Love Doesn't Need A Reason (100 SuJu Challenge)
Theme #24: Spotlight
Title: Love Doesn’t Need A Reason
Pairing: Sungmin/Kyuhyun
Author: thundersquall
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 2,219
Disclaimer: If I owned them, I wouldn’t need to write.
Summary: Kyuhyun wonders why he loves Sungmin. Kyuhyun-centric.
For the beautiful vintersaga , my Fellow Sungmin Lover, who loves every inch of Sungmin as much as I do.
Also, special thanks to todefinebeauty for her sublime KyuMin, which inspired me for this.
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Frankly, if anyone had ever asked Kyuhyun which of his band members he’d pick to fall in love with, Sungmin would have been somewhere way, way down on the list.
Kyuhyun doesn't like cute things, and most certainly not pink things. He has no interest in Hello Kitty items, and neither does he collect little accessories for no reason other than that they're (quite horrifyingly to him) both pink and cute. All he's interested in is games, smashing up things and people on his screen, and he isn't meticulous and practical and neat; in fact, he has a tendency to leave his clothes, books, and everything else in between all over the place.
Sungmin is decidedly the most adorable thing Kyuhyun has ever seen, even if he’s almost constantly wrapped in pink. Sungmin also clutters up their shared bedroom with all manner of feminine things, and he's neat and tidy and never likes to see a thing out of place. And Sungmin hardly touches games too, if ever. That makes him almost a mutant, in Kyuhyun's book.
Which is why it surprises him, more than anyone else, when he falls in love with Sungmin. But when Kyuhyun thinks back on it, he can never remember how and when exactly that happened.
Was it after his accident, when he found himself most comforted by the warmth of Sungmin’s hands clutching his own on the days when the pain was so bad he couldn’t move or talk or eat? Was it during the filming of the (now infamous) mini-drama when he sat in that convertible with Sungmin, arms around each other, and realized how comfortably he fitted in his arms? Was it when he watched Sungmin performing alone on stage with just his guitar, glowing under the spotlight, singing Now And Forever in a voice that couldn’t quite match up to Kyuhyun’s own but nevertheless exuded melodious sweetness in every note? Or is it simply the way Sungmin looks, large winsome eyes and plump sensual lips and smooth flawless skin that feels and tastes and smells like honey?
Whatever it is, Kyuhyun doesn’t know. He can’t bring himself to care, either, not when Sungmin is hanging off his arm or hanging on to his every word or curled up next to him, warm and soft and sugary sweet.
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Kyuhyun has a love-hate relationship with China.
He loves it because it’s vibrant and exciting, the fans are enthusiastic and demonstrative, and everyone he meets goes out of their way to make him feel at ease. He really enjoys seeing Hankyung come out of the silent shell he retreats into when he’s in Korea, becoming assertive and confident, being on home ground and reveling in every second of it. He finds the challenge of debuting in a new country with a new culture and language like a direct shot of adrenaline to his mind, and it excites him to no end.
He hates it because it takes him away from Sungmin.
The first few nights, whenever he calls home, Sungmin cries each time he hears Kyuhyun’s voice, tinny over the phone and the insurmountable miles of land and sea separating them, and Kyuhyun wonders why games can’t be made reality so he can teleport the way the characters in his games do and appear at Sungmin’s side to soothe him and hold him.
He always does his best to pacify Sungmin with whispered I love yous and I miss yous and I’ll be home before you know it, but his words sound hollow even to him, and he knows the utterances are no substitute for himself being there, next to him and holding him and loving him.
After every phone call, Kyuhyun feels inexplicably guilty about the fact that he was picked to be in Super Junior-M, even though he has no influence over management decisions. But then he’ll see Ryeowook, eyes red and swollen from crying over the phone to Yesung, and it actually makes him feel better to know that there are others suffering the same pain Sungmin and he are going through. And then he feels even more guilty for taking comfort in other people’s pain.
