The Vancouver Canucks: A Primer (Part 2)
Part 1
Okay, okay, enough with the history already! Who are these guys?
Well, I'm glad you asked! The 2011-12 Canucks are a pretty damn awesome group of guys. I'm super excited to introduce you all to them!
Goalies
Name: Roberto Luongo
Number:1
Birthplace: Montreal, Quebec
Age: 32
Nickname: Bobby Lu, Luuuuuuuuu, Luongod
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: During an interview with comedian Gerry Dee, Lu was asked about being booed at home games. His response? "That's my nickname: Boo Luongo."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Would He Wear?:
Because Lu is nothing if not a bit greasy and Italian.
One Thing He is Never Without: hair gel!
Your Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Great Save, Luongo!" or, alternately, "TRADE LUONGO!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Great Save, Luongo!" or, alternately, "TRADE LUONGO!"
Name: Cory Schneider
Number: 35
Birthplace: Marblehead, Massachusetts
Age: 26
Nickname: Schneids, Ginger Jesus, Ginger Bricks
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
(I KNOW that Lu is in this one, but it was the best picture I could find!)
Notable Quotable: When asked about his days playing baseball, he said this: "I played catcher, so I must have some sort of equipment fetish."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Would He Wear?:
Cory strikes me as the polka-dot type. I don't know why.
One Thing He is Never Without: His black leggings. Always with the leggings:
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Man, if Schneider played for any other team in the league, he'd be the starter."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Man, I can't wait until the Canucks trade away Schneider."
Defencemen
Name: Dan Hamhuis
Number: 2
Birthplace: Smithers, BC
Age: 29
Nickname: Hammer, Community Man
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: Hamhuis is super polite and well-spoken, so this was all I could find: I don't know if there's any ideal team to face. But any team that comes stumbling into the playoffs would be a good one."
This One Time, He Did This:
Which Dress Would He Wear?:
For some reason I see him in a poofy long pinkish dress.
One Thing He is Never Without: A smile for everyone
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "That Dan Hamhuis is just such a good, clean, stay-at-home defenceman!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "That Dan Hamhuis needs to fight a bit more. He's just not gritty enough."
Name: Kevin Bieksa
Number: 3
Birthplace: Grimsby, Ontario
Age: 30
Nickname: Kev, Juice, Wolverine
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Just, uh, going to leave this here...
Notable Quotable: On potentially playing in Montreal: "I'm 6 inches too tall to be signed right now."
Juice has some great quotations, many of which can be found here.
This One Time, He Did This:
aaaaand this
Which Dress Would He Wear?:
One Thing He is Never Without: A quick chirp or quip for someone who's being stupid.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "That Bieksa is sure tough as nails. He looks like he could eat me for breakfast."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Bieksa should totally be on Battle of the Blades this summer!"
Name: Keith Ballard
Number: 4
Birthplace: Baudette, Minnisota
Age: 29
Nickname: Bally, Press-box Ballard
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: It's a tie. And they're both from this interview.
Interviewer: "Do you think I'd make it even though I have borderline osteoporosis?"
Ballard: "Mhm. I also have that."
and
Interviewer: "So your main thought in a shootout would be trying not to fall?"
Ballard: "Yeah. That's the definition of clutch, right?" (No, Bally, no it's not.)
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: dry wit and some press-box popcorn.
The Quintessential Gif Pic:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "It must suck for Ballard to have to spend so much time in Alain Vignault's doghouse."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Ballard deserves every penny of his $4.2 million salary. Sitting in the press-box all the time is HARD!"
Name: Marc-Andre Gragnani
Number: 5
Birthplace: Montreal, Quebec
Age: 25
Nickname: MAG, Who?
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
I can dig it.
Notable Quotable: Proving that he's caught on quickly to how things work in Vancouver: "It's never a bad time to play Chicago."
This One Time, He Did This:
(Please excuse the horrendous Buffalo commentator. I'm quickly realizing that we're spoiled with Vancouver's team.)
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: an air of mystery
The Quintessential Gif:
(this is legit the only one I could find)
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Who?"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "I know ALL THE FACTS about Gragnani! He's my favourite!"
