The Sun Still Shines

[tinkzoned]

Title: The Sun Still Shines
Pairing: Chanyeol/Kyungsoo
Genre: Romance
Rating: NC-17
Summary: It's not their marriage Chanyeol dislikes; it's having no say in any of decisions made in his life.
A/N: Written for Strength in Fire fic exchange. Thanks to the mods for the beta. :)


Their eyes locked and for a moment he thought they had a chance,

He guessed he was right.

It’s not like any other night. Tonight, Chanyeol tugs at his pajamas as he sighed. It’s the night he has to share a bed with another man, or rather, a stranger for the first time in his life.

The clock to his left reads one in the morning. Chanyeol bit his lips, repressing his groan as he shudders at the mere thought of sleeping with someone else on the same bed.

The bathroom door opens, and suddenly the room is engulfed in a scent of strawberry and vanilla; Chanyeol’s body soap flavor. While it should soothe him, it helps little as he finally spots a calm, tiny figure padding across the room in his robes.

The figure looks at Chanyeol curiously as he clears his throat; the air around them heavy and thick. Chanyeol really should have skipped the steak because now, he feels like throwing up. Blinking rapidly, he glanced at the bed and eyes the petals of red roses spread on it, probably placed by his stupid cousins before he had arrived. The small figure was already by the bed, looking equally confused at the petals. His hair is damp and swept back. He looks like he’s drowning in his oversized robes.

“A-aren’t you going to sleep?”

It took Chanyeol a few seconds to realize that it was being asked towards him. Do Kyungsoo, the figure’s name is; or in other words, his newly wedded husband. Chanyeol hopes that his expression remains neutral despite how taken aback he feels at suddenly being talked to. He turns towards Kyungsoo and immediately notices how strange his smile is, curving upwards. His lips look too big on his tiny face; pretty and full.

Still, if they were wedded out of love, Chanyeol would have known better than to react by gaping at him dumbly as Kyungsoo hangs his towel on the rack by the bed. Chanyeol’s twice as big as Kyungsoo is, but he feels small trying to wait for one of them to make a move.

They were married through their parents, even though it goes against every fiber of Chanyeol’s being. Chanyeol’s mom had been persistent as she made the decision; with an excuse that she really wanted to see Chanyeol getting married before “mom falls sick and die in my sleep” (a total drama queen). It’s a stupid threat, and Chanyeol’s even more stupid because he still has problems saying no to his mom at his age.

If Chanyeol had wanted, he could have introduced someone else as his lover to stop the marriage, but he had nobody. He could have asked Baekhyun for his help, but it would mean killing Chanyeol thrice, because while he is in love with Baekhyun, it is merely one sided. Getting Baekhyun to play the part of his lover, acting as though he’s in love with Chanyeol…Chanyeol doesn’t think he could stand it.

When his parents presented him with his soon-to-be spouse, it turned out to be Kyungsoo. Chanyeol still doesn’t know how to say, no, please let me choose my own spouse.

“Isn’t it cold?” Kyungsoo murmurs, stomping mercilessly onto Chanyeol’s daydream. When Chanyeol faces him, the shorter male is shuddering, hands plugging in the electric blanket. “You’re going to freeze wearing such a thin shirt. Do you need a thicker blanket?”

A dog is more proficient than he is as Chanyeol stares at Kyungsoo wordlessly, wondering why he seems so familiar with the room as he slides past Chanyeol to rummage through the closet. Chanyeol shakes his head, knowing well that Kyungsoo wouldn’t be able to see him. He walked over to the bed, grabbing a pillow and shoving it under his arm before heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” Kyungsoo asks, body finally out of the closet (body small enough to be eaten by the closet -it should be cute to Chanyeol had it been in another situation) and hands clutching onto a thick blanket.

Not knowing how to face him, Chanyeol mumbles; “I’m going to sleep on the couch-uhm, sleep well.”

Kyungsoo blinks, swallowed by the dimmed room as he stares at Chanyeol’s back. There should be a warning, he thinks, when a heart wants something it can’t have.

The next morning when Chanyeol wakes up, his head hangs off the couch. As he sits up, the blanket slides off his body and he frowns. It’s barely seven in the morning and his head is muddled and stomach growling.

He slides into his slippers and pads across the clattering kitchen. Something smells like it’s burning but Chanyeol is adapt to the smell of eggs and toast so it doesn’t really bother him. The coffee is maker is filled and Chanyeol grabs a mug by the counter to pour him some coffee. The coffee tastes awful especially since Chanyeol have yet to brush. God, he is disgusting.

“Mom, what are you ma-”

Chanyeol frowns. That isn’t his mom in that awful blue apron. The tiny figure looks at him, confused. His hand is holding on to a spatula mid-air and it looks like he’s at war with the pan and his huge eyes unblinking as they shared gazes.

“Wait, who are-oh,” Chanyeol coughs, hiding his embarrassment. Everything about yesterday comes gushing in and a traitorous part of his brain laughs at him as it reminds him that he’s a married man now and that no, Chanyeol, it’s not your mother.

