I Love You, I Love You, I Love you (JunMa) Part One
Title: I Love You, I Love You, I Love you
Pairing: JunMa
Rating: R
Word Count: ~16,200
Summary: Three words and worlds apart. Matsumoto Jun and Ikuta Toma: enemies, best friends, confidantes and…
Warning: The timeline makes NO SENSE
Note: The summary makes no sense either. This is me writing the biggest fic I ever have by myself about JunMa’s canon moments and deluding myself on bringing them on fanon grounds. Thanks a bunch to dustbunny whom I have shamelessly stalked (but I’ve sent her a PM informing her of this shameless stalking) to get all the canon JunMa moments I could get my hands on.
Another Note: For alexxasick who has already read most of this fic but had wanted a JunMa so I surprised her by finishing this and posting it while she thinks I’m writing Klaine. She actually said “no one writes JunMa after you” and for a moment I felt like this great person insipiring JunMa in the general public without whome JunMa would die out and then I realized she probably meant “no one writes JunMa other than you” which is something completely different and not completely false :P
Yet ANOTHER Note: Title taken from "SongBird". Last two scenes written listening to it. Glee version
Just One More Edited Note: I was told some facts are wrong but look I don't care and I'm not gonna change it so don't bash me on it but go ahead and make fun of my doofusness 8D
“Were you even serious?” Toma asks softly, for the first time in his life acknowledging openly between them what he’d tried to ignore for the longest of times and Jun looks shocked for a moment.
For Jun the question is the stupidest he’s ever heard and so he stops completely, has Toma never figured it out? All those times that Jun’s tried to tell him, the times that Jun’s told him. How could Toma not notice? All those years and this is what he’s asked? If Toma has never paid attention even when Jun was way over casual subtlety, he wonders if any answer would matter at this point.
To Toma Jun’s silence is hesitation. To Toma hesitation is rejection and he knows Jun’s interests at this moment are on someone else. Toma isn’t bitter or accusing, at most he blames himself for getting dead drunk with Jun again when that has never helped anything between them. There’s something, he’s always been told there’s something between them, and now that he’s finally admitted it, it isn’t anything tangible.
And as Toma turns his back to the dumbstruck Jun and leaves the apartment, there nothing really has to be tangible either. Even with the something, realized or unrealized, they’ve remained friends and they’ll always remain friends. As he slips on his shoes Toma forgets to be angry.
Toma wants to try and forget the reasons why he was angry at Jun in the first place.
But he just can’t.
-------------------
Toma doesn’t know how he’s expected to team up with this infuriating being. Elite or no, Matsumoto Jun was the most annoying, uptight, self-satisfied brat he’d ever seen.
He throws so many tantrums it’s annoying. They’re kids, they should have fun and play around and give the staff a hard time. It’s their right.
It would be one thing if Jun was an uptight ass by himself but he’d bring the whole group into it and when Jun would order them to practice their dance Aiba would apologize and start practicing right away, if Nino hadn’t perfected it already it’d take him around ten minutes to do so and then he’d be off with the other Juniors. Toma would be stuck, insincere and unwilling with Aiba and that only meant it took him longer to get the steps right.
He would complain openly but either Jun didn’t notice or he didn’t care as long as he had the group perfectly in sync.
He hated Jun. Hated him with all his heart. He always hoped to be rid of Jun. Rid of the perfect elite that everyone loved so that everyone else could continue being normal. Or at least if nothing else Toma wished he could get back at him somehow.
-------------------
Becoming friends with Jun was the most natural thing possible on earth for Toma. Sometimes Toma wondered why they fought so much when they were in MAIN. As Toma’s sempai at work and school he’d learned a lot from Jun. In fact a lot of Toma’s work ethics were directly passed down from the older man.
Annoyance at Jun’s perfectionism had turned into admiration and soon that turned into friendship. They’d often carpool to the Jimusho after school together. They talked about so much together. Jun would rant on and on about Arashi. Before he never really thought that Jun liked Nino all that much but the fondness with which Jun would recount stories of Nino and their misplaced leader Ohno was endearing and Toma figured that theirs weren’t the only relationship that changed with maturity.
Toma would also recount his own stories; their group of friends had become completely different now. At least ever since Arashi debuted which was good because that gave them a lot to talk about. Sometimes Toma would even consult Jun on matter such as classes and teachers. He wasn’t particularly good at math. He wondered if Jun would tutor him if he asked nicely enough.
---------------------
Toma opened his gym locker; he could only stare in disbelief at the emptiness of it. His soccer jersey was gone and they had a match coming up soon. It was a disaster impending chaos. Toma skipped soccer that day to look for the jersey. Inside the shower rooms, around the playground, he asked students and teachers but without any result.
He needs to borrow Yamashita’s one for the match if it isn’t found and while all the alternative possibilities in the world fill his head he goes back to his homeroom and right on top of his desk is his jersey, neatly folded, tinted with a faint smell of lavender. It’s pleasant. A note drops to the floor when he picks it up with joy.
Needed gym clothes, couldn’t find you so I just took it. Hope it wasn’t a problem.
MatsuJun
How could he just take it? From his locker which was locked? Toma’s never faced anything so baffling before. Not even in USO Japan. He asks Jun about this mystery the next day when they sit together for lunch and receives nothing more than a smug smile in reply.
----------------
Toma was so smitten, it was pathetic. Jun and Yamashita would look at him throwing puppy eyes at Himawari, a girl from Yamashita’s class. In fact Jun had come to know about Toma’s hopeless crush only when Yamashita pointed out that Toma’s been playing basketball lately. Jun thought that it might have been the “Slamdunk” effect but actually it was just because the girls and boys practiced together and Himawari was in the girl’s team.
It seemed like Toma dreamed, breathed and saw Himawari and for a few weeks that’s all he did.
And then Yamashita intervened, inviting both of them out and not showing up himself. Jun was surprised how just that much pushed their relationship forward. Three days from that incident it was noticeable how Toma and Himawari’s relationship had changed. Now it was a bet between a week and three days between him and Yamashita.
Within a week they were together and Jun won the bet, the satisfaction of seeing Yamashita carry his bag around for him everyday almost, almost covered up the odd pang in his chest when Toma would no longer sit with him during lunch, or carpool with him after school.
After all it was his last year, school would be over for him soon and he just wanted to spend it as much as possible with his friends. Yamashita began replacing Toma’s place in his life and though it was good company he tended to be insolent and a bit dull at times.
Jun missed Toma.
----------------------------
It was pathetic, Toma was pathetic and accepting that fact was more painful to Jun than anything else.
Toma hiccupped, wiped away his tears. It was hard for him to sit up. Jun had brought Toma to his own house because he wasn’t sure how to present this sight to Toma’s parents. Toma was currently sitting on his bed, drunk and mourning Himawari.
“She gave me an ultimatum. Her or work.” And he broke out into more sobs.
Jun didn’t know what to do. He grabbed Toma’s shoulders straightening him. He shook him a little, “You made the right choice.” He said with conviction and for the first time Toma seemed to be listening rather than drowning in self-pity.
He blinked large tear-stricken eyes at Jun, “Really?”
Jun looked at the desperation on Toma’s face and nodded, tightening his grip around Toma’s forearm to show his support.
They just stared at each other like that, Jun not knowing what else to do to make Toma look happier, to get that beautiful smile on his face back and Toma reveling in the care of the other.
Suddenly Toma’s hands came up to caress Jun’s cheek. Just two fingers and a light touch and Jun didn’t know what was wrong with him but he leaned forward to press a kiss to Toma’s lips.
They were soft and his lips seemed to sink in to accommodate his but he retracted quickly, a little shocked, a little confused and Toma mirrored his feelings but neither moved away instead staring like they were before. And finally Jun did it again, or maybe it was Toma.
But they’re lips met and immediately Toma’s arms came up to his neck to deepen the kiss, they met each other again and again, tongue teasing and playful until Toma moaned and opened his mouth properly to fuse with Jun’s and it was an all out battle. Jun didn’t even care who won, he thought that it wasn’t possible to actually lose out when it came to making out with Toma and slowly his lips trailed down and Toma moaned appreciatively when Jun’s fingers fumbled with his belt and popped open his button.
Jun lifted Toma’s shirt a little, curious. The stretch of smooth skin wasn’t unfamiliar to him. But this was new, this flushed tint and radiating warmth, he pressed a kiss right below his belly button and Toma laughed and Jun liked that sound a lot, he pressed a few more and Toma laughed as he slowly fell back onto the bed. Jun undid his fly and suddenly Toma was hard and hot in his hand.
It was a little over whelming. For a moment Jun didn’t know what to do but then Toma called his name so softly that Jun wasn’t sure if he’d heard right. But the idea was still planted in his mind. He wanted to hear Toma calling him, like this, in the throes of passion.
Jun bends down and kisses the tip of Toma’s cock and Toma stills for a moment, Jun can see the slight curve of his body where it lifted of the bed just the tiniest bit. Jun bends again to take him in, this time licking experimentally as Toma sucks in a deep breath. Jun sucks on the tip and Toma seems to let go of his breath. As though he’s decided to stop fighting this.
Toma sits up again he looks down at Jun sucking him off and there’s a bewildered expression on his face as he grips the sheet and tries not to buck up into his mouth. Jun reaches up to take a hand and places it on top of his head.
Toma lets go. He grips into Jun’s hair, dictating the pace and fucking Jun’s mouth the way he wants to. Jun feels a little suffocated but he’s glad since he wasn’t sure he knew how to do this. So he allows Toma to do as he pleases, just glad to help out some way. Suddenly he’s pushed back and off Toma and he sees Toma squeeze his cock once before coming.
Jun looks at Toma’s pleasure stricken face with awe. He loved to see Toma smile but this was something else and as Toma falls back onto the bed exhausted and falling asleep almost immediately Jun looks at the serene face, imagining the scene from a minute ago. There is an urge to replay that again but he only kisses one cheek before taking care of himself in the bathroom and cleaning up.
As Jun showers he wonders what he wants, Toma to remember or forget. Next morning he wakes up to catch Toma trying to slip out of his room. There is a moment of hesitation but then he closes his eyes and waits for the door to slam shut.
