until I die
Title: Until I Die
Rating: PG
Fandom/Pairing: Football RPS, Cristiano Ronaldo/Kaká
Summary: He's lived a thousand lives but can't ever reach the end. AU, re-verse.
☆ More of a fairytale than the truth. Every word is a lie.
★ NO DIALOGUE WHAT-SO-EVER. DEAL WITH IT. Un-betaed. Feedback is always welcome.
♥ for sunnyshinee :*
And in your heart
You know it to be true,
You know what you gotta do.
- DeVotchKa, How it Ends
When Ricky for the first time meets Cris he wonders why he's so damn comfortable in the man's presence. Sure, the Portuguese and him share the same language and the tanner man is friendly and generally happy but there's more. Like they've known each other for all of eternity but they've just started to peel off the layers.
They click, as cliché as it sounds, they do. They get into the comfortable rhythm as close friends mere hours after they've shaken hands for the first time. They share easy smiles and even easier conversations.
Ricky is a devoted christian, he believes in the afterlife, but if he believed in reincarnation, he'd like to think that he'd be surrounded by the same people he has close now in every life that has been and will come. He'd even want Cris there, even if he's just known him for a short period of time. It feels right.
Kaká has dreams. He had dreams before of course but now they're more intense. He dreams of old times, the dark ages one night. And Cris is strangely there. He's always there. Always one step too far away for Ricky to reach. And somehow Ricky always dies in these dreams when he gets close enough. It's vivid and it feels real when he dies and always leaves him gasping for breath when he wakes up.
The following week Ricky dies in a violent car crash. He was on his way to tell Cris everything about his dreams and what he's started to believe. Ironically.
-::-
Ricky becomes a bird his next lifetime. He's a duck that lives in the pond of a city park. He'd much rather be out in the country where he feels he belongs but it's comfortable here. It's his home. With his duck-friends and family.
Some lifetimes he remembers his past lives. Often he doesn't. This time he doesn't. It's better that way. What the hell is he supposed to do if he finds out his mission in life? He's a duck.
Winter comes, winter goes. The only difference is that there's three less ducks at the pond when spring arrives. One of those who disappear is Ricky.
-::-
This time Ricardo's a fly. His life officially sucks. Even though he gets to annoy people and eat garbage. His lifeline ends at the tender age of 2 weeks.
-::-
Ricardo's next life is the life of an oak tree in a deep forest. It's different from every other life he's lived so far. He can't move if the wind doesn't allow it, rustling his leaves and swaying his branches. He can't talk but he can communicate with the other living plants but it's not the same. The years pass. He's truly alone. Ricardo feels the hopelessness settle in the deepest crevices of his bark.
One day the forest burns. The flames are bright and merciless as they devour everything in their path. The wind blows hard and cold and it should help extinguish the fire but it does the opposite. Kaká has waited 40 years for something like this to happen. He feels the branches of his wooden body ache in anxiety. It's soon time again.
The flames find their way through the dry leaves on the ground to the trunk. It hurts when the oak wood catches fire. He hasn't felt this free in quite a while.
-::-
He's a man again. This time it's different. He remembers everything. Every past life, every missed chance. It's weird but it's kind of cool. Not that he goes around telling people this, they'd think he was crazy.
He looks the same, he even has the same dark hair as he remembers having four lives ago.
Ricky sees a tanned man at a road-crossing when he sits on the bus to work one day. His heart does a double take and his breath hitches in his throat when he recognizes the man's face. It's a bit different, narrower jaw and rounder lips but it's still him. It must be Cris. Ricky gets off at the nearest stop and runs back to the road-crossing but the man is nowhere in sight. After that sort-of encounter, Ricky's eyes subconsciously searches the crowds every time he passes that road-crossing.
When he actually sees the man again, it isn't Ricky who approaches. They're in the library where Ricky works and Cris asks about a book about american history. He doesn't seem to recognize Ricardo but he stands close and Ricky's nose take in the familiar cologne from ages ago that lies close to his heart. It makes him ache in the most wonderful way. It's been lifetimes and it hits him just now how much he's missed the other man.
Cris coughs and Ricky snaps out of it. He looks embarrassed, his cheeks tinting red and he stutters out an apology with a sheepish smile. Cris smiles the smile he always has had. Ricky's heart breaks some more.
