Sometimes I Forget
Title: Sometimes I Forget
Pairing: JunMa and Tomapi mentioned
Rating: PG
Summary: Jun sometimes forgets why Toma is with him.
Disclaimer: Over-active brain working. Everything is surreal and not even remotely world-like.
Jun sees Toma coming towards him as he’s leaning against the kitchen counter, anticipates the kiss and decides that he’ll go through with it. He decides he’ll let it slide like he always does because he has his own selfish motives after all.
Toma’s lips touch his.
He just can’t. Not anymore.
Jun’s arms come to grip Toma’s shoulder and instead of pulling him in, like he always does, his grip tighten for one brief hesitant second before Toma is hurtling away from him.
Toma staggers backwards and catches himself mid-fall, composes his posture but confusion is etched all over his face.
“What’s wrong?” He asks and Jun wonders if he understands that it just isn’t one of his many tantrums. Not this time. He’s not hiding his insecurities under the false pretence of a broken nail anymore.
“Yamashita.” Jun hopes its enough to convey everything he feels this way with just one word.
Toma rolls his eyes, “What about him?”
“You don’t even try to forget about him.” Jun’s breathe speeds up. Suddenly he’s just very tired; tired of having denied that for so long.
“No I don’t.” Toma never hides it and Jun wishes he did even that much.
“I just wish you’d at least appreciate me, is all.” Jun tries, really hard to not sound bitter but he can’t underplay how his chest burns.
“I appreciate you.” Toma is as simple as ever and Jun doesn’t need flowery add-ons to know he’s speaking the truth.
“I waited 20 minutes outside your dressing room you know before the play started, you were on the phone with him.”
“Thank you for not interrupting us but you should have if you really felt like it.” How could he? He’s never gotten that right.
Jun takes a deep breath manages a smile, “You were trying to convince him to come.”
“I like it when he comes to see my plays.”
“Yet he never does.” Jun counters, enjoys the flash of pain through Toma’s eyes; He isn’t the only one dealing with a bitter truth.
“I can still ask him.”
“I always come.” Jun points out because honestly he isn’t sure whether Toma knows.
“I know, thank you.” Jun doesn’t like how Toma thanks him like Jun did him a favour, he doesn’t like how Toma thanks him each time they have sex, each time Jun comes over and cooks dinner.
“Is it so hard for you to forget that I’m a consolation prize?” Jun doesn’t bother hiding the accusation, maybe he really can’t anymore.
Toma looks at him for a while and Jun loves the lost expression on Toma’s face but Toma always speaks the truth just like how Toma never replies when Jun tella him he loves him, “But you are.”
Toma walks silently to the couch in the living room across the kitchen and Jun follows him with his eyes, waiting for him to continue, to maybe break up. But as usual it’s always up to him.
But his mind is a blank as he looks at Toma’s nonchalant face and all he can think is Oh, that’s right
Jun walks slowly, tries to restart his brain before the reflex can carry through.
Too late, he’s already sitting beside Toma with a hand on his thigh.
I’m sorry, I forgot.
Jun sighs when Toma takes his hand and finally kisses him.
A/N: I'm really happy that I wrote JunMa and angst. I feel so complete. Feedback is appreciated. But yeah you don't have to if you don't wanna.
Pairing: JunMa and Tomapi mentioned
Rating: PG
Summary: Jun sometimes forgets why Toma is with him.
Disclaimer: Over-active brain working. Everything is surreal and not even remotely world-like.
Jun sees Toma coming towards him as he’s leaning against the kitchen counter, anticipates the kiss and decides that he’ll go through with it. He decides he’ll let it slide like he always does because he has his own selfish motives after all.
Toma’s lips touch his.
He just can’t. Not anymore.
Jun’s arms come to grip Toma’s shoulder and instead of pulling him in, like he always does, his grip tighten for one brief hesitant second before Toma is hurtling away from him.
Toma staggers backwards and catches himself mid-fall, composes his posture but confusion is etched all over his face.
“What’s wrong?” He asks and Jun wonders if he understands that it just isn’t one of his many tantrums. Not this time. He’s not hiding his insecurities under the false pretence of a broken nail anymore.
“Yamashita.” Jun hopes its enough to convey everything he feels this way with just one word.
Toma rolls his eyes, “What about him?”
“You don’t even try to forget about him.” Jun’s breathe speeds up. Suddenly he’s just very tired; tired of having denied that for so long.
“No I don’t.” Toma never hides it and Jun wishes he did even that much.
“I just wish you’d at least appreciate me, is all.” Jun tries, really hard to not sound bitter but he can’t underplay how his chest burns.
“I appreciate you.” Toma is as simple as ever and Jun doesn’t need flowery add-ons to know he’s speaking the truth.
“I waited 20 minutes outside your dressing room you know before the play started, you were on the phone with him.”
“Thank you for not interrupting us but you should have if you really felt like it.” How could he? He’s never gotten that right.
Jun takes a deep breath manages a smile, “You were trying to convince him to come.”
“I like it when he comes to see my plays.”
“Yet he never does.” Jun counters, enjoys the flash of pain through Toma’s eyes; He isn’t the only one dealing with a bitter truth.
“I can still ask him.”
“I always come.” Jun points out because honestly he isn’t sure whether Toma knows.
“I know, thank you.” Jun doesn’t like how Toma thanks him like Jun did him a favour, he doesn’t like how Toma thanks him each time they have sex, each time Jun comes over and cooks dinner.
“Is it so hard for you to forget that I’m a consolation prize?” Jun doesn’t bother hiding the accusation, maybe he really can’t anymore.
Toma looks at him for a while and Jun loves the lost expression on Toma’s face but Toma always speaks the truth just like how Toma never replies when Jun tella him he loves him, “But you are.”
Toma walks silently to the couch in the living room across the kitchen and Jun follows him with his eyes, waiting for him to continue, to maybe break up. But as usual it’s always up to him.
But his mind is a blank as he looks at Toma’s nonchalant face and all he can think is Oh, that’s right
Jun walks slowly, tries to restart his brain before the reflex can carry through.
Too late, he’s already sitting beside Toma with a hand on his thigh.
I’m sorry, I forgot.
Jun sighs when Toma takes his hand and finally kisses him.
A/N: I'm really happy that I wrote JunMa and angst. I feel so complete. Feedback is appreciated. But yeah you don't have to if you don't wanna.