Bleach Fanfic - What Really Matters
Fanfic Title: What Really Matters
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: Ichigo x Rukia
Setting: After Hueco Mundo, back in the human world (as though things went back to normal)
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Rukia is tormented by feelings she shouldn't have, and her anxiety is frustrating Ichigo.
It started the day they returned from Hueco Mundo. She was unusually quiet around him, speaking only in short, concise sentences when questioned. He knew there was something wrong, but he didn’t dare ask what. Somehow, somewhere deep inside of him he knew the answer, and wasn’t ready to accept it.
Her brother noticed, as she strolled listlessly through Seireitei, struggling to focus on his words. He said nothing, unsure whether to give warning, or simply to let her savor what was to follow. Did not every experience, good or bad, have an important value in one’s heart?
Renji knew also, though he was not aware of it. Every day, bit by bit, she grew more distant, fading into her thoughts and losing touch with the world around her. He hounded her, chatting and bouncing about to gain her attention, but he felt her slipping away from him, and could do nothing.
It frustrated Ichigo beyond reason, though he didn’t say anything. She hung out with their same group at school, but didn’t participate. She no longer demanded the seat next to him, in fact she’d give it up to just about anyone who asked.
And that look in her eyes any time hers met his… it was a look of pain, and fear. It sent an ache through his bones, and frightened him as no Espada ever had.
Truthfully, she couldn’t stand looking into his eyes. They were open, good and honest, and contained such a passion. It hurt her, and she feared the day the light in those eyes would go out. And whether it would be of her own doing.
The Espada had not been Kaien, but it had managed to reawaken haunting memories. She knew the darkness that lay in Ichigo. She had seen his mask, and met the Hollow within him. Yet it had not quelled her feelings for him, merely heightened them. She knew, as surely as the sun would set and rise again, that she would have to choose between the lit path she now trod, and the darkness that would lead her to him.
And she feared more than anything how much she longed to choose the darkness.
“Ichigo, are you all right?”
“Hmm?”
He turned at the light tug on his sleeve to face a very concerned-looking Inoue. More perceptive than ever, she seemed to know exactly what they were all hiding. She glanced over to Rukia, curled up on the ledge of the roof with her legs hanging off, staring out into the distance as she sucked on her juice box. Ichigo followed her gaze, then returned to Inoue.
“I’m fine.”
She left it at that, but he could feel her worry cling to him. He had a sudden urge to send the rest of them away, stand up and go speak to Rukia, pull her away from the heavy thoughts that had her staring dejectedly away.
The urge was so strong he was halfway there before the bell rang, and everyone began packing up their bags. With an elegant little hop Rukia pushed off of the ledge and headed to the door. He stood in her way.
Her throat constricted for a moment. She felt lost, caught, as though he could see all the thoughts that had been running through her head. Thoughts that she shouldn’t be having. He saw the emotions in her eyes, and his darkened. Quickly she masked it all with a crooked smile and stepped around him.
“Can’t be late Ichigo.”
And then she was gone.
Somehow, they managed to continue in this pattern, throughout the walks home, and as she holed herself up in his closet. He knew he should offer to find her better lodgings, but he daren’t ask her to leave his side. He was too worried she would say yes, and that desperate lifeline he clung to would vanish as if it had never been. So he didn’t ask.
She didn’t bring it up either, enjoying what little closeness with him she could. She knew that she shouldn’t ask for more, shouldn’t disrupt his school life for any longer than necessary. So she curled up into his closet, listening to him moving around in his bed until he fell asleep, and she savored the comforting rhythm of his breathing.
Lately, it was taking him longer and longer to fall asleep. She would always make sure he slept first, until she couldn’t sleep without that reassuring cadence lulling her into sleep.
Tonight, however, the feeling that had taunted and frustrated him raged louder than ever. If he didn’t find the reason behind that look in her eyes, he’d go mad. If she was trying to pull away from him… it would be better if she told him so now, before it was too late.
“Just going to brush my teeth.” She stalked across his room wearing her disarmingly cute blue rabbit pajamas before disappearing in the bathroom. This would be the only time they’d have to themselves. No interference from friends, from family. Now was the time to ask.
He steeled himself, trying to think of what to say, and how best to say it. He couldn’t pinpoint what he was looking for, circling around the issue until he clenched his fists in frustration.
When she stepped out of the bathroom, their eyes met, and all his thoughts tumbled into chaos.
There was that desperate, wounded look again. Yet this time, it wasn’t fading away. She wasn’t trying to cover it up. Instead, it was almost like … almost as if she were savoring whatever it was that they had between them, almost as if she were preparing to leave again. The helpless fury rose even higher.
