Sympathy For The Devil
Title: Sympathy For The Devil
Fandom: RPS
Characters: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 019. White.
fanfic100 table: here
Word Count: 1,998
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sort-of-smex and schmoop! Spoilers for 5x04
Summary: Jensen's POV of the events in Reading Jensen and after.
Author's Notes: I thought this was kind of crap, and wasn't sure where to go with it, but dugindeep said it was all good, so I slapped our default ending on it and decided to post it. Here it is!
Jensen wasn’t even sure what day it was anymore when Jared finally got back to Vancouver, barging into the trailer, refreshed and happy, voice ringing out in the silence that Jensen had actually been enjoying for once.
“Honey, I’m home!”
It grated on Jensen’s nerves, to hear such a joyful tone in that moment. Not that he wasn’t happy. He had a lot to be thankful for, and this job was one that any guy would give his left nut for. He was well aware of all that he had, and he appreciated it. But some days…some days, it just got to him. And having no one to act with but yourself for almost an entire episode had something to do with that. It was hard enough working the hours he did with he and Jared being the only two series regulars. But being the only actor on set? Jesus Christ. His mind was turning to mush, and he was about ready to rip his hair out. And while he normally enjoyed it, Jared’s sunny disposition was absolutely not what he wanted to see right now. He wanted peace and quiet. He wanted darkness. He wanted rest. He wanted sleep. He did his best to glare at Jared, and did so for about a second before deciding to abort the mission. As stressed and pissed as he was, he didn’t have the strength to put effort into what could become an argument. And, deep down, he still didn’t like to take his stressful situation out on Jared.
“Jesus,” Jared commented, pausing before adding on an equally frustrating, “You look like hell.”
“I know,” Jensen grit out, almost without meaning to. He still wasn’t up for an argument, still didn’t want to flip out on Jared when it was unwarranted, but, at times like this, his feelings were hard to hold down. For being an actor, he couldn’t really hide much of his personal self. And he couldn’t hold back the biting words that forced themselves out of his mouth. “How was your vacation?”
Silence. This time, Jensen hated the silence. It meant Jared knew, because Jared always knew, and Jensen really didn’t want to have any kind of discussion about how strung out he really was.
“You ready?” Jared asked quietly, and Jensen didn’t really expect Jared to ignore his attitude like that. He was grateful for it, but…he just couldn’t shake this feeling and be a civil human being. Past Dean and Future Dean were really fucking with his head. He sighed heavily before he finally stood up, feeling fatigue flood his body with the simple motion.
“I’m always ready,” he grumbled, walking past Jared and out the door.
****
White. Jared was wearing all white, and it was stunning. No…Sam was. Better yet, Lucifer. Jensen couldn’t really think about it, couldn’t express it right now, as Dean. He had to be his character. But he still felt how relieved he was to have this; to have Jared to act with, against, whatever. It didn’t matter. All he knew was that he fed off of it, that Jared was like his lifeline when it came to this show, and that he was better when Jared was around. All he knew was that, after days of only acting with himself, he finally had something there, something to see and hear, and it was real.
And Jared…Jared was goddamn breathtaking. All that time of imagining Future Dean, imagining Past Dean, cramming it all in his head. He’d gotten used to it, realizing now that he’d had no need to try and imagine Jared as Sam as Lucifer, because it would be right there in front of him. And it was. He didn’t have to fake it or fight to capture the emotion, because it was jarring, to have someone so familiar be something so foreign to him. It was almost a true possession, and his anger, his fear, despair, and his tears were all real upon seeing it. He was in Dean’s head, but that very small part of him that was still Jensen knew that this scene was going beyond anything they’d ever done, and that Jared was the reason for it.
As blown away as he was, as grateful as he was, Dean was still Dean, and when the scene was over, the character was gone, but had left fragments of himself inside his head. The fatigue that he’d fought off to play the scene didn’t just creep back in, but slammed into him full force. He was tired. So tired. And he needed this to be over. Now.