“Uhm,” the figure-Kyungsoo, says. It sounds more like a question. “Good morning, Chanyeol?”

“I fixed you some breakfast,” he murmurs, eyeing the thing in the pan. It looks a little brown to Chanyeol. Kyungsoo pulls out a chair and Chanyeol notices the panchan on the table and the rice cooker open on the counter. “Come on.”

Kyungsoo pokes the spatula at his arms lightly and ow? That is hot.

Chanyeol blinks, the coffee tasting even foul now that he’s paying attention to his morning breath. “Let me wash my face first?” Chanyeol answers, taking a step back. His limbs feel too long standing by Kyungsoo like this. He taps the table top and tilts his head at Kyungsoo. He doesn’t know what to do when Kyungsoo looks so offended as if Chanyeol has hit him. Maybe it’s the morning breath.

“Alright. I’ll wait for you here.”

It’s definitely the morning breath.

Chanyeol is okay with the marriage, he’s totally fine with it. He thinks it’s an unsaid thing between him and Kyungsoo to give each other space while they learn how to live around each other’s presence. But that was before he realizes with a start that Kyungsoo kind of…suck at house work.

Chanyeol can stomach his cooking. His omelet is a little burnt and his rice might get too dry on certain days, but Chanyeol’s not the best at cooking either so he’s not picky. There are better days like when Kyungsoo experimented with the kimchi and a box of pasta and spaghetti they received as their wedding gift and it was actually nice.

But Chanyeol gets a little bit exasperated when he goes home to pink button downs and black socks that costed him twenty thousand won but is now in a weird shade of green. Then Chanyeol realizes Kyungsoo is actually a little allergic to electronics and he had refused to try working the washing machine because our ancestors had suffered so m-

Okay, he’s kind of ridiculous and Chanyeol is kind of at his wits end. So Chanyeol had to threaten to separate their laundries and Kyungsoo had felt sorry enough to begrudgingly let Chanyeol stand beside him and slowly teach him the functions of every single button on the washing machine and the dryer and for three straight days, Kyungsoo listened raptly before Chanyeol have the confidence to let him do it by himself.

The first day Kyungsoo managed to do the laundry via the washing machine, he MMS Chanyeol the picture of their freshly cleaned laundries and Chanyeol sighed, remembering the 2G Nokia phone that he’s seen on their kitchen counter before.

Good job, Chanyeol texts back and when he received a (smiley face) in full spelling instead of an emoticon back, Chanyeol thinks he has never been so tired dealing with his life.

“He doesn’t know anything,” Chanyeol complains, head thudding on the table. He’s out for lunch with Baekhyun at their favorite dakgalbi place in Sinchon and Baekhyun is not helping.

“I’m pretty sure you’re just being a jerk about it,” Baekhyun scoffs. “He can’t be that bad.”

Baekhyun is like…one of the biggest jerks Chanyeol knows and Chanyeol likes him so he begrudgingly huffs in Baekhyun’s face. He’s not a jerk, he’s just being practical. “He has a Nokia, Baekhyun. A Nokia!” Chanyeol says in defense, as if it has anything to do with how Kyungsoo works the washing machine. “He can afford a Vertu and he has a Nokia!”

“Like I said, you’re being a jerk about it,” Baekhyun says. “You should lend him a hand if he’s lost. That’s called helping, Chanyeol.”

“I’m busy with work?” Chanyeol replies and Baekhyun raises his brow at Chanyeol and okay, maybe Chanyeol is an asshole because he knows Kyungsoo’s busy with managing his library as well and he’s trying hard to learn how to do things Chanyeol’s way.

“Well, at least he still has the conscience to do the house work rather than leaving them undone, unlike someone,” Baekhyun says. He sounds sarcastic. Chanyeol groans.

“But still-“

“Try to work it out,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “What are you, five?”

Well, Chanyeol thinks he rather be five than get stuck in marriage with someone he doesn’t love and getting advice from someone he does. The world is terrible to the people who have been trying to treat it right. Chanyeol will make sure to litter the next time he goes to the park.

Each person felt pain in his own way,

Each had his own scars,

But his scars were the biggest ones among all of them.

Chanyeol has rehearsed his lines for a week and he thinks he’s finally ready to recite it to Kyungsoo. They’ve ordered Thai takeout from Noodle Box and Chanyeol is amused at how amazed Kyungsoo is at his new mobile phone that finally has internet access. His co-workers can finally send him emails from work. Chanyeol does not mind take out and let Kyungsoo fool around with the *Yogiyo app that Chanyeol has downloaded for him.

Kyungsoo’s eyes are huge as he stares straight into Chanyeol’s. Chanyeol gulps, the words he had practiced seem to be lodged behind the huge shrimp he had forced down his throat. He always had problems with violent movies but Kyungsoo had picked Battle Royale and all those dick slicing, yucks.

