(Untitled)

[tigergoodbody]

I was reading in "Not the Sock Puppet News" that my family members are a dying breed. This disturbs me greatly.

What should I do? What is my part here?

*worried expression*

Should I be...procreating??? Oh my.

*frets*

Comments

[isengar_took]

There's always cloning. *nods*

[tigergoodbody]

Cloning. Cloning.

*considers*

Isengar, that's a great idea! For a minute I thought I'd have to...you know. Go back to those Cave Women.

Isengar, do you ever think about having children? Or...maybe you already do! Do you?

[isengar_took]

*shudders at the memory of their underground/underwater adventure*

Children? I don't think I have any, though I do tend to get very paternal about Bingo, Melba and Folco. They're enough to keep me occupied right now.

And you? Do you want children some day? Little cubs out on the golf course?

[tigergoodbody]

I've never really thought about having cubs. Er, children. That seems so domestic.

I supposed I could fashion some sort of cart to put children in when out on the course but what if they cry? And they will cry if Daddy makes a bad shot. Which tends to happen quite frequently.

*puts hand on Isengar's shoulder"

Children don't seem to be in my future. Maybe someday we'll have some in the Shire, just none of our own.

[bbolger_baggins]

Well, if you had a cub hobbitling that you didn't want, the cub hobbitling would know that and it would be unhappy. And if you didn't want him, you wouldn't raise him properly and the cub hobbitling would be socially maladjusted and seek relationships where he repeated this pattern of being rejected over and over and over and o-again. And that might make him depressed, or even seriously cracked. M-maybe even a menace to society that terrorized other hobbits and kept them from sleeping as he raged about the his all-consuming sorrow. Then all the hobbits would become maladjusted from lack of sleep. And they would all become destructive and hard to get along with. It could be a vicious cycle, and everyone would blame your wretched offspring and wish he never was born and better he wasn't than live as this socially disruptive, evil-even, being who contributes nothing but angst and the disintegration of all civility among hobbit-kind. So don't have an offspring unless it's really what you want because . . . *weeps*

[tigergoodbody]

*listens with growing alarm*

Uh oh, I think Bingo's sprung a leak. Isengar, see what you can do.

I'm going to phone Frodo.

[tigergoodbody]

*runs to phone, dials Bag End, speaks rapidly*

Frodo! Come quickly! Bingo is having issues!

[_misterfrodo]

*gasps*

ISSUES??? Oh no!

Whatever about???

[tigergoodbody]

*speaks quickly*

Isengar and I were discussing the in's and out's of procreation and Bingo wandered by and got involved and I guess I must have touched a raw nerve because--

[_misterfrodo]

*interrupts*

WHAT DID YOU TOUCH???

Tiger! I can't believe you and Isengar and MY BROTHER found yourselves in some BIZARRE THREE-WAY SEX ACT!! My brother would NEVER participate willingly in something so sordid and depraved! Now Bingo is HURT????

I'll be there at once!!!

*slams down phone*