“Alright! That was awesome. I’m sure Jared’s in need of a break right now.”
He wasn’t even sure who said it, and he didn’t even bother to look. He didn’t care that the person was laughing, or that it was a joke. All he could think about was the time he spent torturing himself over this whole episode, and suddenly jokes were all too serious.
“Right,” he spat bitterly, walking away with his head down. “I’m the one actually working here.”
****
When Jensen woke up the next morning, or…whenever the hell it was, it was already late afternoon, and he was alone in bed, the sheets carefully tucked in around him. He stretched every limb, every muscle in his body, and it actually felt good, life flowing back into him. He rubbed his eyes and opened them slowly, focusing on the darkened room. He could see light around the edges of the shades, and was glad that they were down. This was nice. It was peaceful. It was just missing one thing.
Jared. Jensen groaned when he thought about how he’d acted since Jared had come home, and he flopped an arm over his eyes. God, he’d been a dick. It all seemed so different now that he’d had some rest. He had no idea how long he’d slept, didn’t even remember coming home the night before, but it was enough for him to realize his mistakes.
He slowly rolled over onto his side, stretching again and snuggling once more beneath the covers before finally pushing them down and away. He ran a hand through his hair as he sat up and then stood, searching for boxers and dragging them on, scratching at his stomach as he yawned and headed for the door. Light hit him, but the hallway wasn’t so bad. It worked to ease him into it gradually until he got downstairs in the fullness of it, the sun streaming through the windows. He heard jingling and smiled as the dogs came running for him, tails wagging and bodies wiggling excitedly, as if they’d been waiting just for him all day.
“Okay, okay,” he said, chuckling and patting their heads. “Good dogs.”
“Hey, you’re up!”
Jensen looked up and away from Harley, who was forcefully pushing his head against Jensen’s hand, and caught sight of Jared, standing there in his boxers, bright and smiling, as if nothing had ever gone wrong in the world. It tugged at Jensen’s heart a bit, and he half-smiled as he stepped towards Jared, shrugging in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and Jared just stared at him, amused. It threw him off, but he continued, knowing he had to apologize for the things he’d said. “I was a real jerk to you when you came home. I didn’t even welcome you back or tell you what an awesome job you did.”
“Yes, you did,” Jared answered, his grin spreading wider, and Jensen’s eyes narrowed in confusion.
“What are you talking about? I was practically PMS-ing when you walked into the trailer!”
“You did last night, Jen,” Jared laughed, clarifying. “You just don’t remember a thing because you were too damn sleep deprived. I practically carried you to bed.”
“I’m sorry,” Jensen repeated after a beat of silence. It always slightly disturbed him when he didn’t remember things that he wasn’t too drunk to remember. It was just plain bizarre. And Jared had apparently had his hands full the night before. Literally.
“Don’t worry about it,” Jared said, his grin fading as he took a more serious tone. “You were really exhausted. More than ever. I was worried about you.”
“Nothin’ I can’t handle,” Jensen teased, shrugging and smiling a little, even if he knew just how fried he’d been. “So, what’d I say?”
“That you were sorry,” Jared said, smiling back at him. “More than once. That you were grumpy, and that you shouldn’t take me for granted. And that you thought I did a good job with Lucifer.”
Jared shrugged at that, playing it off, and Jensen knew he’d given him more credit for it than that. Jared was just being modest.
“You stole it all away from me, Jare,” Jensen said, coming forward and slapping a hand on Jared’s shoulder. He leaned in, resting their foreheads together. “You showed me up.”
“Someone’s gotta do it,” Jared replied, kissing him softly on the lips.
“I’m glad you’re back home,” Jensen said quietly, hands coming up to work their way into Jared’s hair, holding him close. “Did I tell you that?”
“Yeah,” Jared breathed. “But I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.”
Jensen closed the distance between them, answering him with a kiss, his lips fitting in that soothingly familiar way with Jared’s, tongue sweeping along them and pressing inside.
