Feed Your Head, Part 3
Feed Your Head, Part 3
Jared stared at the Cat in front of them, the forest around them returning to normal. His heart slowed to its normal pace, and he took a step forward. “Cheshire Cat,” he said, and the Cat nodded at him, slipping gracefully down from the tree and walking towards them.
“Wonderland is full of magic, but the forest has more than the rest of it. The forest is cursed.” It purred and rubbed against their legs before disappearing, its voice now coming from behind them. “The Queen has much to do with that. She doesn’t care much for shortcuts to her whereabouts.”
“We need to make it to the other side,” Jared said, turning to face the Cat. “The Hatter took someone from our world to the Queen, and we need to get her back.”
“My wife,” Jensen clarified. “I can’t let her take my wife.”
“Mmm, good thing I have more magic in me than any other creature in Wonderland,” the Cat said, passing between them. “I can easily navigate this forest for you.”
“You’d do that?” Jared asked, his hopes lifting.
“Why?”
Jared looked over at Jensen, sensing a suspicion in him that Jared hadn’t felt initially, but now…There was something unsettling about the Cat, that bright, permanent grin too unnatural and deceiving. Its eyes narrowed slightly at Jensen.
“Why not? If you see someone else nearby who can help you through these woods, please, by my guest.”
Jared shared a look with Jensen, one that assured both of them that they’d be wary, be careful, and watch each other’s backs. The Cat was right. They had no other way of getting out of this forest. They had no choice but to follow.
****
Danneel wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, the Hatter making a disgusted noise behind her. She was hunched over in the grass, morning sickness now happening at random. She guessed the stress also had something to do with it.
“If you’re quite finished, I’d like to enter the maze now,” the Hatter said, and Danneel reached a hand behind her to flip him off. She took a moment to straighten up and take a few deep breaths. She thought about running again, because they were here, the Queen’s residence in the middle of the hedge maze that stood to her left. She eyed the forest a short distance ahead of her, wondering if she could lose herself in it, but then wondered where she’d go from there. She bit her lip, trying not to get emotional when she thought of Jensen again, looking now for Jensen and Jared both and wondering how close they were.
She gasped when the Hatter grabbed her elbow and pulled her along, jabbing at him with the elbow and forcing him off of her. “I respect your fighting spirit,” the Hatter chuckled. “I’m sure the Queen will, too. Don’t touch the sides.”
Danneel wasn’t sure what the Hatter meant with his last remark, and then she watched him kick a stray stone from the road into the hedges. Dark green leaves snatched the stone and pulled it into their depths. “You wouldn’t save me from them to take me to the evil Queen?” she spat sarcastically, even if her hands did shake a little.
“I could try,” the Hatter answered, pulling Danneel through the entrance of the maze. “But I could also find another woman from your world to bring to her. It wouldn’t be ideal, and it would be tedious, but I could do it.”
“You’re such an asshole.”
“Heartless,” the Hatter reminded her, pointing to his apparently vacant chest. “Though, with your help, not for much longer.”
****
“Remember,” the Cat purred as they exited the forest. “Right, left, left, right, left, right, right, left.”
“What?” Jared asked, staring at the land in front of them, grass leading to the road. The Cat disappeared with no explanation, and he sighed, his relief at making it through the forest short-lived. Then he spotted the hedge maze. “Fuck. I hope you remembered that.”
“I did,” Jensen answered, tugging at Jared’s shirt sleeve. “Come on, this is it!”
The urgency in Jensen’s voice sent Jared into action, and both of them set off at a run for the maze, Jared following Jensen inside. He gave a startled shout when he brushed the side of a hedge and felt it grab at his arm, yanking it away and hurrying after Jensen. “Don’t touch the sides!” he shouted, and Jensen looked back over his shoulder.
“Got it!”
They reached the center quickly, Jensen skidding to a halt in front of Jared, both of them turning towards the vast, paved square to their right. There was an imposing jet-black castle at the far end, a smaller gray building in front of it, and an army of the Queen’s Card Guards surrounding them. But Jared wasn’t focusing on any of that. Jared was focusing on the Hatter, the Queen, and Danneel within mere feet of him and Jensen. Another man stood with them, a bit older and portly, with a small crown on his head. Jared assumed him to be the King.
“Danneel!” Jensen called out, immediately moving forward. The Queen merely twisted her wrist, and Jensen’s body was sent careening back away from her, Jared reacting just in time to keep Jensen from connecting with the nearest hedge, Danneel shouting his name. It was then that Jared realized they had no idea what they were doing. They had come all this way, and of course they would, because they had to try. But how could they possibly defeat so much magic?
“I’m so glad you made it,” the Queen said, casually stepping towards them.
Jared could see that they were nothing to her, her presence commanding fear and respect. She was older than them, smarter, more confident, and much more powerful, dressed in an elaborate emerald gown, auburn hair meticulously piled on top of her head. He looked at Danneel, who looked back at the two of them helplessly, caught by the Hatter and the Card Guards, who were wielding axes, spears, and swords. Jared felt completely hollow with the realization that they didn’t stand a chance.
“I thought you might want to say goodbye to your wife,” The Queen said, stepping to the side and gesturing towards Danneel. “And your daughter, of course. I hope you realize they’re being sacrificed for a worthy cause.”
The hollow part of Jared quickly filled with rage, his whole body shaking with it, and the look in Jensen’s eyes went far beyond what Jared felt. And yet, they both stood there, neither of them knowing what to do. Jared’s anger still thrived, but was paired with fear and a sadness he’d never thought possible. They were all going to die here. Jared would never see his family again, and Jensen would die with a family that never had a real chance at life. He saw the same emotions warring in Jensen’s expression, then watched as Jensen walked stiffly past the Queen towards Danneel, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her tight. He heard all the apologies, all the sobs, and all the quiet reassurances.
And then Jensen turned and looked at him, eyes red and damp, jaw clenching, lip still quivering. But there was something unspoken there, a deep determination amongst all of the rage and dread. Jared looked back at him, silently agreeing. It might be foolish, but they would still try. They would go down fighting together, brothers in arms.
