When Hope Fades Away (1/2)
Title: When Hope Fades Away
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Side Pairing(s): Mentions of Sehun and Jongdae
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Word Counts: 18,110w
Warning(s):[click to open]mention of minor!character death
Summary: Baekhyun's hopes almost faded away as he waited for someone, but when he met a certain stranger named Chanyeol who brought everything back to life, things started to change.
Author's Note: Written for baeconandeggs fic exchange. Thank you so much to my beta, M and J, for helping me finish this fic successfully, even though this might seem so rushed.
In the middle of a room, dark and quiet, a man let out a sigh as he changed his clothes into his pajamas. He crumpled the clothes before throwing them into a basket near the bathroom. It took him approximately five minutes to brush his teeth and wash his face before he walked to his bed, perching on it. The clock suggested eleven, but strangely enough, he didn’t feel sleepy despite doing many activities during the day. He glanced around the room, noting that everything had been unpacked neatly, clearly nothing much to be done except to clean the dust around the house a bit tomorrow morning. He also had changed the sheets to cleaner ones, and he guessed he was done for the day.
At the mere thought of sleeping the next minute, he suddenly noticed the same brown box he had seen earlier. He put it near a cupboard in front of him, mentally noting that he’d return the box to its owner. The mysterious box stilled in its place, but its mere presence had him wanting to open it and rummage through its contents. A part of his subconscious told him not to open the box without the owner’s permission, especially when the caretaker had reminded him about that. Another part of him was whispering to him, telling him to open the box so that he could sleep peacefully that night without having to think what was there inside.
He chose the latter.
Slowly, he stood up and grabbed the box, noting that it was quite heavy, though he was sure there were only a pile of letters in it from what he had seen before.
He then placed it on the table beside his bed before switching the table lamp on, rummaging through its contents before taking them out one by one.
Letters. Letters. And more letters.
His eyes moved frantically to read the name of the recipient, and all of them were sent to the same person. He was completely aware that he shouldn’t invade someone else’s privacy, especially when it consisted something private such as letters. The letters looked new too, so he highly doubted why the person would leave this before he moved out. He reached for one of the opened letters, reading its content, noticing that it was some sort of a love letter. There was something unusual about the handwritten letter, but he didn’t know what it was. So, he began to read.
To Jongdae,
I know you are lying to me. Where have you been? Did you receive my letters? Why aren’t you replying to me? Are you mad at me? Please, talk to me. I need you.
Is that it? He thought to himself. He gripped the letter, the clear handwriting became blurry as he read the sentences all over again. He noted that there was no sender’s name written. Perhaps he could know who sent and wrote these if he read the other letters. He put the one he had read aside, taking another opened letter before putting it flat on the table, scanning each of the written words.
Dear Jongdae,
I know you are reading this letter, or maybe not. It has been more than two months, right? Where are you when I need you the most? Where have you gone? It feels like I’m the only one who tries to save this relationship and you aren’t. Please, just let me know where you are, and I’ll be there for you. I know, maybe things are going hard on you during your stay in Seoul, but you shouldn’t do this to me, Jongdae. No letters, no calls or anything. Nothing. Why are you doing this to me? If you hate me, then tell me. If you hate this relationship, then tell me. Please, don’t keep any secrets from me. I’ve been waiting for you like a mad man, and the thing I’m afraid now is that I feel like we’re on the verge of breaking up. This is not going to happen, right? I don’t want that to happen, Jongdae. I don’t want it. So, please… Just let me know that you’re doing fine and that you receive this letter. That’s all I need.
Baekhyun.
And then everything made sense. He put two and two together, finally figuring out that the sender had been waiting for ages for the reply. He guessed that the recipient didn’t even tell the sender that he had moved out the house, and it must be shockingly disappointing if the sender knew the truth.
He looked at the written letters again, scanning one by one and processing each word into his mind before a heavy sigh escaped from his lips. Silently, without thinking much, he picked up his pen and grabbed a paper he had slid inside a book. The dim light from the table lamp was strangely bright enough for him to read the words on the opened pages of his journal. Gazes wondering about before settling on the pen, and he started to write back for the sender.
The second week of December was a series of inconsistent rainy and windy days. Dried brown leaves falling from the trees made Baekhyun happy and the smell of burnt leaves in the backyard somewhat soothed him in a weird way. He knew he had more work to finish as he glanced around, even though he’d rather to sit leisurely in his house and pick up his pen to write some letters.
He swept at the dusty ground with an old rake he kept in storage behind the house, collecting the dried leaves and burning them in the backyard. If he was in a good mood, he would water the daisies he bought from the local florist weeks ago. He kept them in pots, making sure to water them and keep them from wilting. When everything was done, he would return the rake in the store and head back inside, closing the windows and doors and go to his father’s room. He would bathe his father, a middle-aged man around the age of 50, and wipe his clean body with a towel before putting the old man to bed every night. It had been a daily routine, one that he couldn’t run away from because it was his responsibility.
When his father was involved in a huge accident last year, it took away his ability to walk. He had been confined to a wheelchair, and sometimes he’d stay in his bed while Baekhyun prepared everything for him. It was difficult for Baekhyun to cope with the situation in the early months after the accident. After losing his mother in the same crash, he had to accept the fact that he was on his own without his mother to support him.
Baekhyun wiped a trail of sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand, and glanced upward with the rake in his tight grip. He counted the number of dried leaves that had fallen on the ground, smiling as he stepped on them, the crispy sound of the dried leaves reverberating in his ears. He liked how calm the weather was at that time of the year, because autumn and winter were his favorite seasons. He managed to experience windy days, watching as the dried leaves and the ground became one, and as time passed by, the place would be surrounded with white snow. He loved how he could feel how fluffy the snow was and how cold his nose would get. Thinking that this year was going to be the first Christmas without her mother, Baekhyun’s heart sank.
The doctors couldn’t help his mother, because they thought it was best to let her go. It occurred to him that his mother could not be saved when she weakly pulled his arm and whispered in his hear, voice low, but just strong enough to be heard as the sporadic beeps of the monitor screamed so loudly it hurt his ears.
Shifting away from reminiscing the painful memory, he looked at his watch, an old one he received for his birthday four years ago. It was from his mother, and Baekhyun thought it was the only thing that kept reminding him that he should not live in the past. It reminded him that time waits for no man, and he should live his life normally by not dwelling too much on the past.
It was Thursday, his day-offs falling on Thursdays and Sundays. He worked at a small restaurant in the countryside, and the wages he received at the end of the month was just enough to support his family. He also delivered newspaper early in the mornings, a time when people would be ready to go to school and work. He’d make sure that all the newspapers were delivered safely to their houses, sometimes slipping the newspaper in between the gates, and he’d return home after making sure that all three-hundred houses received their morning newspaper.
Living in a small countryside town in Gangwondo was exciting, since he got to know most of his neighbors without having any difficulties. Baekhyun could easily recognize every face in town.
There was Junmyeon ahjussi living with his cats; five in total of different colors and each of them was named after the members of Big Bang, a famous Korean boy group. Junmyeon ahjussi’s house was located at the end of the road, with a Taegeukgi at the end of the roof so it was easier for Baekhyun to recognize, given that it was the only house with the national flag of South Korea displayed.
There was also Mrs. Soomi who lived with her twin daughters across the narrow street, and Baekhyun would always spend some time to play with them every time he ended his shift early. He’d buy them ice-cream from the grocery store (sometimes other snacks), and if he had more money to spend, he’d treat them to dakgalbi and patbingsu. It wasn’t much, but seeing how both of them casted beautiful matching smiles, his heart was warmed. He knew Mrs. Soomi forbid him from spending his money on some stupid snacks for her daughters, but he was too stubborn to listen to her nagging. He never knew the feelings of being an older brother, so when the twins showed their affection, he’d always welcome them.
And Baekhyun always thought that living in the countryside wasn’t that bad. In fact, he was used to it, living in a tranquil place where he could live with his father without any disturbance.
On the days he had to work, Baekhyun always left his house early in the morning, and returned home after the sun set. He’d ask Mrs. Oh, his neighbour from two houses down, to look after his father in the morning, since he’d return home for a while at lunch and take care of everything. His father wouldn’t have a problem if Baekhyun prepared lunch for him. The only problem encountered would be when his father wanted to go to the toilet. However, Mrs. Oh was used to it, so sometimes Baekhyun didn’t have to return home in his break since everything was rest assured.
The distance between his house and the restaurant wasn’t too far. It took him almost ten minutes if he rode his bicycle, or about half an hour on foot. He worked at a dakgalbi restaurant, a small place compared to the ones in the city, but there were many regular customers who’d been coming here for several months so the restaurant hadn’t encountered any financial problems since it was opened. The owner, Mr. Shin was kind enough to let him work there, despite how bad he was at cooking and handling the kitchen the first time worked.
Baekhyun was given two weeks to adjust to working in the kitchen, washing the dishes and preparing the servings on the plates. Once, he broke two plates and a glass in the same day, and all he could do was apologize and promise to pay for the broken dishes. There was one time when the kitchen was almost set on fire because he turned on the stove and forgot to switch it off after he’d prepared a plate of dakgalbi. In the end, he was given a job to handle the menu and customers, providing that he wouldn’t break anything in the restaurant again.
Baekhyun couldn’t thank Mr. Shin enough for his kindness, so he once treated him to soju and samgyeopsal at the famous stall in the neighborhood even though the man rejected the offer at first.