“I know it’s not easy…” Chanyeol begins slowly. He knows this won’t end well but they’ve been holding out this talk for months. Kyungsoo’s still stoic and he don’t try to decipher what that means. He soldiers on. “Truthfully, I didn’t want it…to happen?”

Kyungsoo has started biting at his lips and Chanyeol wonders where this talk really is going. “Do you…have someone you want to marry?” he sounds afraid and Chanyeol is afraid of what that means. He thinks of Baekhyun and his heart doesn’t really hurt. Chanyeol’s feelings aren’t as strong as they were in college but yes, he would prefer being married to Baekhyun. He at least can learn how to revive old feelings. But Kyungsoo…he doesn’t know Kyungsoo despite having lived together for a few months. He knows how Kyungsoo takes his coffee and his omelet (burnt at the bottom), the panchan that he won’t eat and his movie tastes but it stops there.

Kyungsoo lets out a deep breath; fingers slowly lowering the volume of the television and adjusting his awkward legs on the couch. “Chanyeol?”

“No,” Chanyeol says. He finds that he means it. But there’s something else that has been bugging him and he wants Kyungsoo to know; not because he wants to draw a line, but because he thinks Kyungsoo deserves at least that. “Although…Kyungsoo? I’m sorry…I-I can’t see you as my husband. I tried…and this?” Chanyeol points at him and Kyungsoo. “This is okay, I’m okay with this, but I can’t see you as my husband right now.”

There was a moment, in between Chanyeol’s gentle guidance and Chanyeol’s grumblings, that Kyungsoo have learnt to teach himself that maybe, it was possible; the concept of them together. He should’ve known not to delude himself for too long. His eyes are traitorous and feel his eyelashes getting wet and it’s ridiculous.

“Can…we start from scratch?” Chanyeol tries. He’s a little taken aback at Kyungsoo’s usually stoic eyes welling up. He had thought that they were on the same page and now he knows the consequences of lying to himself. “Kyungsoo…we can be friends?”

Kyungsoo knows that even Chanyeol can hear how stupid he sounds. He has this tiny smile on that Chanyeol keeps staring at because it’s scary how much those lips aren’t saying and how much Chanyeol understands. “Friends?” Kyungsoo repeats. “You’re kind of funny.”

“I know,” Chanyeol says. “It’s ridiculous, but I don’t think I’ll be able to do everything around you normally if I keep thinking about our relationship.”

“You know I wasn’t forced into this, don’t you?” Kyungsoo’s voice is so small, it’s so unlike him. Chanyeol has always had a feeling but it’s different when it’s coming from Kyungsoo himself. “I didn’t marry you for fun, and I kind of thought hey, it’s enough if we have someone to live with forever.”

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Chanyeol says. “I know, okay? I’m sorry. But Kyungsoo, you can’t put yourself on a pedestal. I don’t know you, Kyungsoo. I met you for the first time through our parents and I’m sorry but I can’t see you as someone I can love right now because you’re still practically a stranger. I’m not making fun of this, I know what I got myself into when I agreed; don’t treat me like a child.”

Kyungsoo has that expression on; where he looks like Chanyeol has just hit him. Chanyeol thinks he never had someone to say no to him before. He knows Kyungsoo’s background at least and knows why this (them) was made. If its one thing Chanyeol has learnt through having most of his decisions made by his parents, it’s that you can’t force someone to take responsibility for the things you feel and the things you want and need. Your emotions are not theirs to fulfill.

Chanyeol isn’t asking to part ways. He wants Kyungsoo to at least know that. It is just that while Chanyeol is being treated like someone’s spouse, he can’t go about living comfortably. He’s had commitment problems since teenage hood but he’s willing to try while their parents are still hoping for progress.

“Alright,” Kyungsoo says, offering his hand. “Let’s be friends.”

Chanyeol knows he’s hurting. But Kyungsoo is twenty-five and he has to learn some day that there are people who don’t and won’t think the same way he does. As someone whom Kyungsoo has been entrusted to, Chanyeol will at least try.

“Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol hums. His glasses are low on his nose trying to get most of his reading done before tomorrow’s product presentation to his father. When he looks up, Kyungsoo is still staring at him. He keeps parting his lips. “Do you need anything?” Chanyeol asks curiously. Kyungsoo’s eyes shifted to the bed.

Oh. “Do you need the bed?” Chanyeol says, quickly realizing that he’s been on the bed, utilizing their electric blanket because it was too cold in the living room.

“No,” Kyungsoo says quickly. “It’s just that...don’t sleep on the couch again?”

Everything Kyungsoo says nowadays sounds like a question. Chanyeol is confused; face scrunching up as he gathers his paperwork. “You’ve been having back problems since you sleep on the couch,” Kyungsoo explains. “You’re too big for it.”

Chanyeol laughs lightly. “I can’t sleep on the floor, Kyungsoo. That’s worse than the couch. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Now that Kyungsoo mentions sleep, Chanyeol realizes it’s almost two in the morning. Kyungsoo must have wanted that bed for quite a while. Chanyeol heads for the door.