The moment Jensen stepped away and hung his head, seemingly without hope, Jared took solemn steps forward to say his own goodbyes. He kept an eye on Jensen as he moved closer, waiting for a sign. And all it took was that one twitch, Jensen’s shoulders rising and tensing. Jared sprang into action with him, each of them targeting a Card Guard. Jared threw his body into the nearest Ace and wrenched the axe from its hands, hearing a small gasp as it crumpled to the ground. He turned, axe raised, and though he’d never used such a weapon on anyone or anything in his life, he was prepared to do it here, now, for the sake of his friends.
The turn was all he managed before the Queen’s hand forced its way into his chest and gripped his heart, the breath punched out of his lungs. The Queen pulled, and tears wet Jared’s cheeks as he screamed in pain. He fell to the ground, gasping, barely aware of the axe clattering down beside him and Jensen and Danneel shouting his name, crying out in protest. Jared clutched at his chest and found no physical hole where he felt deep, throbbing pain. He looked up at the Queen, blinking his tears away. It was magic, dark magic. She held his heart in her hand, glowing bright red, and when she squeezed, he screamed again, the pain causing the edges of his vision to darken.
“I know you’ve been searching for women.” The Cheshire Cat suddenly appeared on the Queen’s shoulder, grin and eyes focused down towards Jared. “And I know the one you have here counts for two. But I thought his heart would do quite nicely.”
The Queen smiled and studied Jared’s heart in her hand. “You’re right. This is a full heart,” she said to Jared, almost appreciative, and he closed his eyes and turned away. “Such devotion. And loyalty. I knew the two of you were here the minute you stumbled through that looking glass, but I didn’t think about what that meant for you.” She tightened her grip, and Jared gasped and looked up at her again, the Cat gone, but the Queen smiling evilly enough for them both. “Following your friends here to save them without question. Sacrificing yourself for their cause.” She took a deep breath and then laughed. “It’s all in here, in the palm of my hand, and it’s more than enough power to fulfill my cause.”
“Please…” Jared turned towards Jensen at the sound of his voice, hearing how broken he was, though Jared’s emotions were beginning to fade with the loss of his heart. But Jensen looked as broken as he sounded, guilt practically written on his face.
“‘Please,’” the Queen scoffed. “You try to destroy my entire plan, and now you beg? You’re a fool, if you think I’ll show you mercy. I have a much better plan.” She looked down at Jared, tilting her head sweetly at him and holding his heart out. “You should pick up your axe.”
Jared’s heart glowed brighter when the Queen spoke, and his body moved without his consent. The horror that he was being controlled came to him as his fingers wrapped around the axe and lifted it.
“Stand.” Jared stood. “Now, before I use your heart to get what I want and destroy you, I want you to destroy your friends for me.”
There was joy in her voice, and Jared couldn’t help but move towards Danneel and Jensen, who stood in front of his wife in one last effort to protect her. Jared’s mind raced, trying to hold on, trying to keep connected with his heart, his emotions, and do whatever he could to stop himself from doing this. The Queen was right behind him, urging him on, and he stopped in front of Jensen, axe raised, no, no, no, no running through his panicked mind.
“Jared,” Jensen’s tone was pleading at first, then more soothing, the realization of Jared’s loss of control in his eyes. “Jay…it’s okay.” Jared could see that those words were hard to say, that Jensen was forcing them out for his benefit, so that maybe he would die knowing that he wasn’t hated or blamed. Jensen’s hand reached for Danneel’s behind him, and they held onto each other, terrified and despairing, but together.
“So sweet,” the Queen laughed, enjoying their misery. “Do it, Jared! Make this one of your last living memories.”
Memories. Jared was beginning to feel cold, distant. He fought to keep the emotions his heart held, but they were getting harder to feel. But he could still remember them. His arms twitched, the Queen willing him to swing the axe, to kill Jensen, and Jared closed his eyes and felt his entire body strain with his resistance. He closed his eyes and remembered, holding on to moments, images, facts of true friendship. Jared took what little time he had to quickly relive it all, introductions, scenes, fights, bonds. He remembered meeting Jensen for the first time, Jensen saving him in a fight, meeting Danneel, Jensen being there for him countless times, Jensen living with him, both of their weddings, endless nights of eating, drinking, and laughing together. He remembered both Jensen and Danneel telling him what a great father he’d be, both of them asking to hold his son, both of them wanting a family of their own someday.
“DO IT!” the Queen screamed, outraged now, and her grip tightened on his heart, her power too much for him to bear. He had to move, he had to swing the axe, and he fought hard to turn when he did, feeling like every cell in his body would burst with the strength that it took, crying out in defiance of the Queen.
****
It seemed as though time stopped for a moment. Jensen was stunned. He hadn’t known what to feel, what to do. He’d never felt so useless in his life, failing to protect so many people he held dear. He felt the warmth of Danneel pressed up against his back, and all he wanted to do was disappear with her and save his family. Instead, he had to watch Jared suffer, heart literally ripped from his chest and forced to kill his friends. Jared, of all people. The one man who was loyal to a fault and loved more than most people were capable of.
And then Jared was turning away from them, strong arms twisting the axe around. All sound and feeling died away as the Queen’s head fell to the ground, her expression permanently shocked. Jensen was sure there were reactions, sure there were gasps and cries, but he didn’t hear any of them.
Then he saw Jared’s heart roll from the Queen’s hand when her body fell, saw Jared collapse, too, and suddenly everything came back into focus. Weapons clattered to the ground as the Card Guards dropped them, faces aghast. Jared let out weak, pained noises as he gasped for breath, and Jensen jolted into action, hurriedly retrieving Jared’s heart and returning to Jared’s side on his knees.
“You did it.” Jensen looked up at the King, who looked down at Jared in awe. He noticed that the Hatter was now nowhere to be found. “No one thought it possible, defeating the Queen.”
Another look around told Jensen that no one here had truly followed the Queen. The threat was gone, but the warm, glowing heart in the palm of his hand needed to be returned to its owner. “Please,” Jensen begged, holding it gently. He couldn’t take the sight or sound of Jared suffering any longer. Danneel knelt on Jared’s other side, hands resting on his arm, occasionally rubbing it softly as she tried to tell him he’d be okay, tried to soothe him. “Please, there has to be a way.”
The King quickly knelt beside Jensen, taking the heart from his hand. Jensen tensed, not wanting anybody else to hold it, but the King held it with the same care that he had. “Can you lift him?”