Name: Sami Salo
Number: 6
Birthplace: Turku, Finland
Age: 37
Nickname: Palo, The Fragile Finn, Owl
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: Re: his team's twitter shenanigans: "No tweeting allowed on the bus."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Sami is the old man of the team, and as such needs something a little more age-appropriate. Also blue.
One Thing He is Never Without: A team of concerned looking doctor-types who shadow him in case of inevitable emergency
The Quintessential Gif:
THE HAIR, YOU GUYS.
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Oh god, Salo! Stay out of there! No! You'll get hurt!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Sami Salo should just give up already." If you hear someone say this, you have my permission to punch them in the face. Or dump a pint on them.
Name: Chris Tanev
Number: 8
Birthplace: Toronto, Ontario
Age: 22
Nickname: C.Tan
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On how to fend off a shark attack: "So I'm out in the middle of the ocean and a shark attacks me? I'd probably kick him. I'd probably get eaten though. I don't think that would turn out too well, but at least I would have kicked him."
This One Time, He Did This: I couldn't find the video that this was from, but here:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Tanev is totally a LBD kind of guy.
One Thing He is Never Without: A cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Even while on the ice. He's that cool. (This is in reference to this Bieksa-ism)
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Didn't he and Hodgson start together?" (Followed by sobs)
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Best rookie the Canucks have had in years. No question."
Name: Alex Edler
Number: 23
Birthplace: Ostersund, Sweden
Age: 25
Nickname: Eddie, Eagle, Breadler, Iceman
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "If you're hated, you're probably doing something good. You don't hate the last place team."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
It's the most hipster dress I could find.
One Thing He is Never Without: A fashionable scarf
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Edler has really had a great season! Ehrhoff, who?"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Trade Edler!"
Name: Aaron Rome
Number: 29
Birthplace: Brandon, Manitoba
Age: 28
Nickname: Captain Manitoba
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "Am I playing with Mo confidence? For sure and now I might have to keep it. I've been talking about that at home with my wife, she's started liking it. My little guy, he's 2-years-old, loves it too, we taught him the word moustache and he loves it and thinks it's hilarious. All he says is 'moo-tash, moo-tash'"
This One Time, He Did This:
which started a short-lived "Rome for Norris" campaign. Captain Manitoba was on a hot streak in Movember, for sure.
What Dress Should He Wear:
I just feel like he could rock the lace?
One Thing He is Never Without: some kick-ass facial hair. Or scruff. He's manly, okay?
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Rome is a great depth defenceman!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Rome should be a first-pairing defenceman! Rome for Norris!"
Name: Andrew Alberts
Number: 41
Birthplace: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Age: 30
Nickname: Alberts.
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "Don't ever try to tie a real bowtie. It's pretty much impossible."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
I DONT KNOW, OKAY
One Thing He is Never Without: Someone to hide behind in photos. Like, seriously. It was so hard to find a picture of his whole face!
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Alberts is such a team player!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Alberts is such a player. Macking on all the ladies."
Forwards
Name: David Booth
Number: 7
Birthplace: Detroit, Michigan
Age: 27
Nickname: Boothy, Captain Flow, Grizzly
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "As a kid [I] always thought boxing day was boxing, as in fighting, day."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Booth looks great in deep red, so clearly it's a little red dress for him!
One Thing He is Never Without: A backwards snap-back hat (see gif below)
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Once he gets the puck, Booth just drives to the net like nothing else matters!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Booth should pass less."
Name: Zach Kassian
Number: 9
Birthplace: Kingsville, Ontraio
Age: 21
Nickname: The Kassassin, The New Rookie
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On how he still can't tell the Sedin's apart: "I just wait for them to sit together and then say "nice pass" and both of them will nod."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
He wears a lot of hoodies, so a sweater dress it is.
One Thing He is Never Without: a gap in his smile
The Quintessential Gif:
Alain Vignault is preventing him from interfering with players on the ice :P
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "That Kassian sure looks like he could punch someone's lights out at any moment. Plus he's not bad at hockey. He's no Cody Hodgson, though."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Wait, someone else used to wear the number 9 this year?"
Name: Alexandre Burrows
Number: 14
Birthplace: Pincourt, Quebec
Age: 30
Nickname: Burr, Bitey, Alexandre Squirrels
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On how he's been spending his down-time before the Finals: "I've been managing my fantasy baseball team. I know Roberto's team has been struggling. I've been putting in the work and the hours, so I'm succeeding."