“Goodnight Ichigo.”
She tried to step past him again. His hand came around her shoulder, like a band of steel against the flannel sleeve. She felt his heat through it and against her skin. He was always so very hot, as though his passions were about to burst into literal flames around him. She seemed to be the only one who noticed.
“Rukia.”
He hadn’t asked her a question, merely said her name. Yet his voice contained all the questions and all the doubts that she’d repeated to herself countless times.
“Don’t ask me Ichigo.”
“Why??” His voice was filled with anger and hurt. She wanted to reassure him, but she couldn’t.
She took a deep breath.
“Because I’m your friend.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Do you think I’ll just accept that!?”
“I don’t know what you want, just leave me alone!”
She pulled away again. This time, she was leaving his room, heading to the window. He pulled her, more violently than necessary, to turn and face him again.
“That!” He pointed at her face. “That in your eyes! I can see it, and I want to get rid of it… I….”
She waited, but no more came. She didn’t really know what she’d expected. There he stood before her, a man who was good and just, who had come to mean more to her than anything, who was her friend… who she….
“You can’t.”
“Like hell I can’t!”
He cornered her against the wall, punching against it just above her head. She didn’t move, she knew he would never hurt her. He shook for a moment, then stilled. He was breathing deeply, and she savored the slow inhale, exhale, and the heat that exuded from him. Her eyes remained fixed on his chest.
“Are you leaving again?”
Her eyes blinked, and she sought his again only to discover they were shut, clenched as though he was expecting bad news. Would it be bad if she left, or stayed?
“Not for a while, unless you want me to.”
His eyes opened again, looking down at her with such a tender expression it made her want to cry.
“It would probably be best now though, things have gotten quieter, you have school and-”
His fingers touched her lips, and a spark fired between them at the contact. She swallowed. His eyes darkened and his brow furrowed. His face seemed to be inching closer to hers, but he didn’t appear to notice, so intent were his eyes on hers.
“Ichigo, I think-”
She snuck under his arm, pulling away with heat in her cheeks. If he’d known what she was thinking… what would he have done?
“We should sleep.”
She crossed the room to turn off the light, bypassing bundles of clothing on the floor. He had turned to face her, watching her intensely but otherwise saying nothing.
The room fell into darkness when the light went out, but she could still sense him there, across from her, watching her.
“Goodnight.”
She crossed the room again, going straight for the closet. But she’d forgotten the stray shirt, miscalculated the difference, and became tangled in the clothing at her feet. She fell forward, straight for the floor, only to land on something warm and hard that rolled over and on top of her.
Ichigo was above her, his chest pressing against hers as he breathed. Was his heart beating as fast as hers? Could she survive this?
Denial rang in her head of what she knew was coming, up until the very moment his lips touched hers. It was gentle, tentative, and yet filled with the anticipation of a hundred lost kisses. One hand stroked her cheek gently, the warmth reaching into her soul. Though he was gentle, he held her firmly, his body a force against hers that dared her to try to escape, alerting her of his strength.
She knew that strength all too well, she loved it. One of her hands somehow found its way to his hair, and then she was kissing him back, fervently, desperately. The flames grew until they wrapped around her, consuming her. Everything faded away except this man and what he meant to her.
The kiss deepened, the passion flaring, mounting in a crescendo that brought them closer, drowning them in it. They clung to each other for purchase, to keep hold of the only thing that mattered.
It was an eternity later when they separated. They were both breathing heavily, in time with each other. Even in the darkness, their eyes met, saying everything their words would not. Until Ichigo broke the spell by saying her name, and brushing a strand of hair out of her face.
Suddenly all the reasons why this couldn’t happen came flooding back. She sucked in a harsh breath, and pushed him off of her. Before he could get back on his feet, she’d disappeared out of the window.
At first, rejection clawed at his gut. A natural reaction to the circumstances. But her eyes, dimly lit by a sliver of moonlight, replayed in his mind over and over, searching for a meaning, until finally, everything made sense. Everything over the past two weeks, and even before that, was clear in his mind.
He jumped out after her.
She didn’t really know where she was going, or even exactly why she ran. She’d tried to convince herself for so long that this was wrong, impossible, and something she could never obtain. Now, it was so close, and the reality of that knowledge rocked her. Losing Kaien, even losing her dearest friends would not come close to losing this, if she let herself submit to it. She would not be able to survive.
He would be better off with a human, someone at his level, who could always stay at his side.