It wasn’t hard adjusting to the work, because there was a total of three or four workers working at the same time to help him out. Oh Sehun, his best friend, was also working part-time. He was a tall lad with flat voice and pale white face, handsome enough to make girls from high schools go crazy over him. As cliché as it might be, a handsome guy like him hated getting attention from any strangers, especially girls. Baekhyun had once introduced him to a girl he knew from the restaurant, a regular customer who’d always order iced lemon tea and less spicy dakgalbi. Already knowing how Sehun would react, the male immediately turned down the girl without hesitating for even a second. His face maintained a stoic expression as he uttered those words of rejection, and Baekhyun never saw that poor girl return to the restaurant.
It was hard to convince Sehun that he was good enough to be someone’s boyfriend, since he was the “complete package” the other guys wanted to be. However, Sehun would return the question with a sharp remark, “You’re talking to a mirror, hyung.” and Baekhyun never asked him anything related to that matter again. He knew how stubborn Sehun was, because he’d only do what he wanted to do.
Baekhyun somehow admired how stern Sehun could be at times, because he himself couldn’t be like that. Baekhyun had a soft heart, and he was easily influenced too. Even so, he was grateful because Sehun was by his side and would always remind him to be a little strict in his decisions, and not always do what others asked him to do.
“Baekhyun!”
A familiar loud voice called out for him, stomping onto his flashback mercilessly. Baekhyun quickly regained his attention and put the plates aside in the rack before storming out of the area and rushing towards the small office near the kitchen.
Mr. Shin was sitting in his room, counting the cash before he turned to look at Baekhyun standing at the door frame. He was a man around the age of forty, wearing round spectacles and he resembled a famous announcer in Korea, but Baekhyun couldn’t remember his name. However, he was a little bit short compared to Baekhyun, so sometimes he found it funny to see Mr. Shin struggling to tip-toe whenever he talked to any workers who were taller than him, such as Sehun and Minjoon, a half Japanese-Korean lad.
“Yes?”
“Where is Sehun?” Mr. Shin asked, his eyes now focusing on Baekhyun’s movement.
Baekhyun scratched his neck before he shook his head. “Maybe he’s busy with his project at college,” he answered, giving the safest and most reasonable answer he could think of. He didn’t know how to contact Sehun because the boy never gave him his phone number. Baekhyun couldn’t blame him. He should know his limit, concluding that perhaps Sehun wanted to keep his number private.
When Mr. Shin nodded his head and sighed, Baekhyun turned around to head for the kitchen. That was when he suddenly recognized Sehun from afar, who was running and huffing breathlessly as he held on tightly to his bag. He stormed into the restaurant and rushed straight to Mr. Shin’s office. Baekhyun just watched Sehun walk past him, and he could tell that the boy had been running all the way from his college. He assumed Sehun didn’t ride his motorcycle today.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Shin.” Baekhyun heard Sehun apologize. The shorter male turned to look behind and saw Sehun bend his body down with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.
“You’re late.” The owner seemed a bit angry for a moment, but he let out a short breath of laughter and asked Sehun to change into the formal uniform.
Baekhyun was still standing outside Mr. Shin’s office, wondering why Sehun came late to work. When Sehun once again walked past him, the slender boy slipped something into his hand. Baekhyun gasped as Sehun’s warm fingers touched his own.
“Letter for you,” the taller boy said shortly before he disappeared from Baekhyun’s sight.
Baekhyun stood there silently. He glanced at the letter in his hand, and a familiar longing came rushing into him. He missed everything; the letter, the person who wrote it, the memories. He took a good look at it again and folded it into two, before slipping it inside his apron pocket. He’d make sure to read it when he returned home tonight.
Night finally arrived. The sky was blanketed with hues of black and blue, adorned with bright stars from east to west. It was a night where couples could be seen hanging around coffee shops, kids playing basketball at the local court in the neighborhood and grandmas shouting for their grandchildren to come home for dinner.
Baekhyun was wiping the last plate with a clean towel, and after drying it off completely, he put the plate on the rack. He ensured that the dishes and the sink were cleaned thoroughly so that he wouldn’t have to redo it in the morning.
Sehun was nowhere to be seen when he padded across the narrow hallway. Mr. Shin had already returned home after he had several talks with Minjoon, and the tall lad followed minutes after.
As he was walking towards the locker room on his right, Baekhyun sighed and took off his apron, folding it in two. The light was off, so he figured Sehun had definitely gone home too when he was too busy cleaning the dishes. He turned on the light, and startled when he saw a figure leaning against the wall with his arms folded against his chest. He had his eyes closed, and Baekhyun wondered why he hadn’t left for home yet.
“What are you doing in the dark, Sehun? You scared me,” Baekhyun grumbled as he fumbled with a set of keys, and when he found the right one, he opened his locker.
Sehun slowly brought his head up. He looked so tired. “Let’s go home together.”
Baekhyun put his apron inside the locker and turned to look at Sehun. He seemed different today. “Are you okay?” Baekhyun asked, a hint of anxiety in his voice.
Sehun shook his head in return. “It’s nothing,” he answered shortly.
The shorter male tilted his head in confusion. Before he managed to close his locker and lock it, Sehun suddenly grabbed his hand after taking a few steps closer. Baekhyun almost cursed in surprise, not expecting the contact at all.
“What is it?” Baekhyun asked nervously.
“I…” Sehun’s grip on his wrist loosened until he slowly released Baekhyun’s hand. Baekhyun threw a worried look at the boy, and he quickly locked his locker before paying full attention to Sehun.
“What’s wrong, Sehun? Are you not feeling well?” Baekhyun asked, instinctively placing the back of his hand on Sehun’s forehead. Sehun quickly shoved his hand away, but Baekhyun didn’t take it to heart. He was already used to insecure Oh Sehun.
“Can you give me back the letter?”
The question almost caught Baekhyun by surprise. He tried to calm his heart, his hand moving to the back pocket of his jeans. He kept the letter there all day, and made sure that nothing could stain it. Baekhyun took a few steps back, ready to face whatever Sehun was going to say.
“Why? Why should I give it to you?”
Sehun heaved a heavy sigh. He wasn’t in a good state. He messed up his hair as he massaged his head, as if he was enduring a headache.
“Baekhyun, just give it to me. Please, don’t ask me anything.” Sehun’s voice sounded like he wanted to cry, but Baekhyun thought Sehun was just annoyed.
Baekhyun threw the boy a confused glance. “You have to tell me what’s going on!” Baekhyun almost yelled, but Sehun didn’t budge. Instead, he sneaked his hand behind Baekhyun’s petite body, trying to snatch away the letter. He guessed that was where Baekhyun had kept his letter, since his eyes caught the awkward movement of Baekhyun’s hands, who was clearly trying to protect the letter from being taken away.
Baekhyun wanted to run away from that confined locker room, but Sehun was fast enough to stop him, spinning him around and tackling his hands. He managed to take the letter out of Baekhyun’s hands, and Baekhyun swore he could cry. Why did Sehun do this to him?
He almost cried when he saw the letter in the other’s hand. He expected that Sehun would give in and return it if he pleaded. The letter was important to him. He needed to read it, and Sehun had no right to do this to him. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but please, give me back the letter,” Baekhyun said, his voice cracking from trying to hold back his tears. Trying his best to cry in front of Sehun, he stood up straight, his hand reaching out to take the letter from the taller male. However, Sehun didn’t say anything. Instead, he held the letter high in the air, and ripped it into pieces.
“Sehun!”
Sehun pretended he didn’t hear anything. Baekhyun mustered up his courage and pushed Sehun away. Sehun was shocked, and the ripped letter fell to the floor. A part of Baekhyun crushed when his eyes watched the way the torn pieces of paper fall, and everything around him seemed to black out.
“What is wrong with you?! Why did you do this to me?!” He screamed, his body trembling. He finally knelt on the floor, slowly picking up the pieces of the letter as tears finally slid down his face. Why would Sehun let out his anger on him like this? Didn’t Sehun know that he just broke his heart and trust?
Sehun bent down and pulled Baekhyun up, but the latter struggled to let himself free. He was already crying, and his face was wet with tears. The next thing he knew, he was in Sehun’s warm embrace.
“Let go of me!” Baekhyun snapped. He flailed his body around, trying to escape Sehun’s grip. But Sehun knew better. He held Baekhyun’s shoulders and waist tightly, not letting the petite male go. Baekhyun needed to know the truth; he deserved to know the truth, and Sehun knew he had done the right thing. He was sure that Baekhyun would do the same thing for him if the roles were reversed.
“I’m sorry, Baekhyun,” he apologized in a quiet voice though Baekhyun’s crying was louder. “I was trying to protect you,” he added. The moment Baekhyun heard those words, he immediately pushed Sehun away, and this time, he picked up his strength as he glared at Sehun. He didn’t know why he was so mad, but Sehun had to tell him the truth.
“Trying to protect me? Are you joking right now? I don’t know what the hell is happening right now, but you just broke every bit of trust I had in you!” Baekhyun shouted, his anger only making his voice louder. He was trembling badly, and he cursed as he stared dejectedly at the floor. He quickly picked up the pieces of paper scattered everywhere, despite Sehun once again tried to refrain him doing so.
