.098 [Email (and Spam?)]

[timesbureaucrat]

[Narvin is now Nathan. Work-from-home computer nerd, creeper, and conspiracy theorist. He sends out mass emails a lot. He also spies on people with binoculars and goes through their trash at night looking for incriminating evidence of government and/or alien affiliations. He lives next to Buffy, across from Kay, and catty corner to the Hoffmans

Comments

[rass_bestie]

[Peter ambles down the road and smiles when he sees Nathan. When your lover roommate is in the Christmas mood, it's almost impossible not to be cheerful.] Hello, Nathan. Lovely day.

[timesbureaucrat]

[Nathan doesn't smile back. He's too busy glancing worriedly up at the sky.]

Peter.

I don't like it. This clear sky is perfect for aerial weapons' targeting.

[rass_bestie]

[Ah, yes. Aliens. Peter readily agrees such things exist, it being a rather large galaxy for so few otherwise, but he feels that Earth would hardly strike as a destination. After all, it is a large galaxy.] You think a species capable of travelling faster than light, happening upon our world, would have waited until now to invade? Or clouds to prevent if they do?

[timesbureaucrat]

Well...uh...the lack of clouds makes it easier.

And they're waiting until now because they wanted the government's help to make all the sheeple easily controlled and unable to fight back.

[can_has_vodka]

[Arkady Collins, New Age bestselling writer, rock hound, crystal-waver and fellow believer in aliens, has her usual cauldron of cider brewing over the coals in her front yard. She's stirring it up and adding apple chunks and bits of cinnamon now and again, and waves cheerily as she spies him going about his rounds.] Hiiiii Nathan!

[timesbureaucrat]

Hi, Arkady! [As one of the few people who doesn't roll their eyes every time Nathan brings up aliens, he's very fond of Arkady. He walks up to her after a quick, paranoid glance to make sure no one's watching.]

I think this year is the year it happens. The extraterrestrials are letting their activities be seen more and more. The galactic battle of good and evil is going to commence right here and it's going to be soon.

[And then he gets a bit awkward and looks down at his shoes.]

I've...uh...got extra room in my bunker, if...you know...things get bad. We could protect each other and stuff.

[can_has_vodka]

Shall I get some cider in you? Patrolling about is cold work.

[She listens with a curious tilt of her head.] Nathan? How are we to know if the aliens are good or evil when they arrive? I admit that my teachers thought they were all advanced and benevolent, but I'm not one to ignore your research either.

[A slow smile spreads across her face.] That's such a lovely offer! I'd gladly accept your hospitality should it come down to that. I can't expect the Ascended to look after my physical body, after all, and with me gone, who will make the cider?

[timesbureaucrat]

Cider would be great. You make good cider.

[And...then she asks about the aliens. Nathan could go on about them all day.]

Well, the eye-witness accounts are all pretty sketchy. The people who are kidnapped are drugged up and traumatized, so the descriptions are a bit hazy. But everyone pretty much agrees that the evil aliens are called the Zshoo or Tshoo or similar. They have shiny blackish-green bodies, possibly an exoskeleton. The good aliens are led by a race who seems to go by lots of names, but reports say that they're humanoid, tall, with silvery-grey skin and large eyes. They're probably telepathic, since most contact with them has been through dreams. I keep hoping they'll contact me sometime, but they haven't yet. I guess I'm not sensitive enough. But they might contact you. Since you're real sensitive and all.

[And he beams when she accepts his bunker invitation.]

I'll make sure I put an extra sleeping bag in there.

[timesbureaucrat]

TO: staff@brownclinic.com
FROM: nat-alon@aliensonearth.net

It's not paranoia when it's real.

I've already got plans to send out an email to warn people when the end of the world happens. People won't be very happy or singing carols then.

Nathan A. Lonum
Programming Solutions
www.aliensonearth.net/contact

[timesbureaucrat]

TO: staff@brownclinic.com
FROM: nat-alon@aliensonearth.net

This year's different. This year I'm certain.

Nathan A. Lonum
Programming Solutions
www.aliensonearth.net

forever trolling

[brbculling]

TO: nat-alon@aliensonearth.net
FROM: amenning24@aol.com
RE: RE: EARTH'S LAST CHRISTMAS?

its swamp gas

[This guy's had four arrests for assault and he's not even thirty but his dad is rich so nothing ever sticks.

