Bandfic: Brought To You By... (FOB Gen)
The whole story: So, while writing my Road Trip fic, I somehow ended up with Patrick and Brendon sitting in a hotel lobby, singing "'C' is for cookie!' with a whole bunch of pre-schoolers. To which nafs wrote (although none of this is her fault): ...now I really want FOB on Sesame Street. I bet Pete would love it.
To which I replied: Now I totally want FOB to play on Sesame St. too. They could talk about sharing! And rewrite the chorus of Thnks fr th mmrs into an anthem about friends, or something like that. And then they could have Travis come on and then they could talk about how some people are shorter and some people are taller, but just because PStump is 4 feet shorter than Travis doesn't mean that he can't boss Travis around. And then Elmo would try to play the drums like Andy, and the Grouch would show that he could do it too, by banging on his garbage can, and Big Bird would join Joe for a guitar lesson, where they learn that practice makes perfect, and also, you can SPIN while playing the guitar, and it would be a beautiful learning experience for all.
And then I was apparently in the mood to be REALLY REALLY SILLY this morning, and this happened. I am so sorry.
Title: Brought To You By...
Author: tigs
Characters: FOB. Sesame Street.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Extreme silliness. Seriously.
Summary: When Doug calls them, tells them that their presence has been requested on Sesame Street, Patrick thinks that he’s joking. He says, “The fuck? No, seriously. What the fuck?” Which, okay, given the target audience of the show, isn’t maybe the most appropriate response ever. (~1350 words)
Author's Notes: Feist actually performed the song '1-2-3-4' on Sesame St. You can watch it here.
When Doug calls them, tells them that their presence has been requested on Sesame Street, Patrick thinks that he’s joking. He says, “The fuck? No, seriously. What the fuck?” Which, okay, given the target audience of the show, isn’t maybe the most appropriate response ever.
But seriously (and he’s still thinking this a week later): what the fuck?
*
They have a band meeting, with Andy and Joe looking just as confused as Patrick feels, and Pete saying that he is, but he’s also looking shifty in that way that means that he’s been dropping hints to people who have the ears of other people who might make decisions about who gets invited onto the show during Sesame Street’s 40th season.
Pete finally admits to it and says, “Bronx and Ash and I were watching and, I mean, I can’t let him listen to most of our albums yet, but I could let him watch this?” and he looks so stupidly hopeful that the rest of them are sighing and saying, yeah, yeah, okay. As if they would have said no anyway.
There are some things that you just don’t say no to.
*
Patrick hasn’t actually watched Sesame Street in years. He knows that he used to, though, and that he’d maybe-possibly, according to his mother, although he doesn’t consider her to be the most unbiased source on this subject-sung the Rubber Ducky Song while he took a bath every single night the year that he was three.
Apparently.
The point is, though, that he doesn’t even know what goes into being a guest star on Sesame Street anymore. In fact, the only song that he thinks he does remember is Harry Belafonte singing the Banana Boat Song-except that upon further research on YouTube, he discovers that Harry Belafonte actually sang it on the Muppet Show, not Sesame Street.
He texts Pete: thnks fr ruinin childhood mems
Pete texts back: ?
Patrick waits five minutes and responds: never mind
*
Actually, Patrick still doesn’t know what a typical guest star does on the show, because Pete, being Pete, has been planning out every minute of their visit since they were first asked. Which is why, apparently, instead of just singing a song about the number four after Elmo introduces them, calling them “my friends in FALL OUT BOY YAY YAY YAY!”, the show suddenly turns into one of those theme ones, with a story, where Big Bird wants to form a band.
At first, see, Big Bird wants to be the guitar player, which is how Joe and Pete end up showing him how to spin, because Big Bird likes to spin. But when they all stop the spinning, Big Bird learns the important lesson that turning in circles too quickly, too many times, can make you feel a little ill, which does not allow one to play a guitar.
So then he decides that he would much rather play the drums.