“From now on, don’t expect any letters from him, Baekhyun,” Sehun muttered, slowly calming his heart down. He looked at Baekhyun straight in the eye, hoping that the shorter male would trust him. He was his friend, and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him intentionally. However, he didn’t expect to receive such a disgusted look in return, or for Baekhyun to back away from him. He kept the ripped letter in his back pocket and didn’t turn to look at the flustered Sehun.
“You broke my trust, Sehun.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt!” Sehun’s jaws tensed and his fingers curled into a fist. He was mad because he wanted to tell Baekhyun the truth, but whenever he wanted to say those words, they got stuck in the middle of his throat, preventing him from spilling out the truth.
Baekhyun didn’t know what Sehun was saying, but the next thing he knew, he was already walking back home, forgetting that he should have taken his bike. The night was unusually cold and unfriendly, but Baekhyun felt nothing. He didn’t freeze nor tremble. His mind was occupied with the thought of Sehun tearing up his letter, and what hurt the most was the fact that Sehun actually had the audacity to do that to him. He should’ve expected that someday Sehun was going to be like this; to hate whatever he was doing. That boy used to be mad at him for always sending letters to the recipient, but Baekhyun paid no attention to any of his complaints because he thought Sehun was just annoyed. He always thought that it would be best to send text messages, but he couldn’t afford a cell phone. His father’s medicines were more important than any of the gadgets and technologies in the world.
But he guessed he was wrong. Sehun wasn’t just annoyed. He was clearly offended and obviously hated Baekhyun’s actions for no reason. And now Baekhyun had to hate him, but he at least had a reason.
He kept walking down the quiet road for what seemed like forever, failing to realize that another tear fell down his cheek.
Baekhyun didn’t see his father when he came home. It was already late, and he assumed the man had already gone to bed a few hours earlier. The hands of the clock crept slowly around, and it was almost two in the morning. Baekhyun slowly entered the house and closed the door. He had grown accustomed to the creepy sound of the door creaking, but he wasn’t sure why he slammed the door shut, not caring if his father would wake up at the loud sound. He simply forgot that he should have been preparing for breakfast later, because he had decided that he would stay up late. Instead, he quietly headed for his room upstairs; an attic to be specific; a warm place where his father wouldn’t be able to disturb him when he wanted to be alone and a place he called his second home. It wasn’t big enough to place a bed inside since the place was already crammed with a wooden table and cabinet where he’d keep his clean clothes, and Baekhyun made sure he cleaned off any dust on the furniture. Every night before he went to sleep, he’d lie down on a mattress on the floor, tucked some pillows and blankets together and stacked them up at the corner of the wall every time he woke up the next morning.
When he closed the door to his room, he walked towards his desk and took off his sweater. The room was finally warm when he turned on the heater, and he managed to pull himself together as he sat down, sighing as he raked his fingers through his hair.
That day had been one of the roughest for him, but it was the first time his mood had been ruined because of Oh Sehun. His mind finally wandered to think about that boy. Sehun’s words echoed in his ears, preventing him from thinking clearly.
Steering the thoughts away from his head, he finally slid out the pieces of ripped letter from his pocket, noticing that they were already crumpled. He was going to tape them together so that he could read their full content. Reaching for a tape and a blank piece of paper from the drawer, he turned on the table lamp and took a deep breath before focusing his eyes on the wrinkled remains of the letter. His fingers slowly gathered them in one place, being careful not to let them blow away with the cold breeze that was seeping in through the holes in the wall. He made a quick note in his head that he should try and fix those holes soon too.
When he finally opened the folded letter; a big part of it which hadn’t been ripped by Sehun, his eyes caught a glimpse of a sentence that almost broke him. His life crumbled slowly, bit by bit. He held up the letter, ignoring the other small pieces that fell silently from the desk. His eyes kept going side to side to read the same sentence all over again, because he couldn’t believe what he was reading. He assumed that he was just tired and that he hadn’t had enough sleep for the day. But as he focused once more on the sentence, his conscience told him that everything he saw was right. He didn’t read it wrong.
Please don’t contact me anymore. Goodbye.
Kim Jongdae
His sight went blurry and a tear managed to escape and fall from his eye. Everything around him was spinning when he realized that he should’ve listened to Sehun’s words. Sehun was right. But it was too late to realize that now, and he crumbled the paper angrily, throwing it on the floor while ignoring the ugly sobs he let out. He regretted not listening to Sehun’s words.
Reaching for a pen on the table, he scribbled something down on the blank paper he’d taken from the drawer, and slowly, he wrote down everything he had in mind, tears smudging the ink without him even caring about it.
It was already Friday afternoon. Baekhyun should have gone to work that morning, but he didn’t do so. Somehow in the deepest part of his heart, he regretted skipping the shift. He knew Mr. Shin would be angry at him for skipping work for no reason, and he wasn’t sure what excuse to give his manager when he went to work next time.
He woke up late too, but as soon as he fluttered his eyes open, the first thing he remembered was his father. The man must be really hungry. Baekhyun silently cursed himself for being a stupid and selfish son. He shouldn’t have let his stupid emotions take over him, making him forget his responsibilities. He hurriedly stepped out of the room and rushed to his father. It was located near the kitchen, so Baekhyun was worried that his father might use the kitchen without him knowing about it.
He found his father at the sink, trying to grab a cup from the cupboard from his wheelchair, and Baekhyun swore his heart almost dropped at the sight.
“Dad!” He almost screamed, watching his father freeze.
His father startled, but luckily he hadn’t managed to grab the cup yet. Baekhyun couldn’t imagine the consequences if the cup fell down onto the floor and broke, because the pieces would probably hurt his father. He couldn’t think of them, so he was relieved when his father turned to look at him.
“What are you doing, Dad? You shouldn’t be here. It’s dangerous. You might hurt yourself,” Baekhyun nagged at his father for coming to the kitchen. He received a worried look in return, but Baekhyun ignored the expression on his father’s face.
“Where did you go last night? Why did you come late to home? I was lonely,” his father asked. The wrinkles on his forehead were apparent as he creased his eyebrows, utterly worried of what had happened to Baekhyun last night. He’d been waiting for almost two hours for Baekhyun to return home, because that was what he always did for several past months already. But it was the first time he went to bed without getting to see Baekhyun before he slept, so of course he was bothered.
“It’s…” Baekhyun paused for a second. “It’s really nothing, Dad. Mr. Shin asked us to stay behind and clean up the restaurant a bit since there are a lot of customers coming today.” He grabbed the cup from the opened cupboards and put it on the table. He filled the kettle with water from the sink, and when it was full enough, he turned on the stove and settled the kettle on it. A sigh escaped from his lips. He couldn’t believe he just lied to his father, who completely believed whatever his son said. Baekhyun was a good actor, and if his father knew that he wasn’t telling the truth, he would have been in total disbelief. Baekhyun never lied to his parents, so he didn’t know why of all days, he was lying to his father at that very moment. Regret seeped through him, but Baekhyun thought it was best to stay quiet.
“Oh,” his father said. He still looked concerned, and Baekhyun couldn’t help but keep his stoic face so that his father wouldn’t suspect that he’d been lying. “Don’t you have to work today?”
Baekhyun shook his head slowly. “My shift starts tomorrow,” he lied again.
When his father gave no response, Baekhyun thought that maybe next time he could tell him the truth, even though it had nothing to do with him.
A cold Monday night, it was the time when Baekhyun didn’t expect any customers coming to the restaurant. It was almost past midnight, and he had finished with cleaning dishes as usual. Baekhyun was about to lock the restaurant and go home when someone in thick black coat approached him, shivering as if he was wearing thin clothes. The man smelt like autumn, but Baekhyun believed he also smelt like spring.
“Is it close already?”
Baekhyun had to crane his neck to look at the owner of the voice. He was incredibly tall, face hidden behind a black mask he was wearing. Baekhyun wasn’t wearing his specs, but from the look of it, the stranger might be a good looking person when he finally noticed the eyes. They held thousands of emotions, ones that Baekhyun couldn’t comprehend.
“W-What?”
“The restaurant. Are you closing it now?”
“Uh… yes?” Didn’t he see that the lights were already turned off?
“Oh God,” the man breathed out. He scratched his head, looking troubled. He took off his mask and tucked it under his chin. Baekhyun scanned the face, but he couldn’t see it clearly as his eyesight didn’t help that much. “I’m starving and this is like the nearest restaurant I could find around the neighborhood and… oh God,” he mumbled to himself, turning his body around and scratching his head again. His voice got deeper and deeper as Baekhyun listened to it. The man wrapped his arms around his body, fingers clamping tightly on his arms, lips puckering in disappointment.
“Uh… I’m sorry but you can come again tomorrow morning,” Baekhyun apologized.
The stranger chuckled. “Ah, that’s okay. Are you from here?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know where the closest restaurant or any stall around here is? I’m kinda lost here, and it is past midnight and you’re the only person available here.”
Baekhyun took a few steps away from the stranger. Even though he didn’t look like a murderer or kidnapper, he had to stay alert. Something told him that this stranger was really lost, so Baekhyun told him the way to a nearest twenty-four hour local store he could think of. And when the man bid him goodbye, the air got thin and Baekhyun found himself gasping for some air, clearly not realizing that he’d been holding his breaths.
A cold Monday night, it was when Baekhyun met a nameless stranger whose presence almost left him in awe, words hanging in the air as though they were never meant to be spoken out.
“Where are you going?”
