Decidedly more serious fic: 1000 years
Title: 1000 Years
Rating: PG
Warnings: an incident of swearies, quite a downer
Spoilers: through Doomsday
Pairings: 12th Doctor/OC, 10th Doctor/Rose (implied)
Disclaimer: The Beeb owns everything. Even your mind.
Synopsis: Love changes everyone, maybe not for the better.
1000 years and he couldn’t remember himself looking younger or more ginger and devastatingly attractive. That was a bit of a surprise. Every time, he swore he was just a little bit more attractive than the last, but this time took the cake. He thought maybe he had become obsessed with his physical appearance and that was the primary attribute he looked for in himself. A counterpoint to attractiveness was becoming even more attractive. He would even call himself vain, on occasion. He enjoyed looking at himself, having great hair and a pretty face that attracted beautiful, intelligent, heartbreaking companions.
He was doing what he always did, except more. Some facet of existence opened up around him and suddenly the lolly-gagging around space and time was a comfort that he couldn’t give up because he had grown used to it. There, when he rolled over to put an arm around whatever girl he had in his bed, was a stinger left in his back that jabbed him. The TARDIS hadn’t even had a bedroom for 900 years then it all changed. He had to impress them with his charm and wit, exciting, smart, irresistible lifestyle and promise of immortal adoration. But he didn’t delude himself. He took them along for the ride and for what they were, ephemeral, fleeting lovers that he desperately needed to survive.
It was all because of that 19-year-old shop girl who turned him into something more human that he ever thought his two hearts could possibly stand. He had cried when she left, which he had never done before. Moreover, he cried because he wanted her to stay forever. He expected to explore with the endless worlds with her forever. He told her lies about forever and she told them back. Told her that he was cursed. But that silly, stupid, brave and endlessly devoted thing she did barely knowing what he was-Stoked by his own uncontrollable emotion and intensity, he felt like a lonely vampire, hardly a god. More like an eternal moron.
And some times he longed for a Dalek death ray just to be free. Because he needed her. He needed Rose Tyler. Wanted Rose Tyler. Loved Rose Tyler and never got to tell her. He needed these girls to fill in the space she left. He loved them, some of them, but he would make them leave before they grew attached to him. There was an ascetic quality to the manner that he had adopted, which contradicted his devastating good looks. It was the moments of loneliness that made the years last so long.
He had become even more reckless. He didn’t care about himself, going though two more regenerations in just that short time after she left. Moreover, he refused to care for his companions. As a protector, he was, frankly, purposefully shit. He had let more die right in front of him than all his previous selves put together. He would have been able to save some but he didn’t see why he should get so attached ever again. So, when trouble came and their fate was at stake, he didn’t (told them he couldn’t) stand in the way Time and let them die. While he, himself, wished for death, a twisted part of his increasingly fragile psyche wouldn’t sacrifice himself for anyone. He looked younger but the years and stipulations of Time were starting to wear on him. He began to think if there was a way for him to get back and spend the rest of his life one with her, he would do it. He would trap himself with time running down to the buzzer. But Rose Tyler wouldn’t be Rose Tyler. She would be the same ignorant shop girl that he almost didn’t care to take along with him. And he was just selfish leaving it until the last gasp. Not sacrificing like he thought to sacrifice himself for Reinette.
He shuddered at the name. It had all been so new. He didn’t know the emotions and how quickly they would come and take over all logic. The first love-always the worst, he told himself. He hadn’t been able to control himself. It was all dancing and snogging and undressing and shagging. But it wasn’t Rose. He had thought about her when he smashed the mirror, but he was inexperienced at this human love thing and couldn’t tell what he felt for her from infatuation. Maybe he didn’t realize it was love.
He often traveled back to Earth, her time, to try to find someone like her. He even considered constructing some danger around her old best mate as if close would be good enough. He went to the Eye of London. He waited and watched himself running gleefully across the bridge with her. He cringed and turned his jacket up to the cold, English air. Those steps would land her out of his life forever.
He often watched her from a safe distance. There was nothing stopping him from watching, looming in the darkness and corners that he knew they would never venture. He followed the Bad Wolf over and over again. Time to time, planet to planet, solar system to solar system, end of the universe and back. Except no one remembered her in this universe. Everyone that knew Rose Tyler was dead; everyone except him.
He knew she would be dead by now, if she hadn’t done what she had done. But how would he ever have explained that to her in two minutes when he thought he had forever with her? How could he have ever told her that she was doomed to live 12 lifetimes and they were meant to be together to rebuild what had been lost? After Mickey was gone and her mum and Pete and Jackie and Pete’s baby and any of Rose’s children. She never would, though, he thought to himself, would she? Without him. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
He sat awake, unable to surpass the thoughts as he had so many nights before and take comfort in the unabashed pleasure.
“Doctor,” she said. She was blonde, short, thin, liked jackets with lots of buttons and zippers, sometimes wore her hair in a pony tail on top of her head but most of the time just let it hang down. She talked a lot and smiled, and rolled her eyes at him (when she didn’t understand), told him he was wrong (occasionally he admitted) and couldn’t ask enough questions. Turned out there were a lot of people in London. “What are you thinking about?”
He got up and put on his dressing gown. Without another word, he walked out of the room and into the hallway. She knew enough not to follow him. He went to the control room and began tinkering. The real surprise was how long it had taken the last 100 years to pass.