This One Time, He Did This:
(Sorry, 'Hawks fans. Oh wait. No I'm not.)
What Dress Should He Wear:
It's gotta be floral, and I feel like he wouldn't wear something short.
One Thing He is Never Without: The urge to bite something.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Man, Burrows is the definition of clutch!" (are you paying attenion, Keith Ballard?)
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "I've just never seen Burrows step up and score a goal when it counts!"
Name: Ryan Kesler
Number: 17
Birthplace: Livonia, Michigan
Age: 27
Nickname: Captain America, Undressler, Keslord, Bull
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Yup.
Notable Quotable: On who he'd rather be stuck in a car with for 10 hours: "I'd probably have to say Burr. I can't understand him that much when he's speaking English. I might need to learn a little French to communicate with him."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
He could rock it. And it would be a glorious sight.
One Thing He is Never Without: "ab-defining spray" (for those situations where he has to have flawless abs in seconds)
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Seems like Kesler's kicked it into beastmode tonight. Ladies, hold on to your panties."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Seems like Kesler's just lost all of his hair. Ladies, I'm sorry."
Name: Christopher Higgins
Number: 20
Birthplace: Smithtown, New York
Age: 28
Nickname: Higgy, Ab-Guy
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
yup
Notable Quotable: On who has the best abs on the team: "Ryan's got the best photoshopped ones, I'll say that."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
It had to have a deep V.
One Thing He is Never Without: Well, it certainly ISN'T a shirt. Jeepers.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Chris Higgins has been the most consistent Canuck this year."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Put a damn shirt on!"
Name: Mason Raymond
Number: 21
Birthplace: Cochrane, Alberta
Age: 26
Nickname: MayRay, Bambi
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: Mase was heavily rumoured to be traded at the deadline, and was asked about it: "There's a trade deadline tomorrow?"
This One Time, He Did This:
(Starts at 3:23)
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: The ability to look like he's a rookie, even at the ripe old age of 26.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "I can't believe how well Mase is doing, considering he had his back broken in last year's Finals."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Give Mason more ice time! He will score all the goals!"
Name: Daniel Sedin
Number: 22
Birthplace: Ornskoldsvik, Sweden
Age: 31
Nickname: Dank, The Scorer, The better-looking identical twin
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On recieving a 0.1 lower GPA then henrik in High School in Sweden: "It was a tough, tough loss. Yeah, it's going to follow me for the rest of my life."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
I feel like Daniel would wear high fashion, and Elie Saab fits the bill. Plus this is a great colour for a ginger.
One Thing He is Never Without: Henrik
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "It's too bad Daniel didn't win the Hart Trophy as well as the Art Ross. But at least Daniel has the hotter wife."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Daniel looks NOTHING like Henrik."
Name: Samuel Pahlsson
Number: 26
Birthplace: Ange, Sweden
Age: 34
Nickname: Samme (NOT Sami)
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "I just wanted to get a good shot off. I didn't want to complicate it."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
simple, nondescript, and sporty.
One Thing He is Never Without: Some fairly ridiculous arm muscles.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Pahlsson should be a great third-line centre for the Canucks. And now we won't have to play against him whenever we play Columbus!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "He was a great acquisition, since playing against him in the playoffs would be no fun!"
Name: Manny Malhotra
Number: 27
Birthplace: Mississauga, Ontario
Age: 31
Nickname: Community Manny
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On the anonymous polls released earlier this year: "The opinions that matter to us are in this room. We dictate how we feel about each other and how we feel as a team. Everybody is going to have their own opinions, they are entitled to it, but by no means do we really care about it."
This One Time, He Did This:
probably the most goose-bumpy moments of the playoffs.
What Dress Should He Wear:
Sarees are so pretty!
One Thing He is Never Without: His crib sheet on the league's centermen, so he can beat all of them all the time.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Have you noticed how Vignault pretty much only uses Manny in the defensive zone?"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Vignault should be using Manny on the top line with the Sedins."
