Fic: "Clandestine"
Title: Clandestine
Rating: M/R (future violence and bit more cheekiness)
Status: Work in Progress
Pairing: 10/Rose
Spoilers: Parting of the Ways, ‘Independence’, ‘Harmonious’
Summery: Life has ups and downs, turns and straight roads and hindrances. Even with his life taking the turn that would make everything else seem so insignificant, one hindrance threatens the future that the TARDIS guided the two of them to. (10th Doctor/Rose) sequel to Harmonious.
Prolouge / Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Author's Note: So I went to work on this, and found I had an complete chapter already written! I went back and fixed some things and added to it. Holy cow how lucky? Anyways here you are :D
~*~
The Drowning
~*~
Rose sighed in frustration and lay back down on the bed, hands over her head and glaring at the ceiling. She shifted again in attempt of finding some comfort but came to no such luck. She was aggravated, tired, and just wanted to find a comfortable way of sleeping. However the thought did cross her mind that maybe she was so uncomfortable because the little girl inside her would be born soon. Her chest tightened and for the first time since she learned about her pregnancy, Rose Tyler was scared.
It wasn’t the fear she felt when she was facing life or death on an alien planet with her companions, but some sort she had never felt before. A fear of failure is all she could think to call it, the fear of something going wrong and loosing the child. She sat up on the bed with some difficultly but stared at the wall as she could see it happening. Maybe being in an Earth hospital was a bit farfetched, but the expressions she could see in her mind playing on the Doctor’s face were not farfetched. His face would be set in stone, except his eyes, which would water and reveal nothing but true loss and heart break.
She was scared. Inside her was the last Gallifreyan child in the universe, and if something went wrong with the child she knew he would loose all hope in having anything to his home brought back. Rose covered her face with her hands as she desperately tried to think of something else, but her mind always returned to the large burden she had taken upon herself. She wanted to make her Doctor happy, to see him smile more instead of standing there with a distant look in his eyes and the personality disorder that the Illness had left him with. And now for the first time she felt like she couldn’t do, that she’d fail, and she would be able to help him.
Her eyes slowly left the shelter of her hands as she felt his presence in front of her. He instantly bent his knees down so he was at eye level, his eyes searching hers silently for the thing that tormented her. She shook her head to reassure him nothing was wrong, but his hand went to her face knowing she couldn’t lie to him. His thumb brushed away the water on her face and she realized that she had been crying. She quickly removed the tears on the other side of her face and sniffed.
He sat beside her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders to give her a place to cry. Rose put her face in his black shirt and for the first time missed the way he used to dress. His old apparel was unique and held such a free spirit, but now it held what seemed like a ghost of that former spirit. He was so broken and there was no way she could fix him, even after everything he had done for her and saved her from the Time Vortex, she could do nothing. She was still a little ape that couldn’t do anything but watch everything go on without her.
He must have known how she felt because in one swift motion he was standing several feel away from her with his back to her, hands in his jean pockets and staring at the same wall. Rose stared at the floor, hands griping the edge of the bed but said nothing for a long moment. Neither of them moved.
“We’re still broken.” She said softly. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair but said nothing in return. Rose shut her eyes tightly and bit down on her lip. “Nothing’s changed, we’re still broken. And I can’t fix it, I never could.” She continued to stare at the floor even when his shoes came into her view. Tears blurred her vision and all she wanted was to stop.
His hands pulled her gently to her feet, tilting her head back and moving the hair back from her face. He pressed her lips to her forehead and looked her in the eyes. “That isn’t true Rose, you know that. What has you all worked up?” her eyes lowered down to the ground but said nothing. He glanced down to find one of her hands over her showing stomach. Oh. He raised her head again but held her gaze. “Everything’s fine.” He reassured.
“Are you sure?” she said almost with no voice. “It’s…just, it’s uncomfortable and what if my body rejects her? What if it doesn’t work right because I’m human and she’s only half human and something goes wrong?” her voice quivered. “Doctor, what if she dies?”
