(no subject)
It's not fair that summer sucks so much now. I mean, when I was little, summer was awesome, no school, tons of stuff to do (read: not much to do but come on, no school), going cool places (read: pennsylvania and north carolina, every year), and did I mention no school. But now, at the wonderfully quasi-adult age of 21, I cannot wait for summer to end. I mean, perhaps if I were doing something more fulfilling with my time, like acting in a show, or travelling to interesting places, perhaps then I would be less excited by the thought of going back to school, but all I do is work at my high school's store, helping with inventory and moving/painting things all day. Talk about pathetic. Actually don't. You're busy reading my lj and have no time for talking.
I guess when I say that it's not fair that summer sucks, I'm being pretty silly, since I've obviously just pointed out that it's pretty much my fault that I'm not having a great time. I mean, don't get me wrong, when I hang out with my friends I enjoy myself immensely, but something about the fact that I'm 21 and still working at my high school weighs heavily on my heart. That something being the fact that I'm 21 and still working at my high school.
Next summer will be different, I'm sure, since I'll have (fingers crossed, knock on wood, turn around three times and spit in the Devil's eye) graduated and therefore will have to set about blazing a trail through the jungle that is life. But then, once we've reached that point, the point where we are no longer shackled to the schedules of high schools and colleges, summer won't even really be "summer" anymore, will it? I mean, purely in terms of the weather, yes, summer will still be hot, humid, and the grass will wither, but we won't think of it as the time when we're free from homework, the break between terms, the three month hiatus before we see our friends again. At that point, I'm very sorry to say, we might never see some of our friends again. At that point, we might never again have three months completely free of work or stress. Once we're done, we have to start working for good.
You're probably thinking: Duh. Get over it, or something to that effect. The reason I bring it all up is to point out that personally I don't think I can handle that. It's one of the main reasons behind my depression, the fact that I don't think I have what it takes to survive on my own, especially without the people I love living two doors down, so I can go bug them when I don't feel like working. What's my life going to be like when my neighbors all bolt their doors at night, because they think I'm a lunatic? What will I do when my parents tell me that if I want to stay in their house I need to pay them rent?
I'm pretty sure that I'm fucked.