Jun hadn’t contemplated on being too scared to find out.
-------------------------------
Toma saw when Jun stepped up for his recording. The voice that rang out was broken and out of tune and the recording staff started snickering.
Toma didn’t know why they were laughing at Jun. Honestly he wasn’t the worse he had heard. I mean Nino doesn’t even put in much effort but at least Jun was trying. Jun’s voice suddenly chocked up and went steely and the two men stopped smirking and asked him to begin again.
“So this is our so called elite.” They whispered as Jun came out of the soundproof booth. Toma couldn’t see the expression on his face or know whether he’d heard because he all but stormed past, grabbing his bag and slamming the door shut loudly. Toma wanted to go after him but he was sent out to call Ninomiya from the dressing room instead. Toma waited the two hours it took Nino and Aiba to finish before recording his part. He slid his bag over one shoulder before bowing to the recording staff.
As he walked towards the stairs and past a music room. He heard singing, quite awful singing. Curiosity got the best of him since people here rarely used the music rooms. They were always more focused on dancing. He was surprised to see Jun there singing what he had just recorded over and over again.
Toma wondered how long he’d been there.
-----------------------------------------
The crowd was overwhelming. The five members chosen to be Arashi were at the centre. All the juniors had gathered up to give them their congratulations. It wasn’t a secret that the five were going to Hawaii as juniors and coming back after debuting. Toma’s seen Aiba, Nino and Jun go for solo recordings even when they were in MAIN.
Toma couldn’t help feel a little left out. He was part of the admiring crowd whereas a week back he was equals with three of the admired stars. There was an odd pang in his chest. Almost as though he failed an important exam. Lost in thoughts he was suddenly roused when someone grabbed the flowers he was holding. Nino was grinning at him cheekily waving the flowers while Aiba bowed and thanked him. Toma mirrored Aiba’s actions and as soon as he straightened he was pulled into another hug, he found himself pressed awkwardly against Jun’s shoulder.
Toma might have been a little surprised. He always got the feeling that Jun never really liked him all that much. But seconds later he was released and Jun all but fled out into the car that awaited them. Aiba ruffled his hair before following suit.
-------------------------------
Jun’s just come out of the shower, a towel wrapped low on his waist, to find a Toma wave shyly at him.
Sho who’s getting a manicure calls to him, “Look who came to visit!”
Jun’s face breaks out into a smile. It was unexpected but this way he felt the show would be that much more fun.
Toma blushes a little as he’s balancing himself on one of those exercise balls (Jun needs to remember to tell Ohno not to bring that out from the gym no matter how fun it is to play with) “I was free so I came a little early.”
Nino snorts, “A little?”
“Is it troublesome?” Suddenly conscious of imposing by coming two hours early
“Not at all!” Jun and Aiba shout at the same time, “It’s fun with Toma-kun around! Do you want to see our costumes? And then I can show you the playlist and oooh I should show you the cool thing the stage does!” Aiba chatters on and Toma looks at Jun. Jun doesn’t know what to do so he just bends his head in a little bow. Toma mirrors him and follows Aiba out.
He doesn’t see Toma anymore, he’s too busy to and it occurs to him more than once if he should’ve joined Aiba in giving Toma the backstage tour. He misses his cue for the 5x10 remix song because he misplaced his change of costume but that was not because he was distracted or anything.
-----------------------------
Toma stirred to Nino’s frantic whispers. He opened his eyes almost about to groan for two minutes more when he realizes where he was. He quickly gets up and is faced with a dirty look from Jun who unable to say anything at the moment just takes his hand like he was supposed to and exits the stage with the others.
“How could you fall asleep?” Jun hisses once they are safely backstage.
“I was tired!” Toma replies.
“But this was a LIVE performance! You have to be more serious! You’re not a baby!”
Toma looks at Jun incredulously, of course he was a baby, and his mom called him a baby. He takes a good look at Jun and knows the haughty princess would be too pissed off to be reasonable.
But Toma hates to be lectured and he simmers inside, the more he wills himself to remain silent the angrier he gets, at last his eyes fall on Jun’s brand new Pokémon Gameboy game and an evil plan formulates in his angered mind.
-----------------------------------------
The whole school is in a high. Their seniors have graduated and everyone’s faces are alight with happiness and grief. But in general people are shouting and screaming and having fun. There are people going up to the graduated batch and giving them flowers, and they are accepted with cheer and spirit until the giver starts crying and then the receiver starts crying.
Emotional embraces, proud parents and promises to stay in touch unsure of the intent to keep them. The teachers watch the commotion from the sidelines with a knowing smile on their faces, they let the rowdiness continue like they always have.
Toma scans the crowd for the person he’s brought flowers for and finally spots him amidst a crowd of sad junior girls. Jun’s smiling and promising to write, some giving him their numbers and Toma rolls his eyes at the blatant lies.
He waits patiently behind Jun’s admirers until Jun spots him and comes over to him and suddenly the realization that this is the last time he’s gonna see Jun at school hits him like a ton of bricks and he can hardly mutter out the “congratulations” as he hands Jun the flowers. Toma didn’t know why people cried, he didn’t know why he was feeling so chocked up at this moment, willing himself not to do something stupid. He gulps as Jun takes the flower from his hands and Toma thinks he’s saved.
Only, Jun pulls him into an embrace and Toma starts bawling on his shoulder.
---------------------------
Toma drinks the shot Ohno’s poured out for him and cringes a little at the bitter taste. Ohno pats his shoulder, “There! There Toma-kun, you were never really good at this.”
Nino and Aiba snicker and Toma’s a little annoyed as he holds out his glass for another one, Ohno looks a little surprised before pouring it out for him. Toma sucks on his lemon contemplatively after that.
“Arashi is really amazing!” He finally decides on, slamming his drink down onto the table and waiting for someone to pour him out some more, “It’s Toma-kun who’s amazing!” Aiba sings out, “So cool, so handsome, such a good actor.”
“That’s Nino right? That’s Nino, the good actor.” And Nino giggles at Toma’s compliment as he gulps down his beer.
And Jun raises his glass in a toast, “To Riida! Because he’s the best.”
And the rest of them follow suit, Toma isn’t sure if he should just say ‘Ohno’ but he ends up saying ‘Riida’ and no one really seems to care and there’s a happy flush on his cheek as he drinks to Ohno’s toast.
He raises his own toast, “To Arashi! I hope they continue doing great concerts that I can enjoy!”
“And come ridiculously early to!” Nino jests and Toma rolls his eyes as their drinks clink together yet again.
“To Toma” Jun raises a glass and everyone looks at Jun a little confused at the vague toast. But he looks so earnest holding out his glass that a second later everyone is raising their glasses again saying, “To Toma!” and Toma embarrassedly says, “To me” before downing his glass.
-------------------------------
Jun is a little overwhelmed by the play. He hadn’t really thought that Toma had come such a long way, struggling all by himself and his chest swells a little with pride.
He had really ignored him, he’d really ignored the phase that Toma used after his rejection, after being denied again of a sure shot way to fame by Johnny’s. Jun regrets not having seen the struggle, he regrets not having known it or help him through it. He looks at Yamashita’s eyes sparkling as Toma slashes a sword at another actor on stage and wonders if Yamashita had been a better friend.
In the end there are tears in his eyes and he brushes at them inconspicuously.
Jun is proud.
Yamashita pulls him to go backstage and Jun’s not even sure if he can do that but then he follows Yamashita’s lead and there are many staff members who bow at Yamashita, he must’ve come here often and Jun feels a little jealous of that. Jun’s a little angry with himself for getting so absorbed in his own affairs.
Yamashita barges into Toma’s dressing room without so much as a knock and they find Toma with his co-star Meisa. He promises to eat dinner with Meisa just as they enter and Meisa bows at them, giggles a little at Yamashita before closing the door behind her.
The lovestruck expression on Toma’s face is so obvious that Jun gets a little worried. He’s reminded a little of Himawari but Yamashita just bounds up to Toma and nudges his shoulder.
“So?” He says allusively and an indignant pout starts to form on Toma’s face, “What?”
“She’s really cute!” Yamashita all but giggles as he pokes Toma and Toma tries to look unknowing, tries to hide the obvious, “So what?”
But he avoids looking at Yamashita, “Toma likes Meisa. Toma likes Meisa! I bet you want to kiss her for real!” Yamashita laughs loudly and looks at Jun as though for help.
Jun offers a grimace.
----------------------------------
“Welcome to Johnny’s Junior Radio PARADAISU!” Yoko, Subaru, Hina and Toma scream together.
Yoko and Hina are loud enough for all four of them.
“So today we have an interesting theme!” Yoko starts
“Interesting? Is it really? Isn’t it just something boring you came with last second?” Hina banters.
Yoko hits Hina upside the head, “Hey this guy just hit me! No way can the audience see it right? Why did you hit me? Why would you hit someone on the radio?”
“Our theme…” Subaru interjects and Yoko seems to come back to the topic
“Yes, yes! Our theme! Please go ahead Toma!”
“And the theme is! Which Johnny’s would you date!”
The other three cheer, ‘I’d not go for Yoko, right? He’s too noisy right?” Hina says and Subaru rolls his eyes despite the fact that no one can see him
“Isn’t it more like no one cares!” Yoko quips, “Anyway! Toma-kun who would you date?”
“Hmm…” Toma knows the answer already but he builds up the drama a little, “Yamashita Tomohisa!” He says and finally and the other three making a knowing sound.
“Of course! Toma and Yamapi are really close!”
“What makes him ideal?” Subaru wants to know
This time Toma thinks for a bit, “We’ve been friends for long. He knows where my moles are!”
Subaru looks a little confused, “Ja! We know the way to Toma’s heart, knowing his moles!”
“And with this precious information out in the open for interested girls to use we present you with a song!” Yoko played the song as he turned off their mics.
“He knows where your moles are?” Yoko raises his eyebrows as he takes off his headset and ruffles his hair, “It’s more like what the hell are you two doing?”
“Oi ! It’s not that! We went to the onsen together.”
“What a close relationship!” Hina bats his eyelids and before Toma can protest they have taken up their headsets again as the song is about to end.