It was a blur from there, almost like the night before, but better, because he could remember the physical feel of it all, his body hot and desperate, and his dick hard between his legs. He didn’t know how, and he didn’t care, but the next thing he knew he was laying back on the couch cushions, Jared on top of him, panting and rubbing against him. Part of him wanted more, but he was still a little drained, and Jared was content to just roll his hips easily down, grinding their dicks together through the fabric of their boxers.
Jensen closed his eyes and let his head fall back, letting Jared do most of the work, and Jared groaned his approval in his ear. Life was still slow and a little hazy, and all Jensen needed was that release, to get off. All he knew was the comfort of the couch and Jared, all over him, and it was perfect; the perfect end to such a crazy week, that last bit of stress fading away as his body shivered and he gasped, coming hot and thick in his boxers. He heard Jared’s moan after, and he knew that feeling, how stimulating it was to feel that warmth spread beneath you. He whimpered and squirmed a little, Jared still moving against him even after he was finished, but it didn’t last much longer before Jared stilled, tense, and Jensen felt the heat of Jared’s orgasm through thin layers of cotton.
“Always take such good care o’ me, Jare,” Jensen murmured sleepily, running his fingers through Jared’s hair as Jared relaxed against him, lips pressing small kisses all along his neck. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Probably die,” Jared whispered, sounding deadly serious, and Jensen laughed.
“Probably. You do so much, and you don’t even have to,” he said, and Jared lifted his head and looked down at him. “I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me shit, Ackles,” Jared said, kissing him lightly on the lips. “I do this because I want to. Because you deserve it. And because you do the same for me whenever I need it.” He grinned, hair falling messily into his eyes. “I probably owe you about five hundred steak dinners.”
“Are you saying I buy your love?” Jensen asked, eyebrow raised.
“No.” Jared rested his head in the crook of Jensen’s neck and shook his head. “I’m saying you feed me. And that makes me love you.” Jensen rolled his eyes, even though Jared couldn’t see.
“I knew I should’ve just gotten another dog.”
Fandom: RPS
Characters: Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki
Prompt: 019. White.
fanfic100 table: here
Word Count: 1,998
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Sort-of-smex and schmoop! Spoilers for 5x04
Summary: Jensen's POV of the events in Reading Jensen and after.
Author's Notes: I thought this was kind of crap, and wasn't sure where to go with it, but dugindeep said it was all good, so I slapped our default ending on it and decided to post it. Here it is!
Jensen wasn’t even sure what day it was anymore when Jared finally got back to Vancouver, barging into the trailer, refreshed and happy, voice ringing out in the silence that Jensen had actually been enjoying for once.
“Honey, I’m home!”
It grated on Jensen’s nerves, to hear such a joyful tone in that moment. Not that he wasn’t happy. He had a lot to be thankful for, and this job was one that any guy would give his left nut for. He was well aware of all that he had, and he appreciated it. But some days…some days, it just got to him. And having no one to act with but yourself for almost an entire episode had something to do with that. It was hard enough working the hours he did with he and Jared being the only two series regulars. But being the only actor on set? Jesus Christ. His mind was turning to mush, and he was about ready to rip his hair out. And while he normally enjoyed it, Jared’s sunny disposition was absolutely not what he wanted to see right now. He wanted peace and quiet. He wanted darkness. He wanted rest. He wanted sleep. He did his best to glare at Jared, and did so for about a second before deciding to abort the mission. As stressed and pissed as he was, he didn’t have the strength to put effort into what could become an argument. And, deep down, he still didn’t like to take his stressful situation out on Jared.
“Jesus,” Jared commented, pausing before adding on an equally frustrating, “You look like hell.”
“I know,” Jensen grit out, almost without meaning to. He still wasn’t up for an argument, still didn’t want to flip out on Jared when it was unwarranted, but, at times like this, his feelings were hard to hold down. For being an actor, he couldn’t really hide much of his personal self. And he couldn’t hold back the biting words that forced themselves out of his mouth. “How was your vacation?”