Name: Dale Weise
Number: 32
Birthplace: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Age: 23
Nickname: Ladies Man, "weise like geese, not weise like mice"
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
(he is the one on the right)
Notable Quotable: "If the backup, his backup, his backup and his backup all went down, could I step in? i was a pretty good street hockey goalie back in the day, so I feel like I'd be okay. I've only strapped on the pads twice on the ice, I wasn't very good, it wasn't really my calling, but as the backup, backup, backup, backup, backup's backup, I'm pretty sure I'd be one of the best in the league."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: His phone, so he can DM all the pretty ladies who follow him on twitter.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Weise has been a huge contributor to the Canucks' fourth line this season."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Weise has been a huge contributor to the number of ladies that the Canucks' fourth line gets with this season."
Name: Henrik Sedin
Number: 33
Birthplace: Ornskoldsvik, Sweden
Age: 31
Nickname: Hank, The Passer
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "It feels like we're the least worried guys in this city right now."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Again with the Elie Saab.
One Thing He is Never Without: Daniel
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "My captain is flawless."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. The letter on that guy's chest keeps changing between a C and an A..."
Name: Jannik Hansen
Number: 36
Birthplace: Herlev, Denmark
Age: 26
Nickname: The Danish Ninja, Honey Badger
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On learning that Pamela Anderson had been in the Canucks' locker room: "WHAT"
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: His crazily high-pitched voice.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Who is Hansen? Oh! Man! That was a sick goal right there by #36"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Trade Hansen."
Name: Maxim Lapierre
Number: 40
Birthplace: Montreal, Quebec
Age: 26
Nickname: Max, Lappy, The Pest
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: He was asked to name the provinces of Canada: "Ontario, Quebec, Alberta, Nova Scotia? How many am I missing? That's a tough question this one, you don't even know it you see that? Six? Labrador? No that's no good? Let's say that's half a point. Half a point for me."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Max would totally wear all the sequins. This is a true fact.
One Thing He is Never Without: A wicked smirk.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Lapierre makes me want to simultaneously punch him in the face and make out with him." - Someone of any sex
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Lapierre is not a pest and is in no way sexually confusing."
So there you have it.
Comments are love!
Okay, okay, enough with the history already! Who are these guys?
Well, I'm glad you asked! The 2011-12 Canucks are a pretty damn awesome group of guys. I'm super excited to introduce you all to them!
Goalies
Name: Roberto Luongo
Number:1
Birthplace: Montreal, Quebec
Age: 32
Nickname: Bobby Lu, Luuuuuuuuu, Luongod
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: During an interview with comedian Gerry Dee, Lu was asked about being booed at home games. His response? "That's my nickname: Boo Luongo."
This One Time, He Did This:
Click to viewWhat Dress Would He Wear?:
Because Lu is nothing if not a bit greasy and Italian.
One Thing He is Never Without: hair gel!
Your Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Great Save, Luongo!" or, alternately, "TRADE LUONGO!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Great Save, Luongo!" or, alternately, "TRADE LUONGO!"
Name: Cory Schneider
Number: 35
Birthplace: Marblehead, Massachusetts
Age: 26
Nickname: Schneids, Ginger Jesus, Ginger Bricks
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
(I KNOW that Lu is in this one, but it was the best picture I could find!)
Notable Quotable: When asked about his days playing baseball, he said this: "I played catcher, so I must have some sort of equipment fetish."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Would He Wear?:
Cory strikes me as the polka-dot type. I don't know why.
One Thing He is Never Without: His black leggings. Always with the leggings:
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Man, if Schneider played for any other team in the league, he'd be the starter."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Man, I can't wait until the Canucks trade away Schneider."
Defencemen
Name: Dan Hamhuis
Number: 2
Birthplace: Smithers, BC
Age: 29
Nickname: Hammer, Community Man
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: Hamhuis is super polite and well-spoken, so this was all I could find: I don't know if there's any ideal team to face. But any team that comes stumbling into the playoffs would be a good one."
This One Time, He Did This:
Which Dress Would He Wear?:
For some reason I see him in a poofy long pinkish dress.
One Thing He is Never Without: A smile for everyone
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "That Dan Hamhuis is just such a good, clean, stay-at-home defenceman!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "That Dan Hamhuis needs to fight a bit more. He's just not gritty enough."
Name: Kevin Bieksa
Number: 3
Birthplace: Grimsby, Ontario
Age: 30
Nickname: Kev, Juice, Wolverine
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Just, uh, going to leave this here...