--------------------------------------
Jun wipes the sweat off his forehead as he slumps into his seat after 5 hours of practicing non-stop. A few juniors Nino hangs out with come to their dressing room looking worried, a little bit excited and they whisper into Nino’s ear.
Nino curses and he storms out, the rest of Arashi look at Nino’s exit questioningly, Ohno immediately following and Jun sits puzzled for a few minutes before curiosity gets the better of him and he steps out. He can see two juniors rushing downstairs an he follows them towards Johnny’s office and the area around is buzzing with juniors and a few sempais who came to satiate their curiosities like Jun had.
“What’s all this about?” Koichi asks a junior standing right beside Jun and he listens in wanting to know as well.
The junior looks at Koichi for a bit as though contemplating whether he should say it. He gives in to his senpai soon enough, “They’ve finalized on forming NewS.”
And Jun stills, he really can’t believe what he hears and he sees the shock on Koichi’s face but its replaced a second later with a sad understanding, “It was coming” is all he says before going back to work.
Nino storms out of Johnny’s office a minute later, eyes red and raging and he walks off outside the building muttering ‘unbelievable’ under his breathe.
-----------------------------
Toma’s so tired and sleepy he can hardly make it to his bed, that’s when his phone buzzes in his pocket. The loud ringtone gives him a headache so he fishes it out of his pocket and answers it in his haze.
“Oi. There’s a new 24 hour diner that opened near my house so come!”
“Eh? Jun its 2 am” Toma wasn’t sure what to do with this offer.
“Oh…” and Jun sounded so subdued, “So you’re that kind of person.”
Toma wasn’t even sure what that meant but he suddenly felt like the worst person in the world, “I’ll be there in a second!” he barks into the phone before running out the door.
--------------------------------------------
Jun walks along the beach cautiously; he wasn’t even sure why he’s here. It’s not like he knows for sure that Toma is here but he knows that Toma likes the beach. And not in the way that Jun likes the sports, volleyball and surfing. Toma likes the serenity, the water and its ebb and flow and only after Toma had once mentioned this to him had he started to appreciate this side of the beach and the vast ocean as well.
Jun walks slowly not even searching just enjoying the way the sand sinks under his feet and gets between his toes and just like that he comes across them. Even from far away he can tell Toma’s slender form looking out into the ocean, shoulders slunk down. At first Jun thinks he’s alone and contemplates on joining him. He doesn’t hope to console him, maybe just make him feel less lonely, less left behind. That he was here and that Yamashita would also be there right within Toma’s reach debuted or not but then he notices Tsubasa a little stretch away. Tsubasa flicks water at Toma and Toma falls back into the sand. Jun imagines a small smile on Toma’s face as he does so.
That comforts Jun and he settles into the space where he is standing, taking comfort in the sunset and the fact that there are plenty of friends ready to support Toma.
-------------------------
Toma walks in panting, he literally ran to find the restaurant since the taxi dropped him off at the wrong space. But as he settled into the comfortable atmosphere the tiredness and sleep slowly inched back in.
“What do you want?” Jun’s sharp voice brought him back from slumberland and he tried to look more alert.
He looked at the menu but suddenly Jun closed it on the table and said, “Let’s just order sushi.”
Toma’s eyes went wide, clearly showing his pleasure. Jun smiled softly and ordered for them.
They chatted for a bit, Toma was glad he could at least reply back to all the things Jun brought up, he hoped his half interest wasn’t too noticeable.
And then it began, platefuls of sushi appearing one after the other and he couldn’t contain his excitement as he selected his picks. Jun only looked amused as Toma stuffed himself and the waiter poured out green tea for them.
The good food and the warm tea was slowly ebbing away Toma’s excitement and he was starting to feel sleepy again. Jun was still talking and he nodded once in a while, eyes drooping but when the waiter brought the check and Jun was distracted for a second paying the bill Toma’s head instantly dropped to the table and he fell asleep.
When Jun turned to him, he was maybe a little annoyed. But he considered the time too and as he waited the waiter to bring back his credit card he noticed the peaceful expression on Toma’s face as he slept. Breathing calm and face relaxed, hair sticking out.
Jun’s face softened and he reached out one hand to slowly thread through the soft hair in front of him.
--------------------------------
Toma feels so much trepidation as he waits backstage for his cue. His limbs are shaking and despite having practiced so much for this moment Toma feels he can never be ready.
His first time on stage and even though he knows he isn’t the main attraction. 99% of the people’s focus would be on Tsuyoshi and Koichi and the remaining 1%’s attention would be divided between all the backdancers. He was sure no one would even notice him but he was still nervous.
He wondered if he was alone in feeling this way. Surely he was, after all he was just a backdancer. In fact he was a little embarrassed to admit it. Toma doesn’t know to this day if it was because his nervousness was clear on his face or because the others felt the same way but in the next second one of his hand was taken by Aiba and the other by Jun and he saw Nino completing the link on Aiba’s other side.
There was a determined expression on their faces that he’d never forget and remembering their faces on that day inspires him even today.
-------------------------------------------------
Jun doesn’t know why suddenly it’s the younger that invites him today but it’s a rare occurrence so he doesn’t decline and almost obediently goes down to the club the other had slurred into the phone.
He goes to see Yamapi and Shun drinking full force with Toma and knows that Yamashita must’ve been behind calling him. He joins them after grabbing a drink from the bar. Everyone’s so gone out of their heads already that Jun knows he won’t be able to drink much and so he sips on his drink lightly, watches Yamapi flick Toma’s head and the three of them burst out laughing. A girl pulls on Shun’s hand and he obliges her by following her to the dance floor and Yamapi ventures out by himself to have his own pick.
Jun half expects Toma to follow but he doesn’t and they sit together for a long while Jun sipping his beer and Toma doing particularly nothing.
Jun wonders if Toma’s sobered up already when suddenly Toma hiccups from beside him and Jun turns to see him crying and Toma laughs mostly at himself as he wipes his eyes.
His cheeks get flushed a deeper shade now that he’s trying to suppress the grief within him.
“She said she wasn’t interested.” He hiccups out finally as an explanation, “After months of leading me on she says she isn’t interested. That bitch! Player! Pretty, pretty, funny sensitubbubble-” Toma hiccups and winces as he gulps down a shot and Jun doesn’t need to ask to know that Toma’s talking about Meisa.
Jun sighs and lets Toma dab at his eyes for a bit before offering to take him home. Toma hiccups again and grabs Yamapi’s vodka glass and downs it before nodding. Jun almost laughs as he helps Toma stand and walks behind him closely in case he shows signs of falling over. Toma remembers to pay for the vodka as well on their way out.
They share a taxi and reach Toma’s house first and Toma gets off when suddenly Jun screams at him, “OI! Pay the fare!”
Toma looks at Jun dumbly, “Huh?”
“The taxi fare! You have to pay half!”
“What?” Toma couldn’t believe what he was hearing, this cheapster can’t even dish out a few hundreds for the broken hearted?
“You have to pay the taxi fare!” Jun repeats and Toma rummages through his pockets shaking his head in disbelief. He opens his wallet to find it completely free of cash.
“I don’t have any money!”
“Then go inside and get it!” And Toma shakes his head before heading inside the building and making it up to his apartment.
He takes out cash from his locked bedside table and heads down to find the taxi gone and the door man hands him a note.
You took too long so I left. Doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay!
Jun
-------------------------------------------------
Taichi looks at Jun mischievously, “Welcome to the set of Shonen Club Premium!”
Jun bows and looks aptly grateful.
“Should we start off with some old clips of Jun-kun?”
Jun nods embarrassedly and tilts his head to a side, “I guess…”
And Taichi bounces in his seat a little excitedly as he calls for the VTR to start.
Immediately a slightly grainy, obviously old video lights up the VTR screen and there’s Jun, thirteen or maybe fourteen as he dances on screen, there’s an arrow pointed towards him but Jun notices the others. Nino, Aiba and Toma are dancing beside and around him. He suppresses a smile at the little, uncoordinated Toma flailing his limbs the best he knew to.
“So Jun-kun that was your first band right? MAIN right?”
“Yes, it was called MAIN”
“The members were?” It was not like Taichi doesn’t know but this is just an interview for interview’s sake
“You see the name is M for MatsuJun, A for Aiba, I for Ikuta and N for Ninomiya.” Jun explains knowing that most people who even watch SCP probably already know this.
Taichi nods, looks as though Jun’s revealed some precious new information as he says, “Ah so you were with Toma-kun? You were bandmates?”
“Yes. We were.”
“Ah and what’s your impression of him?”
“Ah you see Toma and I are friends now, I often go out to eat with him, he’s very passionate about work and all but back then it was mostly, ‘ah! What an annoying brat!’” And the two burst out laughing as Taichi nods again.
“I see! I see! So the Toma of now and then have no similarity.”
Jun tilts his head to a side and scrunches his eyes a little, showing the camera that he’s thinking, “Maa… I’m not sure about that but about the Toma of now…” Jun pauses for a moment not entirely sure of how to end what he began, “Of the Toma today…I’m proud”
And Taichi agrees with him as he puts in a few words of praise of his own before moving onto Arashi.
---------------------------------------
“Okay! So the next question is, “Which Johnny’s member would you like to have as your boyfriend!”
Toma laughed a little at the interviewer, “This came!”
“Yes this had to come.” She hid her giggle behind her hand.
Toma fidgets with his hand for a moment, “Well I guess Yamapi?”
“Why are you asking me?” The interviewer titters before composing herself “So is that your answer?”
“I guess.”
“Then tell us why you think he’s your ideal boyfriend.”
“He’s a well-mannered boy.”
“Just that?”
“Ah…maybe…”
“Maybe?”
Toma hesitates a little, not entirely sure why before he opens his mouth to say it, “Maybe Matsujun too?”
“Ah. Again it’s a question.”
Toma scratches the tip of his nose, on the verge of a blush, “That’s because I can’t decide!”
--------------------------
“Hey…” Toma picks at the soumen in front of him with his chopsticks.
“You learned to cook Italian during Bambino, right?”
“Yes.” Jun says between slurping his noodle then grabbing a napkin to wipe his face.