They bring Andy’s kit on the show, but Big Bird, with the help of Oscar, has made his own out of stray garbage can lids. So, they sit and they play, Andy doing a simple rhythm, then Big Bird doing it. And it would be wonderful, except that when Big Bird tries to do anything more than the simple ‘tap tap tap’, his sticks go flying out of his hands.
So Big Bird is, of course, very depressed, and he wanders down Sesame St. looking very sad, and that’s when he finds Patrick sitting in front of the hardware store. How Patrick got the major speaking part in this whole thing, he doesn’t know, but, well. Their conversation goes something like this:
“Hi, Big Bird,” he says, managing to a) not look at the camera, and b) not crack the fuck up.
“Hi, Patrick,” Big Bird says. He sighs heavily.
“What’s the matter?” Patrick asks, and when Big Bird shakes his head, probably to indicate that nothing’s wrong, really, Patrick says, “No really, tell me.”
So the whole story comes out: how Big Bird has dreams of being in a band, and he thought that he wanted to be a guitar player so that he could spin like Joe and Pete, but how he got too dizzy to stand up when he did that, and how then he wanted to play the drums like Andy, but he couldn’t hold onto the sticks.
To which Patrick says, “Well, when I was first in our band, I wanted to be the drummer, and Pete told me I should be the singer. Then I told him that I wanted to play a guitar, and Pete told me that I should be the singer.”
“But Patrick!” Big Bird says. “Why wouldn’t you want to be the lead singer?”
“Because I’d never done it before,” Patrick says. “Because I’d never tried it, and I didn’t think that I would like getting up in front of so many people without being able to hide behind my drums or my guitar.”
Big Bird makes a huffy sound.
Patrick continues. “So, sometimes, we think that we want to do other things, like play drums, or the guitar, because they sound like they would be a lot of fun, but maybe we are better at doing other things, like singing. And maybe we just need to try doing lots of things before we discover the one thing that we’re really good at.”
There is a pause then, while Big Bird digests all of this.
Then Patrick says, “Have you considered singing, Big Bird?”
Big Bird’s eyes go wide, and he shakes his head, and then together, he and Patrick walk back to Big Bird’s nest, where they find Pete and Joe and Andy, with Oscar behind the set of trash can drums, and Grover standing by Pete with a guitar made out of boxes and rubber bands, and Elmo is standing next to Joe with his own homemade guitar, but also wearing a wig of curly brown hair, so that he can be just like his newest idol, Joe. Snuffy is off to the side with a kazoo in his trunk, and the Count is off to the other side at his organ, and Patrick says, “See? All they need is a singer.”
Big Bird looks at Patrick one more time, then steps up to the microphone and says, “Okay guys?” and all of the rest of the character says, “We’re ready!” and they start playing an original Big Bird composition about the letter B and how it’s okay not to always be first.
Later, they participate in a Sesame Street Battle of the Bands, where Fall Out Boy perform their Sesame Street-writer penned hit, an ode to the Number Four, called ‘1-2-3-4’, and since it’s Sesame Street, they make an impromptu music video while they’re singing, as groups of monsters and penguins and chickens walk around them in clusters of four.
“Oh you’re counting, counting with me,” Patrick sings. “To one less than five, one more than three.”
Afterwards, Patrick sort of-okay, he doesn’t forget about it, but there’s a lag between filming and having it end up on TV, and so he’s almost surprised when he gets a call from Pete that says, “Thursday morning, dude. My place. Bring the coffee.” So, it’s him and Pete and Ashlee and Travis and Gabe and Brendon and Ryan, and all of them are sitting around, watching Sesame Street.
Patrick wants to blush a little bit, watching himself on the TV giving Big Bird his pep talk, but Bronx is watching the whole thing wide-eyed, and then he says, “Daddy!” while clapping his hands, and Patrick thinks, yeah, yeah, okay.
*
Later, Joe calls him and says, “Elmo’s the fucking man, dude.”
To which Patrick replies, “You just like him ‘cause he spins just as fast as you do.”
“Also, he embraced the hair,” Joe says, which makes Patrick laugh.
“Yeah,” he says. “He did.” He says, “Elmo was pretty awesome.”