He's caught Nathan looking in his window before.

It wasn't pretty.]

LOL The best trolling

[timesbureaucrat]

[It was a definite low point in Nathan's snooping career.]

TO: amenning24@aol.com
FROM: nat-alon@aliensonearth.net

It's not fucking swamp gas. Swamp gas doesn't move like that, moron.

Nathan A. Lonum
Programming Solutions
www.aliensonearth.net/contact

[brbculling]

TO: nat-alon@aliensonearth.net
FROM: amenning24@aol.com
RE: RE: RE: RE: EARTH'S LAST CHRISTMAS?

fucking prove that it doesn't lol

[timesbureaucrat]

TO amenning24@aol.com
FROM: nat-alon@aliensonearth.net
RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: EARTH'S LAST CHRISTMAS

It's obvious to anyone who has fucking eyes and a brain. Guess that second leaves you out ha ha.

Nathan A. Lonum
Programming Solutions
www.aliensonearth.net

[Clearly he has never learned not to antagonize people who are larger, stronger, and wealthier than he is.]

IP passing through 5 towns and ending in Minessota. Trackable by serious hackers to the local cafe.

[ichoosefight]

TO: [ALL]
FROM: gnjskbjdflh@watching.net
CC:

SUBJECT: RE:EARTH'S LAST CHRISTMAS?

Don't be fooled. You won't make it to Christmas.

>This was filmed only 50 miles from here. The flight pattern is clearly a
>military reconnaissance formation. Stock up on water and non-perishable
>foods.
>
>Nathan A. Lonum
>Programming Solutions
>www.aliensonearth.net/contact
>
>>Scary stuff. Makes you wonder what else they've been hiding.
>>
>>-A.J.R.
>>
>>>Caught on video, strange shapes in the sky flying in formation. The government of course
>>>is denying that there's anything unusual going on. It's frikkin' Roswell all over again.
>>>
>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv3_zFD6_xE
>>>
>>>~EyesOnTheSky~

[timesbureaucrat]

TO: gnjskbjdflh@watching.net
FROM: nat-alon@aliensonearth.net

SUBJECT: RE: RE: EARTH'S LAST CHRISTMAS?

You know something? What is it? What's your source?

Nathan A. Lonum
Programming Solutions
www.aliensonearth.net/contact

>Don't be fooled. You won't make it to Christmas.
>
>>This was filmed only 50 miles from here. The flight pattern is clearly a
>>military reconnaissance formation. Stock up on water and non-perishable
>>foods.
>>
>>Nathan A. Lonum
>>Programming Solutions
>>www.aliensonearth.net/contact
>>
>>>Scary stuff. Makes you wonder what else they've been hiding.
>>>
>>>-A.J.R.
>>>
>>>>Caught on video, strange shapes in the sky flying in formation. The government of course
>>>>is denying that there's anything unusual going on. It's frikkin' Roswell all over again.
>>>>
>>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv3_zFD6_xE
>>>>
>>>>~EyesOnTheSky~

this formatting is hideous and I love it.

[ichoosefight]

TO: nat-alon@aliensonearth.net
FROM: gnjskbjdflh@watching.net

SUBJECT: RE: RE: RE: EARTH'S LAST CHRISTMAS?

I am the source.

>You know something? What is it? What's your source?
>
>Nathan A. Lonum
>Programming Solutions
>www.aliensonearth.net/contact
>
>>Don't be fooled. You won't make it to Christmas.
>>
>>>This was filmed only 50 miles from here. The flight pattern is clearly a
>>>military reconnaissance formation. Stock up on water and non-perishable
>>>foods.
>>>
>>>Nathan A. Lonum
>>>Programming Solutions
>>>www.aliensonearth.net/contact
>>>
>>>>Scary stuff. Makes you wonder what else they've been hiding.
>>>>
>>>>-A.J.R.
>>>>
>>>>>Caught on video, strange shapes in the sky flying in formation. The government of course
>>>>>is denying that there's anything unusual going on. It's frikkin' Roswell all over again.
>>>>>
>>>>>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xv3_zFD6_xE
>>>>>
>>>>>~EyesOnTheSky~

It's going to become a giant sprawling LJ comment of doom!

[timesbureaucrat]

[Nathan's paranoia is rising rapidly.]

TO:gnjskbjdflh@watching.net