Toma sips his sake a little nervously, not sure if criticizing Matsujun in his own home was a wise idea.
Jun pours himself a glass of sake and slams the bottle down on the table loudly, “Say it!”
Toma winces as he gently places his glass on the table, still fingering the rim of the glass a little nervously, “You always make soumen.”
“Eh?”
“You always make soumen.” Toma stated again.
Jun blinked at him, “Okay…” He says before continuing to slurp his noodles, “…wait, you don’t like it?”
Toma shakes his head, “I like it.”
“Because you told me you like it.” Jun says a little quieter.
Toma shakes his head again, “I like it! I really do! I was just wondering…if you can make anything else…not that I need anything else, just you know skill wise and stuff.”
“You really don’t like it.” Jun stood up, “I’ll make you omurice or something like that.
“No no no no. I like it! I don’t need omurice”
Jun not heeding Toma’s words walked past him towards the counter and Toma feeling stupid and bossy grabbed his hand. He cowered a little when Jun turned to him, “Please sit down I like it.”
Jun stands there for a bit, Toma’s hand clasped around his wrist and an earnest look on the other’s face, Jun nods and Toma sighs in relief. Toma lets of Jun slowly when Jun is moving back to his side of the desk.
“I can you know.”
“Can what?” Toma says as he brings the bowl closer to his mouth.
“Cook other things.”
Toma smiled a bit, “My mom would like that, she likes people who can cook well.”
That was the most random comment that Toma’s probably ever made but the look of pleasure on Jun’s face lowers his worries a little.
--------------------------------
“Twelve times, huh?” Jun asked with a little smirk on his face.
Toma’s immediate blush was a dead give away as to the fact that he knew what Jun was talking about but he pretended to not understand.
“It seems like you left quite an impression on our Shun-kun with your soft, melting lips.”
Toma pouted a little as his hands shot up to his lips unconsciously.
“So? How was it? No need to pretend you didn’t like it. You did it twelve times anyway. The last time I had the hots for a co star I only managed to get 3 retakes for the kiss scene.”
Toma looked away, “I didn’t do it on purpose, it was an awkward angle so it was hard to get right!”
“Awkward angle?”
“Yes! Imagine catching someone’s lips with yours from the side when they’re falling towards someone else! I mean most of the time I ended up hitting Horikitty!”
“There! There!” Jun chuckled as he patted the agitated Toma’s head, “No need to get so defensive.”
Toma grunted like he was about to burst and that only made Jun smirk wider. However before he could taunt Toma even more, Toma had turned around on the couch to face him and pressed their lips together.
Jun stared at Toma dumbstruck as Toma leaned back and wiped his lips. Toma patted the top of his head, “There. There. No need to pretend you weren’t jealous.”
Jun spent the rest of the evening doing just that.
----------------------------------------
“I’m gonna kill you, bastard.” Jun screeched the moment the moment his eyes locked in on Toma. Jun was just trying to find Tegoshi because he had left his scarf at the restaurant where they had dinner together last night. And what luck that Toma happened to be in the NEWS dressing room especially since he’s been plotting Toma’s slow painful death since yesterday after he saw that sly bastard confess that he had broken Jun’s games out of anger all those years ago. Jun had cried, he had actually cried and he’s not going to forgive such a cheeky apology made on live television for fucking having made him cry.
Before Toma knows what has happened he’s on the floor because Jun just lunged at him and although Jun’s initial intention was to pick Toma up by his collar and punch him hey somehow managed to throw the boy on the floor and fall along with him at the resistance he faced at the attack. Right at this moment his fingers were just wrapped around Toma’s neck. The fingers were just there, he used his elbows to press down on Toma’s chest as he tried to struggle. He liked the pained ‘itai!’ that Toma whimpered as he applied more pressure with his elbows and yet his fingers remained lax. He wasn’t going soft, he was just deciding if this was the slowest and most painful way to kill Toma. Maybe he should go for torture first.
And suddenly he’s hauled off of Toma with a half-amused half- indignant Yamashita. From the angle on top it must have seemed like he was choking Toma. There was a little pang of regret at having taken too long to decide.
He should have killed the bastard.
“Dude, calm the fuck down! You were kids!” And it’s amazing how Yamashita knows what this is about and Jun pulls his jacket closer around himself huggily in an attempt to listen to Yamashita but now Toma has an amused face and the anger just boils his blood to a dangerous temperature.
“How can I? Look! He’s smiling!” And Toma presses his lips together, as though not showing his lips can somehow hide the fact that his mouth has an upturn twist and his chest is shaking a little.
Jun picks up the first thing that is within his reach and his hands close around a book Kato Shigeaki had been reading from on top of the table. It’s heavy, in fact much more than Jun had fathomed and suddenly he’s torn between throwing the book and potentially hurting Toma badly or put it back down and look like a wimp.
And so it turns out he throws the book lightly, so that its sailing towards Toma in a lazy, smooth motion and Toma catches it before it can make contact with his face quite effortlessly.
Jun puffs out an angry breath before turning around and leaving and he’s almost turned the corner that leads to the door to the room with the lifts when he hears quick footsteps behind him, he turns and Toma stop right behind in front of him, like he was about to catch hold of Jun when he had turned voluntarily.
“Jun, look I know I shouldn’t have.”
“Now you realize it.” He says sarcastically.
“I realized it then too but I was scared.” And Toma’s face looks really sincere, like he’s still scared, “I was afraid you wouldn’t be my friend anymore.”
“That wasn’t a very friendly gesture after all.”
“I know I’m sorry to have made you cry.” And Toma somehow moves a little closer and takes his hand.
“What bullshit!” Jun spits and tries to retract his hand but Toma holds on even through the rough jerk of Jun’s hand.
“I saw you. And I was kind of ashamed…almost devastated.” And Toma sort of pulls him into an embrace, which is slightly weird but Toma is just touchy feely like that and Jun knows that, “You know I hated you before…before I saw you cry over what I’d done to you. And I was afraid suddenly that if you know you wouldn’t want to be my friend even if I tried.”
“You just pitied me.” Jun mumbles while resting his chin on Toma’s shoulder, giving in but not reciprocating the random hug, Jun was not a touchy-feely person.
“Yeah…maybe.” And the tone of humor in Toma’s voice annoys Jun immensely, he rests his hands on Toma’s back before pinching hard.
Toma is half- laughing at Jun’s childishness and half whimpering painfully because that hurt really badly.
Jun smiles and returns the hug because, after all he is a tsundere.
----------------------------------------
Toma wakes up with a crick in his neck feeling all too cold, slightly shivering from one side and warm and sticky along his back and a comfortable tickling sensation across his neck. He instinctively looks across the edge of the bed and finds that the covers had indeed been kicked down somewhere along last night and he slowly extricates himself from the hold on his back looking around as he pulls the covers up.
Jun sleepily turns to lie on his back from the sideways position he was in a moment before and shivers.
Toma can’t really place what had happened and he’s groggy enough that a part of him just wants to stop wondering and lay back with the covers thrown across the both of them cuddled together.
But as soon as he does, Jun throws a leg on top of his and even though that was essentially how he had woken up, the warm, fuzzy moment and the cold shock that had woken him are gone and he can’t stop thinking how its Jun and how it’s a little weird. He gets out from underneath the cover and turns the air conditioner off because its too damn cold and closes the door on Jun snuggling into the blanket alone on the bed.
He thinks that maybe he should just go home after he brushes his teeth. He had taken to keeping a travel pack in his bag all the time because shoots tend to get out of hand and once he had ended up having like 5 toothbrushes simultaneously because he kept having to stay overnight during film shootings and had to run to the combini to get a new brush.
But when he emerges from the bathroom his stomach grumbles and coffee sounds nice. Free coffee sounds nicer since he ran out and knows he must buy before he could get his hands on a cup. Early morning shopping trips aren’t really his thing. He scratches his head when he opens the fridge to find it empty of eggs or anything for that matter except for an almost finished carton of non-fat milk. He was just glad it wasn’t soymilk. Jun gets a little obsessive over watching calories sometimes and Toma knows Jun only eats like once a day if he has something high in calories, like he usually does if he goes out to eat or drink beer. Toma rolls his eyes; maybe next time he goes to the combini he’ll buy two of everything.
He opens all the cabinets. Maybe there’ll be miso mix in there somewhere but only comes across a box of cereal. Thankfully it’s open. Not that he’d hesitate to open a completely new box but open cereal means, ‘oh god Jun eating He pours out a large helping for himself, deciding the milk can come to some use now that there is cereal. He doesn’t realize, at least not until the steady flow of white liquid from the carton thins and finally dies out that he’s finished Jun’s milk and now Jun probably won’t have anything to eat for breakfast when he wakes up.
Toma shrugs the guilt off. Maybe this way Jun will be forced to go grocery shopping and buy well…food.
-------------------------------------------
Jun is a little bit annoyed that Toma is taking this long to get ready. It was after a long time that they had enough free time to go grab some dinner with someone other than coworkers and Shun is already texting him no doubt having finished all the complimentary snacks they give at the nabe restaurant.
“Oi!” Is all he says and trusts that Toma will understand that to be the long string of threats that are starting to bubble up inside Jun. Toma only ignores him as he sprays himself with perfume and it’s the smell more than anything that catches his attention. He looks at the bottle Toma sets on his top of his dresser before asking, “Is that mine?”
“No. Why would it be yours?”
And Jun fishes in his bag thinking that Toma has a valid point as his hand closes around a bottle that turns out to be identical to the one on top of Toma’s dresser as he pulls it out.
“Since when are you using that?” He asks accusatorily and Toma shrugs
“As long as I can remember.”
“Well change it.”
“What? No!”
“We can’t be wearing the same perfume!”
“Why not?”
And Jun splutters for a second, not getting his own agitation before finding that there is a very valid reason why he can’t be using the same perfume as someone else, “Because I’m unique!”
And Toma laughs at him, “Sure.” He says as he walks past him to get to the door.
Jun seethes, he knows there are other unknown people out there who must use the same perfume but having one of his best friends use it was unacceptable!
“Oi!” He says again and can hear the faint sound of a chuckle from a flight down the stairs.