Silence. This time, Jensen hated the silence. It meant Jared knew, because Jared always knew, and Jensen really didn’t want to have any kind of discussion about how strung out he really was.
“You ready?” Jared asked quietly, and Jensen didn’t really expect Jared to ignore his attitude like that. He was grateful for it, but…he just couldn’t shake this feeling and be a civil human being. Past Dean and Future Dean were really fucking with his head. He sighed heavily before he finally stood up, feeling fatigue flood his body with the simple motion.
“I’m always ready,” he grumbled, walking past Jared and out the door.
****
White. Jared was wearing all white, and it was stunning. No…Sam was. Better yet, Lucifer. Jensen couldn’t really think about it, couldn’t express it right now, as Dean. He had to be his character. But he still felt how relieved he was to have this; to have Jared to act with, against, whatever. It didn’t matter. All he knew was that he fed off of it, that Jared was like his lifeline when it came to this show, and that he was better when Jared was around. All he knew was that, after days of only acting with himself, he finally had something there, something to see and hear, and it was real.
And Jared…Jared was goddamn breathtaking. All that time of imagining Future Dean, imagining Past Dean, cramming it all in his head. He’d gotten used to it, realizing now that he’d had no need to try and imagine Jared as Sam as Lucifer, because it would be right there in front of him. And it was. He didn’t have to fake it or fight to capture the emotion, because it was jarring, to have someone so familiar be something so foreign to him. It was almost a true possession, and his anger, his fear, despair, and his tears were all real upon seeing it. He was in Dean’s head, but that very small part of him that was still Jensen knew that this scene was going beyond anything they’d ever done, and that Jared was the reason for it.
As blown away as he was, as grateful as he was, Dean was still Dean, and when the scene was over, the character was gone, but had left fragments of himself inside his head. The fatigue that he’d fought off to play the scene didn’t just creep back in, but slammed into him full force. He was tired. So tired. And he needed this to be over. Now.
“Alright! That was awesome. I’m sure Jared’s in need of a break right now.”
He wasn’t even sure who said it, and he didn’t even bother to look. He didn’t care that the person was laughing, or that it was a joke. All he could think about was the time he spent torturing himself over this whole episode, and suddenly jokes were all too serious.
“Right,” he spat bitterly, walking away with his head down. “I’m the one actually working here.”
****
When Jensen woke up the next morning, or…whenever the hell it was, it was already late afternoon, and he was alone in bed, the sheets carefully tucked in around him. He stretched every limb, every muscle in his body, and it actually felt good, life flowing back into him. He rubbed his eyes and opened them slowly, focusing on the darkened room. He could see light around the edges of the shades, and was glad that they were down. This was nice. It was peaceful. It was just missing one thing.
Jared. Jensen groaned when he thought about how he’d acted since Jared had come home, and he flopped an arm over his eyes. God, he’d been a dick. It all seemed so different now that he’d had some rest. He had no idea how long he’d slept, didn’t even remember coming home the night before, but it was enough for him to realize his mistakes.
He slowly rolled over onto his side, stretching again and snuggling once more beneath the covers before finally pushing them down and away. He ran a hand through his hair as he sat up and then stood, searching for boxers and dragging them on, scratching at his stomach as he yawned and headed for the door. Light hit him, but the hallway wasn’t so bad. It worked to ease him into it gradually until he got downstairs in the fullness of it, the sun streaming through the windows. He heard jingling and smiled as the dogs came running for him, tails wagging and bodies wiggling excitedly, as if they’d been waiting just for him all day.
“Okay, okay,” he said, chuckling and patting their heads. “Good dogs.”
“Hey, you’re up!”
Jensen looked up and away from Harley, who was forcefully pushing his head against Jensen’s hand, and caught sight of Jared, standing there in his boxers, bright and smiling, as if nothing had ever gone wrong in the world. It tugged at Jensen’s heart a bit, and he half-smiled as he stepped towards Jared, shrugging in embarrassment.
