better place
Title: Reasoning
Chapter Title: Better Place
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Spoilers, Mentions of sex, Pregnancy, Fluff
First in the Series of 7.
For a long time Marie had been thinking about it. Parenthood seemed like it was such a big deal. More than anything Marie believed that Allelujah would be a good father. He had found a form of a family and had left it behind to be with her and to find his purpose. He had been a calm and resourceful person the entire time she knew him- and she believed in him. Together they could give a child guidance in this world, couldn’t they?
Then the word ‘they’ got to her.
Marie had never had full waves of guilt like Allelujah. Sometimes when she was up at night she felt guilty for killing Hallelujah. Allelujah had been afraid of Hallelujah in a sense, it was a slight comfort to know that he had been a source of terror. Yet he was still her kind, and he was still Allelujah. She would lie in bed and feign sleep until he was long since dreaming and she would wish she could forget she had done that.
When she read the positive sign on her pregnancy test she suddenly felt guilty. She wanted to tell Allelujah and to make him happy but part of her felt so disdainful. ‘What child would want me?’ she asked herself lightly, ‘I sought revenge to the point I even ignored Allelujah- I couldn’t stop Soma from hurting Allelujah. I am not strong enough to overcome my own pain. How could I guide a child to be any better than me?’ Allelujah saw her forlorn look over a period of days and he asked her what was wrong. “Nothing, Allelujah, I promise” He had smiled at her.
She felt even guiltier. She’d have to tell him soon. She’d never doubted Allelujah’s feelings for her but sometimes she’d wanted to. She wanted to believe he’d agree with her but she knew it wouldn’t be true- he would encourage her. He loved her like she loved him. She took a deep gulp and felt a disdain for this whole place. More than anything she felt guilty.
“Marie,” Allelujah said one day in the after math of love making. “You seem unhappy even now.” He seemed deeply troubled by her silence. He looked at her. “If it’s about moving…I am starting to feel uneasy about this place…if you worry I am too accustomed to this place to leave, please don’t Marie. If you want to leave, we can leave.” Marie looked up at him and then sat up. “We could leave no matter what, go to a place where there’s something better?” He looked at her and gave her an odd look. She never spoke like this- like there was definitely something better wherever they went. He smiled at her.
“Yes Marie…we can certainly go to a place like that.” Marie laid back down beside him on her back. He put his arm on her shoulder and smiled and felt a certain contentment in the air. She opened her mouth. “Allelujah…I…” Allelujah stayed quiet for a moment. “Yes, Marie?” With a certain silence hanging in the air she felt like perhaps she had only assumed his feelings. What if he didn’t want children? No…she was certain now she was only trying to talk herself out of telling the honest truth.
She sat up again but this time she didn’t face him. He sat up and put his hand on her shoulder as she slouched down and didn’t say anything to him. ‘Am I fit to be a mother?’ she asked herself in her head. “Marie?” he questioned with a worrisome tone. She turned to look at him and smiled.
“Allelujah- I’m…pregnant.”
There was silence for a moment. Marie had seen that look he was making in his eye before. He wasn’t mad. But he wasn’t something she could read just yet…and then he pulled her into his arms and he could feel the happiness burn in his stomach. She felt a relief from a pain she had been hiding for a month. “I…” Allelujah stopped before he said much else. The sentiment got across. “Did you want this, Allelujah? Do you mind…being a parent?” Allelujah rested his chin on top of her head and looked at the ceiling. He tightened his grip on her and felt something there-…something he couldn’t explain. “Yes, Marie.” For a moment nothing else was said.
“Let’s go, Marie.” He finally stated. “Let’s go to a place where there is something better. Let’s find wherever that place is.” And it was clear then. They wouldn’t even have to stay forever if they found it. But wherever they went would be a place where they did find something. Maybe it would be something they needed to find in themselves. But for now they simply laid back and held one another. There they stayed awake for hours discussing things that weren’t even about that subject- but it was something that would bring them closer…
To that better place.
