you said you'd call, but i guess you forgot.
the only person i really want to talk to is tom, and he's not home. and my mom isn't either, so bare with me.
we had a game today, and we did horrible. no offense to anyone on the team, but it just wasn't our day. and to top it all off, i think i threw out my hip, because it really hurts and im not one to drag out injuries for no reason, especially while doing something that i love. oh well, next weekend is the last game, and hopefully we can pull it back together.
this weekend, again no offense to anyone involved, was horrible. maybe because everyone tried so hard to make it perfect. for someone reason, within our group when we do that, it only turns out worse.
friday, we went to woods. other than the cold, i had a good time for the 20 minutes that we were there. i got to see everyone i wanted to see, and a few extras. nick kidnapped some kid, but we made him give him back, and it was hilarious, because the kid had to about 10 and was there with black jimmy.
then, we took off for the inner harbor. the closer we grew, the more tense dave got, and the more loose everyone else became. it was cold, but it was bearable. everyone was having fun, climbing on statues, and just letting loose for one night. daves not good with things like that, and he got all angry and upset, and when i tried to calm him down, he yelled at me, but i was only trying to help him have a more enjoyable night. i was upset, as anyone would be, because no one likes to be yelled at, especially when you didn't do something wrong. things were tense between just about everyone for the rest of the night, just because nothing seemed to be flowing the way that it should. the ride home was quiet, and it just seemed as if everyone should have had a smile on.
we got home, with wendys in hand and everyone just relaxed. everyoone but nick who insisted he was having an anuerysm. everything was going fine, until they went to leave. i got upset that dave was leaving, and he got upset that i was upset, and called me stupid and immature to only make matters worse. he left, i cried, and fell asleep in toms arms.
saturday morning rolls around, and were running late on getting ready for the wine festival, but hey, whats new? my mom starts stressing me out, and it was already one of those days when you wake up, and you just know that it's going to be a bad day. dave calls, and acts like nothings wrong, so i hung up on him. which i know, was not the mature thing to do. i called back awhile later, and he said he would still come with us, even though i know he didn't want to at all.
we finally make it there, and dave is uncomfortable with all the people. and he says he's hungry, but he won't eat anything and it felt like everything i tried to do to make him feel better or at least smile, just wouldn't work. i shut down and just completely didn't say or do anything at all. i was trying my best, and i couldn't figure out why it wasn't working.
and then we finally went home.
josh and megan went to megans house, and i went to daves with him. everything was fine, not as best as it should've been, but enough for no one to see through the smiles. we played with his new dog gilbert, whos adorable, and sat on the swing outside. it started to thunder and lightening and i got scared so we ran inside. tom showed up and dave said something that just crushed me, so once again, i was unhappy. everyone decided on swimming and hot tubbing at nicks. so we went off to do that.
everyones presence made me smile, and everyone was happy which was also another good thing. me and megan jumped off the pier first, because all the boys were big wimps. it was fun, i love swimming, i just hate being in a bathing suit. and my bottoms would kind of fall when i jumped in but it's okay, because no one could see. me and tom jumped in together, because i really wanted him to get over the fear he has of not being able to swim okay, and he swam wonderfully. we went back up to the hot tub, and everyone was naked? besides dave. eventually, everyone was completely naked. and i was more comfortable right then, than i had been all day, which is unreasonably weird. no one could see anyone because the bubbles were on, but every once in awhile there was a butt, or maybe something else showing. hopefully no one saw me, because, i don't know, i just wouldn't like it very much. cort and britt came over, and britt jumped in just to jump right back out, because it started storming. we went back to my house and got some pizza.
megan and mike had a little argument, which made me uneasy, because i don't like to see my bestfriend in the state she was in, and her boyfriend, who i've grown close too, in the state he was in. but it ended up okay. and at the same time of our little fiasco, my cute neighbor was having a party of his own. heh.
dave fell asleep on me, which was fine, i just happy that he got to dstay the night with me. in fact, i was enthralled.
we woke up in the morning and tom made us breakfast, and it was good, i wanted to make everyone breakfast, but, the early bird got the worm.
me and dave had our moments of being upset with the other, but thats normal, and the morning continued just as any other morning would at my house. tv, friends, music, crazy screams. yeah, the usual.
britt left for work, tom and cort left for home, megan and mike headed up to megans and me and dave headed to his house. we talked on the way there, and i wasn't to happy about the subject, but after reading all of this your probably thinking "your never happy, so shut up and get over it"
he took a shower, i watched tv, we hung out for awhile, and then i fell asleep on him. i woke up late, and my mom was early for the soccer game, and everything was a mess. or so it seemed. i was irritable, but that faded after i got something to eat and just got excited about the game.
i really thought we were going to win this one, and i've been really excited all week, but that goes to show, that you should never set your hopes that high because it hurts when you fall down.