He thinks, not as awesome as Big Bird, though, because, well. Patrick is probably, for always-and-forever now, going to be just a little bit partial to Big Bird himself.
To which I replied: Now I totally want FOB to play on Sesame St. too. They could talk about sharing! And rewrite the chorus of Thnks fr th mmrs into an anthem about friends, or something like that. And then they could have Travis come on and then they could talk about how some people are shorter and some people are taller, but just because PStump is 4 feet shorter than Travis doesn't mean that he can't boss Travis around. And then Elmo would try to play the drums like Andy, and the Grouch would show that he could do it too, by banging on his garbage can, and Big Bird would join Joe for a guitar lesson, where they learn that practice makes perfect, and also, you can SPIN while playing the guitar, and it would be a beautiful learning experience for all.
And then I was apparently in the mood to be REALLY REALLY SILLY this morning, and this happened. I am so sorry.
Title: Brought To You By...
Author: tigs
Characters: FOB. Sesame Street.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Extreme silliness. Seriously.
Summary: When Doug calls them, tells them that their presence has been requested on Sesame Street, Patrick thinks that he’s joking. He says, “The fuck? No, seriously. What the fuck?” Which, okay, given the target audience of the show, isn’t maybe the most appropriate response ever. (~1350 words)
Author's Notes: Feist actually performed the song '1-2-3-4' on Sesame St. You can watch it here.
When Doug calls them, tells them that their presence has been requested on Sesame Street, Patrick thinks that he’s joking. He says, “The fuck? No, seriously. What the fuck?” Which, okay, given the target audience of the show, isn’t maybe the most appropriate response ever.
But seriously (and he’s still thinking this a week later): what the fuck?
*
They have a band meeting, with Andy and Joe looking just as confused as Patrick feels, and Pete saying that he is, but he’s also looking shifty in that way that means that he’s been dropping hints to people who have the ears of other people who might make decisions about who gets invited onto the show during Sesame Street’s 40th season.
Pete finally admits to it and says, “Bronx and Ash and I were watching and, I mean, I can’t let him listen to most of our albums yet, but I could let him watch this?” and he looks so stupidly hopeful that the rest of them are sighing and saying, yeah, yeah, okay. As if they would have said no anyway.
There are some things that you just don’t say no to.
*
Patrick hasn’t actually watched Sesame Street in years. He knows that he used to, though, and that he’d maybe-possibly, according to his mother, although he doesn’t consider her to be the most unbiased source on this subject-sung the Rubber Ducky Song while he took a bath every single night the year that he was three.
Apparently.
The point is, though, that he doesn’t even know what goes into being a guest star on Sesame Street anymore. In fact, the only song that he thinks he does remember is Harry Belafonte singing the Banana Boat Song-except that upon further research on YouTube, he discovers that Harry Belafonte actually sang it on the Muppet Show, not Sesame Street.
He texts Pete: thnks fr ruinin childhood mems
Pete texts back: ?
Patrick waits five minutes and responds: never mind
*
Actually, Patrick still doesn’t know what a typical guest star does on the show, because Pete, being Pete, has been planning out every minute of their visit since they were first asked. Which is why, apparently, instead of just singing a song about the number four after Elmo introduces them, calling them “my friends in FALL OUT BOY YAY YAY YAY!”, the show suddenly turns into one of those theme ones, with a story, where Big Bird wants to form a band.
At first, see, Big Bird wants to be the guitar player, which is how Joe and Pete end up showing him how to spin, because Big Bird likes to spin. But when they all stop the spinning, Big Bird learns the important lesson that turning in circles too quickly, too many times, can make you feel a little ill, which does not allow one to play a guitar.
So then he decides that he would much rather play the drums.
They bring Andy’s kit on the show, but Big Bird, with the help of Oscar, has made his own out of stray garbage can lids. So, they sit and they play, Andy doing a simple rhythm, then Big Bird doing it. And it would be wonderful, except that when Big Bird tries to do anything more than the simple ‘tap tap tap’, his sticks go flying out of his hands.
