peer at him. He’d spoken aloud. Again. A month wasn’t nearly long enough for him to be used to talking to someone else entirely inside his head. And he really didn’t want the extra attention at the moment. He shrugged an apology and the woman turned back to her console.
“I assure you,” Selmak answered. “I am not.”
“I can’t wear this.” He held up the offending garment, wrinkling his nose. “It’s ridiculous.”
“It is expected.”
“Why didn’t you tell me it would be this bad?”
“You didn’t ask.”
Jacob snorted. Fair enough. And he supposed Selmak would be used to skirts. As a species, Jacob found that even male Tok’ra had pretty strange taste in wardrobes. As for Selmak, she’d...he’d...she’d been a woman for quite some time.
“Will you please pick a pronoun? You’re driving me mad.”
“You don’t mind if I call you a he?”
“I am in a male body.”
“Believe me, I’d noticed,” Jacob said. “Are you sure you don’t mind? You’ve spent so much time in female hosts...”
“Call me whatever makes you comfortable. Just get dressed.”
Jacob sighed. With another glance at the pilot and a curse for Tok’ra views on privacy, he pulled off his tunic and leggings and stepped into the skirt, quickly wrapping it around his waist. It came maybe halfway to his knees. He could actually remember having an argument with a teenaged Sam over a hemline this short. He had to clamp down on the thought before his worry got to him again. “He really expects his court to wear this crap?”
“Zipacna is not so powerful that he can be considered to have a court, though that may be changing.” Selmak was silent as Jacob pulled the matching shirt-for lack of a better term-over his head. “There is a mirror inside the storage cabinet. We can use it to apply the kohl.”
“The what?” Jacob was really hoping he’d misunderstood. He opened the door and found a small pot of the black substance he remembered from his days in the Middle East. “You want me to wear makeup?”
“I want you to look the part. You’ve served in your military’s covert operation forces. Surely you’ve had to disguise yourself from time to time?”
Yeah, but this was a far cry from camo face paint. And he’d never dressed in what on any normal planet would be considered drag. Although, there was that one time in Kuwait with the burqa...never mind. He really didn’t need to remember that at the moment. He tugged at his hem. Then again, at least the burqa had covered his thighs and knees. Not to mention his-“Alright, how do I do this?”
“It would be easier if you let me do it.”
Jacob considered arguing-after all, he was going to be trapped on the sidelines for days while they fulfilled their mission-but he figured they didn’t have time for him to work out the great female mystery of eyeliner. With what even he had to admit was ill grace, he let Selmak take control.
Selmak was quick and efficient. Jacob’s eyes soon stared back at him, fully rimmed in black. “I can’t believe I agreed to this.”
“The information we obtain may prove valuable. Amonet, Apophis, and Klorel have all disappeared, one by one. The Tok’ra must learn of their fates if we are to determine who will soon wield their power. It is a dangerous assignment for your first mission as Tok’ra, but as your face is completely unknown...”
“I know. I just wish we’d been able to get a hold of Earth. They’ve dealt with Apophis before, Garshaw said.”
“As have we.” Selmak dabbed at a smudge on the tip of Jacob’s nose. “Your daughter is most likely quite well, Jacob. There are many reasons the chappa’ai might not have engaged. Most of them are benign.”
“It’s the ones that aren’t that have me worried.” Now Selmak was fussing with smudges Jacob couldn’t even see. “Enough already, we look fine.” Fine enough for Jacob to risk a dishonourable discharge if he’d still been military, he thought ruefully.
“Our manner of dress might warrant your dismissal from your military forces?” Selmak asked.
“Well, no...Yes...Maybe.” Jacob sighed. “It’s complicated. Can I please have my body back while I can?”
Selmak returned control without further comment, though Jacob was sure the silence wouldn’t last long.
The pilot turned to look back at them. “Selmak,” she said, in that reverberating voice Jacob still hadn’t gotten used to. “We have arrived. They expect you to transport down momentarily.”
Jacob nodded. “Thanks.”
He started heading for the rings but was interrupted when Selmak said, “Wait. We’ve forgotten our hat.”
“Hat?”
“In the box beside the storage cabinet.”
With some trepidation, Jacob opened the box in question.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!”
END
Well, this story has one thing going for it. For the first time in my fanfic 'career', Daniel didn't manage to take over a plot. He's neither in this story nor mentioned specifically. Yay me!