“Sleep on the bed!” Kyungsoo practically shrieks. Startled, Chanyeol turns. Kyungsoo’s fingers are playing at the hem of his night shirt and he keeps shifting the weight of his foot. Chanyeol wonders if it’s Kyungsoo’s attempt at being brave.

“You can sleep on the bed with me…” Kyungsoo says slowly. “It’s big enough for the both of us.”

“…what?”

“I don’t mean it that way,” Kyungsoo clears up quickly. “Please don’t get the wrong idea about it. I just meant we can share the bed. As friends.”

“Friends?” Chanyeol’s not really articulate at night. His triple degree major is a joke when exhaustion hits.

“Because we’re friends, right? Friends don’t do things a married couple does.”

Now Chanyeol’s a little amused because Kyungsoo’s face is red and his entire neck is burning with embarrassment. Chanyeol can’t really keep in his asshole side for long. He says, “What couple things?”

“You know,” Kyungsoo coughs awkwardly. “No inserting and stuff. Just sleeping.”

Chanyeol laughs, shaking his head. When it’s evident that Chanyeol’s not put off by the idea, Kyungsoo’s shoulders relaxes. It’s sort of cute how embarrassed he was. Still, Chanyeol appreciates the effort. “I’ll sleep on the bed, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol agrees. It doesn’t truly bother him. He’s shared beds with countless of the student body in college and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t even know half of their names. Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide as saucers as Chanyeol pushes his gigantic file into the blankets again. “I won’t give promises that you won’t turn into my personal bolster though.”

Kyungsoo knows it’s a joke. But really, he won’t mind if he does turn into Chanyeol’s bolster.

Chanyeol stirs when the clock by his side says five-thirty and it’s still dark. It takes a while for him to realize the small squeaks that woke him up. Groaning, he tossed onto his back and sees Kyungsoo quivering under the blanket beside him. It’s raining on his face.

Chanyeol blinks. Huh?

“Kyungsoo…?” Chanyeol wonders if Kyungsoo could hear him, his voice going higher and higher the more Chanyeol shifts on the bed. His heart feels weird. “Kyungsoo, what’s wrong?”

Kyungsoo drags his hand above the blanket and points. There’s nothing where he is pointing as Chanyeol sits up and he’s afraid to touch Kyungsoo lest it sets him off again. Kyungsoo’s eyes are wide open and it might be a nightmare so Chanyeol tries. He pokes at Kyungsoo’s arm softly. “Are you dreaming?” he whispers. “Is it a nightmare? You don’t have to cry, nothing’s going to hurt you…”

Kyungsoo glares at him through his tears. Okay, not nightmare then. Kyungsoo grabs at his shirt, almost toppling Chanyeol backwards. “You have to tell me what’s making you cry,” Chanyeol says. “I can’t help you if you continue staring at me.”

Kyungsoo huffs, and he’s kind of in a mess with his snotty nose and wayward hair. It’s the first time Chanyeol has seen him like this. “There…there’s something creeping up my leg.”

“…what?”

Chanyeol raises his brow, confused but Kyungsoo keeps pointing at his foot so he pulls away the blanket. He grabs his glasses and jams them onto his face when rubbing his eyes doesn’t help with the bad eyesight. He squints in the dark.

There’s a disgusting little thing on the curve of Kyungsoo’s calf; legs too long and body happily dancing. Chanyeol groans. “It’s a cockroach,” he says.

Kyungsoo glares at him again, clearly dissatisfied. “I know,” he deadpans. “Get it off me.”

“Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’s just a cockroach. You’re like a million times bigger than it is.”

Is Kyungsoo…really….crying because of this?

“Get it off me!” Kyungsoo repeats, voice bordering on hysterical as the stupid buy crawls further up his legs. Chanyeol startles out of his trance, looking at Kyungsoo trying to bury his tiny little body into the mattress and he is genuinely afraid. Oh.

Quickly grabbing a tissue from their nightstand, Chanyeol grabs the cockroach and throws it out of their window. It’s going to freeze in the cold winter night. Chanyeol feels sorry for it but t was probably hiding in their house and Chanyeol doesn’t remember being a real estate for lost cockroaches.

Kyungsoo seems calmer when Chanyeol returns to bed but his face is still raining lightly and Chanyeol wonders whether he is allowed to comfort him. “Hey…” he tries anyway. “It’s okay, I’m here. Don’t be afraid anymore, hmm?”

Kyungsoo shakes his head, hands still trembling. “Y-you didn’t believe me earlier.” And he burst into tears once again; body shaking.

“Is it…” Chanyeol says. “I’m…I’m sorry, I didn’t know…”

Their bed as made for two but Kyungsoo is even tinier like this, all curled up and away from Chanyeol’s grasp. Chanyeol scoots closer, hands reaching out, testing the water. When Kyungsoo doesn’t stop him, he pulls at his arms so they would uncurl around his knees. Kyungsoo huffs at him unhappily as he drags his small body across the bed and fits him into Chanyeol’s side. “Stop crying, okay?” Chanyeol smiles.