Baekhyun ignored the voice. It was Sehun’s, and the man was leaning against the locker, watching Baekhyun as the latter packed his belongings inside his bag, as if he was ready to go somewhere after he had finished with his jobs. Mr. Shin was inside his office, talking to someone over the phone and Minjoon had already gone home. Another two workers were in the kitchen, cleaning off the dirt and washing the dishes.
“Baekhyun, answer me.”
The silence was deafening, but Baekhyun preferred it that way. He had been avoiding Sehun since that morning and they hadn’t talked to each other or spared any glances. Nothing at all. Baekhyun was still embarrassed of himself whenever he remembered the other night’s incident. He should’ve listened to Sehun, and he guessed Sehun must probably be laughing at him if he knew that Baekhyun had finally read the letter.
Sehun gave a stern look, as if he could burn a hole on Baekhyun’s shirt with his eyes. When Sehun held Baekhyun’s shoulders and turned the petite body around, the latter finally gave in.
“I’m going to the post office,” Baekhyun finally spoke.
Sehun sighed. He predicted it already. “It’s already late, Baekhyun. You can go there tomorrow morning. I bet it’s closed already.”
“I need to check whether my letter is there or not,” Baekhyun replied, his voice was maintained in a strict tone.
Sehun laughed dismissively. It was more like he was belittling Baekhyun for sending the letter to Jongdae, despite being warned by the recipient himself not to write any letter for him. “Did you send the letter to him the other day?”
“I did.”
“It’s dark outside, Baekhyun. You don’t even have any bicycle to ride. Didn’t you say there’s something wrong with the tyre? I heard you talk to Minjoon just now. You haven’t sent it for a repair, have you?”
“I can walk.”
“You can’t walk there alone, Baekhyun. Don’t you know there’s no streetlight along the road? It’s dangerous to be alone out there.”
Sehun was right. The street was quiet and scary even. The day was getting darker and Baekhyun didn’t think he could make his way to the post office safely. There might be drunkard or any strangers he might encounter if he went there alone.
“This is not Seoul, Sehun. I know where I am going.” Baekhyun finally turned to the said man. “We’ve been living here since we were born. Why are you worrying so much? It’s not like I’m not used to walking alone in the dark. And I always return home late, so what’s with the fuss?”
“No. You can go there tomorrow morning.”
“It’s been almost two weeks, Sehun! I’ve replied to the letter you gave me the other time and I still haven’t got the reply. I can’t wait until tomorrow morning to check whether the letter is here or not. I’m not willing to wait anymore. I need to know why he did that. Can’t you understand me?”
A heavy sigh was heard. “Let me send you there.”
“I can go there by myself. No need to worry. Tell my father I’ll be home in a few hours. Tell him to go to bed early too,” Baekhyun reminded Sehun. He was certain that Sehun would understand his situation at that moment.
“I’ll go with you,” Sehun suddenly said, trailing Baekhyun from behind.
“But Sehun-”
Sehun cut him off and handed him a helmet he brought in his hand before grabbing Baekhyun’s hand and walked out of the restaurant.
Three weeks had passed since the day Baekhyun and Sehun went to the post office to check whether the letter for the former had arrived or not. Like what he had expected, he still hadn’t got the reply yet from Jongdae. Baekhyun knew he was waiting for something impossible. He was stupid enough to wait for his letter to arrive, knowing that Jongdae had warned him not to contact him anymore. Baekhyun didn’t know the reason behind his cold action towards him. All Baekhyun knew was that he never failed to keep writing and to update everything about him and his father to Jongdae. He guessed something bad must have happened to Jongdae back in Seoul. But again, he had no proof to conclude things yet, so he was clueless, therefore leading him to mindlessly wait for the letter to arrive.
“Baekhyun-can you take another table?” Hyeri, a waitress working there in the restaurant approached Baekhyun and asked him. Baekhyun breaths hitched at the sudden question. He turned his body around and saw Hyeri pouting like a child. Today, the restaurant weren’t that packed with customers since it was Monday. Most people were at work and it wasn’t lunch time yet. So Baekhyun quietly wondered why Hyeri asked for his help.
Baekhyun nodded. “Sure. Which one?”
“There. Two lads over there.” Hyeri pointed her index finger at a round table near a window. There were two men, talking to each other relaxingly. No food and drinks on the table, so Baekhyun guessed Hyeri hadn’t taken the orders for the said customers yet.
“Why didn’t you serve them?” Baekhyun asked.
Hyeri shrugged. “I heard them talk and I think they are from Seoul. Most of people from there are… you know. Full of pride.”
Baekhyun raised his brows without asking any question anymore. He patted Hyeri’s shoulder lightly before he hurried straight to the table, a list of menu and a piece of paper were gripped tightly in his hand. As he got closer, both men were looking at him, smiling as they fixed their seats.
“Is there anything you want to order?” Baekhyun asked politely as he handed the menu to the taller man of the two.
“Uh… we’ve been waiting for like five minutes already,” the blonde-haired man complained, and Baekhyun spontaneously bowed a little, apologizing.
“No, sorry. Don’t listen to him,” the taller male said, smiling as his gaze fixed on Baekhyun. He read the whole content listed in the menu, ignoring his friend who was clearly pouting.
“Sorry for the late service. Apparently we are having a short of staff today,” Baekhyun said, still feeling the need to apologize when he saw the unsatisfied reaction of the blonde-haired man.
“That’s fine. Don’t mind him. He’s just hungry,” the taller replied instead, giving a sincere smile.
When Baekhyun finally looked at the taller man in the eyes, it was when he noticed something strange. He thought that the eyes were familiar. Or was he just dreaming? He held back the urge to ask the customer if they had met before because it would be inappropriate for him to do so. His head was full with words, but he could just let the silence enveloped the surrounding as he waited for the men to order their breakfast. Time seemed to move slowly as he studied the taller man. When they finally made their order, the taller male gave him one last smile, before he turned to talk with his friend. Baekhyun straightaway left for the kitchen, assuming that he was imagining things again.
“Baekhyun, we need to talk.”
It was Tuesday evening, and lunch hour had passed a few hours ago. Baekhyun was cleaning the table, seemingly surprised when Sehun held his arm without a warning.
“What’s wrong?” There was a change of expression on Baekhyun’s face. He was happy just now, laughing with Minjoon and talking about a grumpy customer who just left the restaurant minutes ago, but when he heard Sehun’s cold voice, he didn’t feel at ease.
Sehun looked to be debating whether or not he should tell Baekhyun things that had been bothering him. He drew in his breath, let it out along with a heavy sigh. “Don’t write to Jongdae anymore.”
The silence then was cold and discomforting.
“What?”
Sehun bit his lips. “I said, don’t write to Jongdae anymore. I meant it.” Sehun’s firm hands now were on both Baekhyun’s shoulders, holding them tight as if Baekhyun was about to fall down.
Baekhyun shoved them away. “I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear anything.”
The smaller male was about to walk away as he lifted up the mop he leaned against the wall when Sehun stopped him, taking the mop and put it aside. “Listen here, Baekhyun.” He seemed to be contemplating on what he was about to say. “I… I don’t want you to hurt.”
“Then what does that have to do with me writing to Jongdae?”
“He’s just…” Sehun scratched his head. This is not going well, he thought before he blurted out, “Forget it.”
“Forget what? If you’re not going to tell me what’s going on, then I’ll be sending letters to him forever, even if you’re going to hate me.”
Sehun grunted. He ran his hand through his hair, letting strands of hair to settle on his forehead. “No, listen to me. Just don’t contact him anymore. I’m begging you.”
Baekhyun shook his head. “I’m going to the post office again this evening.”
Before Baekhyun could make his way away from Sehun, the latter pulled his shirt lightly. His eyes was full of hope, clearly asking Baekhyun to listen to every bit of his words. “No. Don’t go. You’re wasting your time.”
“So now I’m wasting my time?” Baekhyun sneered. “You don’t talk to me that way, Sehun! I know what I am doing!”
“You don’t know what’s going on right now!”
Baekhyun’s chest was heaving uncontrollably. He stared into Sehun’s eyes, demanding an answer from that man. “Then explain.” His voice was low and cold, almost emotionless.
“Why should I tell you about something that will hurt you? Do you think it will be easy for me to explain everything?”
“Then don’t bother! Why would you put yourself in trouble if you’re not going to tell me everything? Why would you refrain me from doing what I’ve been doing for the past few months? It’s been almost a year even.”
“Because I know how much you’ve been suffering waiting for him.”
The air got thinner, and the silence was loud. It had been a long time since they had fought like this. The last time they had a huge misunderstanding was when Baekhyun’s mother got into an accident, and Sehun just got himself into trouble by asking Baekhyun to move on. It was silly, especially when Sehun’s intention was good. But the news left Baekhyun devastated, making him forget that everything Sehun had reminded him about life was right. He should move on. And now, Sehun was doing the exact same thing too. However, Baekhyun was still the old Baekhyun, refusing to listen to people’s words even if he should have done so.
“I need to serve the customers,” Baekhyun finally said after a moment of silence. He pushed Sehun’s body slightly, but the latter ignored him. He held Baekhyun by the arms but the male struggled to set himself free from the touch.
“Baekhyun-”
Something fell down on the floor and Baekhyun’s world almost flipped upside down when he noticed what it was.
“What is that?” Baekhyun asked. His voice quivered, and there was uncertainty in his voice.