“I’m sorry,” he said, and Jared just stared at him, amused. It threw him off, but he continued, knowing he had to apologize for the things he’d said. “I was a real jerk to you when you came home. I didn’t even welcome you back or tell you what an awesome job you did.”
“Yes, you did,” Jared answered, his grin spreading wider, and Jensen’s eyes narrowed in confusion.
“What are you talking about? I was practically PMS-ing when you walked into the trailer!”
“You did last night, Jen,” Jared laughed, clarifying. “You just don’t remember a thing because you were too damn sleep deprived. I practically carried you to bed.”
“I’m sorry,” Jensen repeated after a beat of silence. It always slightly disturbed him when he didn’t remember things that he wasn’t too drunk to remember. It was just plain bizarre. And Jared had apparently had his hands full the night before. Literally.
“Don’t worry about it,” Jared said, his grin fading as he took a more serious tone. “You were really exhausted. More than ever. I was worried about you.”
“Nothin’ I can’t handle,” Jensen teased, shrugging and smiling a little, even if he knew just how fried he’d been. “So, what’d I say?”
“That you were sorry,” Jared said, smiling back at him. “More than once. That you were grumpy, and that you shouldn’t take me for granted. And that you thought I did a good job with Lucifer.”
Jared shrugged at that, playing it off, and Jensen knew he’d given him more credit for it than that. Jared was just being modest.
“You stole it all away from me, Jare,” Jensen said, coming forward and slapping a hand on Jared’s shoulder. He leaned in, resting their foreheads together. “You showed me up.”
“Someone’s gotta do it,” Jared replied, kissing him softly on the lips.
“I’m glad you’re back home,” Jensen said quietly, hands coming up to work their way into Jared’s hair, holding him close. “Did I tell you that?”
“Yeah,” Jared breathed. “But I wouldn’t mind hearing it again.”
Jensen closed the distance between them, answering him with a kiss, his lips fitting in that soothingly familiar way with Jared’s, tongue sweeping along them and pressing inside.
It was a blur from there, almost like the night before, but better, because he could remember the physical feel of it all, his body hot and desperate, and his dick hard between his legs. He didn’t know how, and he didn’t care, but the next thing he knew he was laying back on the couch cushions, Jared on top of him, panting and rubbing against him. Part of him wanted more, but he was still a little drained, and Jared was content to just roll his hips easily down, grinding their dicks together through the fabric of their boxers.
Jensen closed his eyes and let his head fall back, letting Jared do most of the work, and Jared groaned his approval in his ear. Life was still slow and a little hazy, and all Jensen needed was that release, to get off. All he knew was the comfort of the couch and Jared, all over him, and it was perfect; the perfect end to such a crazy week, that last bit of stress fading away as his body shivered and he gasped, coming hot and thick in his boxers. He heard Jared’s moan after, and he knew that feeling, how stimulating it was to feel that warmth spread beneath you. He whimpered and squirmed a little, Jared still moving against him even after he was finished, but it didn’t last much longer before Jared stilled, tense, and Jensen felt the heat of Jared’s orgasm through thin layers of cotton.
“Always take such good care o’ me, Jare,” Jensen murmured sleepily, running his fingers through Jared’s hair as Jared relaxed against him, lips pressing small kisses all along his neck. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Probably die,” Jared whispered, sounding deadly serious, and Jensen laughed.
“Probably. You do so much, and you don’t even have to,” he said, and Jared lifted his head and looked down at him. “I owe you.”
“You don’t owe me shit, Ackles,” Jared said, kissing him lightly on the lips. “I do this because I want to. Because you deserve it. And because you do the same for me whenever I need it.” He grinned, hair falling messily into his eyes. “I probably owe you about five hundred steak dinners.”
“Are you saying I buy your love?” Jensen asked, eyebrow raised.
“No.” Jared rested his head in the crook of Jensen’s neck and shook his head. “I’m saying you feed me. And that makes me love you.” Jensen rolled his eyes, even though Jared couldn’t see.
“I knew I should’ve just gotten another dog.”