This was going to be one long drive.
Part Two
Pairing: JunMa
Rating: R
Word Count: ~16,200
Summary: Three words and worlds apart. Matsumoto Jun and Ikuta Toma: enemies, best friends, confidantes and…
Warning: The timeline makes NO SENSE
Note: The summary makes no sense either. This is me writing the biggest fic I ever have by myself about JunMa’s canon moments and deluding myself on bringing them on fanon grounds. Thanks a bunch to dustbunny whom I have shamelessly stalked (but I’ve sent her a PM informing her of this shameless stalking) to get all the canon JunMa moments I could get my hands on.
Another Note: For alexxasick who has already read most of this fic but had wanted a JunMa so I surprised her by finishing this and posting it while she thinks I’m writing Klaine. She actually said “no one writes JunMa after you” and for a moment I felt like this great person insipiring JunMa in the general public without whome JunMa would die out and then I realized she probably meant “no one writes JunMa other than you” which is something completely different and not completely false :P
Yet ANOTHER Note: Title taken from "SongBird". Last two scenes written listening to it. Glee version
Just One More Edited Note: I was told some facts are wrong but look I don't care and I'm not gonna change it so don't bash me on it but go ahead and make fun of my doofusness 8D
“Were you even serious?” Toma asks softly, for the first time in his life acknowledging openly between them what he’d tried to ignore for the longest of times and Jun looks shocked for a moment.
For Jun the question is the stupidest he’s ever heard and so he stops completely, has Toma never figured it out? All those times that Jun’s tried to tell him, the times that Jun’s told him. How could Toma not notice? All those years and this is what he’s asked? If Toma has never paid attention even when Jun was way over casual subtlety, he wonders if any answer would matter at this point.
To Toma Jun’s silence is hesitation. To Toma hesitation is rejection and he knows Jun’s interests at this moment are on someone else. Toma isn’t bitter or accusing, at most he blames himself for getting dead drunk with Jun again when that has never helped anything between them. There’s something, he’s always been told there’s something between them, and now that he’s finally admitted it, it isn’t anything tangible.
And as Toma turns his back to the dumbstruck Jun and leaves the apartment, there nothing really has to be tangible either. Even with the something, realized or unrealized, they’ve remained friends and they’ll always remain friends. As he slips on his shoes Toma forgets to be angry.
Toma wants to try and forget the reasons why he was angry at Jun in the first place.
But he just can’t.
-------------------
Toma doesn’t know how he’s expected to team up with this infuriating being. Elite or no, Matsumoto Jun was the most annoying, uptight, self-satisfied brat he’d ever seen.
He throws so many tantrums it’s annoying. They’re kids, they should have fun and play around and give the staff a hard time. It’s their right.
It would be one thing if Jun was an uptight ass by himself but he’d bring the whole group into it and when Jun would order them to practice their dance Aiba would apologize and start practicing right away, if Nino hadn’t perfected it already it’d take him around ten minutes to do so and then he’d be off with the other Juniors. Toma would be stuck, insincere and unwilling with Aiba and that only meant it took him longer to get the steps right.
He would complain openly but either Jun didn’t notice or he didn’t care as long as he had the group perfectly in sync.
He hated Jun. Hated him with all his heart. He always hoped to be rid of Jun. Rid of the perfect elite that everyone loved so that everyone else could continue being normal. Or at least if nothing else Toma wished he could get back at him somehow.
-------------------
Becoming friends with Jun was the most natural thing possible on earth for Toma. Sometimes Toma wondered why they fought so much when they were in MAIN. As Toma’s sempai at work and school he’d learned a lot from Jun. In fact a lot of Toma’s work ethics were directly passed down from the older man.
Annoyance at Jun’s perfectionism had turned into admiration and soon that turned into friendship. They’d often carpool to the Jimusho after school together. They talked about so much together. Jun would rant on and on about Arashi. Before he never really thought that Jun liked Nino all that much but the fondness with which Jun would recount stories of Nino and their misplaced leader Ohno was endearing and Toma figured that theirs weren’t the only relationship that changed with maturity.
Toma would also recount his own stories; their group of friends had become completely different now. At least ever since Arashi debuted which was good because that gave them a lot to talk about. Sometimes Toma would even consult Jun on matter such as classes and teachers. He wasn’t particularly good at math. He wondered if Jun would tutor him if he asked nicely enough.
---------------------
Toma opened his gym locker; he could only stare in disbelief at the emptiness of it. His soccer jersey was gone and they had a match coming up soon. It was a disaster impending chaos. Toma skipped soccer that day to look for the jersey. Inside the shower rooms, around the playground, he asked students and teachers but without any result.
He needs to borrow Yamashita’s one for the match if it isn’t found and while all the alternative possibilities in the world fill his head he goes back to his homeroom and right on top of his desk is his jersey, neatly folded, tinted with a faint smell of lavender. It’s pleasant. A note drops to the floor when he picks it up with joy.
Needed gym clothes, couldn’t find you so I just took it. Hope it wasn’t a problem.
MatsuJun
How could he just take it? From his locker which was locked? Toma’s never faced anything so baffling before. Not even in USO Japan. He asks Jun about this mystery the next day when they sit together for lunch and receives nothing more than a smug smile in reply.
----------------
Toma was so smitten, it was pathetic. Jun and Yamashita would look at him throwing puppy eyes at Himawari, a girl from Yamashita’s class. In fact Jun had come to know about Toma’s hopeless crush only when Yamashita pointed out that Toma’s been playing basketball lately. Jun thought that it might have been the “Slamdunk” effect but actually it was just because the girls and boys practiced together and Himawari was in the girl’s team.
It seemed like Toma dreamed, breathed and saw Himawari and for a few weeks that’s all he did.
And then Yamashita intervened, inviting both of them out and not showing up himself. Jun was surprised how just that much pushed their relationship forward. Three days from that incident it was noticeable how Toma and Himawari’s relationship had changed. Now it was a bet between a week and three days between him and Yamashita.
Within a week they were together and Jun won the bet, the satisfaction of seeing Yamashita carry his bag around for him everyday almost, almost covered up the odd pang in his chest when Toma would no longer sit with him during lunch, or carpool with him after school.
After all it was his last year, school would be over for him soon and he just wanted to spend it as much as possible with his friends. Yamashita began replacing Toma’s place in his life and though it was good company he tended to be insolent and a bit dull at times.
Jun missed Toma.
----------------------------
It was pathetic, Toma was pathetic and accepting that fact was more painful to Jun than anything else.
Toma hiccupped, wiped away his tears. It was hard for him to sit up. Jun had brought Toma to his own house because he wasn’t sure how to present this sight to Toma’s parents. Toma was currently sitting on his bed, drunk and mourning Himawari.
“She gave me an ultimatum. Her or work.” And he broke out into more sobs.
Jun didn’t know what to do. He grabbed Toma’s shoulders straightening him. He shook him a little, “You made the right choice.” He said with conviction and for the first time Toma seemed to be listening rather than drowning in self-pity.
He blinked large tear-stricken eyes at Jun, “Really?”
Jun looked at the desperation on Toma’s face and nodded, tightening his grip around Toma’s forearm to show his support.
They just stared at each other like that, Jun not knowing what else to do to make Toma look happier, to get that beautiful smile on his face back and Toma reveling in the care of the other.
Suddenly Toma’s hands came up to caress Jun’s cheek. Just two fingers and a light touch and Jun didn’t know what was wrong with him but he leaned forward to press a kiss to Toma’s lips.
They were soft and his lips seemed to sink in to accommodate his but he retracted quickly, a little shocked, a little confused and Toma mirrored his feelings but neither moved away instead staring like they were before. And finally Jun did it again, or maybe it was Toma.
But they’re lips met and immediately Toma’s arms came up to his neck to deepen the kiss, they met each other again and again, tongue teasing and playful until Toma moaned and opened his mouth properly to fuse with Jun’s and it was an all out battle. Jun didn’t even care who won, he thought that it wasn’t possible to actually lose out when it came to making out with Toma and slowly his lips trailed down and Toma moaned appreciatively when Jun’s fingers fumbled with his belt and popped open his button.
Jun lifted Toma’s shirt a little, curious. The stretch of smooth skin wasn’t unfamiliar to him. But this was new, this flushed tint and radiating warmth, he pressed a kiss right below his belly button and Toma laughed and Jun liked that sound a lot, he pressed a few more and Toma laughed as he slowly fell back onto the bed. Jun undid his fly and suddenly Toma was hard and hot in his hand.
It was a little over whelming. For a moment Jun didn’t know what to do but then Toma called his name so softly that Jun wasn’t sure if he’d heard right. But the idea was still planted in his mind. He wanted to hear Toma calling him, like this, in the throes of passion.
Jun bends down and kisses the tip of Toma’s cock and Toma stills for a moment, Jun can see the slight curve of his body where it lifted of the bed just the tiniest bit. Jun bends again to take him in, this time licking experimentally as Toma sucks in a deep breath. Jun sucks on the tip and Toma seems to let go of his breath. As though he’s decided to stop fighting this.
Toma sits up again he looks down at Jun sucking him off and there’s a bewildered expression on his face as he grips the sheet and tries not to buck up into his mouth. Jun reaches up to take a hand and places it on top of his head.
Toma lets go. He grips into Jun’s hair, dictating the pace and fucking Jun’s mouth the way he wants to. Jun feels a little suffocated but he’s glad since he wasn’t sure he knew how to do this. So he allows Toma to do as he pleases, just glad to help out some way. Suddenly he’s pushed back and off Toma and he sees Toma squeeze his cock once before coming.
Jun looks at Toma’s pleasure stricken face with awe. He loved to see Toma smile but this was something else and as Toma falls back onto the bed exhausted and falling asleep almost immediately Jun looks at the serene face, imagining the scene from a minute ago. There is an urge to replay that again but he only kisses one cheek before taking care of himself in the bathroom and cleaning up.
As Jun showers he wonders what he wants, Toma to remember or forget. Next morning he wakes up to catch Toma trying to slip out of his room. There is a moment of hesitation but then he closes his eyes and waits for the door to slam shut.
Jun hadn’t contemplated on being too scared to find out.