Or perhaps she was running because she was frightened. She did not want to admit it to herself. She never considered herself a coward. Yet here she was.
She ended up in a distant park, that seemed vaguely familiar from walks home from school. There was a big oak in the middle, with low-hanging branches that were easy to climb. She didn’t feel like climbing tonight.
Instead she leaned against the trunk, as though in need of support. After several stiff breaths, she buried her head in her hands. How was she ever going to face him again?
Her lips still burned from his touch, her heart still thundered. How much harder everything had suddenly become…
After a moment, the telltale sound of gravel crunching beneath shoes met her ears. She wouldn’t be able to handle looking, but she knew it was him. She felt and heard him come closer, until he was standing about a foot away.
“Tell me to go and I will.”
Her mouth opened and closed. She struggled, trying to force the words out, but she couldn’t do it. A frustrated moan escaped her instead. She refused to look at him.
“Tell me you don’t want to stay with me Rukia. Tell me you never want to see me again, tell me you want me to leave you alone-”
“-No…”
“Then know that I’ll never leave your side.”
Her eyes met his at that, and all the love she felt in her heart was mirrored there, beneath his brooding brows and expressive eyes. She struggled to swallow past the lump in her throat.
“But what-”
“No.”
He was tilting her face up towards his, and looking deeply into her eyes with a raw intensity that penetrated her soul. This man, for all that he was and ever would be, was all that she ever wanted in the world.
“I love you.”
She couldn’t help throwing herself at him then, burying herself in his wide frame, inhaling his unique scent and savoring the feel of his strong arms around her, the arms that had kept her safe too many times to count. She couldn’t stop the shaking that rocked through her. He merely pulled her tightly against him to soothe her, burying his face in her hair.
She pulled back to look at him again, gently tracing the corner of his cheek.
“Are you sure…?”
”Are you telling me you think I don’t know what I want?” The little teasing smile was back on his face. Everything poured out before she could stop it.
“I love you Ichigo.”
It was his turn to look stunned for a moment, before he gently took her face in his hands once more, stroking through her hair and staring down at her before pulling her up and against him, and kissing her for all he was worth.
She smiled into his kiss, looping her arms tightly around his neck and rising to the tips of her toes to kiss him back just as intently. All of her worries and fears faded to the background, and only one thought remained at the forefront.
She was finally home.
~End~
Fandom: Bleach
Pairing: Ichigo x Rukia
Setting: After Hueco Mundo, back in the human world (as though things went back to normal)
Rating: PG-13.
Summary: Rukia is tormented by feelings she shouldn't have, and her anxiety is frustrating Ichigo.
It started the day they returned from Hueco Mundo. She was unusually quiet around him, speaking only in short, concise sentences when questioned. He knew there was something wrong, but he didn’t dare ask what. Somehow, somewhere deep inside of him he knew the answer, and wasn’t ready to accept it.
Her brother noticed, as she strolled listlessly through Seireitei, struggling to focus on his words. He said nothing, unsure whether to give warning, or simply to let her savor what was to follow. Did not every experience, good or bad, have an important value in one’s heart?
Renji knew also, though he was not aware of it. Every day, bit by bit, she grew more distant, fading into her thoughts and losing touch with the world around her. He hounded her, chatting and bouncing about to gain her attention, but he felt her slipping away from him, and could do nothing.
It frustrated Ichigo beyond reason, though he didn’t say anything. She hung out with their same group at school, but didn’t participate. She no longer demanded the seat next to him, in fact she’d give it up to just about anyone who asked.
And that look in her eyes any time hers met his… it was a look of pain, and fear. It sent an ache through his bones, and frightened him as no Espada ever had.
Truthfully, she couldn’t stand looking into his eyes. They were open, good and honest, and contained such a passion. It hurt her, and she feared the day the light in those eyes would go out. And whether it would be of her own doing.
The Espada had not been Kaien, but it had managed to reawaken haunting memories. She knew the darkness that lay in Ichigo. She had seen his mask, and met the Hollow within him. Yet it had not quelled her feelings for him, merely heightened them. She knew, as surely as the sun would set and rise again, that she would have to choose between the lit path she now trod, and the darkness that would lead her to him.
And she feared more than anything how much she longed to choose the darkness.
“Ichigo, are you all right?”
“Hmm?”
He turned at the light tug on his sleeve to face a very concerned-looking Inoue. More perceptive than ever, she seemed to know exactly what they were all hiding. She glanced over to Rukia, curled up on the ledge of the roof with her legs hanging off, staring out into the distance as she sucked on her juice box. Ichigo followed her gaze, then returned to Inoue.