His face fell. She knew then that the thought had crossed his mind. His eyes darted away and he closed his mouth before he could say anything. Rose felt her heart drop quickly and looked away and shut her eyes tightly. She looked back up at him to see that his eyes were searching her face again for something. Rose met his eye contact in hope that he would tell her what he was searching for her, but as she was hoping that he would smile, his face became solemn and his eyes dark with sadness. Rose felt something inside shatter knowing that something had let him down but she didn’t know what. Her hands went to her unborn child as he turned and left the room without a word.
Something inside broke again, but Rose felt this time as if it wasn’t her heart. Whatever had hurt him, her baby knew it, and it made her feel worse. She sat back down on the bed and buried her face in her hands as cries took her. She knew her baby could feel what had shattered because it affected both of them. Rose felt another wave of emotions come from deep inside her and choke her, causing her to cry for her baby as well. She lay down on the bed for what seemed like an eternity before she had no more water to give and gave dry painful sobs. Rose wanted him to come back and hold her, even if he couldn’t tell her that everything would be alright, she just wanted to be held.
Outside the door he stood listening to her cry feeling his hearts break. He leaned his head against the door and shut his eyes tightly as he forced his body not to join her in her cries. There was something wrong, he knew it. He couldn’t tell what was wrong with his little girl - but it was horribly wrong and he couldn’t help her. She couldn’t connect fully with her mother to gain the aid she needed, and there was no way he could venture into her mind without hurting Rose. He could do nothing but stand there and feel in his mind as his little girl suffered and called out to her father to help. He knew he had hurt the both of them by walking out, but he couldn’t admit to Rose that he was weak and could not save their daughter if something went horribly wrong. Even after the Illness he had to prove he was the stronger one and could take on anything with triumph, but this he could not take. And it made him feel useless.
If his home hadn’t have been destroyed, they could help. If his people were still alive, they could help. Of course - his mind cut through his emotions - if Gallifrey was still there than he would have never met Rose. That thought stung horribly, but it was true. He felt now as if he had to choose between his home and his life as it was now, even though there was no way to bring his home and people back. If it had not been for such the destruction to his life, he wouldn’t have found the blessing in his life. He grabbed two fists worth of his brown hair and felt like ripping it out in frustration but knew he couldn’t; he wasn’t strong enough.
He slipped back into the bedroom to find Rose sleeping on the bed with a slight wheeze in her breath from crying. He sat down on the bed and carefully removed his shoes before lying down on the bed and wrapping his arms around her. Rose moved to him in her sleep and made a small noise of discomfort before settling down again. One of his hands played in her hand while the other rested against her stomach. He felt a slight push, the baby inside acknowledging his presence. Despite himself he smiled lightly, pressing against the small foot. The foot squirmed slightly and he could tell she was happy but still scared. The Doctor pressed a small kiss to Rose’s head in hope that his little girl could sense the comfort he was trying to send without harming her mother. He felt his child respond with a soft kick and looked up at the ceiling.
Maybe someone could help them. True she had no reason to help him, but maybe she could put that aside and help Rose and his little girl. His stomach turned as he became aware of the fact that the probability of loosing both of them was too high now. Too many unexpected plots and twists that led here. He held onto her tightly as the realization struck that Rose would not survive, the stakes were too high against her. She was strong, but she never had to battle a Gallifreyan before. His hearts skipped a few beats and knotted up as he shut his eyes and put his face into her hair. He was going to loose her and the child.
“You’re an alien! What if something goes wrong and Rose ends up hurt?!”
Jackie Tyler’s words hit him square in the chest. He simply stared up at the ceiling as the realization struck him. Jackie was right. For once Jackie Tyler was right. He was an alien, and something had gone wrong. Rose was going to end up hurt. Rose was going to end up dieing. And it would be his fault. He had caused the destruction of his people and home, and now the one thing he needed the most in the entire universe as going to die.
He could feel it creeping into his mind, the darkness that scared his complex brain ever since Hul-Xem III. The Illness he nearly self caused had left its mark and waited for him to be vulnerable so it could manifest in his mind again. He could remember everything he did and said when he was under the influence of the Illness, how it manipulated him and changed him. And now that Illness, the second personality almost, lay dormant till its time. But it was moving again, slowly ready to make the kill. The Doctor held Rose close hoping that she could somehow protect him from himself and the insanity that waited there for him.