It was a letter lying on the floor, sealed and still new. It had Baekhyun’s name on it to add the confusion, and Baekhyun wondered why he had never seen that letter before. He was sure that the letter was still new since the seal was not opened yet. It must have fallen from Sehun’s pocket when he was trying to free himself from Sehun’s hold earlier. When he looked up, Sehun was gritting his teeth, and the male quickly bent down to pick up the letter. But before he knew it, Baekhyun had already grabbed it first, ensuring that it was really for him.
“This is…”
To: Byun Baekhyun
It really had his name on it. Something bothered Baekhyun when he noticed the change of expression on Sehun’s face. He couldn’t accept the fact that Sehun was hiding something from him. Something that he deemed he deserved to know.
“Why are you holding my letter?”
“Baekhyun, this is not-”
“You went to the post office, right? This isn’t the one I have in my boxes. Why are you keeping this?”
Sehun’s voice lowered down. He glanced everywhere, making sure the customers weren’t there watching them bicker. “There’s a reason why I asked you to stop writing to him.”
“But he did reply to me, right? That’s all that matters.”
Sehun was flustered. “No, you don’t understand me. Listen here, Baek-”
“I’m your friend, Sehun. We’ve been best friends since middle school and you should know me better. You know how much I love Jongdae and how long we’ve been writing to each other. I might look stupid enough for using the ancient and stupid way of contacting my loved one because yes, I can’t even afford a smartphone like you. I have other responsibilities I have to think of other things first before mine. I have a sick father confined to a wheelchair who needs to be taken care of all days and nights. And you expect me to understand you when you don’t understand my situation here, Sehun. What were you thinking?” Baekhyun’s voice broke. He sobbed silently, eyes filled with unpredictable emotions.
“This is just a misunderstanding. You don’t even let me explain for all that matters!”
“Like I said, I don’t need any explanation. This…” Baekhyun sneered and held up the letter right in front of Sehun’s face, provoking him. “...is more than enough.”
He stormed out the restaurant, leaving Sehun speechless once again.
To Baekhyun,
It’s been almost a long time since I last wrote a letter for you, right? How have you been? I’m sorry for keeping you wait for so long. I’m sorry for all the reckless things I’ve done to you. I shouldn’t have done that. Just… forget any of my letters if they somehow offended you in any way.
Anyway, life’s been so hard on me. I go to college like always but something came up one day. I failed my final exam, and I had to repeat it if I wanted to graduate early this year. But I don’t think I’ll be able to continue what I’ve been doing. Music is not my thing anymore. I just couldn’t find the feelings I used to have back when you were with me whenever I wrote my songs. It was different. Everything has changed. And that’s why I changed my course. I’m taking engineering now. You might think it’s difficult, filled with killing-subjects, but trust me, I’ve been better. I met new friends, and the lecturers are nice too. I’m sorry if I’ve been neglecting you all these while, but I had to catch up to everything fast. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake anymore. You understand me, right?
I’ll write again when I receive the next letter from you. So please, don’t be sad if I reply to you late. It’s just me… trying to blend in the new environment. I hope you understand that. I hope you’re just joking about you wanting to kill yourself if you don’t get any reply from me. Don’t ever do such a stupid thing, okay? You know I hate it. This isn’t like you. Where is the same man I love? Where is the man who never know what losing faith is all about? We’ve promised to love each other, no matter what happens, right? I’m trying to stay strong here, so that I can go and meet you when I graduate later. So that I can grant all your wishes to be with me. Remember that I always love you, okay?
Love,
Kim Jongdae
Baekhyun cried, because he was too immersed while reading the letter. It was more than enough, knowing that Jongdae was still there for him. He failed to notice that there was something unusual about the letter. Everything was different: The handwriting, the sentence structures and the last sentence. Jongdae never said he loved Baekhyun in all his letters. But Baekhyun was too happy to think about it when he huddled under his thick blanket, holding the letter tight against his chest as he was smiling and thinking of Jongdae. Everything else didn’t matter as long as he knew Jongdae was there.
Next
Pairing: Chanyeol/Baekhyun
Side Pairing(s): Mentions of Sehun and Jongdae
Genre: Romance
Rating: PG-13
Word Counts: 18,110w
Warning(s):[click to open]mention of minor!character death
Summary: Baekhyun's hopes almost faded away as he waited for someone, but when he met a certain stranger named Chanyeol who brought everything back to life, things started to change.
Author's Note: Written for baeconandeggs fic exchange. Thank you so much to my beta, M and J, for helping me finish this fic successfully, even though this might seem so rushed.
In the middle of a room, dark and quiet, a man let out a sigh as he changed his clothes into his pajamas. He crumpled the clothes before throwing them into a basket near the bathroom. It took him approximately five minutes to brush his teeth and wash his face before he walked to his bed, perching on it. The clock suggested eleven, but strangely enough, he didn’t feel sleepy despite doing many activities during the day. He glanced around the room, noting that everything had been unpacked neatly, clearly nothing much to be done except to clean the dust around the house a bit tomorrow morning. He also had changed the sheets to cleaner ones, and he guessed he was done for the day.
At the mere thought of sleeping the next minute, he suddenly noticed the same brown box he had seen earlier. He put it near a cupboard in front of him, mentally noting that he’d return the box to its owner. The mysterious box stilled in its place, but its mere presence had him wanting to open it and rummage through its contents. A part of his subconscious told him not to open the box without the owner’s permission, especially when the caretaker had reminded him about that. Another part of him was whispering to him, telling him to open the box so that he could sleep peacefully that night without having to think what was there inside.
He chose the latter.
Slowly, he stood up and grabbed the box, noting that it was quite heavy, though he was sure there were only a pile of letters in it from what he had seen before.
He then placed it on the table beside his bed before switching the table lamp on, rummaging through its contents before taking them out one by one.
Letters. Letters. And more letters.
His eyes moved frantically to read the name of the recipient, and all of them were sent to the same person. He was completely aware that he shouldn’t invade someone else’s privacy, especially when it consisted something private such as letters. The letters looked new too, so he highly doubted why the person would leave this before he moved out. He reached for one of the opened letters, reading its content, noticing that it was some sort of a love letter. There was something unusual about the handwritten letter, but he didn’t know what it was. So, he began to read.
To Jongdae,
I know you are lying to me. Where have you been? Did you receive my letters? Why aren’t you replying to me? Are you mad at me? Please, talk to me. I need you.
Is that it? He thought to himself. He gripped the letter, the clear handwriting became blurry as he read the sentences all over again. He noted that there was no sender’s name written. Perhaps he could know who sent and wrote these if he read the other letters. He put the one he had read aside, taking another opened letter before putting it flat on the table, scanning each of the written words.
Dear Jongdae,
I know you are reading this letter, or maybe not. It has been more than two months, right? Where are you when I need you the most? Where have you gone? It feels like I’m the only one who tries to save this relationship and you aren’t. Please, just let me know where you are, and I’ll be there for you. I know, maybe things are going hard on you during your stay in Seoul, but you shouldn’t do this to me, Jongdae. No letters, no calls or anything. Nothing. Why are you doing this to me? If you hate me, then tell me. If you hate this relationship, then tell me. Please, don’t keep any secrets from me. I’ve been waiting for you like a mad man, and the thing I’m afraid now is that I feel like we’re on the verge of breaking up. This is not going to happen, right? I don’t want that to happen, Jongdae. I don’t want it. So, please… Just let me know that you’re doing fine and that you receive this letter. That’s all I need.
Baekhyun.
And then everything made sense. He put two and two together, finally figuring out that the sender had been waiting for ages for the reply. He guessed that the recipient didn’t even tell the sender that he had moved out the house, and it must be shockingly disappointing if the sender knew the truth.
He looked at the written letters again, scanning one by one and processing each word into his mind before a heavy sigh escaped from his lips. Silently, without thinking much, he picked up his pen and grabbed a paper he had slid inside a book. The dim light from the table lamp was strangely bright enough for him to read the words on the opened pages of his journal. Gazes wondering about before settling on the pen, and he started to write back for the sender.
The second week of December was a series of inconsistent rainy and windy days. Dried brown leaves falling from the trees made Baekhyun happy and the smell of burnt leaves in the backyard somewhat soothed him in a weird way. He knew he had more work to finish as he glanced around, even though he’d rather to sit leisurely in his house and pick up his pen to write some letters.
He swept at the dusty ground with an old rake he kept in storage behind the house, collecting the dried leaves and burning them in the backyard. If he was in a good mood, he would water the daisies he bought from the local florist weeks ago. He kept them in pots, making sure to water them and keep them from wilting. When everything was done, he would return the rake in the store and head back inside, closing the windows and doors and go to his father’s room. He would bathe his father, a middle-aged man around the age of 50, and wipe his clean body with a towel before putting the old man to bed every night. It had been a daily routine, one that he couldn’t run away from because it was his responsibility.
When his father was involved in a huge accident last year, it took away his ability to walk. He had been confined to a wheelchair, and sometimes he’d stay in his bed while Baekhyun prepared everything for him. It was difficult for Baekhyun to cope with the situation in the early months after the accident. After losing his mother in the same crash, he had to accept the fact that he was on his own without his mother to support him.
Baekhyun wiped a trail of sweat on his forehead with the back of his hand, and glanced upward with the rake in his tight grip. He counted the number of dried leaves that had fallen on the ground, smiling as he stepped on them, the crispy sound of the dried leaves reverberating in his ears. He liked how calm the weather was at that time of the year, because autumn and winter were his favorite seasons. He managed to experience windy days, watching as the dried leaves and the ground became one, and as time passed by, the place would be surrounded with white snow. He loved how he could feel how fluffy the snow was and how cold his nose would get. Thinking that this year was going to be the first Christmas without her mother, Baekhyun’s heart sank.
