ded

[timrehix]

I think I hate my life. I see no chance for a life better than the one I live now. I only see an existence where I perpetually drain from those around me. I exist in a fog of teenish angst minus the naive hope for a better future. Suicide is steadily becoming a more appealing alternative to continuing on in my current state, a state I feel is

Comments

[jadewik]

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." - Tony B.

... and I'm quoting someone I know who tried, but had a misfire that helped clarify their perspective.

You've talked time and again about going back to school. DO IT. Take out a student loan, get an on-campus job and make it happen. What you're doing now isn't making you happy, so change things a bit. Have a plan. Get some goals. Be patient. Life changes don't happen overnight. The only thing worse than a crappy part of life is thinking about how crappy life is at that time because it always makes things about 10-times worse. Change your focus to make life more manageable.

I'd go through the laundry-list of my darkest hour in life so far... but writing up that week or two would be an extensive novella and I'm not trying to compete. I only mention it because I know how it feels to be in the pit.

[tingirl]

What Jadewik said. Except I say, screw the plan and the long term. Just Do something, now.

I relate to the need for a dramatic gesture. It resets the brain, which is clearly not currently doing its job. So get dramatic! If school is too long term and beuracratic for you, join the Peace Corp, or the circus. Hitchhike across America, or become a ninja gardener and sow salvias in the parking lots of Dallas, while yanking down the invasive plants. Borrow Ruby's cosplay props and do street theater. Lock yourself in your room with a bag of beef jerky and water and write a novel in the course of a week. Drama the heck OUT.

The important thing is, DO something. Anything. Paint a house, make a cake, collect enough aluminum cans to go to Europe, whatever. Just Do, without wondering about whether it's valid or practical or has value in the long term. Your brain is currently feeding you faulty data, and will LIE about all that. I mean, fer cryin' out loud, it's tossing up suicide as an option, you can't trust that thing.