Jensen leaned down and slid his right arm beneath Jared’s body. Jared was heavier than him, and he was weaker from their travels, but if Jared could save them both from the Queen, Jensen could do this for Jared. He lifted Jared into a slight sitting position, moving so that Jared could lean back on him a bit. He heard Danneel still talking to Jared, her hand on Jared’s shoulder, soft voice telling him it was okay, to just hang on. She looked over at Jensen nervously, and he gave her a small smile and turned back to the King. This had to work. He didn’t know what he would do if it didn’t.
The King pushed his hand inside Jared’s chest, much like the Queen had, and Jared jolted in Jensen’s arms, only able to let out a broken whimper now, but Jensen knew that it hurt much more than that. “It’s okay, buddy,” He murmured, echoing Danneel. “It’s alright, just hold on, stay with me, I’m right here.”
The King’s hand came out clean, and Jared was still alive and breathing, though he sagged in Jensen’s arms. “He’ll be very weak,” the King said, looking at Jensen. “He’ll need a lot of rest to recover.”
Jensen looked down at Jared, who finally managed to look up at him, eyes straining to stay open. “I’m okay?” he asked, voice breaking.
Jensen and Danneel laughed with relief. “Yeah, bro, you’re okay. You’re a goddamn hero.”
****
The rumbling started low, and grew to an almost deafening sound. Jensen immediately looked towards Danneel, and she stared numbly back, feeling too weak and scared to face another challenge. She’d thought it was over, but then the castle walls fell, the towers crumbled, and a deep, monstrous roar sounded above it all.
The King stood immediately, and with one wave of his hand the Card Guards picked up their weapons. “The Jabberwock!” he shouted over the noise. He looked down at them, his expression faltering when he was reminded of the state that Jared was in. “The Queen created a Monster to make us all pay if she was ever destroyed. We never truly knew if it was real or not.” He glanced back towards the castle as the ground shook. “You’ll need to run,” he said, apologetic. “We’ll do our best to hold it off, you have my word!” He pointed to Jared. “Do your best to get him away from here! It’ll target him, first and foremost. HIDE!”
Danneel wasted no time in helping Jensen get Jared to his feet, but it was difficult, and Jared swayed and stumbled once upright. Jensen got an arm around him, supported him, and looked at Danneel. “We can do this,” he said, reassuring her. “I know where we can go, and I know a shortcut, you just have to trust me and not anything else you see.” She nodded, already able to trust her husband more than anyone or anything else.
“I’m with you, let’s go!”
None of them were in the best shape after all they’d been through, and Jared, as if he hadn’t been through enough, still tried. It took a lot of coaxing, but he began to manage putting one foot in front of the other, though Danneel and Jensen fought to keep him upright. They couldn’t help it if he was sometimes being dragged along.
Jensen led them out of the hedge maze and into a forest to their left. Just by the look of it, it was something Danneel would never even approach, but Jensen would never do anything to risk their lives. She ran through the trees with him, and he just kept moving, keeping sure and straight. She started to see things as she moved, paths in different directions, strange animals, and trees…trees that were coming towards her.
“It’s all in your head!” Jensen shouted, and she could tell he was reminding himself of that, as well. “Everything you see is in your head! If we keep straight, we’ll be through it in no time, and we’ll be close to help.” He turned back to her for a second, giving her a smile, even as he grunted under Jared’s weight. “This is what we came through to get to you.”
“God,” Danneel said, shivering. She heard another roar in the distance and chose to ignore it. “How did you even find this place? How did you make it through?” She fought for her sanity, seeing things along the edges of her vision, but keeping her eyes focused on Jensen, and Jensen only.
“A friend,” Jensen answered. “And it wasn’t easy, but I know what this place is now. It’s our best shot, and I’ll be damned if I let anything happen to anybody else. I’m getting us out of here.”
They were laboring, and it seemed that the more they slowed, the more the forest tried to take hold of them. Jared fell more than once, Jensen stumbling with him but always pulling him back up. One of Jared's falls allowed for a brief pause, during which Danneel's eyes couldn't help but wander. They caught sight of a violet squirrel devouring mushrooms as fast as it could. It alternated between mushrooms of different colors, shrinking with the brown and growing larger with the green. Danneel quickly reached out and tore off pieces of both kinds of mushroom, wondering if it might help them to hide from the Jabberwock when they needed. It struck her that she didn't know what effect they would have on the baby, but she shoved them in her jeans pockets anyway, safe for a last resort.
Jared was shivering, pale, and fighting for breath, and Danneel prayed that they would make it through the forest soon. She nearly screamed with relief when they broke free of the trees, but Jared was barely conscious now, and Jensen struggled to hold him up and keep him moving.
“Come on, Jay, I’ll carry you if I have to, I swear,” Jensen groaned, and though that seemed nearly impossible, Danneel didn’t doubt that Jensen would find a way to do it. She looked back at her husband, who nodded forward. “The house,” he said, shifting Jared to support him even further. “Get to the house.”
Danneel turned and immediately recognized the cottage not far off, past the grass. “Haigha,” she murmured, remembering the last place she’d felt safe here in Wonderland. She took off running, and it was more energy than she’d thought she had in her. She pounded on the door when she reached it, calling Haigha’s name, and he opened it in a flash.
“You did it, didn’t you?” he said in a rush, smiling and taking her hands in his. “I heard the roar, and I know it’s menacing, but I also know it can only mean one thing-”
“Haigha,” Danneel interrupted, trying to catch her breath, “Jared…Jared needs help.” She looked to where Jensen was stumbling towards them, then pausing, cursing and actually trying to lift Jared in his arms. “The Queen took his heart, and he got it back, but he’s in a lot of pain.”
Haigha said nothing else. He bolted towards the two men and saved Jensen the strain of carrying his best friend, instead offering more support to Jared as they brought him to the house. “In the back,” he said when they got there, and Danneel followed them through the rooms of the cottage, all dimly lit with candles, to the very back room that she’d noticed before was filled with hay. He helped Jensen to lower Jared onto a pile of it, then instructed him to keep Jared sitting, rushing off to another room.
Danneel sat next to Jared on the hay, Jensen on the other side of him, still supporting him, but with less effort now. Jared’s eyes were closing, his breathing was labored. Danneel gently wiped at Jared’s damp forehead, surprised at how cool it was.
“He sweats all the time, right?” Jensen said, attempting a laugh. “No big deal.”
She looked at her husband and saw everything that was wearing on him, everything from when they’d entered Wonderland to now. “Yeah,” she said, nodding and trying desperately to make it true. “No big deal.”