The doctors couldn’t help his mother, because they thought it was best to let her go. It occurred to him that his mother could not be saved when she weakly pulled his arm and whispered in his hear, voice low, but just strong enough to be heard as the sporadic beeps of the monitor screamed so loudly it hurt his ears.
Shifting away from reminiscing the painful memory, he looked at his watch, an old one he received for his birthday four years ago. It was from his mother, and Baekhyun thought it was the only thing that kept reminding him that he should not live in the past. It reminded him that time waits for no man, and he should live his life normally by not dwelling too much on the past.
It was Thursday, his day-offs falling on Thursdays and Sundays. He worked at a small restaurant in the countryside, and the wages he received at the end of the month was just enough to support his family. He also delivered newspaper early in the mornings, a time when people would be ready to go to school and work. He’d make sure that all the newspapers were delivered safely to their houses, sometimes slipping the newspaper in between the gates, and he’d return home after making sure that all three-hundred houses received their morning newspaper.
Living in a small countryside town in Gangwondo was exciting, since he got to know most of his neighbors without having any difficulties. Baekhyun could easily recognize every face in town.
There was Junmyeon ahjussi living with his cats; five in total of different colors and each of them was named after the members of Big Bang, a famous Korean boy group. Junmyeon ahjussi’s house was located at the end of the road, with a Taegeukgi at the end of the roof so it was easier for Baekhyun to recognize, given that it was the only house with the national flag of South Korea displayed.
There was also Mrs. Soomi who lived with her twin daughters across the narrow street, and Baekhyun would always spend some time to play with them every time he ended his shift early. He’d buy them ice-cream from the grocery store (sometimes other snacks), and if he had more money to spend, he’d treat them to dakgalbi and patbingsu. It wasn’t much, but seeing how both of them casted beautiful matching smiles, his heart was warmed. He knew Mrs. Soomi forbid him from spending his money on some stupid snacks for her daughters, but he was too stubborn to listen to her nagging. He never knew the feelings of being an older brother, so when the twins showed their affection, he’d always welcome them.
And Baekhyun always thought that living in the countryside wasn’t that bad. In fact, he was used to it, living in a tranquil place where he could live with his father without any disturbance.
On the days he had to work, Baekhyun always left his house early in the morning, and returned home after the sun set. He’d ask Mrs. Oh, his neighbour from two houses down, to look after his father in the morning, since he’d return home for a while at lunch and take care of everything. His father wouldn’t have a problem if Baekhyun prepared lunch for him. The only problem encountered would be when his father wanted to go to the toilet. However, Mrs. Oh was used to it, so sometimes Baekhyun didn’t have to return home in his break since everything was rest assured.
The distance between his house and the restaurant wasn’t too far. It took him almost ten minutes if he rode his bicycle, or about half an hour on foot. He worked at a dakgalbi restaurant, a small place compared to the ones in the city, but there were many regular customers who’d been coming here for several months so the restaurant hadn’t encountered any financial problems since it was opened. The owner, Mr. Shin was kind enough to let him work there, despite how bad he was at cooking and handling the kitchen the first time worked.
Baekhyun was given two weeks to adjust to working in the kitchen, washing the dishes and preparing the servings on the plates. Once, he broke two plates and a glass in the same day, and all he could do was apologize and promise to pay for the broken dishes. There was one time when the kitchen was almost set on fire because he turned on the stove and forgot to switch it off after he’d prepared a plate of dakgalbi. In the end, he was given a job to handle the menu and customers, providing that he wouldn’t break anything in the restaurant again.
Baekhyun couldn’t thank Mr. Shin enough for his kindness, so he once treated him to soju and samgyeopsal at the famous stall in the neighborhood even though the man rejected the offer at first.
It wasn’t hard adjusting to the work, because there was a total of three or four workers working at the same time to help him out. Oh Sehun, his best friend, was also working part-time. He was a tall lad with flat voice and pale white face, handsome enough to make girls from high schools go crazy over him. As cliché as it might be, a handsome guy like him hated getting attention from any strangers, especially girls. Baekhyun had once introduced him to a girl he knew from the restaurant, a regular customer who’d always order iced lemon tea and less spicy dakgalbi. Already knowing how Sehun would react, the male immediately turned down the girl without hesitating for even a second. His face maintained a stoic expression as he uttered those words of rejection, and Baekhyun never saw that poor girl return to the restaurant.
It was hard to convince Sehun that he was good enough to be someone’s boyfriend, since he was the “complete package” the other guys wanted to be. However, Sehun would return the question with a sharp remark, “You’re talking to a mirror, hyung.” and Baekhyun never asked him anything related to that matter again. He knew how stubborn Sehun was, because he’d only do what he wanted to do.
Baekhyun somehow admired how stern Sehun could be at times, because he himself couldn’t be like that. Baekhyun had a soft heart, and he was easily influenced too. Even so, he was grateful because Sehun was by his side and would always remind him to be a little strict in his decisions, and not always do what others asked him to do.
“Baekhyun!”
A familiar loud voice called out for him, stomping onto his flashback mercilessly. Baekhyun quickly regained his attention and put the plates aside in the rack before storming out of the area and rushing towards the small office near the kitchen.
Mr. Shin was sitting in his room, counting the cash before he turned to look at Baekhyun standing at the door frame. He was a man around the age of forty, wearing round spectacles and he resembled a famous announcer in Korea, but Baekhyun couldn’t remember his name. However, he was a little bit short compared to Baekhyun, so sometimes he found it funny to see Mr. Shin struggling to tip-toe whenever he talked to any workers who were taller than him, such as Sehun and Minjoon, a half Japanese-Korean lad.
“Yes?”
“Where is Sehun?” Mr. Shin asked, his eyes now focusing on Baekhyun’s movement.
Baekhyun scratched his neck before he shook his head. “Maybe he’s busy with his project at college,” he answered, giving the safest and most reasonable answer he could think of. He didn’t know how to contact Sehun because the boy never gave him his phone number. Baekhyun couldn’t blame him. He should know his limit, concluding that perhaps Sehun wanted to keep his number private.
When Mr. Shin nodded his head and sighed, Baekhyun turned around to head for the kitchen. That was when he suddenly recognized Sehun from afar, who was running and huffing breathlessly as he held on tightly to his bag. He stormed into the restaurant and rushed straight to Mr. Shin’s office. Baekhyun just watched Sehun walk past him, and he could tell that the boy had been running all the way from his college. He assumed Sehun didn’t ride his motorcycle today.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Shin.” Baekhyun heard Sehun apologize. The shorter male turned to look behind and saw Sehun bend his body down with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.
“You’re late.” The owner seemed a bit angry for a moment, but he let out a short breath of laughter and asked Sehun to change into the formal uniform.
Baekhyun was still standing outside Mr. Shin’s office, wondering why Sehun came late to work. When Sehun once again walked past him, the slender boy slipped something into his hand. Baekhyun gasped as Sehun’s warm fingers touched his own.
“Letter for you,” the taller boy said shortly before he disappeared from Baekhyun’s sight.
Baekhyun stood there silently. He glanced at the letter in his hand, and a familiar longing came rushing into him. He missed everything; the letter, the person who wrote it, the memories. He took a good look at it again and folded it into two, before slipping it inside his apron pocket. He’d make sure to read it when he returned home tonight.
Night finally arrived. The sky was blanketed with hues of black and blue, adorned with bright stars from east to west. It was a night where couples could be seen hanging around coffee shops, kids playing basketball at the local court in the neighborhood and grandmas shouting for their grandchildren to come home for dinner.
Baekhyun was wiping the last plate with a clean towel, and after drying it off completely, he put the plate on the rack. He ensured that the dishes and the sink were cleaned thoroughly so that he wouldn’t have to redo it in the morning.
Sehun was nowhere to be seen when he padded across the narrow hallway. Mr. Shin had already returned home after he had several talks with Minjoon, and the tall lad followed minutes after.
As he was walking towards the locker room on his right, Baekhyun sighed and took off his apron, folding it in two. The light was off, so he figured Sehun had definitely gone home too when he was too busy cleaning the dishes. He turned on the light, and startled when he saw a figure leaning against the wall with his arms folded against his chest. He had his eyes closed, and Baekhyun wondered why he hadn’t left for home yet.
“What are you doing in the dark, Sehun? You scared me,” Baekhyun grumbled as he fumbled with a set of keys, and when he found the right one, he opened his locker.
Sehun slowly brought his head up. He looked so tired. “Let’s go home together.”
Baekhyun put his apron inside the locker and turned to look at Sehun. He seemed different today. “Are you okay?” Baekhyun asked, a hint of anxiety in his voice.
Sehun shook his head in return. “It’s nothing,” he answered shortly.
The shorter male tilted his head in confusion. Before he managed to close his locker and lock it, Sehun suddenly grabbed his hand after taking a few steps closer. Baekhyun almost cursed in surprise, not expecting the contact at all.
“What is it?” Baekhyun asked nervously.
“I…” Sehun’s grip on his wrist loosened until he slowly released Baekhyun’s hand. Baekhyun threw a worried look at the boy, and he quickly locked his locker before paying full attention to Sehun.