Rating: M/R (future violence and bit more cheekiness)
Status: Work in Progress
Pairing: 10/Rose
Spoilers: Parting of the Ways, ‘Independence’, ‘Harmonious’
Summery: Life has ups and downs, turns and straight roads and hindrances. Even with his life taking the turn that would make everything else seem so insignificant, one hindrance threatens the future that the TARDIS guided the two of them to. (10th Doctor/Rose) sequel to Harmonious.
Prolouge / Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Author's Note: So I went to work on this, and found I had an complete chapter already written! I went back and fixed some things and added to it. Holy cow how lucky? Anyways here you are :D
~*~
The Drowning
~*~
Rose sighed in frustration and lay back down on the bed, hands over her head and glaring at the ceiling. She shifted again in attempt of finding some comfort but came to no such luck. She was aggravated, tired, and just wanted to find a comfortable way of sleeping. However the thought did cross her mind that maybe she was so uncomfortable because the little girl inside her would be born soon. Her chest tightened and for the first time since she learned about her pregnancy, Rose Tyler was scared.
It wasn’t the fear she felt when she was facing life or death on an alien planet with her companions, but some sort she had never felt before. A fear of failure is all she could think to call it, the fear of something going wrong and loosing the child. She sat up on the bed with some difficultly but stared at the wall as she could see it happening. Maybe being in an Earth hospital was a bit farfetched, but the expressions she could see in her mind playing on the Doctor’s face were not farfetched. His face would be set in stone, except his eyes, which would water and reveal nothing but true loss and heart break.
She was scared. Inside her was the last Gallifreyan child in the universe, and if something went wrong with the child she knew he would loose all hope in having anything to his home brought back. Rose covered her face with her hands as she desperately tried to think of something else, but her mind always returned to the large burden she had taken upon herself. She wanted to make her Doctor happy, to see him smile more instead of standing there with a distant look in his eyes and the personality disorder that the Illness had left him with. And now for the first time she felt like she couldn’t do, that she’d fail, and she would be able to help him.
Her eyes slowly left the shelter of her hands as she felt his presence in front of her. He instantly bent his knees down so he was at eye level, his eyes searching hers silently for the thing that tormented her. She shook her head to reassure him nothing was wrong, but his hand went to her face knowing she couldn’t lie to him. His thumb brushed away the water on her face and she realized that she had been crying. She quickly removed the tears on the other side of her face and sniffed.
He sat beside her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders to give her a place to cry. Rose put her face in his black shirt and for the first time missed the way he used to dress. His old apparel was unique and held such a free spirit, but now it held what seemed like a ghost of that former spirit. He was so broken and there was no way she could fix him, even after everything he had done for her and saved her from the Time Vortex, she could do nothing. She was still a little ape that couldn’t do anything but watch everything go on without her.
He must have known how she felt because in one swift motion he was standing several feel away from her with his back to her, hands in his jean pockets and staring at the same wall. Rose stared at the floor, hands griping the edge of the bed but said nothing for a long moment. Neither of them moved.
“We’re still broken.” She said softly. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair but said nothing in return. Rose shut her eyes tightly and bit down on her lip. “Nothing’s changed, we’re still broken. And I can’t fix it, I never could.” She continued to stare at the floor even when his shoes came into her view. Tears blurred her vision and all she wanted was to stop.
His hands pulled her gently to her feet, tilting her head back and moving the hair back from her face. He pressed her lips to her forehead and looked her in the eyes. “That isn’t true Rose, you know that. What has you all worked up?” her eyes lowered down to the ground but said nothing. He glanced down to find one of her hands over her showing stomach. Oh. He raised her head again but held her gaze. “Everything’s fine.” He reassured.
“Are you sure?” she said almost with no voice. “It’s…just, it’s uncomfortable and what if my body rejects her? What if it doesn’t work right because I’m human and she’s only half human and something goes wrong?” her voice quivered. “Doctor, what if she dies?”
