Crossed Paths, part one
A bit of posing with two of my characters, Stripe and Jaiorin, and how they first met. I attempted to describe them and what's going on hopefully enough so that you don't have to be familiar with the characters. Enjoy the angst and near-fatal maiming. ^__^
( Cut for those who don't want to see a hugeass post on their Friends pages )
( Cut for those who don't want to see a hugeass post on their Friends pages )
Comments 1
The first thing I noticed is the prose. Almost immediately, I can tell you're going for a very lyrical, flowing style almost, and there are times when you achieve your goal. However, there are also times when your prose is really clunky. The "picturesque surprise" comment I made earlier is a prime example of what I'm speaking about.
Beyond that, there's really not much to target. The characters, while I have almost no background, are well-fleshed out and seem distinct even with this little bit of story. Description is nice, and the battle scene is fairly well written, Though it could use a little more spice. However, that's just me.
I must admit though, when I read "Unitarian" my first thought was, "The Unitarian Universalists are at war?"
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