(no subject)
Last night I took a break from the joys of stress, strain, and the Young modulus, to finally finish answering ficathon comments and catch up a bit with the general doings of LiveJournal. That was okay, because even though nothing makes me want to cling to the computer more than exam cramming, I was using the roommate's laptop, and she was surely going to come back at some point and want it back, or want to do something silly like sleep.
The roommate never came back, and I ended up staying up much, much too late, randomly tagging and unlocking things in my own LJ. Since I've been putting off doing that for a year or two now, this might seem like odd timing unless you've known me for anything longer than five minutes.
I'm probably going to need to re-do some of it when not hopped up on woah-one-week-and-I've-forgotten-what-it's-like-to-be-up-at-the-AMs, and possibly even do an actual comprehensive job of it, but for now, I'm a tad bit more organized in my online life, and a tad bit further away from understanding the scribblings of wise French men.
LJ gives a pretty odd view of Several Long Years of Being Me, especially when done in this hop-around way, and most especially since I tend to have a very spotty memory of things past, past-me included. I don't seem to have grown up much since, what, 2003? Which is definitely a long time for that, and might explain that whole stress-strain business. Mostly, I think, I've become less okay with being young and clueless, which is understandable but might not be an improvement.
I am: online less (mostly), writing more (though not at the moment), more lost in my politics since I've lost the inherent sense that some basic things were self evident. Nowhere near as more educated in my politics as I planned to be. More worried about my tendency to put things off. More angry, or at least more annoyed, about the same amount of afraid, though maybe coping less well with it. Neither of those about things I really believe to matter. More aware of the things that matter, but not enough, not in any way.
I've been having the vague sense that it's high time I started being actually alive, and this year would be an excellent time to do it, but for now, I'll be okay with just getting decent grades at these exams. But these are some things to think about, maybe.
(And then, some things are completely real, and completely matter, and the fact that I can't fit them into an LJ entry might be a small portion of actually growing up, but then they're real enough that that's hardly the point. But it should be said that one of the things I keep finding out about myself is that I rarely actually want things, and there's been exactly one thing I wanted these last few years, really absolutely wholeheartedly wanted to go right, and I got that. Some things that matter are easy to identify; it's the larger picture made up of mundanities I tend to have trouble with.)
Okay! If I post anything else that isn't crack before 2011, somebody, please shoot me.
ETA: Forgot to mention - I noticed I haven't said this in a while, so: This LJ, even when I use it more regularly, functions mostly as a reading list. I post erratically, my fic fandoms tend to be unpredictable (except for WAP, for some reason, but that's not exactly helpful), and I friend people who seem interesting or whose fic I like regardless of actually knowing them. So, if you've friended me back as a matter of courtesy, or if we knew each other many years back but have fallen out of touch, don't feel obligated - you're very welcome to stay, but there'll be no negative feelings if you don't. Be happy, and drive safe.