-------------------------------
Toma saw when Jun stepped up for his recording. The voice that rang out was broken and out of tune and the recording staff started snickering.
Toma didn’t know why they were laughing at Jun. Honestly he wasn’t the worse he had heard. I mean Nino doesn’t even put in much effort but at least Jun was trying. Jun’s voice suddenly chocked up and went steely and the two men stopped smirking and asked him to begin again.
“So this is our so called elite.” They whispered as Jun came out of the soundproof booth. Toma couldn’t see the expression on his face or know whether he’d heard because he all but stormed past, grabbing his bag and slamming the door shut loudly. Toma wanted to go after him but he was sent out to call Ninomiya from the dressing room instead. Toma waited the two hours it took Nino and Aiba to finish before recording his part. He slid his bag over one shoulder before bowing to the recording staff.
As he walked towards the stairs and past a music room. He heard singing, quite awful singing. Curiosity got the best of him since people here rarely used the music rooms. They were always more focused on dancing. He was surprised to see Jun there singing what he had just recorded over and over again.
Toma wondered how long he’d been there.
-----------------------------------------
The crowd was overwhelming. The five members chosen to be Arashi were at the centre. All the juniors had gathered up to give them their congratulations. It wasn’t a secret that the five were going to Hawaii as juniors and coming back after debuting. Toma’s seen Aiba, Nino and Jun go for solo recordings even when they were in MAIN.
Toma couldn’t help feel a little left out. He was part of the admiring crowd whereas a week back he was equals with three of the admired stars. There was an odd pang in his chest. Almost as though he failed an important exam. Lost in thoughts he was suddenly roused when someone grabbed the flowers he was holding. Nino was grinning at him cheekily waving the flowers while Aiba bowed and thanked him. Toma mirrored Aiba’s actions and as soon as he straightened he was pulled into another hug, he found himself pressed awkwardly against Jun’s shoulder.
Toma might have been a little surprised. He always got the feeling that Jun never really liked him all that much. But seconds later he was released and Jun all but fled out into the car that awaited them. Aiba ruffled his hair before following suit.
-------------------------------
Jun’s just come out of the shower, a towel wrapped low on his waist, to find a Toma wave shyly at him.
Sho who’s getting a manicure calls to him, “Look who came to visit!”
Jun’s face breaks out into a smile. It was unexpected but this way he felt the show would be that much more fun.
Toma blushes a little as he’s balancing himself on one of those exercise balls (Jun needs to remember to tell Ohno not to bring that out from the gym no matter how fun it is to play with) “I was free so I came a little early.”
Nino snorts, “A little?”
“Is it troublesome?” Suddenly conscious of imposing by coming two hours early
“Not at all!” Jun and Aiba shout at the same time, “It’s fun with Toma-kun around! Do you want to see our costumes? And then I can show you the playlist and oooh I should show you the cool thing the stage does!” Aiba chatters on and Toma looks at Jun. Jun doesn’t know what to do so he just bends his head in a little bow. Toma mirrors him and follows Aiba out.
He doesn’t see Toma anymore, he’s too busy to and it occurs to him more than once if he should’ve joined Aiba in giving Toma the backstage tour. He misses his cue for the 5x10 remix song because he misplaced his change of costume but that was not because he was distracted or anything.
-----------------------------
Toma stirred to Nino’s frantic whispers. He opened his eyes almost about to groan for two minutes more when he realizes where he was. He quickly gets up and is faced with a dirty look from Jun who unable to say anything at the moment just takes his hand like he was supposed to and exits the stage with the others.
“How could you fall asleep?” Jun hisses once they are safely backstage.
“I was tired!” Toma replies.
“But this was a LIVE performance! You have to be more serious! You’re not a baby!”
Toma looks at Jun incredulously, of course he was a baby, and his mom called him a baby. He takes a good look at Jun and knows the haughty princess would be too pissed off to be reasonable.
But Toma hates to be lectured and he simmers inside, the more he wills himself to remain silent the angrier he gets, at last his eyes fall on Jun’s brand new Pokémon Gameboy game and an evil plan formulates in his angered mind.
-----------------------------------------
The whole school is in a high. Their seniors have graduated and everyone’s faces are alight with happiness and grief. But in general people are shouting and screaming and having fun. There are people going up to the graduated batch and giving them flowers, and they are accepted with cheer and spirit until the giver starts crying and then the receiver starts crying.
Emotional embraces, proud parents and promises to stay in touch unsure of the intent to keep them. The teachers watch the commotion from the sidelines with a knowing smile on their faces, they let the rowdiness continue like they always have.
Toma scans the crowd for the person he’s brought flowers for and finally spots him amidst a crowd of sad junior girls. Jun’s smiling and promising to write, some giving him their numbers and Toma rolls his eyes at the blatant lies.
He waits patiently behind Jun’s admirers until Jun spots him and comes over to him and suddenly the realization that this is the last time he’s gonna see Jun at school hits him like a ton of bricks and he can hardly mutter out the “congratulations” as he hands Jun the flowers. Toma didn’t know why people cried, he didn’t know why he was feeling so chocked up at this moment, willing himself not to do something stupid. He gulps as Jun takes the flower from his hands and Toma thinks he’s saved.
Only, Jun pulls him into an embrace and Toma starts bawling on his shoulder.
---------------------------
Toma drinks the shot Ohno’s poured out for him and cringes a little at the bitter taste. Ohno pats his shoulder, “There! There Toma-kun, you were never really good at this.”
Nino and Aiba snicker and Toma’s a little annoyed as he holds out his glass for another one, Ohno looks a little surprised before pouring it out for him. Toma sucks on his lemon contemplatively after that.
“Arashi is really amazing!” He finally decides on, slamming his drink down onto the table and waiting for someone to pour him out some more, “It’s Toma-kun who’s amazing!” Aiba sings out, “So cool, so handsome, such a good actor.”
“That’s Nino right? That’s Nino, the good actor.” And Nino giggles at Toma’s compliment as he gulps down his beer.
And Jun raises his glass in a toast, “To Riida! Because he’s the best.”
And the rest of them follow suit, Toma isn’t sure if he should just say ‘Ohno’ but he ends up saying ‘Riida’ and no one really seems to care and there’s a happy flush on his cheek as he drinks to Ohno’s toast.
He raises his own toast, “To Arashi! I hope they continue doing great concerts that I can enjoy!”
“And come ridiculously early to!” Nino jests and Toma rolls his eyes as their drinks clink together yet again.
“To Toma” Jun raises a glass and everyone looks at Jun a little confused at the vague toast. But he looks so earnest holding out his glass that a second later everyone is raising their glasses again saying, “To Toma!” and Toma embarrassedly says, “To me” before downing his glass.
-------------------------------
Jun is a little overwhelmed by the play. He hadn’t really thought that Toma had come such a long way, struggling all by himself and his chest swells a little with pride.
He had really ignored him, he’d really ignored the phase that Toma used after his rejection, after being denied again of a sure shot way to fame by Johnny’s. Jun regrets not having seen the struggle, he regrets not having known it or help him through it. He looks at Yamashita’s eyes sparkling as Toma slashes a sword at another actor on stage and wonders if Yamashita had been a better friend.
In the end there are tears in his eyes and he brushes at them inconspicuously.
Jun is proud.
Yamashita pulls him to go backstage and Jun’s not even sure if he can do that but then he follows Yamashita’s lead and there are many staff members who bow at Yamashita, he must’ve come here often and Jun feels a little jealous of that. Jun’s a little angry with himself for getting so absorbed in his own affairs.
Yamashita barges into Toma’s dressing room without so much as a knock and they find Toma with his co-star Meisa. He promises to eat dinner with Meisa just as they enter and Meisa bows at them, giggles a little at Yamashita before closing the door behind her.
The lovestruck expression on Toma’s face is so obvious that Jun gets a little worried. He’s reminded a little of Himawari but Yamashita just bounds up to Toma and nudges his shoulder.
“So?” He says allusively and an indignant pout starts to form on Toma’s face, “What?”
“She’s really cute!” Yamashita all but giggles as he pokes Toma and Toma tries to look unknowing, tries to hide the obvious, “So what?”
But he avoids looking at Yamashita, “Toma likes Meisa. Toma likes Meisa! I bet you want to kiss her for real!” Yamashita laughs loudly and looks at Jun as though for help.
Jun offers a grimace.
----------------------------------
“Welcome to Johnny’s Junior Radio PARADAISU!” Yoko, Subaru, Hina and Toma scream together.
Yoko and Hina are loud enough for all four of them.
“So today we have an interesting theme!” Yoko starts
“Interesting? Is it really? Isn’t it just something boring you came with last second?” Hina banters.
Yoko hits Hina upside the head, “Hey this guy just hit me! No way can the audience see it right? Why did you hit me? Why would you hit someone on the radio?”
“Our theme…” Subaru interjects and Yoko seems to come back to the topic
“Yes, yes! Our theme! Please go ahead Toma!”
“And the theme is! Which Johnny’s would you date!”
The other three cheer, ‘I’d not go for Yoko, right? He’s too noisy right?” Hina says and Subaru rolls his eyes despite the fact that no one can see him
“Isn’t it more like no one cares!” Yoko quips, “Anyway! Toma-kun who would you date?”
“Hmm…” Toma knows the answer already but he builds up the drama a little, “Yamashita Tomohisa!” He says and finally and the other three making a knowing sound.
“Of course! Toma and Yamapi are really close!”
“What makes him ideal?” Subaru wants to know
This time Toma thinks for a bit, “We’ve been friends for long. He knows where my moles are!”
Subaru looks a little confused, “Ja! We know the way to Toma’s heart, knowing his moles!”
“And with this precious information out in the open for interested girls to use we present you with a song!” Yoko played the song as he turned off their mics.
“He knows where your moles are?” Yoko raises his eyebrows as he takes off his headset and ruffles his hair, “It’s more like what the hell are you two doing?”
“Oi ! It’s not that! We went to the onsen together.”
“What a close relationship!” Hina bats his eyelids and before Toma can protest they have taken up their headsets again as the song is about to end.