Cris comes back every Monday after that. He borrows books different subjects. Ricky wonders if he ever reads them. He never was big on reading. But things change with time. And with death.
Ricky's pretty sure that Cris doesn't remember anything about their past lives. He doesn't know if he's happy or not though.
One Friday Cris comes waltzing in like he owns the large brick building. It's in the middle of the day and the library isn't exactly the hottest spot in town. He asks for a book on reincarnation. Ricky's eyes go wide and he doesn't know what to make of that question. But Cris has this wide shit-eating yet innocent grin on his face and he backs Ricky up against the bookcase where the books on religion are kept.
He speaks in a low voice about vague memories of lifetimes ago, his voice steady, laying like a heavy blanket around Ricky, comforting and making his heart lighter than he's ever experienced in this life before.
Something akin to happiness but much more powerful and consuming spreads through Ricardo's body. He really doesn't know what to make of this but his arms have already winded themselves around Cristiano's neck before he can react mentally. He buries his face in the skin where shoulder and neck meet, takes in that fresh smell of forest with a sense of nostalgia.
They get two days of getting re-familiarized before Ricky dies. He dies by the hand of a man with a gun who's robbing the supermarket when Ricky's there buying milk. Life's freaking irony.
-::-
The next life he's once again a human. He's not entirely familiar with his past lives but he's seen a psychic old lady with his sister once when she was pregnant. The psychic told him that he should go search for a man who's handsome and tanned. When Ricardo finds this man he shall find inner peace and his soul shall find balance. That he's lived many lives but never reached his goal. And that's why he's reborn all the time. Ricky calls it bullshit except in not-so-harsh words. But what he doesn't mention is that he's been having strange dreams about a handsome tanned man who's always smiling at him. And that he can't ever reach him, that the man's always one step ahead, too far away to reach.
This man shows up in Ricky's life just as happy as he has dreamt him up. One day after a whole lifetime of absence he's just there. Ricky didn't have to go look for him. He literally shows up on his doorstep with a smile and a plate of cookies. And a name, Cristiano but he can call him Cris. He's his new neighbour.
Something changes. Everything makes some kind of sense now. The whole balance thing. Like some puzzle piece that was missing found its way home. Ricky feels at home now. Maybe the old lady actually knew what she was talking about.
He has other dreams than before now. Of other lives he has lived and other experiences he has went through. Cris seems to be a constant in those dreams. Maybe not with a centre role but always there. Always smiling, being his typical self.
Despite his doubts he calls his sister to get that psychic woman's address. And despite his sister's teasing he goes to the psychic seeking advice and solutions he can't find elsewhere. The moment she sees him she knows. With a smile she tells him that his soul has found its balance. That this time he might not be reborn. If he not fails his purpose. What that is she won't tell him. He has to reveal it himself or he's going to be stuck in this time-loop of reincarnation for eternity. Ricky calls it bullshit when she gets to that part. It sounds too much like the homeless Jesus-freaks Ricky's seen downtown would say. Or shout, as they do. The lady tells him to believe whatever he believes but her words are the truth. He leaves even more confused than when he came but yet reassured.
Ricky's a firm believer in a christian God but yet believes in reincarnation and wonders if Cris ever gets reborn like Ricky does or if it's just God who plays a practical joke on him.
He doesn't know how to break it to Cris. How does one say 'hey, I've been reborn for all eternity up 'til now and you and me are somewhat soulmates since we've spent a thousand of lifetimes together, you wanna try to be lovers' to another person without sounding batshit crazy? You practise. Ricky has a whole speech planned but when Cris opens his frontdoor with bed-tousled hair and nothing but sweatpants on he throws caution to the side and goes for the direct approach instead.
He kisses Cris, like he imagines his past lives have been waiting for but didn't get the chance to. And Cristiano doesn't freeze up because maybe, just maybe, this feels as right for him as it does for Ricky. Cris kisses him back and pulls him into the apartment.
He doesn't mention anything about the past lives to Cris. It's behind him and really, he doesn't know how to reveal it to him.
Four weeks after that they travel to a sunny resort on a holiday. They don't make it that far though, the plane crashes in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Life's freaking irony.