Chapter Title: Better Place
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Allelujah/Marie
Warnings: Spoilers, Mentions of sex, Pregnancy, Fluff
First in the Series of 7.
For a long time Marie had been thinking about it. Parenthood seemed like it was such a big deal. More than anything Marie believed that Allelujah would be a good father. He had found a form of a family and had left it behind to be with her and to find his purpose. He had been a calm and resourceful person the entire time she knew him- and she believed in him. Together they could give a child guidance in this world, couldn’t they?
Then the word ‘they’ got to her.
Marie had never had full waves of guilt like Allelujah. Sometimes when she was up at night she felt guilty for killing Hallelujah. Allelujah had been afraid of Hallelujah in a sense, it was a slight comfort to know that he had been a source of terror. Yet he was still her kind, and he was still Allelujah. She would lie in bed and feign sleep until he was long since dreaming and she would wish she could forget she had done that.
When she read the positive sign on her pregnancy test she suddenly felt guilty. She wanted to tell Allelujah and to make him happy but part of her felt so disdainful. ‘What child would want me?’ she asked herself lightly, ‘I sought revenge to the point I even ignored Allelujah- I couldn’t stop Soma from hurting Allelujah. I am not strong enough to overcome my own pain. How could I guide a child to be any better than me?’ Allelujah saw her forlorn look over a period of days and he asked her what was wrong. “Nothing, Allelujah, I promise” He had smiled at her.
She felt even guiltier. She’d have to tell him soon. She’d never doubted Allelujah’s feelings for her but sometimes she’d wanted to. She wanted to believe he’d agree with her but she knew it wouldn’t be true- he would encourage her. He loved her like she loved him. She took a deep gulp and felt a disdain for this whole place. More than anything she felt guilty.
“Marie,” Allelujah said one day in the after math of love making. “You seem unhappy even now.” He seemed deeply troubled by her silence. He looked at her. “If it’s about moving…I am starting to feel uneasy about this place…if you worry I am too accustomed to this place to leave, please don’t Marie. If you want to leave, we can leave.” Marie looked up at him and then sat up. “We could leave no matter what, go to a place where there’s something better?” He looked at her and gave her an odd look. She never spoke like this- like there was definitely something better wherever they went. He smiled at her.
“Yes Marie…we can certainly go to a place like that.” Marie laid back down beside him on her back. He put his arm on her shoulder and smiled and felt a certain contentment in the air. She opened her mouth. “Allelujah…I…” Allelujah stayed quiet for a moment. “Yes, Marie?” With a certain silence hanging in the air she felt like perhaps she had only assumed his feelings. What if he didn’t want children? No…she was certain now she was only trying to talk herself out of telling the honest truth.
She sat up again but this time she didn’t face him. He sat up and put his hand on her shoulder as she slouched down and didn’t say anything to him. ‘Am I fit to be a mother?’ she asked herself in her head. “Marie?” he questioned with a worrisome tone. She turned to look at him and smiled.
“Allelujah- I’m…pregnant.”
There was silence for a moment. Marie had seen that look he was making in his eye before. He wasn’t mad. But he wasn’t something she could read just yet…and then he pulled her into his arms and he could feel the happiness burn in his stomach. She felt a relief from a pain she had been hiding for a month. “I…” Allelujah stopped before he said much else. The sentiment got across. “Did you want this, Allelujah? Do you mind…being a parent?” Allelujah rested his chin on top of her head and looked at the ceiling. He tightened his grip on her and felt something there-…something he couldn’t explain. “Yes, Marie.” For a moment nothing else was said.
“Let’s go, Marie.” He finally stated. “Let’s go to a place where there is something better. Let’s find wherever that place is.” And it was clear then. They wouldn’t even have to stay forever if they found it. But wherever they went would be a place where they did find something. Maybe it would be something they needed to find in themselves. But for now they simply laid back and held one another. There they stayed awake for hours discussing things that weren’t even about that subject- but it was something that would bring them closer…
To that better place.