--------------------------------------
Jun wipes the sweat off his forehead as he slumps into his seat after 5 hours of practicing non-stop. A few juniors Nino hangs out with come to their dressing room looking worried, a little bit excited and they whisper into Nino’s ear.
Nino curses and he storms out, the rest of Arashi look at Nino’s exit questioningly, Ohno immediately following and Jun sits puzzled for a few minutes before curiosity gets the better of him and he steps out. He can see two juniors rushing downstairs an he follows them towards Johnny’s office and the area around is buzzing with juniors and a few sempais who came to satiate their curiosities like Jun had.
“What’s all this about?” Koichi asks a junior standing right beside Jun and he listens in wanting to know as well.
The junior looks at Koichi for a bit as though contemplating whether he should say it. He gives in to his senpai soon enough, “They’ve finalized on forming NewS.”
And Jun stills, he really can’t believe what he hears and he sees the shock on Koichi’s face but its replaced a second later with a sad understanding, “It was coming” is all he says before going back to work.
Nino storms out of Johnny’s office a minute later, eyes red and raging and he walks off outside the building muttering ‘unbelievable’ under his breathe.
-----------------------------
Toma’s so tired and sleepy he can hardly make it to his bed, that’s when his phone buzzes in his pocket. The loud ringtone gives him a headache so he fishes it out of his pocket and answers it in his haze.
“Oi. There’s a new 24 hour diner that opened near my house so come!”
“Eh? Jun its 2 am” Toma wasn’t sure what to do with this offer.
“Oh…” and Jun sounded so subdued, “So you’re that kind of person.”
Toma wasn’t even sure what that meant but he suddenly felt like the worst person in the world, “I’ll be there in a second!” he barks into the phone before running out the door.
--------------------------------------------
Jun walks along the beach cautiously; he wasn’t even sure why he’s here. It’s not like he knows for sure that Toma is here but he knows that Toma likes the beach. And not in the way that Jun likes the sports, volleyball and surfing. Toma likes the serenity, the water and its ebb and flow and only after Toma had once mentioned this to him had he started to appreciate this side of the beach and the vast ocean as well.
Jun walks slowly not even searching just enjoying the way the sand sinks under his feet and gets between his toes and just like that he comes across them. Even from far away he can tell Toma’s slender form looking out into the ocean, shoulders slunk down. At first Jun thinks he’s alone and contemplates on joining him. He doesn’t hope to console him, maybe just make him feel less lonely, less left behind. That he was here and that Yamashita would also be there right within Toma’s reach debuted or not but then he notices Tsubasa a little stretch away. Tsubasa flicks water at Toma and Toma falls back into the sand. Jun imagines a small smile on Toma’s face as he does so.
That comforts Jun and he settles into the space where he is standing, taking comfort in the sunset and the fact that there are plenty of friends ready to support Toma.
-------------------------
Toma walks in panting, he literally ran to find the restaurant since the taxi dropped him off at the wrong space. But as he settled into the comfortable atmosphere the tiredness and sleep slowly inched back in.
“What do you want?” Jun’s sharp voice brought him back from slumberland and he tried to look more alert.
He looked at the menu but suddenly Jun closed it on the table and said, “Let’s just order sushi.”
Toma’s eyes went wide, clearly showing his pleasure. Jun smiled softly and ordered for them.
They chatted for a bit, Toma was glad he could at least reply back to all the things Jun brought up, he hoped his half interest wasn’t too noticeable.
And then it began, platefuls of sushi appearing one after the other and he couldn’t contain his excitement as he selected his picks. Jun only looked amused as Toma stuffed himself and the waiter poured out green tea for them.
The good food and the warm tea was slowly ebbing away Toma’s excitement and he was starting to feel sleepy again. Jun was still talking and he nodded once in a while, eyes drooping but when the waiter brought the check and Jun was distracted for a second paying the bill Toma’s head instantly dropped to the table and he fell asleep.
When Jun turned to him, he was maybe a little annoyed. But he considered the time too and as he waited the waiter to bring back his credit card he noticed the peaceful expression on Toma’s face as he slept. Breathing calm and face relaxed, hair sticking out.
Jun’s face softened and he reached out one hand to slowly thread through the soft hair in front of him.
--------------------------------
Toma feels so much trepidation as he waits backstage for his cue. His limbs are shaking and despite having practiced so much for this moment Toma feels he can never be ready.
His first time on stage and even though he knows he isn’t the main attraction. 99% of the people’s focus would be on Tsuyoshi and Koichi and the remaining 1%’s attention would be divided between all the backdancers. He was sure no one would even notice him but he was still nervous.
He wondered if he was alone in feeling this way. Surely he was, after all he was just a backdancer. In fact he was a little embarrassed to admit it. Toma doesn’t know to this day if it was because his nervousness was clear on his face or because the others felt the same way but in the next second one of his hand was taken by Aiba and the other by Jun and he saw Nino completing the link on Aiba’s other side.
There was a determined expression on their faces that he’d never forget and remembering their faces on that day inspires him even today.
-------------------------------------------------
Jun doesn’t know why suddenly it’s the younger that invites him today but it’s a rare occurrence so he doesn’t decline and almost obediently goes down to the club the other had slurred into the phone.
He goes to see Yamapi and Shun drinking full force with Toma and knows that Yamashita must’ve been behind calling him. He joins them after grabbing a drink from the bar. Everyone’s so gone out of their heads already that Jun knows he won’t be able to drink much and so he sips on his drink lightly, watches Yamapi flick Toma’s head and the three of them burst out laughing. A girl pulls on Shun’s hand and he obliges her by following her to the dance floor and Yamapi ventures out by himself to have his own pick.
Jun half expects Toma to follow but he doesn’t and they sit together for a long while Jun sipping his beer and Toma doing particularly nothing.
Jun wonders if Toma’s sobered up already when suddenly Toma hiccups from beside him and Jun turns to see him crying and Toma laughs mostly at himself as he wipes his eyes.
His cheeks get flushed a deeper shade now that he’s trying to suppress the grief within him.
“She said she wasn’t interested.” He hiccups out finally as an explanation, “After months of leading me on she says she isn’t interested. That bitch! Player! Pretty, pretty, funny sensitubbubble-” Toma hiccups and winces as he gulps down a shot and Jun doesn’t need to ask to know that Toma’s talking about Meisa.
Jun sighs and lets Toma dab at his eyes for a bit before offering to take him home. Toma hiccups again and grabs Yamapi’s vodka glass and downs it before nodding. Jun almost laughs as he helps Toma stand and walks behind him closely in case he shows signs of falling over. Toma remembers to pay for the vodka as well on their way out.
They share a taxi and reach Toma’s house first and Toma gets off when suddenly Jun screams at him, “OI! Pay the fare!”
Toma looks at Jun dumbly, “Huh?”
“The taxi fare! You have to pay half!”
“What?” Toma couldn’t believe what he was hearing, this cheapster can’t even dish out a few hundreds for the broken hearted?
“You have to pay the taxi fare!” Jun repeats and Toma rummages through his pockets shaking his head in disbelief. He opens his wallet to find it completely free of cash.
“I don’t have any money!”
“Then go inside and get it!” And Toma shakes his head before heading inside the building and making it up to his apartment.
He takes out cash from his locked bedside table and heads down to find the taxi gone and the door man hands him a note.
You took too long so I left. Doesn’t mean you don’t have to pay!
Jun
-------------------------------------------------
Taichi looks at Jun mischievously, “Welcome to the set of Shonen Club Premium!”
Jun bows and looks aptly grateful.
“Should we start off with some old clips of Jun-kun?”
Jun nods embarrassedly and tilts his head to a side, “I guess…”
And Taichi bounces in his seat a little excitedly as he calls for the VTR to start.
Immediately a slightly grainy, obviously old video lights up the VTR screen and there’s Jun, thirteen or maybe fourteen as he dances on screen, there’s an arrow pointed towards him but Jun notices the others. Nino, Aiba and Toma are dancing beside and around him. He suppresses a smile at the little, uncoordinated Toma flailing his limbs the best he knew to.
“So Jun-kun that was your first band right? MAIN right?”
“Yes, it was called MAIN”
“The members were?” It was not like Taichi doesn’t know but this is just an interview for interview’s sake
“You see the name is M for MatsuJun, A for Aiba, I for Ikuta and N for Ninomiya.” Jun explains knowing that most people who even watch SCP probably already know this.
Taichi nods, looks as though Jun’s revealed some precious new information as he says, “Ah so you were with Toma-kun? You were bandmates?”
“Yes. We were.”
“Ah and what’s your impression of him?”
“Ah you see Toma and I are friends now, I often go out to eat with him, he’s very passionate about work and all but back then it was mostly, ‘ah! What an annoying brat!’” And the two burst out laughing as Taichi nods again.
“I see! I see! So the Toma of now and then have no similarity.”
Jun tilts his head to a side and scrunches his eyes a little, showing the camera that he’s thinking, “Maa… I’m not sure about that but about the Toma of now…” Jun pauses for a moment not entirely sure of how to end what he began, “Of the Toma today…I’m proud”
And Taichi agrees with him as he puts in a few words of praise of his own before moving onto Arashi.
---------------------------------------
“Okay! So the next question is, “Which Johnny’s member would you like to have as your boyfriend!”
Toma laughed a little at the interviewer, “This came!”
“Yes this had to come.” She hid her giggle behind her hand.
Toma fidgets with his hand for a moment, “Well I guess Yamapi?”
“Why are you asking me?” The interviewer titters before composing herself “So is that your answer?”
“I guess.”
“Then tell us why you think he’s your ideal boyfriend.”
“He’s a well-mannered boy.”
“Just that?”
“Ah…maybe…”
“Maybe?”
Toma hesitates a little, not entirely sure why before he opens his mouth to say it, “Maybe Matsujun too?”
“Ah. Again it’s a question.”
Toma scratches the tip of his nose, on the verge of a blush, “That’s because I can’t decide!”
--------------------------
“Hey…” Toma picks at the soumen in front of him with his chopsticks.
“You learned to cook Italian during Bambino, right?”
“Yes.” Jun says between slurping his noodle then grabbing a napkin to wipe his face.