Haigha returned with a cup of tea, and he knelt down in front of them, holding it to Jared’s lips. “He needs to drink this.”
Jensen did his best to pull Jared back to some state of consciousness and helped him to take his first few sips. “What’s in it?”
“A number of things,” Haigha said, watching intently. “He has to drink it all, the whole cup. The items in it will help to calm him, help him to sleep, and help to numb him.”
“Numb him?” Danneel asked. “You mean for pain?”
Haigha nodded. “Physical and mental. You generally need both when someone takes your heart and controls you. I haven’t seen it often, but I do know what it does. Hopefully it will keep some of the nightmares at bay, too.”
Danneel bit her lip and watched as Jensen made sure Jared drank to the last drop. “She tried to make him kill us,” she said softly, reaching up to brush a few stray strands of hair from Jared’s forehead. “He killed her instead.”
“He’s a true hero,” Haigha said, as awed as those who were there for it had been. “We’ve never known anyone who could resist or overpower the Queen. I didn’t think it was possible.”
Danneel scoffed and smirked. “Neither did she.”
Haigha took the teacup away and urged them to lie Jared down on the bed of hay. Danneel found it odd, how soft and comforting the hay was, like nothing from their own world. It was difficult to not just lie down on it herself and go to sleep right that second. But she moved some of it into a smaller pile beneath Jared’s head, a makeshift pillow, and they finally let him rest.
“You two,” Haigha said, beckoning them to the room where Danneel had dined before the Hatter had dragged her away. “You should eat.”
****
Jensen had never been so tired, and yet they’d stayed awake longer than he’d thought they would, he and Danneel telling each other how they’d met Haigha, and both of them recounting their journeys until they’d reached his home again. The cottage was warm and safe, tucked away, and Haigha assured them that they could stay as long as they needed. When Jensen apologized for possibly putting him in danger if the Jabberwock were to search for Jared, Haigha merely shook his head and said, “I deserve more punishment than just a bit of danger for helping the Queen and the Hatter.”
They left Haigha to clean up and went to rest themselves, pausing where Jared slept, body twitching and brows furling every now and then. Jensen prayed that Jared wouldn’t have to endure too many nightmares. He watched as Danneel sat beside Jared once more and leaned down to kiss his forehead. When she got up and moved to another bed of hay to rest for the night, Jensen did the same, still disturbed by how cool Jared’s skin felt beneath his lips.
“Don’t make fun of me for that,” he whispered. He sighed and looked down at Jared, giving Jared’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “You did good, little brother. You just wake up for us again, when you can, okay?”
He left Jared’s side and moved to Danneel’s, his eyes tearing and closing against the mess of emotions he felt when they wrapped each other up in their arms.
“You found me,” Danneel said, voice wavering. “All I kept praying for was for you to find me.”
“I’ve never been so scared in my life,” Jensen admitted, and she pulled back to look at him, her hand cupping his face. “I can’t lose you. Ever. Either of you.” He pressed a hand over her stomach, and she smiled, placing her hand over his.
“The Queen knew. I don’t know how, but she knew. We’re having a girl.”
“I did hear her say ‘daughter,’” Jensen said, finally smiling, too. “I figure with all that magic, she had to be right.”
Danneel raised her eyebrows, a playful smirk on her lips. “You’re not afraid of being outnumbered?”
Jensen laughed, and it felt good, though guilt still tugged at him for it. “Not at all.” He sobered and looked at Danneel, brushing his fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. Both of you.”
“Jensen,” Danneel chided softly, and he shook his head.
“Everything was at stake, and I was useless. I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t protect my family.” He lifted his head and looked over his shoulder, satisfied that Jared was still breathing. “I couldn’t even protect Jared. I followed you and came storming in to save you, and then I did nothing.”
“You didn’t do nothing,” Danneel said, narrowing her eyes at him. “You followed me. You tracked me down. You fought your way through that God-awful forest to get to me quicker, you still tried to fight the Cards and the Queen, and then you got us back here, safe; back through that forest. You practically carried Jared the whole way.” She brought him closer and kissed him, and his heart ached with how much he’d missed the feel of her against him. “Your definition of ‘nothing’ is much different from mine. I’m flattered that you feel that responsible for all of us, Jensen, but the last thing you need to be doing right now is whining because you weren’t the one to save everybody.”
It took a moment for Jensen to think about that, almost ready to protest. But then Danneel smiled at him, and Jensen realized that this was one of the reasons why he loved her. She didn’t shy away or tell him what he wanted to hear. She didn’t constantly fawn all over him, and she was far from the doting female or damsel in distress. She spoke her mind, told him the truth, no matter what the consequences, and even if she was pointing out a flaw, she still loved him beyond that.
“You’re right,” he admitted, feeling a bit foolish now. He hadn’t realized that what he was saying sounded like jealousy or a bruised ego. Maybe part of it was, but not all. “I’m sorry. I was just actually terrified for probably the first time in my life. I think even more so now that I’m gonna be a father.” He smiled back at her, but when he inhaled, his breath was a little shaky. “I already know from other people saying it that you can’t protect your kids from everything, but this was kind of a rude awakening, you know? She’s not even born yet, and I couldn’t stop this.”
Danneel laughed, half terrified herself and half relieved. “Are you kidding me? How do you think I feel? I’m carrying her right now, and I couldn’t do anything about it, either. I got dragged away by some guy with a stupid-looking hat and let some bitch out-sass me. But there was nothing I could do.” She sighed and snuggled closer, hand over her stomach. “So, I know how you feel. Is it bad that I’m kind of glad you feel the same way?”
“Not at all,” Jensen answered, kissing her forehead. “I guess all that matters is now, right? All that matters is how we’re there for each other after the fact. At least we can control that.”
Danneel nodded against him, but followed it up with, “God, you’re a sap.” They both laughed, and then she looked up at him, curious. “How did you get us through that forest, anyway?”
Jensen shrugged. “It wasn’t easy. But I’d been through it once. We relied on the Cat about halfway through, which was a mistake, but after that, I knew what it was like, what it would do.” He paused, idly playing with Danneel’s hair. “In all honesty, I didn’t know for sure if I could do it, I just knew I had to. If I was gonna get anything right, it had to be that.”
“See?” Danneel smiled and turned over, Jensen immediately spooning up behind her, their hands entwined. “You’re a hero after all.”