To get away from this neverending cycle, he calls Sungmin less and less as the weeks go by, because he really can’t handle how every sob from Sungmin breaks his heart just that little bit more, and he really can’t cope with the painful, gut-wrenching shame he feels at leaving Sungmin behind.
Of course, guilt is something that never really goes away, especially when all you do is run from it; he’s neglecting Sungmin for his own selfish reasons, he knows that, and he can’t tell anyone about it, least of all Sungmin. It eats away at him inside, and when he sees Sungmin’s plaintive texts of Kyuhyun, I really miss you, or Kyuhyun, I worry about you, call me please? he feels angry, ashamed, and so, so stupid. But he still doesn’t call Sungmin - because he’s just too weak.
So all things considered, Kyuhyun concludes that he hates China more than he loves it, because he isn’t there with Sungmin, for Sungmin. Mostly he hates himself and the pathetic, floundering escapist he turns into when he’s there.
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Kyuhyun worries all the way home - on the flight back, in the car, his fingers twiddling nervously on his PlayStation Portable, his eyes so glazed he can hardly see what he’s pressing.
He’d texted Sungmin earlier, just before boarding his plane, a simple I’m coming home - the first text he’d sent to Sungmin in six days, in fact. There’s been no reply so far.
He looks down blankly at his PSP, watching but not really seeing the flashing colours across the screen, and finally turns it off and puts it back in his bag before pulling his phone out from his pocket. He sends another text.
I’m almost home. I really want to see you.
Barely two minutes later, his phone vibrates with a reply and he flips it open to read the message. I’ve missed you too.
Kyuhyun leans back into the leather seat of the car, closes his eyes, and smiles to himself, feeling the heavy weight in his heart lift magically.
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"Where's Sungmin? Where is he?" Kyuhyun demands, but no one seems to hear him - the noise level is incredible, bodies all pressed close and tight against his, and he grunts in frustration and pushes aside the nearest member (Shindong), almost tripping over a bag on the floor in his haste to find Sungmin.
He’s nowhere in sight, and Kyuhyun’s starting to panic; he stumbles over another bag, hands reaching blindly out in front of him to catch at empty air, when suddenly arms are wrapped around him and he’s spun around, only to see the person he's looking for.
Sungmin's smile is bright, his eyes slightly moist, but before Kyuhyun can say a single word he stands on tiptoe and kisses Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun's arms go around Sungmin reflexively as he loses himself in the moment - the soft sweetness of Sungmin's lips, the scent of vanilla on his skin, the way his body fits so well in his arms. Kyuhyun blinks quickly, trying to get the speck of dust in his eyes out (and of course it’s just dust, because Kyuhyun is the snarky magnae who never cries).
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Sometimes it scares Kyuhyun, really, the depth of his feelings for Sungmin, because he’s never before realized that he could love someone so much and in so many different ways.
But he thinks he loves Sungmin best when he’s sleeping, simply because it gives him the freedom to really look at Sungmin as long as he wants without being disturbed or teased. Sungmin is beautiful in repose, the gentle curve of a cheek flowing into his smooth neck, long lashes casting spidery shadows on his cheeks, plump lips shaped in a perfect Cupid’s bow, all framed by tendrils of soft silken hair and acres of perfect skin, and Kyuhyun could spend hours just lying down next to him and gazing at him, drinking in every exquisite detail.
Then Sungmin will sigh, or shift, or his eyelids will flutter, and the spell is broken. But Kyuhyun continues spending every night imprinting the look and feel of Sungmin into his mind, ever conscious of the seconds ticking past relentlessly, counting down to the day he has to go back to China.
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“Don’t run away from me anymore, Kyuhyun,” Sungmin whispers into his neck, his hands hot and smooth against his back.
Kyuhyun stops and looks down at Sungmin. “What are you talking about?”
“In China. I know you were avoiding me, because you didn’t know what to do with me,” Sungmin says, his eyes wide and clear.
