a few fun things ...
Top Ten Subtle Differences Between Grad School & Hell
10. It doesn't rain in Hell.
9. Everyone has heard of Hell.
8. It's a lot more fun getting into Hell.
7. You can't fail out of Hell.
6. At least you can sleep in Hell.
5. Hell is forever; grad school just seems like it.
4. People smile in Hell.
3. You only have to sell your soul to get into Hell.
2. There are hot men and women in Hell.
And the #1 subtle difference between grad school and Hell...
1. You would never tell a friend to go to grad school!
What PhD Really Stands For
What "PhD" Really Stands for...
* P h D
* Patiently hoping for a Degree
* Piled higher and Deeper
* Professorship? hah! Dream on!
* Please hire. Desperate.
* Physiologically Deficient
* Pour him (or her) a Drink
* Philosophically Disturbed
* Probably headed for Divorce
* Pathetically hopeless Dweeb
* Probably heavily in Debt
* Parents have Doubts
* Professors had Doubts
* Pheromone Deprived
* Probably hard to Describe
* Patiently headed Downhill...
* Permanent head Damage
* Pulsating heaving Disaster?
* Pretty homely Dork
* Potential heavy Drinker
* Professional hamburger Dispenser
* Post hole Digger
* Professional hair Dresser
* Progressive heart Doctor
* Professional humidity Detector
* Piano hauling Done
* Pro at hurling Darts
* Professional hugger of Dames
* Private house Detective
* Pizza hut Driver
* Pretty heavily Depressed
* Prozac handouts Desired
* Pretty heavy Diploma
* Pathetic homeless Dreamer
* Please hold Dangerous
* Permanently held Dear
* Proudly half Dead
* Promised hell Down-the-road
* Precisely helping Deadheads
* Processed here, Dammit
* Probably heavenly Death
Graduate School Barbie
Graduate School Barbie comes in two styles!
Delusional Master's Barbie (tm) and Ph.D. Masochist Barbie (tm).
Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun-filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours:
Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into a frown after 2 weeks or her first advisor meeting (whichever comes first).
Adorable black circles under her delightfully bloodshot eyes!
Two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans with 5-year-old gap T-shirt, and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a matching "Go Screw Yourself" T-shirt!
Grad School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and hear her say such upbeat grad school phrases as, "Yes, Professor, It'll be done by tomorrow" "I'd love to write it all over again" "Why didn't I just get a job, I could have been making $40,000 a year by now if I had just started working with a Bachelor's degree. But noooooo, Mom and Dad wanted a masters degree" and "I wish somebody would drop a bomb on the school so that I'd have an excuse to stop working on this degree that's sucking every last drop of life force out of my withered and degraded excuse for a soul..." (9 V lithium batteries sold separately)
Grad School Barbie is anatomically correct! Experience the exciting changes that come with pursuing a higher education! Removable panels on Barbie's head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries to a crispy brown, her heart race at 150 beats per minute, and her stomach lining gradually dissolve into nothing!
Deluxe Grad School Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts. Just add water and watch Grad School Barbie burst into tears! Fun for the whole family!
Other accessories include:
Grad School Barbie's Fun Fridge (tm). Well stocked with microwave popcorn, Coca-Cola, Healthy Choice Bologna (99% fat free!),and small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum (tm).
Grad School Barbie's Medicine Cabinet ',¢. Comes in Fabulous Pink and contains Barbie sized bottles of Advil, St. Johns Wort, Zantac, and your choice of three fun anti-anxiety drugs! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet not available without a prescription).
Grad School Barbie's Computer Workstation. Comes with miniature obsolete PC (pink of course), rickety desk, and over a dozen miniature Mountain Dew cans to decorate your workstation (Mountain Dew deposit not included in price, tech support sold separately. Miniature cigarette butts and Oreo packages also available)
And Grad School Barbie is not alone! Order now and you'll get two of Barbie's great friends!
GRADUATE ADVISOR KEN: Barbie's mentor and advisor in her quest for increased education and decreased self esteem.
Grad Advisor Ken (tm) comes with a supply of red pens and a permanent frown. Press the button to hear Grad Advisor Ken deliver such wisdom as:
"I need an update on your progress"
"I don't think you'll be ready to graduate this spring"
and
"This is no where near ready for publication."
REAL JOB SKIPPER: When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper (tm), who got a job after getting her bachelor's degree. Press the button to hear Real Job Skipper say: "Sometimes I wish I went for my masters degree" and "Work is so hard! I had to work a half an hour of overtime!" Real Job Skipper's Work Wardrobe, Savings Account, and New Car sold separately. (WARNING: Do not place Grad Student Barbie and Real Job Skipper too close to each other, as there have been several mysterious cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie's hands mysteriously fused to Skipper's throat.)
also here's a link that i'm totally feelin' right now: http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=7
so not used to the quarter system.