“I’m fine.”
She left it at that, but he could feel her worry cling to him. He had a sudden urge to send the rest of them away, stand up and go speak to Rukia, pull her away from the heavy thoughts that had her staring dejectedly away.
The urge was so strong he was halfway there before the bell rang, and everyone began packing up their bags. With an elegant little hop Rukia pushed off of the ledge and headed to the door. He stood in her way.
Her throat constricted for a moment. She felt lost, caught, as though he could see all the thoughts that had been running through her head. Thoughts that she shouldn’t be having. He saw the emotions in her eyes, and his darkened. Quickly she masked it all with a crooked smile and stepped around him.
“Can’t be late Ichigo.”
And then she was gone.
Somehow, they managed to continue in this pattern, throughout the walks home, and as she holed herself up in his closet. He knew he should offer to find her better lodgings, but he daren’t ask her to leave his side. He was too worried she would say yes, and that desperate lifeline he clung to would vanish as if it had never been. So he didn’t ask.
She didn’t bring it up either, enjoying what little closeness with him she could. She knew that she shouldn’t ask for more, shouldn’t disrupt his school life for any longer than necessary. So she curled up into his closet, listening to him moving around in his bed until he fell asleep, and she savored the comforting rhythm of his breathing.
Lately, it was taking him longer and longer to fall asleep. She would always make sure he slept first, until she couldn’t sleep without that reassuring cadence lulling her into sleep.
Tonight, however, the feeling that had taunted and frustrated him raged louder than ever. If he didn’t find the reason behind that look in her eyes, he’d go mad. If she was trying to pull away from him… it would be better if she told him so now, before it was too late.
“Just going to brush my teeth.” She stalked across his room wearing her disarmingly cute blue rabbit pajamas before disappearing in the bathroom. This would be the only time they’d have to themselves. No interference from friends, from family. Now was the time to ask.
He steeled himself, trying to think of what to say, and how best to say it. He couldn’t pinpoint what he was looking for, circling around the issue until he clenched his fists in frustration.
When she stepped out of the bathroom, their eyes met, and all his thoughts tumbled into chaos.
There was that desperate, wounded look again. Yet this time, it wasn’t fading away. She wasn’t trying to cover it up. Instead, it was almost like … almost as if she were savoring whatever it was that they had between them, almost as if she were preparing to leave again. The helpless fury rose even higher.
“Goodnight Ichigo.”
She tried to step past him again. His hand came around her shoulder, like a band of steel against the flannel sleeve. She felt his heat through it and against her skin. He was always so very hot, as though his passions were about to burst into literal flames around him. She seemed to be the only one who noticed.
“Rukia.”
He hadn’t asked her a question, merely said her name. Yet his voice contained all the questions and all the doubts that she’d repeated to herself countless times.
“Don’t ask me Ichigo.”
“Why??” His voice was filled with anger and hurt. She wanted to reassure him, but she couldn’t.
She took a deep breath.
“Because I’m your friend.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Do you think I’ll just accept that!?”
“I don’t know what you want, just leave me alone!”
She pulled away again. This time, she was leaving his room, heading to the window. He pulled her, more violently than necessary, to turn and face him again.
“That!” He pointed at her face. “That in your eyes! I can see it, and I want to get rid of it… I….”
She waited, but no more came. She didn’t really know what she’d expected. There he stood before her, a man who was good and just, who had come to mean more to her than anything, who was her friend… who she….
“You can’t.”
“Like hell I can’t!”
He cornered her against the wall, punching against it just above her head. She didn’t move, she knew he would never hurt her. He shook for a moment, then stilled. He was breathing deeply, and she savored the slow inhale, exhale, and the heat that exuded from him. Her eyes remained fixed on his chest.
“Are you leaving again?”
Her eyes blinked, and she sought his again only to discover they were shut, clenched as though he was expecting bad news. Would it be bad if she left, or stayed?
“Not for a while, unless you want me to.”
His eyes opened again, looking down at her with such a tender expression it made her want to cry.
“It would probably be best now though, things have gotten quieter, you have school and-”
His fingers touched her lips, and a spark fired between them at the contact. She swallowed. His eyes darkened and his brow furrowed. His face seemed to be inching closer to hers, but he didn’t appear to notice, so intent were his eyes on hers.
“Ichigo, I think-”
She snuck under his arm, pulling away with heat in her cheeks. If he’d known what she was thinking… what would he have done?
“We should sleep.”
She crossed the room to turn off the light, bypassing bundles of clothing on the floor. He had turned to face her, watching her intensely but otherwise saying nothing.
The room fell into darkness when the light went out, but she could still sense him there, across from her, watching her.
“Goodnight.”
She crossed the room again, going straight for the closet. But she’d forgotten the stray shirt, miscalculated the difference, and became tangled in the clothing at her feet. She fell forward, straight for the floor, only to land on something warm and hard that rolled over and on top of her.
Ichigo was above her, his chest pressing against hers as he breathed. Was his heart beating as fast as hers? Could she survive this?
Denial rang in her head of what she knew was coming, up until the very moment his lips touched hers. It was gentle, tentative, and yet filled with the anticipation of a hundred lost kisses. One hand stroked her cheek gently, the warmth reaching into her soul. Though he was gentle, he held her firmly, his body a force against hers that dared her to try to escape, alerting her of his strength.
She knew that strength all too well, she loved it. One of her hands somehow found its way to his hair, and then she was kissing him back, fervently, desperately. The flames grew until they wrapped around her, consuming her. Everything faded away except this man and what he meant to her.
The kiss deepened, the passion flaring, mounting in a crescendo that brought them closer, drowning them in it. They clung to each other for purchase, to keep hold of the only thing that mattered.
It was an eternity later when they separated. They were both breathing heavily, in time with each other. Even in the darkness, their eyes met, saying everything their words would not. Until Ichigo broke the spell by saying her name, and brushing a strand of hair out of her face.
Suddenly all the reasons why this couldn’t happen came flooding back. She sucked in a harsh breath, and pushed him off of her. Before he could get back on his feet, she’d disappeared out of the window.
At first, rejection clawed at his gut. A natural reaction to the circumstances. But her eyes, dimly lit by a sliver of moonlight, replayed in his mind over and over, searching for a meaning, until finally, everything made sense. Everything over the past two weeks, and even before that, was clear in his mind.
He jumped out after her.
She didn’t really know where she was going, or even exactly why she ran. She’d tried to convince herself for so long that this was wrong, impossible, and something she could never obtain. Now, it was so close, and the reality of that knowledge rocked her. Losing Kaien, even losing her dearest friends would not come close to losing this, if she let herself submit to it. She would not be able to survive.
He would be better off with a human, someone at his level, who could always stay at his side.
Or perhaps she was running because she was frightened. She did not want to admit it to herself. She never considered herself a coward. Yet here she was.
She ended up in a distant park, that seemed vaguely familiar from walks home from school. There was a big oak in the middle, with low-hanging branches that were easy to climb. She didn’t feel like climbing tonight.
Instead she leaned against the trunk, as though in need of support. After several stiff breaths, she buried her head in her hands. How was she ever going to face him again?
Her lips still burned from his touch, her heart still thundered. How much harder everything had suddenly become…
After a moment, the telltale sound of gravel crunching beneath shoes met her ears. She wouldn’t be able to handle looking, but she knew it was him. She felt and heard him come closer, until he was standing about a foot away.
“Tell me to go and I will.”
Her mouth opened and closed. She struggled, trying to force the words out, but she couldn’t do it. A frustrated moan escaped her instead. She refused to look at him.
“Tell me you don’t want to stay with me Rukia. Tell me you never want to see me again, tell me you want me to leave you alone-”
“-No…”
“Then know that I’ll never leave your side.”
Her eyes met his at that, and all the love she felt in her heart was mirrored there, beneath his brooding brows and expressive eyes. She struggled to swallow past the lump in her throat.
“But what-”
“No.”
He was tilting her face up towards his, and looking deeply into her eyes with a raw intensity that penetrated her soul. This man, for all that he was and ever would be, was all that she ever wanted in the world.
“I love you.”
She couldn’t help throwing herself at him then, burying herself in his wide frame, inhaling his unique scent and savoring the feel of his strong arms around her, the arms that had kept her safe too many times to count. She couldn’t stop the shaking that rocked through her. He merely pulled her tightly against him to soothe her, burying his face in her hair.
She pulled back to look at him again, gently tracing the corner of his cheek.
“Are you sure…?”
”Are you telling me you think I don’t know what I want?” The little teasing smile was back on his face. Everything poured out before she could stop it.
“I love you Ichigo.”
It was his turn to look stunned for a moment, before he gently took her face in his hands once more, stroking through her hair and staring down at her before pulling her up and against him, and kissing her for all he was worth.
She smiled into his kiss, looping her arms tightly around his neck and rising to the tips of her toes to kiss him back just as intently. All of her worries and fears faded to the background, and only one thought remained at the forefront.
She was finally home.
~End~