Standing in the Shadows
Title: Standing in the Shadows
Fandom: RPS
Characters/Pairings: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 062. Spring.
fanfic100 Table: here
Word Count: 1,558
Rating: R
Warnings: Just R for language, I guess? Mentions of depression/anxiety. Boys being dumb.
Summary: wind_storms prompted me with the Free Fallin' video, so I wrote a bunch of rambly Jared thoughts about the performance, followed by J2 bickering.
It says something that when Jared looks to Jensen as he starts playing the guitar, he already knows that Jensen will be looking back. It’s Jensen’s look that grounds him. He doesn’t even have to speak to ask if Jensen can hear what he’s playing or if Jensen will help him out. Jensen catches everything from that glance. He watches Jensen shift forward in his chair, and his fingers feel a little less shaky on the guitar, Jensen watching and listening intently for a bit longer before he starts to sing.
If Jensen’s look helps to relax Jared, his voice does even more. Jared’s been treated to that voice for years now, even back when Jensen was too nervous to perform on stage. He loves Jensen’s voice, always has, and hearing that voice now makes him feel like maybe he’s not in front of a terrifying number of fans with a terrifying number of cameras to record him attempting to play a song. Maybe this is just another night hanging out with Jensen, safe from the world as Jared plays and Jensen sings.
There’s something about it, the fact that Jensen thinks Jared’s good enough to play the song on his own, and the fact that Jared’s always willing to back Jensen up in any way, even if it’s with a guitar. It’s a level of mutual support that Jared only feels here, with Jensen next to him, and it still baffles him that he managed to find a relationship like this. Though he supposes it’s not entirely true that he doesn’t get that kind of support from anyone else.
Jensen is Jared’s focal point, but he’s still aware of the other guys around him and their unwavering insistence that everyone in the usual convention gang join in their stage performances, regardless of how musically inclined they are. With them, there isn’t any judgement. It’s about everyone sharing the experience, having fun, and proving to themselves that they can do anything. Rob handed Jared the guitar, and Rich now holds a microphone up to it - as if his playing deserves that - but they’ve all conspired to come out here and surprise him with this, welcoming him into the fold.
He thinks about that, and how he’s able to feel the love and support now, breathing it in. It’s a far cry from summers before, when he couldn’t feel those things and almost completely missed out on them. But he’s here now, and it’s that thought that makes his appreciation for the moment suddenly outweigh his nerves, even if his stomach still churns with anxiety.
It’s Jensen who helps him to start, but he feels strong enough now that he can turn to Rob, when he picks up the next verse. He gets past the bad feelings, just like he did before, just as he hopes he always will, and then he’s even able to look at the crowd as they hit the chorus. It’s still terrifying, but the point is that he can do it.
Jared knows that Jensen stands and pokes some fun at the crowd both to pull some attention away from Jared to make him more comfortable and to show how much he’s enjoying this himself; that Jared has relaxed enough to play through it all, and that they’re finally playing together on stage. While Jared appreciates everyone there, including the fans now clapping along and yelling his name to lift him up, it’s Jensen’s joy that sparks his own and makes his heart melt a little more.
It’s also Jensen’s take on the last verse that fires Jared up more as he plays. Jensen’s still modest about his voice, but the truth is that it’s fucking beautiful, and Jared thinks anybody who didn’t want to play along with it would be a fool.
It all ends with hugs and kisses for everybody, the crowd cheering, and Jensen pushing them to cheer more. It’s all more than he ever expected to experience in his life, and he’s beyond grateful. All this time, he’s skipped the karaoke and the concerts. He’s always been his own worst enemy, ignoring the encouragement from the others. While it seems like everyone else has performed with Jensen, it’s the one thing that the two of them have actually never done together. Jared’s never been jealous; he’s just always looked up to Jensen and the others as far more talented than he is. And while he still doesn’t feel the need to do this all the time, Jared suddenly feels like a weight is lifted. It’s such a relief to not feel lesser anymore, to feel included, and to finally share this with Jensen, too.