His face fell. She knew then that the thought had crossed his mind. His eyes darted away and he closed his mouth before he could say anything. Rose felt her heart drop quickly and looked away and shut her eyes tightly. She looked back up at him to see that his eyes were searching her face again for something. Rose met his eye contact in hope that he would tell her what he was searching for her, but as she was hoping that he would smile, his face became solemn and his eyes dark with sadness. Rose felt something inside shatter knowing that something had let him down but she didn’t know what. Her hands went to her unborn child as he turned and left the room without a word.
Something inside broke again, but Rose felt this time as if it wasn’t her heart. Whatever had hurt him, her baby knew it, and it made her feel worse. She sat back down on the bed and buried her face in her hands as cries took her. She knew her baby could feel what had shattered because it affected both of them. Rose felt another wave of emotions come from deep inside her and choke her, causing her to cry for her baby as well. She lay down on the bed for what seemed like an eternity before she had no more water to give and gave dry painful sobs. Rose wanted him to come back and hold her, even if he couldn’t tell her that everything would be alright, she just wanted to be held.
Outside the door he stood listening to her cry feeling his hearts break. He leaned his head against the door and shut his eyes tightly as he forced his body not to join her in her cries. There was something wrong, he knew it. He couldn’t tell what was wrong with his little girl - but it was horribly wrong and he couldn’t help her. She couldn’t connect fully with her mother to gain the aid she needed, and there was no way he could venture into her mind without hurting Rose. He could do nothing but stand there and feel in his mind as his little girl suffered and called out to her father to help. He knew he had hurt the both of them by walking out, but he couldn’t admit to Rose that he was weak and could not save their daughter if something went horribly wrong. Even after the Illness he had to prove he was the stronger one and could take on anything with triumph, but this he could not take. And it made him feel useless.
If his home hadn’t have been destroyed, they could help. If his people were still alive, they could help. Of course - his mind cut through his emotions - if Gallifrey was still there than he would have never met Rose. That thought stung horribly, but it was true. He felt now as if he had to choose between his home and his life as it was now, even though there was no way to bring his home and people back. If it had not been for such the destruction to his life, he wouldn’t have found the blessing in his life. He grabbed two fists worth of his brown hair and felt like ripping it out in frustration but knew he couldn’t; he wasn’t strong enough.
He slipped back into the bedroom to find Rose sleeping on the bed with a slight wheeze in her breath from crying. He sat down on the bed and carefully removed his shoes before lying down on the bed and wrapping his arms around her. Rose moved to him in her sleep and made a small noise of discomfort before settling down again. One of his hands played in her hand while the other rested against her stomach. He felt a slight push, the baby inside acknowledging his presence. Despite himself he smiled lightly, pressing against the small foot. The foot squirmed slightly and he could tell she was happy but still scared. The Doctor pressed a small kiss to Rose’s head in hope that his little girl could sense the comfort he was trying to send without harming her mother. He felt his child respond with a soft kick and looked up at the ceiling.
Maybe someone could help them. True she had no reason to help him, but maybe she could put that aside and help Rose and his little girl. His stomach turned as he became aware of the fact that the probability of loosing both of them was too high now. Too many unexpected plots and twists that led here. He held onto her tightly as the realization struck that Rose would not survive, the stakes were too high against her. She was strong, but she never had to battle a Gallifreyan before. His hearts skipped a few beats and knotted up as he shut his eyes and put his face into her hair. He was going to loose her and the child.
“You’re an alien! What if something goes wrong and Rose ends up hurt?!”
Jackie Tyler’s words hit him square in the chest. He simply stared up at the ceiling as the realization struck him. Jackie was right. For once Jackie Tyler was right. He was an alien, and something had gone wrong. Rose was going to end up hurt. Rose was going to end up dieing. And it would be his fault. He had caused the destruction of his people and home, and now the one thing he needed the most in the entire universe as going to die.
He could feel it creeping into his mind, the darkness that scared his complex brain ever since Hul-Xem III. The Illness he nearly self caused had left its mark and waited for him to be vulnerable so it could manifest in his mind again. He could remember everything he did and said when he was under the influence of the Illness, how it manipulated him and changed him. And now that Illness, the second personality almost, lay dormant till its time. But it was moving again, slowly ready to make the kill. The Doctor held Rose close hoping that she could somehow protect him from himself and the insanity that waited there for him.