Part 4
Jared stared at the Cat in front of them, the forest around them returning to normal. His heart slowed to its normal pace, and he took a step forward. “Cheshire Cat,” he said, and the Cat nodded at him, slipping gracefully down from the tree and walking towards them.
“Wonderland is full of magic, but the forest has more than the rest of it. The forest is cursed.” It purred and rubbed against their legs before disappearing, its voice now coming from behind them. “The Queen has much to do with that. She doesn’t care much for shortcuts to her whereabouts.”
“We need to make it to the other side,” Jared said, turning to face the Cat. “The Hatter took someone from our world to the Queen, and we need to get her back.”
“My wife,” Jensen clarified. “I can’t let her take my wife.”
“Mmm, good thing I have more magic in me than any other creature in Wonderland,” the Cat said, passing between them. “I can easily navigate this forest for you.”
“You’d do that?” Jared asked, his hopes lifting.
“Why?”
Jared looked over at Jensen, sensing a suspicion in him that Jared hadn’t felt initially, but now…There was something unsettling about the Cat, that bright, permanent grin too unnatural and deceiving. Its eyes narrowed slightly at Jensen.
“Why not? If you see someone else nearby who can help you through these woods, please, by my guest.”
Jared shared a look with Jensen, one that assured both of them that they’d be wary, be careful, and watch each other’s backs. The Cat was right. They had no other way of getting out of this forest. They had no choice but to follow.
****
Danneel wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand, the Hatter making a disgusted noise behind her. She was hunched over in the grass, morning sickness now happening at random. She guessed the stress also had something to do with it.
“If you’re quite finished, I’d like to enter the maze now,” the Hatter said, and Danneel reached a hand behind her to flip him off. She took a moment to straighten up and take a few deep breaths. She thought about running again, because they were here, the Queen’s residence in the middle of the hedge maze that stood to her left. She eyed the forest a short distance ahead of her, wondering if she could lose herself in it, but then wondered where she’d go from there. She bit her lip, trying not to get emotional when she thought of Jensen again, looking now for Jensen and Jared both and wondering how close they were.
She gasped when the Hatter grabbed her elbow and pulled her along, jabbing at him with the elbow and forcing him off of her. “I respect your fighting spirit,” the Hatter chuckled. “I’m sure the Queen will, too. Don’t touch the sides.”
Danneel wasn’t sure what the Hatter meant with his last remark, and then she watched him kick a stray stone from the road into the hedges. Dark green leaves snatched the stone and pulled it into their depths. “You wouldn’t save me from them to take me to the evil Queen?” she spat sarcastically, even if her hands did shake a little.
“I could try,” the Hatter answered, pulling Danneel through the entrance of the maze. “But I could also find another woman from your world to bring to her. It wouldn’t be ideal, and it would be tedious, but I could do it.”
“You’re such an asshole.”
“Heartless,” the Hatter reminded her, pointing to his apparently vacant chest. “Though, with your help, not for much longer.”
****
“Remember,” the Cat purred as they exited the forest. “Right, left, left, right, left, right, right, left.”
“What?” Jared asked, staring at the land in front of them, grass leading to the road. The Cat disappeared with no explanation, and he sighed, his relief at making it through the forest short-lived. Then he spotted the hedge maze. “Fuck. I hope you remembered that.”
“I did,” Jensen answered, tugging at Jared’s shirt sleeve. “Come on, this is it!”
The urgency in Jensen’s voice sent Jared into action, and both of them set off at a run for the maze, Jared following Jensen inside. He gave a startled shout when he brushed the side of a hedge and felt it grab at his arm, yanking it away and hurrying after Jensen. “Don’t touch the sides!” he shouted, and Jensen looked back over his shoulder.
“Got it!”
They reached the center quickly, Jensen skidding to a halt in front of Jared, both of them turning towards the vast, paved square to their right. There was an imposing jet-black castle at the far end, a smaller gray building in front of it, and an army of the Queen’s Card Guards surrounding them. But Jared wasn’t focusing on any of that. Jared was focusing on the Hatter, the Queen, and Danneel within mere feet of him and Jensen. Another man stood with them, a bit older and portly, with a small crown on his head. Jared assumed him to be the King.
“Danneel!” Jensen called out, immediately moving forward. The Queen merely twisted her wrist, and Jensen’s body was sent careening back away from her, Jared reacting just in time to keep Jensen from connecting with the nearest hedge, Danneel shouting his name. It was then that Jared realized they had no idea what they were doing. They had come all this way, and of course they would, because they had to try. But how could they possibly defeat so much magic?
“I’m so glad you made it,” the Queen said, casually stepping towards them.
Jared could see that they were nothing to her, her presence commanding fear and respect. She was older than them, smarter, more confident, and much more powerful, dressed in an elaborate emerald gown, auburn hair meticulously piled on top of her head. He looked at Danneel, who looked back at the two of them helplessly, caught by the Hatter and the Card Guards, who were wielding axes, spears, and swords. Jared felt completely hollow with the realization that they didn’t stand a chance.
“I thought you might want to say goodbye to your wife,” The Queen said, stepping to the side and gesturing towards Danneel. “And your daughter, of course. I hope you realize they’re being sacrificed for a worthy cause.”
The hollow part of Jared quickly filled with rage, his whole body shaking with it, and the look in Jensen’s eyes went far beyond what Jared felt. And yet, they both stood there, neither of them knowing what to do. Jared’s anger still thrived, but was paired with fear and a sadness he’d never thought possible. They were all going to die here. Jared would never see his family again, and Jensen would die with a family that never had a real chance at life. He saw the same emotions warring in Jensen’s expression, then watched as Jensen walked stiffly past the Queen towards Danneel, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her tight. He heard all the apologies, all the sobs, and all the quiet reassurances.
And then Jensen turned and looked at him, eyes red and damp, jaw clenching, lip still quivering. But there was something unspoken there, a deep determination amongst all of the rage and dread. Jared looked back at him, silently agreeing. It might be foolish, but they would still try. They would go down fighting together, brothers in arms.
The moment Jensen stepped away and hung his head, seemingly without hope, Jared took solemn steps forward to say his own goodbyes. He kept an eye on Jensen as he moved closer, waiting for a sign. And all it took was that one twitch, Jensen’s shoulders rising and tensing. Jared sprang into action with him, each of them targeting a Card Guard. Jared threw his body into the nearest Ace and wrenched the axe from its hands, hearing a small gasp as it crumpled to the ground. He turned, axe raised, and though he’d never used such a weapon on anyone or anything in his life, he was prepared to do it here, now, for the sake of his friends.