Notable Quotable: On potentially playing in Montreal: "I'm 6 inches too tall to be signed right now."
Juice has some great quotations, many of which can be found here.
This One Time, He Did This:
aaaaand this
Which Dress Would He Wear?:
One Thing He is Never Without: A quick chirp or quip for someone who's being stupid.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "That Bieksa is sure tough as nails. He looks like he could eat me for breakfast."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Bieksa should totally be on Battle of the Blades this summer!"
Name: Keith Ballard
Number: 4
Birthplace: Baudette, Minnisota
Age: 29
Nickname: Bally, Press-box Ballard
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: It's a tie. And they're both from this interview.
Interviewer: "Do you think I'd make it even though I have borderline osteoporosis?"
Ballard: "Mhm. I also have that."
and
Interviewer: "So your main thought in a shootout would be trying not to fall?"
Ballard: "Yeah. That's the definition of clutch, right?" (No, Bally, no it's not.)
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: dry wit and some press-box popcorn.
The Quintessential Gif Pic:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "It must suck for Ballard to have to spend so much time in Alain Vignault's doghouse."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Ballard deserves every penny of his $4.2 million salary. Sitting in the press-box all the time is HARD!"
Name: Marc-Andre Gragnani
Number: 5
Birthplace: Montreal, Quebec
Age: 25
Nickname: MAG, Who?
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
I can dig it.
Notable Quotable: Proving that he's caught on quickly to how things work in Vancouver: "It's never a bad time to play Chicago."
This One Time, He Did This:
(Please excuse the horrendous Buffalo commentator. I'm quickly realizing that we're spoiled with Vancouver's team.)
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: an air of mystery
The Quintessential Gif:
(this is legit the only one I could find)
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Who?"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "I know ALL THE FACTS about Gragnani! He's my favourite!"
Name: Sami Salo
Number: 6
Birthplace: Turku, Finland
Age: 37
Nickname: Palo, The Fragile Finn, Owl
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: Re: his team's twitter shenanigans: "No tweeting allowed on the bus."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Sami is the old man of the team, and as such needs something a little more age-appropriate. Also blue.
One Thing He is Never Without: A team of concerned looking doctor-types who shadow him in case of inevitable emergency
The Quintessential Gif:
THE HAIR, YOU GUYS.
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Oh god, Salo! Stay out of there! No! You'll get hurt!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Sami Salo should just give up already." If you hear someone say this, you have my permission to punch them in the face. Or dump a pint on them.
Name: Chris Tanev
Number: 8
Birthplace: Toronto, Ontario
Age: 22
Nickname: C.Tan
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On how to fend off a shark attack: "So I'm out in the middle of the ocean and a shark attacks me? I'd probably kick him. I'd probably get eaten though. I don't think that would turn out too well, but at least I would have kicked him."
This One Time, He Did This: I couldn't find the video that this was from, but here:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Tanev is totally a LBD kind of guy.
One Thing He is Never Without: A cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Even while on the ice. He's that cool. (This is in reference to this Bieksa-ism)
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Didn't he and Hodgson start together?" (Followed by sobs)
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Best rookie the Canucks have had in years. No question."
Name: Alex Edler
Number: 23
Birthplace: Ostersund, Sweden
Age: 25
Nickname: Eddie, Eagle, Breadler, Iceman
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "If you're hated, you're probably doing something good. You don't hate the last place team."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
It's the most hipster dress I could find.
One Thing He is Never Without: A fashionable scarf
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Edler has really had a great season! Ehrhoff, who?"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Trade Edler!"
Name: Aaron Rome
Number: 29
Birthplace: Brandon, Manitoba
Age: 28
Nickname: Captain Manitoba
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "Am I playing with Mo confidence? For sure and now I might have to keep it. I've been talking about that at home with my wife, she's started liking it. My little guy, he's 2-years-old, loves it too, we taught him the word moustache and he loves it and thinks it's hilarious. All he says is 'moo-tash, moo-tash'"
This One Time, He Did This:
which started a short-lived "Rome for Norris" campaign. Captain Manitoba was on a hot streak in Movember, for sure.
What Dress Should He Wear:
I just feel like he could rock the lace?