“It’s not…” Kyungsoo hiccups, burying his face into Chanyeol’s warm pajamas. Chanyeol holds onto his waist, balancing Kyungsoo as he turns to lower the temperature of their blanket to medium. Chanyeol hums, he’s listening. It’s almost six anyway. He doesn’t have to go back to bed.

“I’m not afraid of the cockroach,” Kyungsoo says. He sounds like he’s fighting for a toy. His hair still smells of Chanyeol’s shampoo when Chanyeol noses at it.

“You don’t have to explain to me,” Chanyeol replies. Kyungsoo doesn’t know any of Chanyeol’s secrets, he doesn’t think it’s fair if Kyungsoo is forced to tell him one of his. But if it helps, Chanyeol wants him to tell it to him slowly. It doesn’t matter if it’s silly. Chanyeol has a list of things he is afraid off that people think is stupid. (Like seeing every glass as half empty, like thinking that he’s never enough for anyone, that he’s never going to be allowed to choose what he wants because Chanyeol, you have responsibilities.)

“I grew up in California, you know?” Kyungsoo murmurs in a soft voice. He tugs at Chanyeol’s arm gently. Chanyeol allows him to adjust their body so they’re under the blanket again and Kyungsoo is in Chanyeol’s arms. Chanyeol nods. “You know it’s scary there…they don’t really like people with small bodies, and weird accents and smart brains and-“

Chanyeol rubs at his arms when he shivers. He doesn’t think it’s the cold. It’s so warm under their blanket. “They like to lock those people in lockers and put little bugs in and-I’m not afraid of cockroaches, okay? I’m not…it’s just…it’s just…”

Chanyeol doesn’t like that Kyungsoo has a secret like this, that his past is something that haunts him through tiny little stupid cockroaches. (Chanyeol doesn’t like that his tiny body that Chanyeol finds cute is what got him bullied) Chanyeol heard that it hasn’t been easy for Kyungsoo. He’s heard stories, maybe, the ones he had eavesdropped on. But it’s distressing when it comes from Kyungsoo’s trembling lips. Chanyeol hopes that cockroach didn’t survive that fall from their window.

Kyungsoo has been trying to play hide and seek these days. Chanyeol knows he’s embarrassed so he doesn’t try to talk to him about it. Some of Chanyeol white socks are red a few days after the incident but Chanyeol wears it silently and lets Kyungsoo gather himself again.

Chanyeol’s life is full of surprises. One of the biggest causes is Chanyeol himself. He likes surprising himself (like right now; he hates that Kyungsoo is avoiding him. And that he wants to tell one of his secrets to Kyungsoo because Kyungsoo was forced to enlighten Chanyeol with one of his; that he wants Kyungsoo to know that his secret isn’t as stupid as Kyungsoo thinks it is and that everyone has fears and it doesn’t make Kyungsoo’s less important just because it’s a bug trauma and Chanyeol also wants Kyungsoo to know that maybe Chanyeol doesn’t mind knowing a little more about what Kyungsoo likes and dislikes, his fears and weaknesses and maybe if Chanyeol can protect him from them, he will; that Chanyeol might actually be learning how to love Kyungsoo.)

Kyungsoo flinches and jumps when Chanyeol figured it’s enough and he’s going to try at small talks with Kyungsoo. Baekhyun will be proud of him he knows. Kyungsoo’s wide eyes stare at Chanyeol when he boos into Kyungsoo’s ears as the little one whips at something furiously in the kitchen.

“What are you up to?” Chanyeol smiles; all of his teeth showing.

Kyungsoo hesitates; looking at Chanyeol curiously before he gestures at the recipe book he has open on the kitchen top. “You’re baking?” Chanyeol laughs.

“I’m experimenting,” Kyungsoo says. It’s been a while since Chanyeol has heard his voice. He turns his body away from Chanyeol as Chanyeol continues poking at his ingredients, intrigued. When Chanyeol faces him to ask him a possibly stupid question about egg whites, Kyungsoo is on his tip toes trying to grab the sugar from the last cupboard.

“Careful,” Chanyeol chides, putting a hand on his waist to steady him. The tips of Kyungsoo’s ears are red (it’s been a while since Chanyeol is the cause of it.

Kyungsoo stares at him weirdly when Chanyeol stays behind and helps around.

(“Hey, wanna see me beat the whip cream without the electronic mixer?”

“Chanyeol, it’ll take -”

“No, I can do it, let me!”

“…”

“…”

“You want to switch to the mixer, don’t you?”

Chanyeol laughs.)

And then there are weirder moments during bed time when Chanyeol sits up and stares at Kyungsoo preparing for bed. “Do you like penguins or pandas?”

Kyungsoo stares. “What.”