Jensen’s told Jared a few times that he thinks about things too much, and that the only way this kind of thing would ever happen would be if he just suddenly threw himself into it, almost before his brain could catch up and react. Jared knows now that Jensen was right. If anybody had brought this idea up prior to the panel, Jared would have fretted over it and ultimately declined. In this case, at least, Jared’s glad that his friends caught him off guard and put him on the spot.
When they’re offstage, Jensen grabs him in a hug that’s almost comically long. “I knew you could do it,” he says, when he finally pulls away. “I always knew.”
The conversation continues off and on until they get home, and Jared flops on the couch, invading Jensen’s personal space, as usual. But Jensen has never minded before, and he still doesn’t now, sitting on one end of the couch with Jared taking up the rest of it with the full length of his body, head in Jensen’s lap. All Jensen does is smile and run his hand through Jared’s hair.
“What was it like?” Jensen asks, and Jared shrugs a little.
“I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It was a lot of things. Nerves, but…support. Love.”
“Pride,” Jensen adds, and Jared closes his eyes for a moment, letting it sink in that Jensen’s proud of him. “I’m not gonna lie, it kinda made me hard.”
Jared laughs out loud and opens his eyes to look up at Jensen. “Well I don’t feel anything now,” he says, moving his head from side to side on Jensen’s lap.
Jensen shrugs. “Eh. Moment’s passed.” All nonchalant, as if this suddenly isn’t the big deal Jensen himself made it out to be, and Jared just shakes his head.
“Don’t act like I don’t know you, Ackles.”
“Okay, fine,” Jensen sighs, exasperated and rolling his eyes. “It kind of made me want to suck your dick, too. No big deal, right?”
“You’re stupid.”
“You’re stupid.”
“You’re stupider.”
Jensen’s head falls back against the couch. “God, you’re like a child.”
“A child whose dick you wanna suck,” Jared retorts. And then there’s silence. “I didn’t mean…Fuck, I just ruined it.”
“Yeah, now I’m grossed out,” Jensen says, all disgusted and pushing at Jared until he rolls off onto the floor.
Jared laughs again as he rolls onto his stomach, palms on the floor to push himself up and look over at Jensen. “You can’t blame me for both of us having a juvenile sense of humor! You led me right into that!”
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t,” Jensen insists, picking up the beer he’d left on the end table next to him and taking a swig. “That was all you. And now we can never have sex again. It’s all your fault.”
Jared scoffs. “Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts.”
“Watch me.”
“All I’m saying is,” Jared finally gets up and sits next to Jensen on the couch, “You’re pretty virile, for someone your age.”
Jensen doesn’t miss a beat. “And I am apparently much older than you.” He furrows his brow, pretending to think for a moment, then turns to Jared, beer still in hand. “Can you even get it up, at your age? Or are we still waiting for your balls to drop?”
Jared grabs Jensen’s beer out of his hand and chugs the rest of it, then tosses it on the floor. “I’m one of those rebellious teens. Better send me to Maury, so he can take me to baby boot camp before I let my boyfriend get me pregnant.”
Jensen’s straight face holds up for a few more seconds while they stare at each other, and then it collapses as he bursts out laughing, Jared grinning in his victory. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Some asshole laughs at all my jokes.” He drapes himself over Jensen, who’s doubled over laughing. “You’re an enabler.”
Jensen recovers and shoves Jared off, then turns and pulls him into a kiss. “I’ll always enable you.”
“You think you wanna enable me into the bedroom?” Jensen drops his head against Jared’s shoulder and gives him one of those long-suffering sighs, and Jared chuckles. “Come on! It’s my birthday!”
“I know when your freakin’ birthday is!” Jensen lifts his head, all incredulous, with his hands up in the air and everything.
“Okay, fine. It’s not my birthday. But shouldn’t we live every day like it’s our last?”
Jensen rolls his eyes and grabs Jared’s hand, pulling Jared up with him as he gets up to head for the bedroom. “You’re the worst.”
