(no subject)
It's been a while since I've written in here, but they blocked http://www.myspace.com/saoirsearthine on the school comps and I feel like writing before going to my algebra class.
Next semester is going to be insane. 15 units and a lab. No matter how I try to work it I can't keep all my classes on just two days unless I plan on going from t/th 7am to 10pm...but even that won't work because my boss will be out and the other opener will probably also have her days off be t/th. So unless I shove her in the freezer, unltimately torturing myself with that unkindly academic shift then I might as well block my nights from Monday to Thursday. Eh...wasn't doing anything much with them anyway. It won't be horrid. Monday and Wednesdays I'll only go from 4 to 745pm. Tuesdays from 4 to 930pm. And thursdays from 4-645pm. That's good, right?
I miss Ireland. Painting. Aunt Donna's...
Mema has TWO absesses (sp?) so the last time I saw her was with her face all swelled up with her skin a pasty grey color and I just wanted to cry for some reason.
I've noticed my inaction towards a lot of things lately and when I stop to think about it my only reply is...there's much more important things in life.
Josh ran away. I could elaborate, analyze, rant and rave, but that would just make me want to cry too.
I have so many things...answers and knowledge...right here in my chest- my throat- the tip of my tongue, but keeping them inside myself lends me an inner calm that I need to keep for just a little while.
Sorry I can't tell you what you want to hear, I can only hope that someday you'll understand. I have found my place and (though contrary to your belief) I am living my own dream. Everything I have done so far has led to this and I wouldn't have it another way because if I did then it just wouldn't be the same. Sorry that I couldn't help you, but maybe this is best so that you can find your own place in everything. I hope someday you will find peace and not fight so much within yourself, just live.
It's a funny thing when you realize mortality and suddenly everything seems a lot less complicated. If only they did live...if they just excepted life and were able to smile or laugh...
I know this seems way left-field and I'm well aware that I'm rambling. And I'm not saying that tomorrow I won't be mad or sad or stressed...just that I will appreciate the feeling because that's what being alive is. It's growing and experiencing and fucking up and accepting and loving every minute of it even if you spend most of it angry...don't ever take life for granted.
You'll probably never read this but please take care of yourself and try to always be honest; even if it's only to your own heart. I do love you. I understand how that may not be enough because it's only represented as a feeling inside of me and not projected, but it's there just the same.
Next semester is going to be insane. 15 units and a lab. No matter how I try to work it I can't keep all my classes on just two days unless I plan on going from t/th 7am to 10pm...but even that won't work because my boss will be out and the other opener will probably also have her days off be t/th. So unless I shove her in the freezer, unltimately torturing myself with that unkindly academic shift then I might as well block my nights from Monday to Thursday. Eh...wasn't doing anything much with them anyway. It won't be horrid. Monday and Wednesdays I'll only go from 4 to 745pm. Tuesdays from 4 to 930pm. And thursdays from 4-645pm. That's good, right?
I miss Ireland. Painting. Aunt Donna's...
Mema has TWO absesses (sp?) so the last time I saw her was with her face all swelled up with her skin a pasty grey color and I just wanted to cry for some reason.
I've noticed my inaction towards a lot of things lately and when I stop to think about it my only reply is...there's much more important things in life.
Josh ran away. I could elaborate, analyze, rant and rave, but that would just make me want to cry too.
I have so many things...answers and knowledge...right here in my chest- my throat- the tip of my tongue, but keeping them inside myself lends me an inner calm that I need to keep for just a little while.
Sorry I can't tell you what you want to hear, I can only hope that someday you'll understand. I have found my place and (though contrary to your belief) I am living my own dream. Everything I have done so far has led to this and I wouldn't have it another way because if I did then it just wouldn't be the same. Sorry that I couldn't help you, but maybe this is best so that you can find your own place in everything. I hope someday you will find peace and not fight so much within yourself, just live.
It's a funny thing when you realize mortality and suddenly everything seems a lot less complicated. If only they did live...if they just excepted life and were able to smile or laugh...
I know this seems way left-field and I'm well aware that I'm rambling. And I'm not saying that tomorrow I won't be mad or sad or stressed...just that I will appreciate the feeling because that's what being alive is. It's growing and experiencing and fucking up and accepting and loving every minute of it even if you spend most of it angry...don't ever take life for granted.
You'll probably never read this but please take care of yourself and try to always be honest; even if it's only to your own heart. I do love you. I understand how that may not be enough because it's only represented as a feeling inside of me and not projected, but it's there just the same.