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i have come to the conclusion that i shall never eat again! no one can make me! i swear, eating makes me sick and i need to lose some weight...i look chunky. don't read the next part if you don't want to see me venting cuz i am very unhappy at the moment.
o my fucking god i am so pissed off! i am sick and tired of manny's excuses for not be able to spend time with me, cuz he never does even when he can. i don't care anymore that his parents don't love him because i don't love him. i hate being the one making the biggest effort to keep this relationship going and i'm the one who gets blown up at everytime him and his parents have a fight. nobody-ESPECIALLY a guy-hits me or any other girl and i shoulda punched him in the face for that. NOBODY hits me, ever. i'm so frustrated with him because i'm the one whose looking for jobs for HIM. why am i doing that?! i've given up on everything with him. he can't even get a fucking job. what a fucking loser. everyone can get hired at mcdonalds EXCEPT for him. wtf?! even i could get a job. in the past 6 months i have told him countless jobs that are hiring but "no courtney i can't work there cuz i don't have my liscense" or "no courtney my mom is busy right now and i can't go there" he also hasn't applied to college yet....graduation is THREE MONTHS AWAY. he's screwed...i give him advice on what to do so he can go through college but "no courtney that isn't my only option left" or "my parents will have a fit if i go into the marines now or ever" well you're the one who wants to go into the marines after college, what's gonna make the difference between now and then? you get FREE education if you go into active duty, but he thinks he's gonna go to HCC when all colleges have started to send out acceptance and rejection letters. so i give up. he's never going to accomplish anything with his atitude towards life and he'll never be what he wants to. he wants me to come along with him on his stupid journey to nowhere but i have dreams and aspirations that can actually be accomplished...cuz i don't make 940's on my SATs. and i don't fail or get C's in my classes for a sucky GPA. and i finish what i start no matter if i like it or not. AND I FACE REALITY. so screw him him and his dreams they'll never come true, and that's all i can say, cuz that's what i know. i do not wanna be that girl whose stuck with the guy whose going nowhere. who has to loan him money and buy his things. he never has money, and every penny he gets he spends on video games, that money could go towards a car. but no, he'll just sit at home and wait for everything to come to him. and the only thing that's coming to him is disappointment and failure...then death. and i'm not gonna be there to mourn him. i have been through so much shit for him...trying to fathom some reason why i'm still with a failure, defending him against my PARENTS, believeing him when he tells me he hasn't cheated on me, even though my truted friends tell me otherwise. the last thing i said to him last night before i hung up on him was that i wish i had never met him, that i had never gone on that retreat to actually get to know him, i wish i had never broken up with justin, and that me and justin would be looking forward to two years together in july. and i will never regret saying that, even if the latter half of what i said might not even be true. no regrets. this is my life to live.
o my fucking god i am so pissed off! i am sick and tired of manny's excuses for not be able to spend time with me, cuz he never does even when he can. i don't care anymore that his parents don't love him because i don't love him. i hate being the one making the biggest effort to keep this relationship going and i'm the one who gets blown up at everytime him and his parents have a fight. nobody-ESPECIALLY a guy-hits me or any other girl and i shoulda punched him in the face for that. NOBODY hits me, ever. i'm so frustrated with him because i'm the one whose looking for jobs for HIM. why am i doing that?! i've given up on everything with him. he can't even get a fucking job. what a fucking loser. everyone can get hired at mcdonalds EXCEPT for him. wtf?! even i could get a job. in the past 6 months i have told him countless jobs that are hiring but "no courtney i can't work there cuz i don't have my liscense" or "no courtney my mom is busy right now and i can't go there" he also hasn't applied to college yet....graduation is THREE MONTHS AWAY. he's screwed...i give him advice on what to do so he can go through college but "no courtney that isn't my only option left" or "my parents will have a fit if i go into the marines now or ever" well you're the one who wants to go into the marines after college, what's gonna make the difference between now and then? you get FREE education if you go into active duty, but he thinks he's gonna go to HCC when all colleges have started to send out acceptance and rejection letters. so i give up. he's never going to accomplish anything with his atitude towards life and he'll never be what he wants to. he wants me to come along with him on his stupid journey to nowhere but i have dreams and aspirations that can actually be accomplished...cuz i don't make 940's on my SATs. and i don't fail or get C's in my classes for a sucky GPA. and i finish what i start no matter if i like it or not. AND I FACE REALITY. so screw him him and his dreams they'll never come true, and that's all i can say, cuz that's what i know. i do not wanna be that girl whose stuck with the guy whose going nowhere. who has to loan him money and buy his things. he never has money, and every penny he gets he spends on video games, that money could go towards a car. but no, he'll just sit at home and wait for everything to come to him. and the only thing that's coming to him is disappointment and failure...then death. and i'm not gonna be there to mourn him. i have been through so much shit for him...trying to fathom some reason why i'm still with a failure, defending him against my PARENTS, believeing him when he tells me he hasn't cheated on me, even though my truted friends tell me otherwise. the last thing i said to him last night before i hung up on him was that i wish i had never met him, that i had never gone on that retreat to actually get to know him, i wish i had never broken up with justin, and that me and justin would be looking forward to two years together in july. and i will never regret saying that, even if the latter half of what i said might not even be true. no regrets. this is my life to live.