The turn was all he managed before the Queen’s hand forced its way into his chest and gripped his heart, the breath punched out of his lungs. The Queen pulled, and tears wet Jared’s cheeks as he screamed in pain. He fell to the ground, gasping, barely aware of the axe clattering down beside him and Jensen and Danneel shouting his name, crying out in protest. Jared clutched at his chest and found no physical hole where he felt deep, throbbing pain. He looked up at the Queen, blinking his tears away. It was magic, dark magic. She held his heart in her hand, glowing bright red, and when she squeezed, he screamed again, the pain causing the edges of his vision to darken.
“I know you’ve been searching for women.” The Cheshire Cat suddenly appeared on the Queen’s shoulder, grin and eyes focused down towards Jared. “And I know the one you have here counts for two. But I thought his heart would do quite nicely.”
The Queen smiled and studied Jared’s heart in her hand. “You’re right. This is a full heart,” she said to Jared, almost appreciative, and he closed his eyes and turned away. “Such devotion. And loyalty. I knew the two of you were here the minute you stumbled through that looking glass, but I didn’t think about what that meant for you.” She tightened her grip, and Jared gasped and looked up at her again, the Cat gone, but the Queen smiling evilly enough for them both. “Following your friends here to save them without question. Sacrificing yourself for their cause.” She took a deep breath and then laughed. “It’s all in here, in the palm of my hand, and it’s more than enough power to fulfill my cause.”
“Please…” Jared turned towards Jensen at the sound of his voice, hearing how broken he was, though Jared’s emotions were beginning to fade with the loss of his heart. But Jensen looked as broken as he sounded, guilt practically written on his face.
“‘Please,’” the Queen scoffed. “You try to destroy my entire plan, and now you beg? You’re a fool, if you think I’ll show you mercy. I have a much better plan.” She looked down at Jared, tilting her head sweetly at him and holding his heart out. “You should pick up your axe.”
Jared’s heart glowed brighter when the Queen spoke, and his body moved without his consent. The horror that he was being controlled came to him as his fingers wrapped around the axe and lifted it.
“Stand.” Jared stood. “Now, before I use your heart to get what I want and destroy you, I want you to destroy your friends for me.”
There was joy in her voice, and Jared couldn’t help but move towards Danneel and Jensen, who stood in front of his wife in one last effort to protect her. Jared’s mind raced, trying to hold on, trying to keep connected with his heart, his emotions, and do whatever he could to stop himself from doing this. The Queen was right behind him, urging him on, and he stopped in front of Jensen, axe raised, no, no, no, no running through his panicked mind.
“Jared,” Jensen’s tone was pleading at first, then more soothing, the realization of Jared’s loss of control in his eyes. “Jay…it’s okay.” Jared could see that those words were hard to say, that Jensen was forcing them out for his benefit, so that maybe he would die knowing that he wasn’t hated or blamed. Jensen’s hand reached for Danneel’s behind him, and they held onto each other, terrified and despairing, but together.
“So sweet,” the Queen laughed, enjoying their misery. “Do it, Jared! Make this one of your last living memories.”
Memories. Jared was beginning to feel cold, distant. He fought to keep the emotions his heart held, but they were getting harder to feel. But he could still remember them. His arms twitched, the Queen willing him to swing the axe, to kill Jensen, and Jared closed his eyes and felt his entire body strain with his resistance. He closed his eyes and remembered, holding on to moments, images, facts of true friendship. Jared took what little time he had to quickly relive it all, introductions, scenes, fights, bonds. He remembered meeting Jensen for the first time, Jensen saving him in a fight, meeting Danneel, Jensen being there for him countless times, Jensen living with him, both of their weddings, endless nights of eating, drinking, and laughing together. He remembered both Jensen and Danneel telling him what a great father he’d be, both of them asking to hold his son, both of them wanting a family of their own someday.
“DO IT!” the Queen screamed, outraged now, and her grip tightened on his heart, her power too much for him to bear. He had to move, he had to swing the axe, and he fought hard to turn when he did, feeling like every cell in his body would burst with the strength that it took, crying out in defiance of the Queen.
****
It seemed as though time stopped for a moment. Jensen was stunned. He hadn’t known what to feel, what to do. He’d never felt so useless in his life, failing to protect so many people he held dear. He felt the warmth of Danneel pressed up against his back, and all he wanted to do was disappear with her and save his family. Instead, he had to watch Jared suffer, heart literally ripped from his chest and forced to kill his friends. Jared, of all people. The one man who was loyal to a fault and loved more than most people were capable of.
And then Jared was turning away from them, strong arms twisting the axe around. All sound and feeling died away as the Queen’s head fell to the ground, her expression permanently shocked. Jensen was sure there were reactions, sure there were gasps and cries, but he didn’t hear any of them.
Then he saw Jared’s heart roll from the Queen’s hand when her body fell, saw Jared collapse, too, and suddenly everything came back into focus. Weapons clattered to the ground as the Card Guards dropped them, faces aghast. Jared let out weak, pained noises as he gasped for breath, and Jensen jolted into action, hurriedly retrieving Jared’s heart and returning to Jared’s side on his knees.
“You did it.” Jensen looked up at the King, who looked down at Jared in awe. He noticed that the Hatter was now nowhere to be found. “No one thought it possible, defeating the Queen.”
Another look around told Jensen that no one here had truly followed the Queen. The threat was gone, but the warm, glowing heart in the palm of his hand needed to be returned to its owner. “Please,” Jensen begged, holding it gently. He couldn’t take the sight or sound of Jared suffering any longer. Danneel knelt on Jared’s other side, hands resting on his arm, occasionally rubbing it softly as she tried to tell him he’d be okay, tried to soothe him. “Please, there has to be a way.”
The King quickly knelt beside Jensen, taking the heart from his hand. Jensen tensed, not wanting anybody else to hold it, but the King held it with the same care that he had. “Can you lift him?”