At least they went together this time.
Rating: PG
Fandom/Pairing: Football RPS, Cristiano Ronaldo/Kaká
Summary: He's lived a thousand lives but can't ever reach the end. AU, re-verse.
☆ More of a fairytale than the truth. Every word is a lie.
★ NO DIALOGUE WHAT-SO-EVER. DEAL WITH IT. Un-betaed. Feedback is always welcome.
♥ for sunnyshinee :*
And in your heart
You know it to be true,
You know what you gotta do.
- DeVotchKa, How it Ends
When Ricky for the first time meets Cris he wonders why he's so damn comfortable in the man's presence. Sure, the Portuguese and him share the same language and the tanner man is friendly and generally happy but there's more. Like they've known each other for all of eternity but they've just started to peel off the layers.
They click, as cliché as it sounds, they do. They get into the comfortable rhythm as close friends mere hours after they've shaken hands for the first time. They share easy smiles and even easier conversations.
Ricky is a devoted christian, he believes in the afterlife, but if he believed in reincarnation, he'd like to think that he'd be surrounded by the same people he has close now in every life that has been and will come. He'd even want Cris there, even if he's just known him for a short period of time. It feels right.
Kaká has dreams. He had dreams before of course but now they're more intense. He dreams of old times, the dark ages one night. And Cris is strangely there. He's always there. Always one step too far away for Ricky to reach. And somehow Ricky always dies in these dreams when he gets close enough. It's vivid and it feels real when he dies and always leaves him gasping for breath when he wakes up.
The following week Ricky dies in a violent car crash. He was on his way to tell Cris everything about his dreams and what he's started to believe. Ironically.
-::-
Ricky becomes a bird his next lifetime. He's a duck that lives in the pond of a city park. He'd much rather be out in the country where he feels he belongs but it's comfortable here. It's his home. With his duck-friends and family.
Some lifetimes he remembers his past lives. Often he doesn't. This time he doesn't. It's better that way. What the hell is he supposed to do if he finds out his mission in life? He's a duck.
Winter comes, winter goes. The only difference is that there's three less ducks at the pond when spring arrives. One of those who disappear is Ricky.
-::-
This time Ricardo's a fly. His life officially sucks. Even though he gets to annoy people and eat garbage. His lifeline ends at the tender age of 2 weeks.
-::-
Ricardo's next life is the life of an oak tree in a deep forest. It's different from every other life he's lived so far. He can't move if the wind doesn't allow it, rustling his leaves and swaying his branches. He can't talk but he can communicate with the other living plants but it's not the same. The years pass. He's truly alone. Ricardo feels the hopelessness settle in the deepest crevices of his bark.
One day the forest burns. The flames are bright and merciless as they devour everything in their path. The wind blows hard and cold and it should help extinguish the fire but it does the opposite. Kaká has waited 40 years for something like this to happen. He feels the branches of his wooden body ache in anxiety. It's soon time again.
The flames find their way through the dry leaves on the ground to the trunk. It hurts when the oak wood catches fire. He hasn't felt this free in quite a while.
-::-
He's a man again. This time it's different. He remembers everything. Every past life, every missed chance. It's weird but it's kind of cool. Not that he goes around telling people this, they'd think he was crazy.
He looks the same, he even has the same dark hair as he remembers having four lives ago.
Ricky sees a tanned man at a road-crossing when he sits on the bus to work one day. His heart does a double take and his breath hitches in his throat when he recognizes the man's face. It's a bit different, narrower jaw and rounder lips but it's still him. It must be Cris. Ricky gets off at the nearest stop and runs back to the road-crossing but the man is nowhere in sight. After that sort-of encounter, Ricky's eyes subconsciously searches the crowds every time he passes that road-crossing.
When he actually sees the man again, it isn't Ricky who approaches. They're in the library where Ricky works and Cris asks about a book about american history. He doesn't seem to recognize Ricardo but he stands close and Ricky's nose take in the familiar cologne from ages ago that lies close to his heart. It makes him ache in the most wonderful way. It's been lifetimes and it hits him just now how much he's missed the other man.
Cris coughs and Ricky snaps out of it. He looks embarrassed, his cheeks tinting red and he stutters out an apology with a sheepish smile. Cris smiles the smile he always has had. Ricky's heart breaks some more.