So Big Bird is, of course, very depressed, and he wanders down Sesame St. looking very sad, and that’s when he finds Patrick sitting in front of the hardware store. How Patrick got the major speaking part in this whole thing, he doesn’t know, but, well. Their conversation goes something like this:
“Hi, Big Bird,” he says, managing to a) not look at the camera, and b) not crack the fuck up.
“Hi, Patrick,” Big Bird says. He sighs heavily.
“What’s the matter?” Patrick asks, and when Big Bird shakes his head, probably to indicate that nothing’s wrong, really, Patrick says, “No really, tell me.”
So the whole story comes out: how Big Bird has dreams of being in a band, and he thought that he wanted to be a guitar player so that he could spin like Joe and Pete, but how he got too dizzy to stand up when he did that, and how then he wanted to play the drums like Andy, but he couldn’t hold onto the sticks.
To which Patrick says, “Well, when I was first in our band, I wanted to be the drummer, and Pete told me I should be the singer. Then I told him that I wanted to play a guitar, and Pete told me that I should be the singer.”
“But Patrick!” Big Bird says. “Why wouldn’t you want to be the lead singer?”
“Because I’d never done it before,” Patrick says. “Because I’d never tried it, and I didn’t think that I would like getting up in front of so many people without being able to hide behind my drums or my guitar.”
Big Bird makes a huffy sound.
Patrick continues. “So, sometimes, we think that we want to do other things, like play drums, or the guitar, because they sound like they would be a lot of fun, but maybe we are better at doing other things, like singing. And maybe we just need to try doing lots of things before we discover the one thing that we’re really good at.”
There is a pause then, while Big Bird digests all of this.
Then Patrick says, “Have you considered singing, Big Bird?”
Big Bird’s eyes go wide, and he shakes his head, and then together, he and Patrick walk back to Big Bird’s nest, where they find Pete and Joe and Andy, with Oscar behind the set of trash can drums, and Grover standing by Pete with a guitar made out of boxes and rubber bands, and Elmo is standing next to Joe with his own homemade guitar, but also wearing a wig of curly brown hair, so that he can be just like his newest idol, Joe. Snuffy is off to the side with a kazoo in his trunk, and the Count is off to the other side at his organ, and Patrick says, “See? All they need is a singer.”
Big Bird looks at Patrick one more time, then steps up to the microphone and says, “Okay guys?” and all of the rest of the character says, “We’re ready!” and they start playing an original Big Bird composition about the letter B and how it’s okay not to always be first.
Later, they participate in a Sesame Street Battle of the Bands, where Fall Out Boy perform their Sesame Street-writer penned hit, an ode to the Number Four, called ‘1-2-3-4’, and since it’s Sesame Street, they make an impromptu music video while they’re singing, as groups of monsters and penguins and chickens walk around them in clusters of four.
“Oh you’re counting, counting with me,” Patrick sings. “To one less than five, one more than three.”
Afterwards, Patrick sort of-okay, he doesn’t forget about it, but there’s a lag between filming and having it end up on TV, and so he’s almost surprised when he gets a call from Pete that says, “Thursday morning, dude. My place. Bring the coffee.” So, it’s him and Pete and Ashlee and Travis and Gabe and Brendon and Ryan, and all of them are sitting around, watching Sesame Street.
Patrick wants to blush a little bit, watching himself on the TV giving Big Bird his pep talk, but Bronx is watching the whole thing wide-eyed, and then he says, “Daddy!” while clapping his hands, and Patrick thinks, yeah, yeah, okay.
*
Later, Joe calls him and says, “Elmo’s the fucking man, dude.”
To which Patrick replies, “You just like him ‘cause he spins just as fast as you do.”
“Also, he embraced the hair,” Joe says, which makes Patrick laugh.
“Yeah,” he says. “He did.” He says, “Elmo was pretty awesome.”
He thinks, not as awesome as Big Bird, though, because, well. Patrick is probably, for always-and-forever now, going to be just a little bit partial to Big Bird himself.