Jensen leaned down and slid his right arm beneath Jared’s body. Jared was heavier than him, and he was weaker from their travels, but if Jared could save them both from the Queen, Jensen could do this for Jared. He lifted Jared into a slight sitting position, moving so that Jared could lean back on him a bit. He heard Danneel still talking to Jared, her hand on Jared’s shoulder, soft voice telling him it was okay, to just hang on. She looked over at Jensen nervously, and he gave her a small smile and turned back to the King. This had to work. He didn’t know what he would do if it didn’t.
The King pushed his hand inside Jared’s chest, much like the Queen had, and Jared jolted in Jensen’s arms, only able to let out a broken whimper now, but Jensen knew that it hurt much more than that. “It’s okay, buddy,” He murmured, echoing Danneel. “It’s alright, just hold on, stay with me, I’m right here.”
The King’s hand came out clean, and Jared was still alive and breathing, though he sagged in Jensen’s arms. “He’ll be very weak,” the King said, looking at Jensen. “He’ll need a lot of rest to recover.”
Jensen looked down at Jared, who finally managed to look up at him, eyes straining to stay open. “I’m okay?” he asked, voice breaking.
Jensen and Danneel laughed with relief. “Yeah, bro, you’re okay. You’re a goddamn hero.”
****
The rumbling started low, and grew to an almost deafening sound. Jensen immediately looked towards Danneel, and she stared numbly back, feeling too weak and scared to face another challenge. She’d thought it was over, but then the castle walls fell, the towers crumbled, and a deep, monstrous roar sounded above it all.
The King stood immediately, and with one wave of his hand the Card Guards picked up their weapons. “The Jabberwock!” he shouted over the noise. He looked down at them, his expression faltering when he was reminded of the state that Jared was in. “The Queen created a Monster to make us all pay if she was ever destroyed. We never truly knew if it was real or not.” He glanced back towards the castle as the ground shook. “You’ll need to run,” he said, apologetic. “We’ll do our best to hold it off, you have my word!” He pointed to Jared. “Do your best to get him away from here! It’ll target him, first and foremost. HIDE!”
Danneel wasted no time in helping Jensen get Jared to his feet, but it was difficult, and Jared swayed and stumbled once upright. Jensen got an arm around him, supported him, and looked at Danneel. “We can do this,” he said, reassuring her. “I know where we can go, and I know a shortcut, you just have to trust me and not anything else you see.” She nodded, already able to trust her husband more than anyone or anything else.
“I’m with you, let’s go!”
None of them were in the best shape after all they’d been through, and Jared, as if he hadn’t been through enough, still tried. It took a lot of coaxing, but he began to manage putting one foot in front of the other, though Danneel and Jensen fought to keep him upright. They couldn’t help it if he was sometimes being dragged along.
Jensen led them out of the hedge maze and into a forest to their left. Just by the look of it, it was something Danneel would never even approach, but Jensen would never do anything to risk their lives. She ran through the trees with him, and he just kept moving, keeping sure and straight. She started to see things as she moved, paths in different directions, strange animals, and trees…trees that were coming towards her.
“It’s all in your head!” Jensen shouted, and she could tell he was reminding himself of that, as well. “Everything you see is in your head! If we keep straight, we’ll be through it in no time, and we’ll be close to help.” He turned back to her for a second, giving her a smile, even as he grunted under Jared’s weight. “This is what we came through to get to you.”
“God,” Danneel said, shivering. She heard another roar in the distance and chose to ignore it. “How did you even find this place? How did you make it through?” She fought for her sanity, seeing things along the edges of her vision, but keeping her eyes focused on Jensen, and Jensen only.
“A friend,” Jensen answered. “And it wasn’t easy, but I know what this place is now. It’s our best shot, and I’ll be damned if I let anything happen to anybody else. I’m getting us out of here.”
They were laboring, and it seemed that the more they slowed, the more the forest tried to take hold of them. Jared fell more than once, Jensen stumbling with him but always pulling him back up. One of Jared's falls allowed for a brief pause, during which Danneel's eyes couldn't help but wander. They caught sight of a violet squirrel devouring mushrooms as fast as it could. It alternated between mushrooms of different colors, shrinking with the brown and growing larger with the green. Danneel quickly reached out and tore off pieces of both kinds of mushroom, wondering if it might help them to hide from the Jabberwock when they needed. It struck her that she didn't know what effect they would have on the baby, but she shoved them in her jeans pockets anyway, safe for a last resort.
Jared was shivering, pale, and fighting for breath, and Danneel prayed that they would make it through the forest soon. She nearly screamed with relief when they broke free of the trees, but Jared was barely conscious now, and Jensen struggled to hold him up and keep him moving.
“Come on, Jay, I’ll carry you if I have to, I swear,” Jensen groaned, and though that seemed nearly impossible, Danneel didn’t doubt that Jensen would find a way to do it. She looked back at her husband, who nodded forward. “The house,” he said, shifting Jared to support him even further. “Get to the house.”
Danneel turned and immediately recognized the cottage not far off, past the grass. “Haigha,” she murmured, remembering the last place she’d felt safe here in Wonderland. She took off running, and it was more energy than she’d thought she had in her. She pounded on the door when she reached it, calling Haigha’s name, and he opened it in a flash.
“You did it, didn’t you?” he said in a rush, smiling and taking her hands in his. “I heard the roar, and I know it’s menacing, but I also know it can only mean one thing-”
“Haigha,” Danneel interrupted, trying to catch her breath, “Jared…Jared needs help.” She looked to where Jensen was stumbling towards them, then pausing, cursing and actually trying to lift Jared in his arms. “The Queen took his heart, and he got it back, but he’s in a lot of pain.”
Haigha said nothing else. He bolted towards the two men and saved Jensen the strain of carrying his best friend, instead offering more support to Jared as they brought him to the house. “In the back,” he said when they got there, and Danneel followed them through the rooms of the cottage, all dimly lit with candles, to the very back room that she’d noticed before was filled with hay. He helped Jensen to lower Jared onto a pile of it, then instructed him to keep Jared sitting, rushing off to another room.
Danneel sat next to Jared on the hay, Jensen on the other side of him, still supporting him, but with less effort now. Jared’s eyes were closing, his breathing was labored. Danneel gently wiped at Jared’s damp forehead, surprised at how cool it was.
“He sweats all the time, right?” Jensen said, attempting a laugh. “No big deal.”
She looked at her husband and saw everything that was wearing on him, everything from when they’d entered Wonderland to now. “Yeah,” she said, nodding and trying desperately to make it true. “No big deal.”
