What Tiger Woods really wants to say

[tinka777]

Tiger Woods press conference today was pathetic.

This is what he should have said:

Look, I like pussy. I'm rich, I'm good looking, I'm talented. Chicks dig me. I never should have gotten married and had kids. I'm sorry for that. So, I'm going to get a divorce and chase tail until I run out of money. Then maybe I'll go back to golf. Thank you.

Comments

[dangermike]

Also, I understand that many of you are disappointed in the quality of women I've been having sex with. To you, I offer a sincere apology and promise to make better decisions. In therapy, I learned to act less impulsively, and I need to practice restraint and patience to wait for hotter women. I have failed as a role model. I hope there is room in your hearts to someday trust me again.

[creamofwheat]

THAT is honestly what surprised me in this whole thing! Those girls were skanky! He could have gotten way hotter pieces of ass.

[creamofwheat]

I didn't think it was pathetic because I was glad he was like "it's really none of your damned business". But I like your version way better...with the Dange's additions of course.

And I may have to steal this to repost because I enjoyed it so. (unless of course you object).

[tinka777]

LOL, have at it!

[dangermike]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/tiger_woods_announces_return_to

[creamofwheat]

Dammit I JUST read this and was coming here to share with you two crazy kids! You beat me to it.

[curiousalice]

I would have had more respect for him had he said that. Ha-ha. You should be his speech writer.