One Thing He is Never Without: some kick-ass facial hair. Or scruff. He's manly, okay?
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Rome is a great depth defenceman!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Rome should be a first-pairing defenceman! Rome for Norris!"
Name: Andrew Alberts
Number: 41
Birthplace: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Age: 30
Nickname: Alberts.
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "Don't ever try to tie a real bowtie. It's pretty much impossible."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
I DONT KNOW, OKAY
One Thing He is Never Without: Someone to hide behind in photos. Like, seriously. It was so hard to find a picture of his whole face!
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Alberts is such a team player!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Alberts is such a player. Macking on all the ladies."
Forwards
Name: David Booth
Number: 7
Birthplace: Detroit, Michigan
Age: 27
Nickname: Boothy, Captain Flow, Grizzly
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "As a kid [I] always thought boxing day was boxing, as in fighting, day."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Booth looks great in deep red, so clearly it's a little red dress for him!
One Thing He is Never Without: A backwards snap-back hat (see gif below)
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Once he gets the puck, Booth just drives to the net like nothing else matters!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Booth should pass less."
Name: Zach Kassian
Number: 9
Birthplace: Kingsville, Ontraio
Age: 21
Nickname: The Kassassin, The New Rookie
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On how he still can't tell the Sedin's apart: "I just wait for them to sit together and then say "nice pass" and both of them will nod."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
He wears a lot of hoodies, so a sweater dress it is.
One Thing He is Never Without: a gap in his smile
The Quintessential Gif:
Alain Vignault is preventing him from interfering with players on the ice :P
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "That Kassian sure looks like he could punch someone's lights out at any moment. Plus he's not bad at hockey. He's no Cody Hodgson, though."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Wait, someone else used to wear the number 9 this year?"
Name: Alexandre Burrows
Number: 14
Birthplace: Pincourt, Quebec
Age: 30
Nickname: Burr, Bitey, Alexandre Squirrels
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On how he's been spending his down-time before the Finals: "I've been managing my fantasy baseball team. I know Roberto's team has been struggling. I've been putting in the work and the hours, so I'm succeeding."
This One Time, He Did This:
(Sorry, 'Hawks fans. Oh wait. No I'm not.)
What Dress Should He Wear:
It's gotta be floral, and I feel like he wouldn't wear something short.
One Thing He is Never Without: The urge to bite something.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Man, Burrows is the definition of clutch!" (are you paying attenion, Keith Ballard?)
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "I've just never seen Burrows step up and score a goal when it counts!"
Name: Ryan Kesler
Number: 17
Birthplace: Livonia, Michigan
Age: 27
Nickname: Captain America, Undressler, Keslord, Bull
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Yup.
Notable Quotable: On who he'd rather be stuck in a car with for 10 hours: "I'd probably have to say Burr. I can't understand him that much when he's speaking English. I might need to learn a little French to communicate with him."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
He could rock it. And it would be a glorious sight.
One Thing He is Never Without: "ab-defining spray" (for those situations where he has to have flawless abs in seconds)
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Seems like Kesler's kicked it into beastmode tonight. Ladies, hold on to your panties."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Seems like Kesler's just lost all of his hair. Ladies, I'm sorry."
Name: Christopher Higgins
Number: 20
Birthplace: Smithtown, New York
Age: 28
Nickname: Higgy, Ab-Guy
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
yup
Notable Quotable: On who has the best abs on the team: "Ryan's got the best photoshopped ones, I'll say that."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
It had to have a deep V.
One Thing He is Never Without: Well, it certainly ISN'T a shirt. Jeepers.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Chris Higgins has been the most consistent Canuck this year."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Put a damn shirt on!"
Name: Mason Raymond
Number: 21
Birthplace: Cochrane, Alberta
Age: 26
Nickname: MayRay, Bambi
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: Mase was heavily rumoured to be traded at the deadline, and was asked about it: "There's a trade deadline tomorrow?"
This One Time, He Did This:
(Starts at 3:23)
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: The ability to look like he's a rookie, even at the ripe old age of 26.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "I can't believe how well Mase is doing, considering he had his back broken in last year's Finals."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Give Mason more ice time! He will score all the goals!"