“What’s wrong, Sehun? Are you not feeling well?” Baekhyun asked, instinctively placing the back of his hand on Sehun’s forehead. Sehun quickly shoved his hand away, but Baekhyun didn’t take it to heart. He was already used to insecure Oh Sehun.
“Can you give me back the letter?”
The question almost caught Baekhyun by surprise. He tried to calm his heart, his hand moving to the back pocket of his jeans. He kept the letter there all day, and made sure that nothing could stain it. Baekhyun took a few steps back, ready to face whatever Sehun was going to say.
“Why? Why should I give it to you?”
Sehun heaved a heavy sigh. He wasn’t in a good state. He messed up his hair as he massaged his head, as if he was enduring a headache.
“Baekhyun, just give it to me. Please, don’t ask me anything.” Sehun’s voice sounded like he wanted to cry, but Baekhyun thought Sehun was just annoyed.
Baekhyun threw the boy a confused glance. “You have to tell me what’s going on!” Baekhyun almost yelled, but Sehun didn’t budge. Instead, he sneaked his hand behind Baekhyun’s petite body, trying to snatch away the letter. He guessed that was where Baekhyun had kept his letter, since his eyes caught the awkward movement of Baekhyun’s hands, who was clearly trying to protect the letter from being taken away.
Baekhyun wanted to run away from that confined locker room, but Sehun was fast enough to stop him, spinning him around and tackling his hands. He managed to take the letter out of Baekhyun’s hands, and Baekhyun swore he could cry. Why did Sehun do this to him?
He almost cried when he saw the letter in the other’s hand. He expected that Sehun would give in and return it if he pleaded. The letter was important to him. He needed to read it, and Sehun had no right to do this to him. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you, but please, give me back the letter,” Baekhyun said, his voice cracking from trying to hold back his tears. Trying his best to cry in front of Sehun, he stood up straight, his hand reaching out to take the letter from the taller male. However, Sehun didn’t say anything. Instead, he held the letter high in the air, and ripped it into pieces.
“Sehun!”
Sehun pretended he didn’t hear anything. Baekhyun mustered up his courage and pushed Sehun away. Sehun was shocked, and the ripped letter fell to the floor. A part of Baekhyun crushed when his eyes watched the way the torn pieces of paper fall, and everything around him seemed to black out.
“What is wrong with you?! Why did you do this to me?!” He screamed, his body trembling. He finally knelt on the floor, slowly picking up the pieces of the letter as tears finally slid down his face. Why would Sehun let out his anger on him like this? Didn’t Sehun know that he just broke his heart and trust?
Sehun bent down and pulled Baekhyun up, but the latter struggled to let himself free. He was already crying, and his face was wet with tears. The next thing he knew, he was in Sehun’s warm embrace.
“Let go of me!” Baekhyun snapped. He flailed his body around, trying to escape Sehun’s grip. But Sehun knew better. He held Baekhyun’s shoulders and waist tightly, not letting the petite male go. Baekhyun needed to know the truth; he deserved to know the truth, and Sehun knew he had done the right thing. He was sure that Baekhyun would do the same thing for him if the roles were reversed.
“I’m sorry, Baekhyun,” he apologized in a quiet voice though Baekhyun’s crying was louder. “I was trying to protect you,” he added. The moment Baekhyun heard those words, he immediately pushed Sehun away, and this time, he picked up his strength as he glared at Sehun. He didn’t know why he was so mad, but Sehun had to tell him the truth.
“Trying to protect me? Are you joking right now? I don’t know what the hell is happening right now, but you just broke every bit of trust I had in you!” Baekhyun shouted, his anger only making his voice louder. He was trembling badly, and he cursed as he stared dejectedly at the floor. He quickly picked up the pieces of paper scattered everywhere, despite Sehun once again tried to refrain him doing so.
“From now on, don’t expect any letters from him, Baekhyun,” Sehun muttered, slowly calming his heart down. He looked at Baekhyun straight in the eye, hoping that the shorter male would trust him. He was his friend, and he wouldn’t do anything to hurt him intentionally. However, he didn’t expect to receive such a disgusted look in return, or for Baekhyun to back away from him. He kept the ripped letter in his back pocket and didn’t turn to look at the flustered Sehun.
“You broke my trust, Sehun.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt!” Sehun’s jaws tensed and his fingers curled into a fist. He was mad because he wanted to tell Baekhyun the truth, but whenever he wanted to say those words, they got stuck in the middle of his throat, preventing him from spilling out the truth.
Baekhyun didn’t know what Sehun was saying, but the next thing he knew, he was already walking back home, forgetting that he should have taken his bike. The night was unusually cold and unfriendly, but Baekhyun felt nothing. He didn’t freeze nor tremble. His mind was occupied with the thought of Sehun tearing up his letter, and what hurt the most was the fact that Sehun actually had the audacity to do that to him. He should’ve expected that someday Sehun was going to be like this; to hate whatever he was doing. That boy used to be mad at him for always sending letters to the recipient, but Baekhyun paid no attention to any of his complaints because he thought Sehun was just annoyed. He always thought that it would be best to send text messages, but he couldn’t afford a cell phone. His father’s medicines were more important than any of the gadgets and technologies in the world.
But he guessed he was wrong. Sehun wasn’t just annoyed. He was clearly offended and obviously hated Baekhyun’s actions for no reason. And now Baekhyun had to hate him, but he at least had a reason.
He kept walking down the quiet road for what seemed like forever, failing to realize that another tear fell down his cheek.
Baekhyun didn’t see his father when he came home. It was already late, and he assumed the man had already gone to bed a few hours earlier. The hands of the clock crept slowly around, and it was almost two in the morning. Baekhyun slowly entered the house and closed the door. He had grown accustomed to the creepy sound of the door creaking, but he wasn’t sure why he slammed the door shut, not caring if his father would wake up at the loud sound. He simply forgot that he should have been preparing for breakfast later, because he had decided that he would stay up late. Instead, he quietly headed for his room upstairs; an attic to be specific; a warm place where his father wouldn’t be able to disturb him when he wanted to be alone and a place he called his second home. It wasn’t big enough to place a bed inside since the place was already crammed with a wooden table and cabinet where he’d keep his clean clothes, and Baekhyun made sure he cleaned off any dust on the furniture. Every night before he went to sleep, he’d lie down on a mattress on the floor, tucked some pillows and blankets together and stacked them up at the corner of the wall every time he woke up the next morning.
When he closed the door to his room, he walked towards his desk and took off his sweater. The room was finally warm when he turned on the heater, and he managed to pull himself together as he sat down, sighing as he raked his fingers through his hair.
That day had been one of the roughest for him, but it was the first time his mood had been ruined because of Oh Sehun. His mind finally wandered to think about that boy. Sehun’s words echoed in his ears, preventing him from thinking clearly.
Steering the thoughts away from his head, he finally slid out the pieces of ripped letter from his pocket, noticing that they were already crumpled. He was going to tape them together so that he could read their full content. Reaching for a tape and a blank piece of paper from the drawer, he turned on the table lamp and took a deep breath before focusing his eyes on the wrinkled remains of the letter. His fingers slowly gathered them in one place, being careful not to let them blow away with the cold breeze that was seeping in through the holes in the wall. He made a quick note in his head that he should try and fix those holes soon too.
When he finally opened the folded letter; a big part of it which hadn’t been ripped by Sehun, his eyes caught a glimpse of a sentence that almost broke him. His life crumbled slowly, bit by bit. He held up the letter, ignoring the other small pieces that fell silently from the desk. His eyes kept going side to side to read the same sentence all over again, because he couldn’t believe what he was reading. He assumed that he was just tired and that he hadn’t had enough sleep for the day. But as he focused once more on the sentence, his conscience told him that everything he saw was right. He didn’t read it wrong.
Please don’t contact me anymore. Goodbye.
Kim Jongdae
His sight went blurry and a tear managed to escape and fall from his eye. Everything around him was spinning when he realized that he should’ve listened to Sehun’s words. Sehun was right. But it was too late to realize that now, and he crumbled the paper angrily, throwing it on the floor while ignoring the ugly sobs he let out. He regretted not listening to Sehun’s words.
Reaching for a pen on the table, he scribbled something down on the blank paper he’d taken from the drawer, and slowly, he wrote down everything he had in mind, tears smudging the ink without him even caring about it.
It was already Friday afternoon. Baekhyun should have gone to work that morning, but he didn’t do so. Somehow in the deepest part of his heart, he regretted skipping the shift. He knew Mr. Shin would be angry at him for skipping work for no reason, and he wasn’t sure what excuse to give his manager when he went to work next time.
He woke up late too, but as soon as he fluttered his eyes open, the first thing he remembered was his father. The man must be really hungry. Baekhyun silently cursed himself for being a stupid and selfish son. He shouldn’t have let his stupid emotions take over him, making him forget his responsibilities. He hurriedly stepped out of the room and rushed to his father. It was located near the kitchen, so Baekhyun was worried that his father might use the kitchen without him knowing about it.
He found his father at the sink, trying to grab a cup from the cupboard from his wheelchair, and Baekhyun swore his heart almost dropped at the sight.
“Dad!” He almost screamed, watching his father freeze.
His father startled, but luckily he hadn’t managed to grab the cup yet. Baekhyun couldn’t imagine the consequences if the cup fell down onto the floor and broke, because the pieces would probably hurt his father. He couldn’t think of them, so he was relieved when his father turned to look at him.