Fandom: RPS
Characters/Pairings: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 062. Spring.
fanfic100 Table: here
Word Count: 1,558
Rating: R
Warnings: Just R for language, I guess? Mentions of depression/anxiety. Boys being dumb.
Summary: wind_storms prompted me with the Free Fallin' video, so I wrote a bunch of rambly Jared thoughts about the performance, followed by J2 bickering.
It says something that when Jared looks to Jensen as he starts playing the guitar, he already knows that Jensen will be looking back. It’s Jensen’s look that grounds him. He doesn’t even have to speak to ask if Jensen can hear what he’s playing or if Jensen will help him out. Jensen catches everything from that glance. He watches Jensen shift forward in his chair, and his fingers feel a little less shaky on the guitar, Jensen watching and listening intently for a bit longer before he starts to sing.
If Jensen’s look helps to relax Jared, his voice does even more. Jared’s been treated to that voice for years now, even back when Jensen was too nervous to perform on stage. He loves Jensen’s voice, always has, and hearing that voice now makes him feel like maybe he’s not in front of a terrifying number of fans with a terrifying number of cameras to record him attempting to play a song. Maybe this is just another night hanging out with Jensen, safe from the world as Jared plays and Jensen sings.
There’s something about it, the fact that Jensen thinks Jared’s good enough to play the song on his own, and the fact that Jared’s always willing to back Jensen up in any way, even if it’s with a guitar. It’s a level of mutual support that Jared only feels here, with Jensen next to him, and it still baffles him that he managed to find a relationship like this. Though he supposes it’s not entirely true that he doesn’t get that kind of support from anyone else.
Jensen is Jared’s focal point, but he’s still aware of the other guys around him and their unwavering insistence that everyone in the usual convention gang join in their stage performances, regardless of how musically inclined they are. With them, there isn’t any judgement. It’s about everyone sharing the experience, having fun, and proving to themselves that they can do anything. Rob handed Jared the guitar, and Rich now holds a microphone up to it - as if his playing deserves that - but they’ve all conspired to come out here and surprise him with this, welcoming him into the fold.
He thinks about that, and how he’s able to feel the love and support now, breathing it in. It’s a far cry from summers before, when he couldn’t feel those things and almost completely missed out on them. But he’s here now, and it’s that thought that makes his appreciation for the moment suddenly outweigh his nerves, even if his stomach still churns with anxiety.
It’s Jensen who helps him to start, but he feels strong enough now that he can turn to Rob, when he picks up the next verse. He gets past the bad feelings, just like he did before, just as he hopes he always will, and then he’s even able to look at the crowd as they hit the chorus. It’s still terrifying, but the point is that he can do it.
Jared knows that Jensen stands and pokes some fun at the crowd both to pull some attention away from Jared to make him more comfortable and to show how much he’s enjoying this himself; that Jared has relaxed enough to play through it all, and that they’re finally playing together on stage. While Jared appreciates everyone there, including the fans now clapping along and yelling his name to lift him up, it’s Jensen’s joy that sparks his own and makes his heart melt a little more.
It’s also Jensen’s take on the last verse that fires Jared up more as he plays. Jensen’s still modest about his voice, but the truth is that it’s fucking beautiful, and Jared thinks anybody who didn’t want to play along with it would be a fool.
It all ends with hugs and kisses for everybody, the crowd cheering, and Jensen pushing them to cheer more. It’s all more than he ever expected to experience in his life, and he’s beyond grateful. All this time, he’s skipped the karaoke and the concerts. He’s always been his own worst enemy, ignoring the encouragement from the others. While it seems like everyone else has performed with Jensen, it’s the one thing that the two of them have actually never done together. Jared’s never been jealous; he’s just always looked up to Jensen and the others as far more talented than he is. And while he still doesn’t feel the need to do this all the time, Jared suddenly feels like a weight is lifted. It’s such a relief to not feel lesser anymore, to feel included, and to finally share this with Jensen, too.