Kyuhyun doesn’t quite know what to say to that. But Sungmin continues, “I know I was being weak, I know I put a lot of pressure on you, and I was being unfair and selfish. But it was just so hard, being away from you, Kyu.”
There’s a silence, broken only by the hum of the air-conditioner and the soft inexorable ticking of the alarm clock on the nightstand, before Sungmin speaks again.
“I won’t do that again, so please don’t run, I need you.”
Kyuhyun wonders why Sungmin thinks that he was weak and unfair and selfish when really, it wasn’t Sungmin, it was himself being all that. He tries to say something, but Sungmin just winds his arms around his neck and brings him down for a kiss, and Kyuhyun can only murmur a soft complaint of “I didn’t run”, (he feels incredibly stupid for protesting even now but really, he’s just so used to sniping at people) before feeling Sungmin’s lips curve into a smile and he feels, more than hears, Sungmin’s reply against his lips: “I know you won’t anymore.”
Sometimes, Kyuhyun thinks, there are things that Sungmin just knows, just understands somehow, as if he can look right into Kyuhyun’s heart.
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In the airport this time, there aren’t any tears, and instead Sungmin’s smile is cheerful and his eyes are glowing.
He’s still nagging though, just as he has from the moment they woke up in the morning: Remember to eat well, you can’t afford to lose any more weight; and It’s getting cold there, remember to sleep with an extra sweater, you catch cold so easily; and Don’t stay up so late playing games, you need your sleep; and various other admonishments which Kyuhyun has tuned out long ago.
When he sees Sungmin take a deep breath and prepare to launch into another list of instructions and warnings he leans forward and kisses him, just a quick peck on the corner of his lips, but the look of shock on Sungmin’s face is enough to send him into fits of laughter.
“Cho Kyuhyun, we’re in public!” Sungmin hisses, looking around frantically for fans who might have spotted them, but Kyuhyun merely shrugs.
“I was quick,” he says, grinning.
Sungmin frowns at him before pulling something out of his bag - Kyuhyun sees dimly that it’s pink, and he recoils, the reaction almost automatic - and suddenly he finds himself struggling and blinded as Sungmin pulls whatever it is over his head. Once it’s on, Kyuhyun looks down at himself and immediately wants to shrivel up in humiliation, because Sungmin has just put on him a pastel baby pink sweater emblazoned obnoxiously across the chest with the Hello Kitty logo.
His hands move to the hem to pull the sweater off, and maybe stomp on it a few times, but Sungmin grabs his wrists in a tight painful grip born from years of martial arts training and says fiercely, “This is my favourite sweater, don’t you even dare think about it.”
Kyuhyun immediately goes limp and Sungmin smiles triumphantly before releasing him and going back into his monologue about how Kyuhyun really needs to wear a sweater like this all the time to keep warm, and how cute it makes him look, and what a wrench it is for Sungmin is to give his favourite article of clothing up but it if keeps Kyuhyun healthy he doesn’t mind.
Kyuhyun tunes out again, partly because the pink is assaulting his senses painfully, but mostly because he realises that the sweater smells of Sungmin, and he’s melting into the fragrance even as he says his goodbyes, lingering for a barely-perceptible longer moment to look at Sungmin, before he walks towards the departure hall.
He ends up keeping the sweater on all through the flight, even when Zhou Mi guffaws every time he sets eyes on Kyuhyun and Donghae makes snide remarks about how girly Kyuhyun looks.
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Kyuhyun hates pink things, and Kyuhyun hates cute things.
But he’s not surprised when he takes to wearing that sweater every night to bed, because he loves Sungmin much more than his dislike for it.
And maybe that’s why he fell in love with someone so pink and cute in the first place, Kyuhyun reflects, for the simple reason that he just loves him, no ifs, whys, or buts about it, no logic behind it except the way that Sungmin can make his heart leap into his mouth with nothing more than a smile.