Name: Daniel Sedin
Number: 22
Birthplace: Ornskoldsvik, Sweden
Age: 31
Nickname: Dank, The Scorer, The better-looking identical twin
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On recieving a 0.1 lower GPA then henrik in High School in Sweden: "It was a tough, tough loss. Yeah, it's going to follow me for the rest of my life."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
I feel like Daniel would wear high fashion, and Elie Saab fits the bill. Plus this is a great colour for a ginger.
One Thing He is Never Without: Henrik
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "It's too bad Daniel didn't win the Hart Trophy as well as the Art Ross. But at least Daniel has the hotter wife."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Daniel looks NOTHING like Henrik."
Name: Samuel Pahlsson
Number: 26
Birthplace: Ange, Sweden
Age: 34
Nickname: Samme (NOT Sami)
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "I just wanted to get a good shot off. I didn't want to complicate it."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
simple, nondescript, and sporty.
One Thing He is Never Without: Some fairly ridiculous arm muscles.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Pahlsson should be a great third-line centre for the Canucks. And now we won't have to play against him whenever we play Columbus!"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "He was a great acquisition, since playing against him in the playoffs would be no fun!"
Name: Manny Malhotra
Number: 27
Birthplace: Mississauga, Ontario
Age: 31
Nickname: Community Manny
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On the anonymous polls released earlier this year: "The opinions that matter to us are in this room. We dictate how we feel about each other and how we feel as a team. Everybody is going to have their own opinions, they are entitled to it, but by no means do we really care about it."
This One Time, He Did This:
probably the most goose-bumpy moments of the playoffs.
What Dress Should He Wear:
Sarees are so pretty!
One Thing He is Never Without: His crib sheet on the league's centermen, so he can beat all of them all the time.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Have you noticed how Vignault pretty much only uses Manny in the defensive zone?"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Vignault should be using Manny on the top line with the Sedins."
Name: Dale Weise
Number: 32
Birthplace: Winnipeg, Manitoba
Age: 23
Nickname: Ladies Man, "weise like geese, not weise like mice"
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
(he is the one on the right)
Notable Quotable: "If the backup, his backup, his backup and his backup all went down, could I step in? i was a pretty good street hockey goalie back in the day, so I feel like I'd be okay. I've only strapped on the pads twice on the ice, I wasn't very good, it wasn't really my calling, but as the backup, backup, backup, backup, backup's backup, I'm pretty sure I'd be one of the best in the league."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: His phone, so he can DM all the pretty ladies who follow him on twitter.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Weise has been a huge contributor to the Canucks' fourth line this season."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Weise has been a huge contributor to the number of ladies that the Canucks' fourth line gets with this season."
Name: Henrik Sedin
Number: 33
Birthplace: Ornskoldsvik, Sweden
Age: 31
Nickname: Hank, The Passer
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: "It feels like we're the least worried guys in this city right now."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Again with the Elie Saab.
One Thing He is Never Without: Daniel
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "My captain is flawless."
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my mind. The letter on that guy's chest keeps changing between a C and an A..."
Name: Jannik Hansen
Number: 36
Birthplace: Herlev, Denmark
Age: 26
Nickname: The Danish Ninja, Honey Badger
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: On learning that Pamela Anderson had been in the Canucks' locker room: "WHAT"
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
One Thing He is Never Without: His crazily high-pitched voice.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Who is Hansen? Oh! Man! That was a sick goal right there by #36"
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Trade Hansen."
Name: Maxim Lapierre
Number: 40
Birthplace: Montreal, Quebec
Age: 26
Nickname: Max, Lappy, The Pest
What He Looks Like Without the Padding:
Notable Quotable: He was asked to name the provinces of Canada: "Ontario, Quebec, Alberta, Nova Scotia? How many am I missing? That's a tough question this one, you don't even know it you see that? Six? Labrador? No that's no good? Let's say that's half a point. Half a point for me."
This One Time, He Did This:
What Dress Should He Wear:
Max would totally wear all the sequins. This is a true fact.
One Thing He is Never Without: A wicked smirk.
The Quintessential Gif:
One Thing You Might Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Lapierre makes me want to simultaneously punch him in the face and make out with him." - Someone of any sex
One Thing You Won't Hear Someone Say About Him at the Bar: "Lapierre is not a pest and is in no way sexually confusing."
So there you have it.
Comments are love!