Jensen’s told Jared a few times that he thinks about things too much, and that the only way this kind of thing would ever happen would be if he just suddenly threw himself into it, almost before his brain could catch up and react. Jared knows now that Jensen was right. If anybody had brought this idea up prior to the panel, Jared would have fretted over it and ultimately declined. In this case, at least, Jared’s glad that his friends caught him off guard and put him on the spot.
When they’re offstage, Jensen grabs him in a hug that’s almost comically long. “I knew you could do it,” he says, when he finally pulls away. “I always knew.”
The conversation continues off and on until they get home, and Jared flops on the couch, invading Jensen’s personal space, as usual. But Jensen has never minded before, and he still doesn’t now, sitting on one end of the couch with Jared taking up the rest of it with the full length of his body, head in Jensen’s lap. All Jensen does is smile and run his hand through Jared’s hair.
“What was it like?” Jensen asks, and Jared shrugs a little.
“I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. It was a lot of things. Nerves, but…support. Love.”
“Pride,” Jensen adds, and Jared closes his eyes for a moment, letting it sink in that Jensen’s proud of him. “I’m not gonna lie, it kinda made me hard.”
Jared laughs out loud and opens his eyes to look up at Jensen. “Well I don’t feel anything now,” he says, moving his head from side to side on Jensen’s lap.
Jensen shrugs. “Eh. Moment’s passed.” All nonchalant, as if this suddenly isn’t the big deal Jensen himself made it out to be, and Jared just shakes his head.
“Don’t act like I don’t know you, Ackles.”
“Okay, fine,” Jensen sighs, exasperated and rolling his eyes. “It kind of made me want to suck your dick, too. No big deal, right?”
“You’re stupid.”
“You’re stupid.”
“You’re stupider.”
Jensen’s head falls back against the couch. “God, you’re like a child.”
“A child whose dick you wanna suck,” Jared retorts. And then there’s silence. “I didn’t mean…Fuck, I just ruined it.”
“Yeah, now I’m grossed out,” Jensen says, all disgusted and pushing at Jared until he rolls off onto the floor.
Jared laughs again as he rolls onto his stomach, palms on the floor to push himself up and look over at Jensen. “You can’t blame me for both of us having a juvenile sense of humor! You led me right into that!”
“I’m pretty sure I didn’t,” Jensen insists, picking up the beer he’d left on the end table next to him and taking a swig. “That was all you. And now we can never have sex again. It’s all your fault.”
Jared scoffs. “Yeah, we’ll see how long that lasts.”
“Watch me.”
“All I’m saying is,” Jared finally gets up and sits next to Jensen on the couch, “You’re pretty virile, for someone your age.”
Jensen doesn’t miss a beat. “And I am apparently much older than you.” He furrows his brow, pretending to think for a moment, then turns to Jared, beer still in hand. “Can you even get it up, at your age? Or are we still waiting for your balls to drop?”
Jared grabs Jensen’s beer out of his hand and chugs the rest of it, then tosses it on the floor. “I’m one of those rebellious teens. Better send me to Maury, so he can take me to baby boot camp before I let my boyfriend get me pregnant.”
Jensen’s straight face holds up for a few more seconds while they stare at each other, and then it collapses as he bursts out laughing, Jared grinning in his victory. “What’s wrong with you?”
“Some asshole laughs at all my jokes.” He drapes himself over Jensen, who’s doubled over laughing. “You’re an enabler.”
Jensen recovers and shoves Jared off, then turns and pulls him into a kiss. “I’ll always enable you.”
“You think you wanna enable me into the bedroom?” Jensen drops his head against Jared’s shoulder and gives him one of those long-suffering sighs, and Jared chuckles. “Come on! It’s my birthday!”
“I know when your freakin’ birthday is!” Jensen lifts his head, all incredulous, with his hands up in the air and everything.
“Okay, fine. It’s not my birthday. But shouldn’t we live every day like it’s our last?”
Jensen rolls his eyes and grabs Jared’s hand, pulling Jared up with him as he gets up to head for the bedroom. “You’re the worst.”