Haigha returned with a cup of tea, and he knelt down in front of them, holding it to Jared’s lips. “He needs to drink this.”
Jensen did his best to pull Jared back to some state of consciousness and helped him to take his first few sips. “What’s in it?”
“A number of things,” Haigha said, watching intently. “He has to drink it all, the whole cup. The items in it will help to calm him, help him to sleep, and help to numb him.”
“Numb him?” Danneel asked. “You mean for pain?”
Haigha nodded. “Physical and mental. You generally need both when someone takes your heart and controls you. I haven’t seen it often, but I do know what it does. Hopefully it will keep some of the nightmares at bay, too.”
Danneel bit her lip and watched as Jensen made sure Jared drank to the last drop. “She tried to make him kill us,” she said softly, reaching up to brush a few stray strands of hair from Jared’s forehead. “He killed her instead.”
“He’s a true hero,” Haigha said, as awed as those who were there for it had been. “We’ve never known anyone who could resist or overpower the Queen. I didn’t think it was possible.”
Danneel scoffed and smirked. “Neither did she.”
Haigha took the teacup away and urged them to lie Jared down on the bed of hay. Danneel found it odd, how soft and comforting the hay was, like nothing from their own world. It was difficult to not just lie down on it herself and go to sleep right that second. But she moved some of it into a smaller pile beneath Jared’s head, a makeshift pillow, and they finally let him rest.
“You two,” Haigha said, beckoning them to the room where Danneel had dined before the Hatter had dragged her away. “You should eat.”
****
Jensen had never been so tired, and yet they’d stayed awake longer than he’d thought they would, he and Danneel telling each other how they’d met Haigha, and both of them recounting their journeys until they’d reached his home again. The cottage was warm and safe, tucked away, and Haigha assured them that they could stay as long as they needed. When Jensen apologized for possibly putting him in danger if the Jabberwock were to search for Jared, Haigha merely shook his head and said, “I deserve more punishment than just a bit of danger for helping the Queen and the Hatter.”
They left Haigha to clean up and went to rest themselves, pausing where Jared slept, body twitching and brows furling every now and then. Jensen prayed that Jared wouldn’t have to endure too many nightmares. He watched as Danneel sat beside Jared once more and leaned down to kiss his forehead. When she got up and moved to another bed of hay to rest for the night, Jensen did the same, still disturbed by how cool Jared’s skin felt beneath his lips.
“Don’t make fun of me for that,” he whispered. He sighed and looked down at Jared, giving Jared’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “You did good, little brother. You just wake up for us again, when you can, okay?”
He left Jared’s side and moved to Danneel’s, his eyes tearing and closing against the mess of emotions he felt when they wrapped each other up in their arms.
“You found me,” Danneel said, voice wavering. “All I kept praying for was for you to find me.”
“I’ve never been so scared in my life,” Jensen admitted, and she pulled back to look at him, her hand cupping his face. “I can’t lose you. Ever. Either of you.” He pressed a hand over her stomach, and she smiled, placing her hand over his.
“The Queen knew. I don’t know how, but she knew. We’re having a girl.”
“I did hear her say ‘daughter,’” Jensen said, finally smiling, too. “I figure with all that magic, she had to be right.”
Danneel raised her eyebrows, a playful smirk on her lips. “You’re not afraid of being outnumbered?”
Jensen laughed, and it felt good, though guilt still tugged at him for it. “Not at all.” He sobered and looked at Danneel, brushing his fingers through her hair. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. Both of you.”
“Jensen,” Danneel chided softly, and he shook his head.
“Everything was at stake, and I was useless. I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t protect my family.” He lifted his head and looked over his shoulder, satisfied that Jared was still breathing. “I couldn’t even protect Jared. I followed you and came storming in to save you, and then I did nothing.”
“You didn’t do nothing,” Danneel said, narrowing her eyes at him. “You followed me. You tracked me down. You fought your way through that God-awful forest to get to me quicker, you still tried to fight the Cards and the Queen, and then you got us back here, safe; back through that forest. You practically carried Jared the whole way.” She brought him closer and kissed him, and his heart ached with how much he’d missed the feel of her against him. “Your definition of ‘nothing’ is much different from mine. I’m flattered that you feel that responsible for all of us, Jensen, but the last thing you need to be doing right now is whining because you weren’t the one to save everybody.”
It took a moment for Jensen to think about that, almost ready to protest. But then Danneel smiled at him, and Jensen realized that this was one of the reasons why he loved her. She didn’t shy away or tell him what he wanted to hear. She didn’t constantly fawn all over him, and she was far from the doting female or damsel in distress. She spoke her mind, told him the truth, no matter what the consequences, and even if she was pointing out a flaw, she still loved him beyond that.
“You’re right,” he admitted, feeling a bit foolish now. He hadn’t realized that what he was saying sounded like jealousy or a bruised ego. Maybe part of it was, but not all. “I’m sorry. I was just actually terrified for probably the first time in my life. I think even more so now that I’m gonna be a father.” He smiled back at her, but when he inhaled, his breath was a little shaky. “I already know from other people saying it that you can’t protect your kids from everything, but this was kind of a rude awakening, you know? She’s not even born yet, and I couldn’t stop this.”
Danneel laughed, half terrified herself and half relieved. “Are you kidding me? How do you think I feel? I’m carrying her right now, and I couldn’t do anything about it, either. I got dragged away by some guy with a stupid-looking hat and let some bitch out-sass me. But there was nothing I could do.” She sighed and snuggled closer, hand over her stomach. “So, I know how you feel. Is it bad that I’m kind of glad you feel the same way?”
“Not at all,” Jensen answered, kissing her forehead. “I guess all that matters is now, right? All that matters is how we’re there for each other after the fact. At least we can control that.”
Danneel nodded against him, but followed it up with, “God, you’re a sap.” They both laughed, and then she looked up at him, curious. “How did you get us through that forest, anyway?”
Jensen shrugged. “It wasn’t easy. But I’d been through it once. We relied on the Cat about halfway through, which was a mistake, but after that, I knew what it was like, what it would do.” He paused, idly playing with Danneel’s hair. “In all honesty, I didn’t know for sure if I could do it, I just knew I had to. If I was gonna get anything right, it had to be that.”
“See?” Danneel smiled and turned over, Jensen immediately spooning up behind her, their hands entwined. “You’re a hero after all.”
Part 4