The End Falls Out On You

[threedee]

And to think, if Weija hadn't got me to watch Rome, this might be a very different poem. In class we were assigned to write a "long poem" -- a very "problematic", fuzzy, but thoroughly Canadian form. It meanders, and is long. Mine is a shorter long poem, at about two pages. It was my first experience using the free writing I did over a few days

Comments

[atomicduck]

most awesome! I think I have to digest this some more for intelligent feedback, but this is my favourite line:

a handheld heart for all those other times, which have become every time

The different pronouns threw me for a loop-- which made for an uncomfortable poem, but I think that's how it should come off, anyway. Neat stuff. *lessthanthrees!*

[threedee]

We've already talked but since we like crossing media, I'll repeat that that's also my fav line, and that the different voices issue is something I'm still working on. :)

xmedia!

[atomicduck]

That particular stanza's probably my favourite overall-- the imagery is choice. ;)
"Life is in the details, and one’s mind is usually in the gutter."

z'awesome. That's got some archness and just a little bite to it. Remember Marchese? "if the sun's over here, and the moon's over there, what are you doing in the gutter in the middle!?!?"

xtime!!! (2:24pm the next day)

[threedee]

Haha, "z'awesome". I should have had the foresight to write down all Marchese's quotes so later on I could write a Marchese poem!

[o_glorianna]

Holy fuck! That was awesome.

May I confess myself your unabashed fan now? -grin-

There were too many great lines to choose from. So I shall not choose. Instead, I will reread over and over until I've lapped up all the apple juice from your poem and ruminant on the possibilities of it transforming into cider.

I really love the fine line/edge you play with throughout the poem. The distinction between the Romans and 'us' that pivots or swings as the poem progresses until we're not sure who's on which side, up or down. I also love the imagery of the apple and circles, eating apples and their juice vs. carnivore and toothache. I also love how the poem itself repeats and slowly unwinds in ever deeper circles until it vanishes into one word. Then only the point of the full stop. Masterly. :D

[threedee]

Wow I got a 'holy fuck' from Su! I am inordinately gratified :D Either appropriately or ironically, your comment was also very poetic; thank you for articulating my poem so well. I didn't even notice the apples vs. carnivores thing; I'll have to look into that...

[tacomeow]

teehee, nice poem winny, this is my favorite line:

....The raggedy edges flail in the wind with brief contacts at the old incision....

i think i've been looking up too many articles, all i can think about it mitosis when you said "why do my children divide and diverge?"....must eat something.....

lessthanfive!

[threedee]

Haha, thanks yenny. Good for you for working! :) And what would lessthanfive be? <5 ?

[tacomeow]

its an ice cream cone....
<5OOO ehehe

[atomicduck]

haha, mitosis!
the line should've gone, "why do my children divide and differentiate?"

[kelm]

Tell me about this "long poem" thing, that was cool.

[threedee]

I will I will... I can show you "actual" long poems from our course reader. They are slightly funkier than mine. But for now happy birthday sir! (Sur...prise?)