we came back to my house, and dave went home ten minutes later. i wanted to walk him to the crosswalk like normal, but my hip wasnt going for it. these girls started yelling things at us, and dave yelled at them, but i didn't let it get to me. after all, their caught up in their middle school stage.
i walked him up the hill and then he said i should just go home. i started crying, and i thought about it the whole way home. until the girls started yelling things at me. "your boyfriend looks like a girl" "he's yuck" and other things that really just kept tearing at me. i've been really good lately at keeping myself calm, but that was just too much. i yelled back at them, and their boyfriends or whatever encouraged them to come over to me and "do something about it". they walked over and shook their little heads every direction they could, and said the most foul things anyone could ever say to someone without even meeting them. i walked away, and the one girl spit on me. i turned around and she hit me upside my head, with all of her rings one her bony, dirty hand. i fell backwards, unable to keep my balance, and the other girl started to kick me. i fell on concrete. mr.lance ran out and grabbed me up, and the girls ran away.
i feel so weak, i can't even defend myself. three seventh grade girls just beat the crap out of me, and all i did was lay there crying on the groud holding my head, hoping that the bleeding would stop. i should've never yelled back at them, i was wrong.
and most of the crying wasn't even because it hurt, it's because of dave.
it feels like im losing him. to his new job, to driving school, to his band, to his parents. everything just seems to be pulling us farther and farther apart. i see him once during the week, which is enough. but he told me that he wanted to use that time to spend time with his family. which is understandable i guess. he says he never sees them, but he sees them everyday. at night before he goes to bed, his mom takes him to driving school, his dad picks him up. i know it's not the most time, but it's more than nothing.
and it seems like were never happy anymore. i mean yeah, we get upset with each other. but i don't think it's ever been this bad. he keeps telling me that everything is going to get better, but it only seems like it's getting worse. were upset with each other constantly and one of us is always saying the wrong thing, or doing something that makes the person feel worse.
it's not all of his fault at all. it's half mine, and i know that. im not in any way shape or form 100% his fault. in fact i think it's more of mine. becuase he's constantly telling me how much fun he had with me, or how it was a good day and all i think in my mind is "no, no it was not" and i honestly don't know what to do to make it any better. i thought about my options, and i don't like any of them. i don't think he would either.
my moms home, and she talked to mr. lance. she's pissed, not at me, but i think she's ready to kill someone. i have to go and sort this out, i hope it doesn't cut into her survivor time to much.
i don't think im going to school tommorow.
happy 6 months jenna and dave
we had a game today, and we did horrible. no offense to anyone on the team, but it just wasn't our day. and to top it all off, i think i threw out my hip, because it really hurts and im not one to drag out injuries for no reason, especially while doing something that i love. oh well, next weekend is the last game, and hopefully we can pull it back together.
this weekend, again no offense to anyone involved, was horrible. maybe because everyone tried so hard to make it perfect. for someone reason, within our group when we do that, it only turns out worse.
friday, we went to woods. other than the cold, i had a good time for the 20 minutes that we were there. i got to see everyone i wanted to see, and a few extras. nick kidnapped some kid, but we made him give him back, and it was hilarious, because the kid had to about 10 and was there with black jimmy.
then, we took off for the inner harbor. the closer we grew, the more tense dave got, and the more loose everyone else became. it was cold, but it was bearable. everyone was having fun, climbing on statues, and just letting loose for one night. daves not good with things like that, and he got all angry and upset, and when i tried to calm him down, he yelled at me, but i was only trying to help him have a more enjoyable night. i was upset, as anyone would be, because no one likes to be yelled at, especially when you didn't do something wrong. things were tense between just about everyone for the rest of the night, just because nothing seemed to be flowing the way that it should. the ride home was quiet, and it just seemed as if everyone should have had a smile on.
we got home, with wendys in hand and everyone just relaxed. everyoone but nick who insisted he was having an anuerysm. everything was going fine, until they went to leave. i got upset that dave was leaving, and he got upset that i was upset, and called me stupid and immature to only make matters worse. he left, i cried, and fell asleep in toms arms.
saturday morning rolls around, and were running late on getting ready for the wine festival, but hey, whats new? my mom starts stressing me out, and it was already one of those days when you wake up, and you just know that it's going to be a bad day. dave calls, and acts like nothings wrong, so i hung up on him. which i know, was not the mature thing to do. i called back awhile later, and he said he would still come with us, even though i know he didn't want to at all.
we finally make it there, and dave is uncomfortable with all the people. and he says he's hungry, but he won't eat anything and it felt like everything i tried to do to make him feel better or at least smile, just wouldn't work. i shut down and just completely didn't say or do anything at all. i was trying my best, and i couldn't figure out why it wasn't working.
and then we finally went home.