“What are you doing, Dad? You shouldn’t be here. It’s dangerous. You might hurt yourself,” Baekhyun nagged at his father for coming to the kitchen. He received a worried look in return, but Baekhyun ignored the expression on his father’s face.
“Where did you go last night? Why did you come late to home? I was lonely,” his father asked. The wrinkles on his forehead were apparent as he creased his eyebrows, utterly worried of what had happened to Baekhyun last night. He’d been waiting for almost two hours for Baekhyun to return home, because that was what he always did for several past months already. But it was the first time he went to bed without getting to see Baekhyun before he slept, so of course he was bothered.
“It’s…” Baekhyun paused for a second. “It’s really nothing, Dad. Mr. Shin asked us to stay behind and clean up the restaurant a bit since there are a lot of customers coming today.” He grabbed the cup from the opened cupboards and put it on the table. He filled the kettle with water from the sink, and when it was full enough, he turned on the stove and settled the kettle on it. A sigh escaped from his lips. He couldn’t believe he just lied to his father, who completely believed whatever his son said. Baekhyun was a good actor, and if his father knew that he wasn’t telling the truth, he would have been in total disbelief. Baekhyun never lied to his parents, so he didn’t know why of all days, he was lying to his father at that very moment. Regret seeped through him, but Baekhyun thought it was best to stay quiet.
“Oh,” his father said. He still looked concerned, and Baekhyun couldn’t help but keep his stoic face so that his father wouldn’t suspect that he’d been lying. “Don’t you have to work today?”
Baekhyun shook his head slowly. “My shift starts tomorrow,” he lied again.
When his father gave no response, Baekhyun thought that maybe next time he could tell him the truth, even though it had nothing to do with him.
A cold Monday night, it was the time when Baekhyun didn’t expect any customers coming to the restaurant. It was almost past midnight, and he had finished with cleaning dishes as usual. Baekhyun was about to lock the restaurant and go home when someone in thick black coat approached him, shivering as if he was wearing thin clothes. The man smelt like autumn, but Baekhyun believed he also smelt like spring.
“Is it close already?”
Baekhyun had to crane his neck to look at the owner of the voice. He was incredibly tall, face hidden behind a black mask he was wearing. Baekhyun wasn’t wearing his specs, but from the look of it, the stranger might be a good looking person when he finally noticed the eyes. They held thousands of emotions, ones that Baekhyun couldn’t comprehend.
“W-What?”
“The restaurant. Are you closing it now?”
“Uh… yes?” Didn’t he see that the lights were already turned off?
“Oh God,” the man breathed out. He scratched his head, looking troubled. He took off his mask and tucked it under his chin. Baekhyun scanned the face, but he couldn’t see it clearly as his eyesight didn’t help that much. “I’m starving and this is like the nearest restaurant I could find around the neighborhood and… oh God,” he mumbled to himself, turning his body around and scratching his head again. His voice got deeper and deeper as Baekhyun listened to it. The man wrapped his arms around his body, fingers clamping tightly on his arms, lips puckering in disappointment.
“Uh… I’m sorry but you can come again tomorrow morning,” Baekhyun apologized.
The stranger chuckled. “Ah, that’s okay. Are you from here?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know where the closest restaurant or any stall around here is? I’m kinda lost here, and it is past midnight and you’re the only person available here.”
Baekhyun took a few steps away from the stranger. Even though he didn’t look like a murderer or kidnapper, he had to stay alert. Something told him that this stranger was really lost, so Baekhyun told him the way to a nearest twenty-four hour local store he could think of. And when the man bid him goodbye, the air got thin and Baekhyun found himself gasping for some air, clearly not realizing that he’d been holding his breaths.
A cold Monday night, it was when Baekhyun met a nameless stranger whose presence almost left him in awe, words hanging in the air as though they were never meant to be spoken out.
“Where are you going?”
Baekhyun ignored the voice. It was Sehun’s, and the man was leaning against the locker, watching Baekhyun as the latter packed his belongings inside his bag, as if he was ready to go somewhere after he had finished with his jobs. Mr. Shin was inside his office, talking to someone over the phone and Minjoon had already gone home. Another two workers were in the kitchen, cleaning off the dirt and washing the dishes.
“Baekhyun, answer me.”
The silence was deafening, but Baekhyun preferred it that way. He had been avoiding Sehun since that morning and they hadn’t talked to each other or spared any glances. Nothing at all. Baekhyun was still embarrassed of himself whenever he remembered the other night’s incident. He should’ve listened to Sehun, and he guessed Sehun must probably be laughing at him if he knew that Baekhyun had finally read the letter.
Sehun gave a stern look, as if he could burn a hole on Baekhyun’s shirt with his eyes. When Sehun held Baekhyun’s shoulders and turned the petite body around, the latter finally gave in.
“I’m going to the post office,” Baekhyun finally spoke.
Sehun sighed. He predicted it already. “It’s already late, Baekhyun. You can go there tomorrow morning. I bet it’s closed already.”
“I need to check whether my letter is there or not,” Baekhyun replied, his voice was maintained in a strict tone.
Sehun laughed dismissively. It was more like he was belittling Baekhyun for sending the letter to Jongdae, despite being warned by the recipient himself not to write any letter for him. “Did you send the letter to him the other day?”
“I did.”
“It’s dark outside, Baekhyun. You don’t even have any bicycle to ride. Didn’t you say there’s something wrong with the tyre? I heard you talk to Minjoon just now. You haven’t sent it for a repair, have you?”
“I can walk.”
“You can’t walk there alone, Baekhyun. Don’t you know there’s no streetlight along the road? It’s dangerous to be alone out there.”
Sehun was right. The street was quiet and scary even. The day was getting darker and Baekhyun didn’t think he could make his way to the post office safely. There might be drunkard or any strangers he might encounter if he went there alone.
“This is not Seoul, Sehun. I know where I am going.” Baekhyun finally turned to the said man. “We’ve been living here since we were born. Why are you worrying so much? It’s not like I’m not used to walking alone in the dark. And I always return home late, so what’s with the fuss?”
“No. You can go there tomorrow morning.”
“It’s been almost two weeks, Sehun! I’ve replied to the letter you gave me the other time and I still haven’t got the reply. I can’t wait until tomorrow morning to check whether the letter is here or not. I’m not willing to wait anymore. I need to know why he did that. Can’t you understand me?”
A heavy sigh was heard. “Let me send you there.”
“I can go there by myself. No need to worry. Tell my father I’ll be home in a few hours. Tell him to go to bed early too,” Baekhyun reminded Sehun. He was certain that Sehun would understand his situation at that moment.
“I’ll go with you,” Sehun suddenly said, trailing Baekhyun from behind.
“But Sehun-”
Sehun cut him off and handed him a helmet he brought in his hand before grabbing Baekhyun’s hand and walked out of the restaurant.
Three weeks had passed since the day Baekhyun and Sehun went to the post office to check whether the letter for the former had arrived or not. Like what he had expected, he still hadn’t got the reply yet from Jongdae. Baekhyun knew he was waiting for something impossible. He was stupid enough to wait for his letter to arrive, knowing that Jongdae had warned him not to contact him anymore. Baekhyun didn’t know the reason behind his cold action towards him. All Baekhyun knew was that he never failed to keep writing and to update everything about him and his father to Jongdae. He guessed something bad must have happened to Jongdae back in Seoul. But again, he had no proof to conclude things yet, so he was clueless, therefore leading him to mindlessly wait for the letter to arrive.
“Baekhyun-can you take another table?” Hyeri, a waitress working there in the restaurant approached Baekhyun and asked him. Baekhyun breaths hitched at the sudden question. He turned his body around and saw Hyeri pouting like a child. Today, the restaurant weren’t that packed with customers since it was Monday. Most people were at work and it wasn’t lunch time yet. So Baekhyun quietly wondered why Hyeri asked for his help.
Baekhyun nodded. “Sure. Which one?”
“There. Two lads over there.” Hyeri pointed her index finger at a round table near a window. There were two men, talking to each other relaxingly. No food and drinks on the table, so Baekhyun guessed Hyeri hadn’t taken the orders for the said customers yet.
“Why didn’t you serve them?” Baekhyun asked.
Hyeri shrugged. “I heard them talk and I think they are from Seoul. Most of people from there are… you know. Full of pride.”
Baekhyun raised his brows without asking any question anymore. He patted Hyeri’s shoulder lightly before he hurried straight to the table, a list of menu and a piece of paper were gripped tightly in his hand. As he got closer, both men were looking at him, smiling as they fixed their seats.
“Is there anything you want to order?” Baekhyun asked politely as he handed the menu to the taller man of the two.
“Uh… we’ve been waiting for like five minutes already,” the blonde-haired man complained, and Baekhyun spontaneously bowed a little, apologizing.
“No, sorry. Don’t listen to him,” the taller male said, smiling as his gaze fixed on Baekhyun. He read the whole content listed in the menu, ignoring his friend who was clearly pouting.
“Sorry for the late service. Apparently we are having a short of staff today,” Baekhyun said, still feeling the need to apologize when he saw the unsatisfied reaction of the blonde-haired man.
“That’s fine. Don’t mind him. He’s just hungry,” the taller replied instead, giving a sincere smile.
When Baekhyun finally looked at the taller man in the eyes, it was when he noticed something strange. He thought that the eyes were familiar. