(no subject)
The past month has been... tiring, at best. Nothing short of hell at worst.
It seems I've developed a taste aversion to tea. Much like that water bottle incident. The price of the antidote still weighs on me as being too much... but I do not take it for granted. I am thankful, but not without regret or guilt. Ultimately, had I the chance to change these events I would have asked him not to go, but in the present I will be thankful that he did.
...Heh. Ironic that he should do this for me when we may or may not be a part of his plan. Aeolia Schenberg was the least of my worries at "home."
...
In the end, what were we for Celestial Being? "Unfortunate scapegoats?" What did I die for? I was born to be a Meister, created as such, and I do not regret my actions. Weak actions cannot change a corrupted world. And yet... I had more than that.
Even here, there are people things I would never abandon. My cause, the one I died for, is not secondary per say, but I would have difficulty choosing between them. It makes my dedication towards both feel weaker, but consuming attachment is not efficient anyway.
Yet I cannot help but lose faith in my "goals" when I was abandoned by them. For whatever part of me is still human (should that even exist), I believe that is my right. I hope that here, it will be different. After all, there is no use worrying about it anymore at "home," in my case.
...My mind is clouded. These doubts are irritating to carry. I have not felt the same since my most recent death. I cannot say my acceptance of that walk yesterday was entirely unselfish. I need time to think. Dying returns to mind many troublesome issues.
If what I forgot has yet to come up in everyday life, I suppose I should be thankful. There are few things and even fewer people that I would care to forget, so at least there's a good deal of buffer.
...I left myself notes about her. There is really very little to miss, and yet...
((OOC: I forgot to mention, but Johann lost his memories about his mother.))