josh and megan went to megans house, and i went to daves with him. everything was fine, not as best as it should've been, but enough for no one to see through the smiles. we played with his new dog gilbert, whos adorable, and sat on the swing outside. it started to thunder and lightening and i got scared so we ran inside. tom showed up and dave said something that just crushed me, so once again, i was unhappy. everyone decided on swimming and hot tubbing at nicks. so we went off to do that.
everyones presence made me smile, and everyone was happy which was also another good thing. me and megan jumped off the pier first, because all the boys were big wimps. it was fun, i love swimming, i just hate being in a bathing suit. and my bottoms would kind of fall when i jumped in but it's okay, because no one could see. me and tom jumped in together, because i really wanted him to get over the fear he has of not being able to swim okay, and he swam wonderfully. we went back up to the hot tub, and everyone was naked? besides dave. eventually, everyone was completely naked. and i was more comfortable right then, than i had been all day, which is unreasonably weird. no one could see anyone because the bubbles were on, but every once in awhile there was a butt, or maybe something else showing. hopefully no one saw me, because, i don't know, i just wouldn't like it very much. cort and britt came over, and britt jumped in just to jump right back out, because it started storming. we went back to my house and got some pizza.
megan and mike had a little argument, which made me uneasy, because i don't like to see my bestfriend in the state she was in, and her boyfriend, who i've grown close too, in the state he was in. but it ended up okay. and at the same time of our little fiasco, my cute neighbor was having a party of his own. heh.
dave fell asleep on me, which was fine, i just happy that he got to dstay the night with me. in fact, i was enthralled.
we woke up in the morning and tom made us breakfast, and it was good, i wanted to make everyone breakfast, but, the early bird got the worm.
me and dave had our moments of being upset with the other, but thats normal, and the morning continued just as any other morning would at my house. tv, friends, music, crazy screams. yeah, the usual.
britt left for work, tom and cort left for home, megan and mike headed up to megans and me and dave headed to his house. we talked on the way there, and i wasn't to happy about the subject, but after reading all of this your probably thinking "your never happy, so shut up and get over it"
he took a shower, i watched tv, we hung out for awhile, and then i fell asleep on him. i woke up late, and my mom was early for the soccer game, and everything was a mess. or so it seemed. i was irritable, but that faded after i got something to eat and just got excited about the game.
i really thought we were going to win this one, and i've been really excited all week, but that goes to show, that you should never set your hopes that high because it hurts when you fall down.
we came back to my house, and dave went home ten minutes later. i wanted to walk him to the crosswalk like normal, but my hip wasnt going for it. these girls started yelling things at us, and dave yelled at them, but i didn't let it get to me. after all, their caught up in their middle school stage.
i walked him up the hill and then he said i should just go home. i started crying, and i thought about it the whole way home. until the girls started yelling things at me. "your boyfriend looks like a girl" "he's yuck" and other things that really just kept tearing at me. i've been really good lately at keeping myself calm, but that was just too much. i yelled back at them, and their boyfriends or whatever encouraged them to come over to me and "do something about it". they walked over and shook their little heads every direction they could, and said the most foul things anyone could ever say to someone without even meeting them. i walked away, and the one girl spit on me. i turned around and she hit me upside my head, with all of her rings one her bony, dirty hand. i fell backwards, unable to keep my balance, and the other girl started to kick me. i fell on concrete. mr.lance ran out and grabbed me up, and the girls ran away.
i feel so weak, i can't even defend myself. three seventh grade girls just beat the crap out of me, and all i did was lay there crying on the groud holding my head, hoping that the bleeding would stop. i should've never yelled back at them, i was wrong.
and most of the crying wasn't even because it hurt, it's because of dave.
it feels like im losing him. to his new job, to driving school, to his band, to his parents. everything just seems to be pulling us farther and farther apart. i see him once during the week, which is enough. but he told me that he wanted to use that time to spend time with his family. which is understandable i guess. he says he never sees them, but he sees them everyday. at night before he goes to bed, his mom takes him to driving school, his dad picks him up. i know it's not the most time, but it's more than nothing.
and it seems like were never happy anymore. i mean yeah, we get upset with each other. but i don't think it's ever been this bad. he keeps telling me that everything is going to get better, but it only seems like it's getting worse. were upset with each other constantly and one of us is always saying the wrong thing, or doing something that makes the person feel worse.
it's not all of his fault at all. it's half mine, and i know that. im not in any way shape or form 100% his fault. in fact i think it's more of mine. becuase he's constantly telling me how much fun he had with me, or how it was a good day and all i think in my mind is "no, no it was not" and i honestly don't know what to do to make it any better. i thought about my options, and i don't like any of them. i don't think he would either.
my moms home, and she talked to mr. lance. she's pissed, not at me, but i think she's ready to kill someone. i have to go and sort this out, i hope it doesn't cut into her survivor time to much.
i don't think im going to school tommorow.
happy 6 months jenna and dave