“Penguins,” Chanyeol repeats, flapping at his arms. “Or pandas?”

“What kind of question is that?”

Chanyeol shrugs. “Scientific purposes.”

“I like penguins more,” Kyungsoo says. He looks so serious when Chanyeol had only thought of the question just to hear his voice. Chanyeol hopes small cute animals aren’t part of Kyungsoo’s tormenting past.

“Why is that?”

“Well, um…a male penguin would search for a perfect pebble for his mate and would present to her that pebble, even if it risks him to search for it,” Kyungsoo says. He sounds like Discovery Channel. “It is like some sort of engagement rings or something like that, from what I remember.”

“Where did you read that?” Chanyeol laughs, amused.

“A random fact from Google?”

Kyungsoo is so cute.

“Don’t call me cute,” Kyungsoo huffs, and okay, maybe Chanyeol have been having problems holding off his stupid praises lately just to see Kyungsoo flush bright red.

“It’s cool, okay,” Kyungsoo mumbles. “I’d like it if someone would sacrifice his time and life for me and-oh, wait, no that came out wrongly. I’m not trying to shade you? I-I’m just…I just? Penguins are cute?”

Chanyeol laughs, patting at the space beside him. “I know, you don’t have to explain yourself, dummy,” he says. “I was the one who asked for it. Come on, less gaping and more sleeping.”

Their truce gets stretched.

And it’s stupid really. Everything they have built on their relationship has been stupid so Chanyeol does not get surprised that their foundation crumbles over something small.

“Kyungsoo, come on, look at me,” Chanyeol sighs, pulling at his arms. People are staring now. Exit nine of Hongdae is crowded and it’s Friday, they’re going to get trampled on if Kyungsoo just won’t stop.

Chanyeol pulls him when he trips and he is so light that Chanyeol lifts him up and drags him in front of KFC. There’s a college student doing some girl group dance so the crowd is loud enough to drown them.

Kyungsoo is so brainless and dumb and why is he so hurt by such a stupid thing. He has always known about Baekhyun and what he is to Chanyeol. But seeing it in real life, seeing Chanyeol show his stupid bright teeth and laughing with Baekhyun makes him feel like he wants to claw out his heart and give it to Chanyeol to tell it to behave. It’s going to rain on his face again if he keeps this up.

“Can’t you just leave me alone for now?” Kyungsoo croaks. “I’m sure Baekhyun is still waiting for you.”

Chanyeol stares. Kyungsoo knows Chanyeol is twice his size and if he steps this close to Kyungsoo, he will overpower Kyungsoo entirely. But Chanyeol has never used his height to frighten Kyungsoo.

He’s doing it now though, he puts his hands over Kyungsoo’s tiny shoulders and squeezes. If Kyungsoo wants to meet his eyes, he has to tilt his head back.

“It’s not like what you think it is, Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol sighs. Kyungsoo wants to stop being able to sniff at Chanyeol’s dumb Christmas sweater. “You’re getting it all wrong.”

Kyungsoo wonders why Chanyeol is trying so hard to defend himself. Chanyeol has been nicer and gentler with him lately, but Kyungsoo knows it’s because he thinks Kyungsoo cannot take care of himself and that Kyungsoo is silly for being afraid of a small cockroach. He can stop now though. Kyungsoo isn’t a fragile glass doll that Chanyeol needs to polish and polish and make sure is well treated.

Friends. Kyungsoo reminds himself, they are friends. He’s Chanyeol’s friend so he should be happy for Chanyeol if Chanyeol is finally coming clean with his feelings.

“Oh god, listen Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol says, exasperated. “You have the wrong idea, okay? He’s just-“

“I know. I always have the wrong idea when it comes to you,” Kyungsoo murmurs. “I know. You don’t have to remind me.”

Chanyeol’s lips pull apart in surprise. This is not going how he wants it to go.

Kyungsoo knows when he entered the marriage; it’s going to be a battle. And Kyungsoo also knows Chanyeol has forgotten that they’ve met before this; when they were eleven and Kyungsoo was on a holiday in Seoul for the summer and had stayed in Chanyeol’s house. Kyungsoo knows that Chanyeol has forgotten that he was the one that taught Kyungsoo how to smile freely, and taught Kyungsoo about family and Kyungsoo is the stupid one for carrying it into his adulthood and jumping the wagon immediately when his parents told him about the arranged marriage.

It’s a battle to see whether Chanyeol will still remember Kyungsoo whom he had taken care off so many years ago and it’s a battle to see who would fall in love first (Kyungsoo) and who would get heartbroken first (Kyungsoo) and who would win (Chanyeol).

He’s ready to lose this battle if Chanyeol will agree.

In the meantime, he’ll just take time to prepare his armor until he’s prepared to face Chanyeol.

Chanyeol’s socks have been in the right color. He almost wishes that they’ll turn to red because it’s Christmas soon and he’s too big to wear red socks without an excuse.

Chanyeol wants to reach out but he’s afraid that he’s pushing Kyungsoo too far and he still doesn’t know his boundaries yet. He knows he’s at fault because he has never tried to learn them from the start and had pushed Kyungsoo away.

He’s asked to start from scratch yet it is him who is desperate for Kyungsoo to ignore his words and go invade his space and force him to learn to love Kyungsoo.

He’ll learn. He’ll learn if Kyungsoo allows him to.

The next morning, Chanyeol wakes up with the same yellow paper on their nightstand. He sighs, sitting up. It says the same thing every day. It tells Chanyeol that there’s food in the kitchen and the panchan is in the fridge and he only has to reheat the rice. It reminds Chanyeol to bring his briefcase to work and to-

This is ridiculous.

“We need to talk,” Chanyeol says, cornering Kyungsoo in the living room. Kyungsoo’s eyes darts to the door and Chanyeol shifts his body, blocking his way.

“I have to go to work,” Kyungsoo retorts, there’s no bite to his words.

“Five minutes,” Chanyeol bargains. When Kyungsoo makes to escape, Chanyeol traps him between his arms, backing him up against the wall. “Remember what I said about putting yourself on a pedestal?”

“I know I always put myself first, okay?” Kyungsoo defends. “I know, that’s why I’m giving you space so you can sort out your feelings. You don’t always have to treat me like I’m stupid.”

Chanyeol growls, “You’re doing it again, why can’t you let me explain? I’m not chiding you, I’m trying to tell you that Baekhyun is a friend and you don’t have to be upset. I used to have feelings for him, I admit it but I don’t like him anymore and you’re not letting me tell you that.”

“We’re friends too,” Kyungsoo says. He sounds like he’s about to cry. Chanyeol’s still doing this wrong. “You said we’re friends too, Chanyeol…”

“Look at me,” Chanyeol says, hands gentle as he grabs at Kyungsoo’s jaw and tilts it up. “Open your eyes; just give me five minutes, okay?”

When Kyungsoo flutters his eyes open, they’re wide and shining and Chanyeol has hurt him so much but he’s ready to be honest now. “I said we should start over,” Chanyeol whispers. “I told you I couldn’t see you as my husband because I don’t know you well enough. But I’ve been trying, haven’t I? Haven’t you noticed? I’m sorry it takes a while…Kyungsoo. It hasn’t been easy to accept everything thrown to me because I’ve never had any decisions made by myself while growing up. I’m sorry it had to be you, I’m sorry you had to shoulder it with me, but I’m trying so hard and I’m learning. I’m learning to love you now. Please let me.”

When Kyungsoo blinks, his eyelashes are so long and pretty. “…Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol smiles weakly. “Can you…can you help me?” he says. “I’m not good at this. I’m not good at deciding things on my own.”

Kyungsoo remembers Chanyeol holding him, sans questions when he’s too stubborn to work the washing machine and when he has too many questions about his new Samsung phone and when he doesn’t know how to turn off his Kakao Talk notifications and when he was crying in bed at five in the morning.

“I was telling Baekhyun,” Chanyeol rasps. “When you saw us…I was telling him…that I think…us…you and I, we can last…that maybe we can last after all. That we are possible, Kyungsoo.”

Chanyeol was grabbing a quick bite with Baekhyun at Crazy DDeok in Hongdae. They always have a day they’ll spend together. Chanyeol and Baekhyun have always been friends before anything.

“Baekhyun, I think I like him,” Chanyeol said after his third bite. Baekhyun had his signature smirk on as he raised his eyebrow at Chanyeol.

“Who? Me?” Chanyeol knew he’s joking. Baekhyun had bought him a drink in Gangnam a month back to finally talk about Chanyeol’s feelings towards him. Chanyeol might have guessed before that Baekhyun hasn’t been that dense all those years Chanyeol spent pining over him.

It isn’t a problem. Baekhyun isn’t really a jerk no matter how many times Chanyeol calls him one. “You’re an asshole,” Chanyeol huffs but Baekhyun knows he don’t mean it.

Baekhyun laughs. “Come on, tell me about your little crush on your little man.”

Chanyeol kicks at his legs. “You’re not much taller than Kyungsoo,” he defends. “Wait, I didn’t say anything about a Kyungsoo!”

“You don’t have another man in your life,” Baekhyun rolls his eyes. “Come tell Baekhyun hyung about your boy, hyung can help.”

Chanyeol groans. Baekhyun is an idiot. He’s only a few months older but he has this hyung kink Chanyeol cannot escape from. “You’re hopeless,” Chanyeol laughs and when Baekhyun laughs along, he thinks everything is going to be fine.

Now that Kyungsoo is finally listening, everything really will be fine. Chanyeol knows everything will work out fine if they try.

On Christmas Day, Chanyeol leaves his house with red socks. Kyungsoo eyes his legs and frowns. “We’re buying new socks today too, right?”

Chanyeol wiggles his legs at Kyungsoo, poking at him. “I like my socks,” he says.