Toma sips his sake a little nervously, not sure if criticizing Matsujun in his own home was a wise idea.
Jun pours himself a glass of sake and slams the bottle down on the table loudly, “Say it!”
Toma winces as he gently places his glass on the table, still fingering the rim of the glass a little nervously, “You always make soumen.”
“Eh?”
“You always make soumen.” Toma stated again.
Jun blinked at him, “Okay…” He says before continuing to slurp his noodles, “…wait, you don’t like it?”
Toma shakes his head, “I like it.”
“Because you told me you like it.” Jun says a little quieter.
Toma shakes his head again, “I like it! I really do! I was just wondering…if you can make anything else…not that I need anything else, just you know skill wise and stuff.”
“You really don’t like it.” Jun stood up, “I’ll make you omurice or something like that.
“No no no no. I like it! I don’t need omurice”
Jun not heeding Toma’s words walked past him towards the counter and Toma feeling stupid and bossy grabbed his hand. He cowered a little when Jun turned to him, “Please sit down I like it.”
Jun stands there for a bit, Toma’s hand clasped around his wrist and an earnest look on the other’s face, Jun nods and Toma sighs in relief. Toma lets of Jun slowly when Jun is moving back to his side of the desk.
“I can you know.”
“Can what?” Toma says as he brings the bowl closer to his mouth.
“Cook other things.”
Toma smiled a bit, “My mom would like that, she likes people who can cook well.”
That was the most random comment that Toma’s probably ever made but the look of pleasure on Jun’s face lowers his worries a little.
--------------------------------
“Twelve times, huh?” Jun asked with a little smirk on his face.
Toma’s immediate blush was a dead give away as to the fact that he knew what Jun was talking about but he pretended to not understand.
“It seems like you left quite an impression on our Shun-kun with your soft, melting lips.”
Toma pouted a little as his hands shot up to his lips unconsciously.
“So? How was it? No need to pretend you didn’t like it. You did it twelve times anyway. The last time I had the hots for a co star I only managed to get 3 retakes for the kiss scene.”
Toma looked away, “I didn’t do it on purpose, it was an awkward angle so it was hard to get right!”
“Awkward angle?”
“Yes! Imagine catching someone’s lips with yours from the side when they’re falling towards someone else! I mean most of the time I ended up hitting Horikitty!”
“There! There!” Jun chuckled as he patted the agitated Toma’s head, “No need to get so defensive.”
Toma grunted like he was about to burst and that only made Jun smirk wider. However before he could taunt Toma even more, Toma had turned around on the couch to face him and pressed their lips together.
Jun stared at Toma dumbstruck as Toma leaned back and wiped his lips. Toma patted the top of his head, “There. There. No need to pretend you weren’t jealous.”
Jun spent the rest of the evening doing just that.
----------------------------------------
“I’m gonna kill you, bastard.” Jun screeched the moment the moment his eyes locked in on Toma. Jun was just trying to find Tegoshi because he had left his scarf at the restaurant where they had dinner together last night. And what luck that Toma happened to be in the NEWS dressing room especially since he’s been plotting Toma’s slow painful death since yesterday after he saw that sly bastard confess that he had broken Jun’s games out of anger all those years ago. Jun had cried, he had actually cried and he’s not going to forgive such a cheeky apology made on live television for fucking having made him cry.
Before Toma knows what has happened he’s on the floor because Jun just lunged at him and although Jun’s initial intention was to pick Toma up by his collar and punch him hey somehow managed to throw the boy on the floor and fall along with him at the resistance he faced at the attack. Right at this moment his fingers were just wrapped around Toma’s neck. The fingers were just there, he used his elbows to press down on Toma’s chest as he tried to struggle. He liked the pained ‘itai!’ that Toma whimpered as he applied more pressure with his elbows and yet his fingers remained lax. He wasn’t going soft, he was just deciding if this was the slowest and most painful way to kill Toma. Maybe he should go for torture first.
And suddenly he’s hauled off of Toma with a half-amused half- indignant Yamashita. From the angle on top it must have seemed like he was choking Toma. There was a little pang of regret at having taken too long to decide.
He should have killed the bastard.
“Dude, calm the fuck down! You were kids!” And it’s amazing how Yamashita knows what this is about and Jun pulls his jacket closer around himself huggily in an attempt to listen to Yamashita but now Toma has an amused face and the anger just boils his blood to a dangerous temperature.
“How can I? Look! He’s smiling!” And Toma presses his lips together, as though not showing his lips can somehow hide the fact that his mouth has an upturn twist and his chest is shaking a little.
Jun picks up the first thing that is within his reach and his hands close around a book Kato Shigeaki had been reading from on top of the table. It’s heavy, in fact much more than Jun had fathomed and suddenly he’s torn between throwing the book and potentially hurting Toma badly or put it back down and look like a wimp.
And so it turns out he throws the book lightly, so that its sailing towards Toma in a lazy, smooth motion and Toma catches it before it can make contact with his face quite effortlessly.
Jun puffs out an angry breath before turning around and leaving and he’s almost turned the corner that leads to the door to the room with the lifts when he hears quick footsteps behind him, he turns and Toma stop right behind in front of him, like he was about to catch hold of Jun when he had turned voluntarily.
“Jun, look I know I shouldn’t have.”
“Now you realize it.” He says sarcastically.
“I realized it then too but I was scared.” And Toma’s face looks really sincere, like he’s still scared, “I was afraid you wouldn’t be my friend anymore.”
“That wasn’t a very friendly gesture after all.”
“I know I’m sorry to have made you cry.” And Toma somehow moves a little closer and takes his hand.
“What bullshit!” Jun spits and tries to retract his hand but Toma holds on even through the rough jerk of Jun’s hand.
“I saw you. And I was kind of ashamed…almost devastated.” And Toma sort of pulls him into an embrace, which is slightly weird but Toma is just touchy feely like that and Jun knows that, “You know I hated you before…before I saw you cry over what I’d done to you. And I was afraid suddenly that if you know you wouldn’t want to be my friend even if I tried.”
“You just pitied me.” Jun mumbles while resting his chin on Toma’s shoulder, giving in but not reciprocating the random hug, Jun was not a touchy-feely person.
“Yeah…maybe.” And the tone of humor in Toma’s voice annoys Jun immensely, he rests his hands on Toma’s back before pinching hard.
Toma is half- laughing at Jun’s childishness and half whimpering painfully because that hurt really badly.
Jun smiles and returns the hug because, after all he is a tsundere.
----------------------------------------
Toma wakes up with a crick in his neck feeling all too cold, slightly shivering from one side and warm and sticky along his back and a comfortable tickling sensation across his neck. He instinctively looks across the edge of the bed and finds that the covers had indeed been kicked down somewhere along last night and he slowly extricates himself from the hold on his back looking around as he pulls the covers up.
Jun sleepily turns to lie on his back from the sideways position he was in a moment before and shivers.
Toma can’t really place what had happened and he’s groggy enough that a part of him just wants to stop wondering and lay back with the covers thrown across the both of them cuddled together.
But as soon as he does, Jun throws a leg on top of his and even though that was essentially how he had woken up, the warm, fuzzy moment and the cold shock that had woken him are gone and he can’t stop thinking how its Jun and how it’s a little weird. He gets out from underneath the cover and turns the air conditioner off because its too damn cold and closes the door on Jun snuggling into the blanket alone on the bed.
He thinks that maybe he should just go home after he brushes his teeth. He had taken to keeping a travel pack in his bag all the time because shoots tend to get out of hand and once he had ended up having like 5 toothbrushes simultaneously because he kept having to stay overnight during film shootings and had to run to the combini to get a new brush.
But when he emerges from the bathroom his stomach grumbles and coffee sounds nice. Free coffee sounds nicer since he ran out and knows he must buy before he could get his hands on a cup. Early morning shopping trips aren’t really his thing. He scratches his head when he opens the fridge to find it empty of eggs or anything for that matter except for an almost finished carton of non-fat milk. He was just glad it wasn’t soymilk. Jun gets a little obsessive over watching calories sometimes and Toma knows Jun only eats like once a day if he has something high in calories, like he usually does if he goes out to eat or drink beer. Toma rolls his eyes; maybe next time he goes to the combini he’ll buy two of everything.
He opens all the cabinets. Maybe there’ll be miso mix in there somewhere but only comes across a box of cereal. Thankfully it’s open. Not that he’d hesitate to open a completely new box but open cereal means, ‘oh god Jun eating He pours out a large helping for himself, deciding the milk can come to some use now that there is cereal. He doesn’t realize, at least not until the steady flow of white liquid from the carton thins and finally dies out that he’s finished Jun’s milk and now Jun probably won’t have anything to eat for breakfast when he wakes up.
Toma shrugs the guilt off. Maybe this way Jun will be forced to go grocery shopping and buy well…food.
-------------------------------------------
Jun is a little bit annoyed that Toma is taking this long to get ready. It was after a long time that they had enough free time to go grab some dinner with someone other than coworkers and Shun is already texting him no doubt having finished all the complimentary snacks they give at the nabe restaurant.
“Oi!” Is all he says and trusts that Toma will understand that to be the long string of threats that are starting to bubble up inside Jun. Toma only ignores him as he sprays himself with perfume and it’s the smell more than anything that catches his attention. He looks at the bottle Toma sets on his top of his dresser before asking, “Is that mine?”
“No. Why would it be yours?”
And Jun fishes in his bag thinking that Toma has a valid point as his hand closes around a bottle that turns out to be identical to the one on top of Toma’s dresser as he pulls it out.
“Since when are you using that?” He asks accusatorily and Toma shrugs
“As long as I can remember.”
“Well change it.”
“What? No!”
“We can’t be wearing the same perfume!”
“Why not?”
And Jun splutters for a second, not getting his own agitation before finding that there is a very valid reason why he can’t be using the same perfume as someone else, “Because I’m unique!”
And Toma laughs at him, “Sure.” He says as he walks past him to get to the door.
Jun seethes, he knows there are other unknown people out there who must use the same perfume but having one of his best friends use it was unacceptable!
“Oi!” He says again and can hear the faint sound of a chuckle from a flight down the stairs.
This was going to be one long drive.
Part Two