Rating: PG
Warnings: an incident of swearies, quite a downer
Spoilers: through Doomsday
Pairings: 12th Doctor/OC, 10th Doctor/Rose (implied)
Disclaimer: The Beeb owns everything. Even your mind.
Synopsis: Love changes everyone, maybe not for the better.
1000 years and he couldn’t remember himself looking younger or more ginger and devastatingly attractive. That was a bit of a surprise. Every time, he swore he was just a little bit more attractive than the last, but this time took the cake. He thought maybe he had become obsessed with his physical appearance and that was the primary attribute he looked for in himself. A counterpoint to attractiveness was becoming even more attractive. He would even call himself vain, on occasion. He enjoyed looking at himself, having great hair and a pretty face that attracted beautiful, intelligent, heartbreaking companions.
He was doing what he always did, except more. Some facet of existence opened up around him and suddenly the lolly-gagging around space and time was a comfort that he couldn’t give up because he had grown used to it. There, when he rolled over to put an arm around whatever girl he had in his bed, was a stinger left in his back that jabbed him. The TARDIS hadn’t even had a bedroom for 900 years then it all changed. He had to impress them with his charm and wit, exciting, smart, irresistible lifestyle and promise of immortal adoration. But he didn’t delude himself. He took them along for the ride and for what they were, ephemeral, fleeting lovers that he desperately needed to survive.
It was all because of that 19-year-old shop girl who turned him into something more human that he ever thought his two hearts could possibly stand. He had cried when she left, which he had never done before. Moreover, he cried because he wanted her to stay forever. He expected to explore with the endless worlds with her forever. He told her lies about forever and she told them back. Told her that he was cursed. But that silly, stupid, brave and endlessly devoted thing she did barely knowing what he was-Stoked by his own uncontrollable emotion and intensity, he felt like a lonely vampire, hardly a god. More like an eternal moron.
And some times he longed for a Dalek death ray just to be free. Because he needed her. He needed Rose Tyler. Wanted Rose Tyler. Loved Rose Tyler and never got to tell her. He needed these girls to fill in the space she left. He loved them, some of them, but he would make them leave before they grew attached to him. There was an ascetic quality to the manner that he had adopted, which contradicted his devastating good looks. It was the moments of loneliness that made the years last so long.
He had become even more reckless. He didn’t care about himself, going though two more regenerations in just that short time after she left. Moreover, he refused to care for his companions. As a protector, he was, frankly, purposefully shit. He had let more die right in front of him than all his previous selves put together. He would have been able to save some but he didn’t see why he should get so attached ever again. So, when trouble came and their fate was at stake, he didn’t (told them he couldn’t) stand in the way Time and let them die. While he, himself, wished for death, a twisted part of his increasingly fragile psyche wouldn’t sacrifice himself for anyone. He looked younger but the years and stipulations of Time were starting to wear on him. He began to think if there was a way for him to get back and spend the rest of his life one with her, he would do it. He would trap himself with time running down to the buzzer. But Rose Tyler wouldn’t be Rose Tyler. She would be the same ignorant shop girl that he almost didn’t care to take along with him. And he was just selfish leaving it until the last gasp. Not sacrificing like he thought to sacrifice himself for Reinette.
He shuddered at the name. It had all been so new. He didn’t know the emotions and how quickly they would come and take over all logic. The first love-always the worst, he told himself. He hadn’t been able to control himself. It was all dancing and snogging and undressing and shagging. But it wasn’t Rose. He had thought about her when he smashed the mirror, but he was inexperienced at this human love thing and couldn’t tell what he felt for her from infatuation. Maybe he didn’t realize it was love.
He often traveled back to Earth, her time, to try to find someone like her. He even considered constructing some danger around her old best mate as if close would be good enough. He went to the Eye of London. He waited and watched himself running gleefully across the bridge with her. He cringed and turned his jacket up to the cold, English air. Those steps would land her out of his life forever.
He often watched her from a safe distance. There was nothing stopping him from watching, looming in the darkness and corners that he knew they would never venture. He followed the Bad Wolf over and over again. Time to time, planet to planet, solar system to solar system, end of the universe and back. Except no one remembered her in this universe. Everyone that knew Rose Tyler was dead; everyone except him.
He knew she would be dead by now, if she hadn’t done what she had done. But how would he ever have explained that to her in two minutes when he thought he had forever with her? How could he have ever told her that she was doomed to live 12 lifetimes and they were meant to be together to rebuild what had been lost? After Mickey was gone and her mum and Pete and Jackie and Pete’s baby and any of Rose’s children. She never would, though, he thought to himself, would she? Without him. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
He sat awake, unable to surpass the thoughts as he had so many nights before and take comfort in the unabashed pleasure.
“Doctor,” she said. She was blonde, short, thin, liked jackets with lots of buttons and zippers, sometimes wore her hair in a pony tail on top of her head but most of the time just let it hang down. She talked a lot and smiled, and rolled her eyes at him (when she didn’t understand), told him he was wrong (occasionally he admitted) and couldn’t ask enough questions. Turned out there were a lot of people in London. “What are you thinking about?”
He got up and put on his dressing gown. Without another word, he walked out of the room and into the hallway. She knew enough not to follow him. He went to the control room and began tinkering. The real surprise was how long it had taken the last 100 years to pass.