“It’s red, Chanyeol…”

“It’s Christmas, lighten up,” Chanyeol laughs, pulling Kyungsoo to his side as the subway crowd exits. They’re heading to Myeongdong to watch a movie and shop for pointless stuffs because it’s Christmas and everyone does stupid things on Christmas Day.

When they arrive home, Kyungsoo looks like a frozen Popsicle as he drops his shopping bags onto the couch and rushes to make hot chocolate for the both of them. They decided to skip the movies because nothing good was on so they’re going to cuddle (and maybe make out if Kyungsoo is up for it) on the couch while watching Battle Royale 2. Kyungsoo is apparently really into flesh slicing.

Chanyeol pads into the kitchen as soon as he changed into more comfortable clothes. He has raised the room temperature so it’ll be warmer sooner. Kyungsoo is still mixing at their mugs in the kitchen. He’s at the perfect height for Chanyeol to squeeze him and cuddle from behind.

“I’m working with hot water,” Kyungsoo chides as Chanyeol slips his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist. This is new territory but they’ve been crossing boundaries slowly each day. (Chanyeol likes the making out part best because Kyungsoo is so awkward at it and Chanyeol can just push him against the bed and teach him for hours.)

“You don’t smell like my Kyungsoo,” Chanyeol grumbles, pulling away from Kyungsoo’s hair and nosing at his cheeks.

Kyungsoo laughs. “I changed shampoo because your shampoo smells like vanilla and my co-worker thinks I’m using my sister’s shampoo.”

“It’s okay,” Chanyeol says, sighing happily into Kyungsoo’s soft skin. “My Kyungsoo can smell any way he wants to.”

“You’re going to make this weird,” Kyungsoo says but Chanyeol can hear the smile in his voice even without looking. “And I’m going to drink your hot chocolate if you keep this up.”

Chanyeol kisses his cheeks and frees him; he’s laughing so much these days. Chanyeol’s heart feels so full. “Come on; let’s cuddle to people slicing people!”

The first time they have sex is triggered by something really unsexy. “Chanyeol, you’re going to spill that on the couch and I’m not cleaning it up,” Kyungsoo yells across the room. He’s eyeing the tilted mug in Chanyeol’s hand.

Chanyeol looks into his mug and rolls his eyes. “It’s empty,” he says. Kyungsoo gives him the stink eye and okay maybe Chanyeol is just lazy to do the dishes so he’s holding on to his dirty mug. He makes a face as Kyungsoo turns back around to tidy the magazines before dragging himself to the kitchen. Since Kyungsoo isn’t looking, he quickly rinses the mug and the two plates in the sink, chucking them into the dish washer.

Kyungsoo is still bent over the magazine rack so Chanyeol sneaks behind him. “Chanyeol do you still w-”

OW.

Kyungsoo is a little devil. The magazine in his hold jams into Chanyeol’s crotch when he turned around suddenly and oh my god, my dick is going to fall off. Kyungsoo’s eyes widens as Chanyeol continues shrieking on the sofa. “Why were you behind me!” he chides, running towards Chanyeol’s side.

“I was trying to play,” Chanyeol grumbles. Kyungsoo at least looks sorry enough but it still hurts so he lets Kyungsoo slide in under his arms. In a somewhat Kyungsoo mindset, grabbing at his crotch is an apology. Chanyeol startles as Kyungsoo slides his palm against his crotch and makes soothing rubs and Kyungsoo, what are you doing?

It’s then that Kyungsoo realizes where his hands are on and his flushes red so fast, Chanyeol momentarily gets distracted from the pain. “I wasn’t trying anything!” he shouts. “Don’t laugh at me!!!!!!”

“You are so stupid,” Chanyeol says, smiling so wide he thinks his cheeks are going to tear. He squeezes Kyungsoo and drags him closer so he knows Chanyeol does not really mean it.

The pain is decreasing and he’s not really angry. He just thinks Kyungsoo is so silly that it’s adorable. He’s still so red in the face and his hands are still on Chanyeol’s thighs. Chanyeol puts his palm on them, poking at Kyungsoo’s chin to get him to look at Chanyeol in the eye.

When he does, Chanyeol kisses him full on the mouth that got his squeaking in surprise. Kyungsoo’s getting better at this and he parts his lips readily as Chanyeol licks at his teeth before tasting the insides of Kyungsoo’s mouth.

“You can…” Chanyeol says into his mouth, pushing Kyungsoo gently onto the couch so that Chanyeol’s body covers all of his. Chanyeol breaks off the kiss. “We can do the inserting stuff now, right?”

Kyungsoo laughs breathily, swatting at Chanyeol’s arms. “Don’t tease me, idiot.”

And their first time having sex was kind of wonderful and Chanyeol could kind of cry and Chanyeol might have silently recorded and yes, Kyungsoo’s right. Chanyeol is an idiot. Kyungsoo’s idiot.

*Yogiyo is an app to order take out in Korea