tonight was a hard night. I think knowing how close saturday is coming the more my body breaks down. I'm not really sure how I am going to react I just know this will be the last time.

The other night dear ( Read more... )

Every memory is starting to feel like a dream, like I can't hold onto it for more than a few seconds and then it just fades off like it was nothing. The pain and hatred still ring throughout my body and I don't think it will ever go away at this point. We tried the clean break and the closure but one of us will always fuck it up and in the end I ( Read more... )

Woke up went to work nothing special today, got a new tire for the trip saturday. Came home for a bit then hung out with Denys until Kel got home then we all hung out for the rest of the night. A very chill night, very relaxing. I feel asleep with Denys laying on me, it was very relaxing to be able to hold someone again..I drifted right off to ( Read more... )

Woke up today with a slight hang over from last night. it was a great time though and I laughed so hard I fell out of the chair and cried..funny cuz I was pretty sober at that point. So I work my gay morning shift that I didn't want cuz it was drinking day and I worked all day. Then Kelly called me and I was like wooo Kelly...but that changed ( Read more... )

In my darkest hour and in my searing pain you became a guardian angel over my lost soul ( Read more... )

man this is gonna be a long one again since my vacation is coming up I'm working 8 days straight. Almost defeats the point of the vacation lol. Wedding should be a blasty blast and then after that it's gonna be party time. Finishing off the vaca. with Denys at the DWP show and it's gonna be like sex in my ears. can't wait to get this shit started

I wish there was a drug to make it all just feel like a dream. A solution to make it seem like I'm ok in the end. The truth is no matter what I do no matter how hard I try I still feel like I'm dead inside. I've been drinking so much just to stay numb but it's not enough. these ties we have these strings that keep us together rip at my flesh like a ( Read more... )

It seems like I'm living more now more than I ever was. I mean people aren't afraid to ask me out to do tings because there is no one I have to go through to get permission to go out or to just have a few drinks after work and I like the feeling of being wanted. it feels like a long time since I've felt this appreciated because people just seem to ( Read more... )

I can't wait until next saturday! the wedding is gonna be fun on the bun :). seeing every1 again is getting me all excited and the drive up is making me sleepy haha. also I think once that day passes I can finally drop this dead weight I call my memories and move forward with my life...wont that be nice :/.