Cris comes back every Monday after that. He borrows books different subjects. Ricky wonders if he ever reads them. He never was big on reading. But things change with time. And with death.
Ricky's pretty sure that Cris doesn't remember anything about their past lives. He doesn't know if he's happy or not though.
One Friday Cris comes waltzing in like he owns the large brick building. It's in the middle of the day and the library isn't exactly the hottest spot in town. He asks for a book on reincarnation. Ricky's eyes go wide and he doesn't know what to make of that question. But Cris has this wide shit-eating yet innocent grin on his face and he backs Ricky up against the bookcase where the books on religion are kept.
He speaks in a low voice about vague memories of lifetimes ago, his voice steady, laying like a heavy blanket around Ricky, comforting and making his heart lighter than he's ever experienced in this life before.
Something akin to happiness but much more powerful and consuming spreads through Ricardo's body. He really doesn't know what to make of this but his arms have already winded themselves around Cristiano's neck before he can react mentally. He buries his face in the skin where shoulder and neck meet, takes in that fresh smell of forest with a sense of nostalgia.
They get two days of getting re-familiarized before Ricky dies. He dies by the hand of a man with a gun who's robbing the supermarket when Ricky's there buying milk. Life's freaking irony.
-::-
The next life he's once again a human. He's not entirely familiar with his past lives but he's seen a psychic old lady with his sister once when she was pregnant. The psychic told him that he should go search for a man who's handsome and tanned. When Ricardo finds this man he shall find inner peace and his soul shall find balance. That he's lived many lives but never reached his goal. And that's why he's reborn all the time. Ricky calls it bullshit except in not-so-harsh words. But what he doesn't mention is that he's been having strange dreams about a handsome tanned man who's always smiling at him. And that he can't ever reach him, that the man's always one step ahead, too far away to reach.
This man shows up in Ricky's life just as happy as he has dreamt him up. One day after a whole lifetime of absence he's just there. Ricky didn't have to go look for him. He literally shows up on his doorstep with a smile and a plate of cookies. And a name, Cristiano but he can call him Cris. He's his new neighbour.
Something changes. Everything makes some kind of sense now. The whole balance thing. Like some puzzle piece that was missing found its way home. Ricky feels at home now. Maybe the old lady actually knew what she was talking about.
He has other dreams than before now. Of other lives he has lived and other experiences he has went through. Cris seems to be a constant in those dreams. Maybe not with a centre role but always there. Always smiling, being his typical self.
Despite his doubts he calls his sister to get that psychic woman's address. And despite his sister's teasing he goes to the psychic seeking advice and solutions he can't find elsewhere. The moment she sees him she knows. With a smile she tells him that his soul has found its balance. That this time he might not be reborn. If he not fails his purpose. What that is she won't tell him. He has to reveal it himself or he's going to be stuck in this time-loop of reincarnation for eternity. Ricky calls it bullshit when she gets to that part. It sounds too much like the homeless Jesus-freaks Ricky's seen downtown would say. Or shout, as they do. The lady tells him to believe whatever he believes but her words are the truth. He leaves even more confused than when he came but yet reassured.
Ricky's a firm believer in a christian God but yet believes in reincarnation and wonders if Cris ever gets reborn like Ricky does or if it's just God who plays a practical joke on him.
He doesn't know how to break it to Cris. How does one say 'hey, I've been reborn for all eternity up 'til now and you and me are somewhat soulmates since we've spent a thousand of lifetimes together, you wanna try to be lovers' to another person without sounding batshit crazy? You practise. Ricky has a whole speech planned but when Cris opens his frontdoor with bed-tousled hair and nothing but sweatpants on he throws caution to the side and goes for the direct approach instead.
He kisses Cris, like he imagines his past lives have been waiting for but didn't get the chance to. And Cristiano doesn't freeze up because maybe, just maybe, this feels as right for him as it does for Ricky. Cris kisses him back and pulls him into the apartment.
He doesn't mention anything about the past lives to Cris. It's behind him and really, he doesn't know how to reveal it to him.
Four weeks after that they travel to a sunny resort on a holiday. They don't make it that far though, the plane crashes in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Life's freaking irony.
At least they went together this time.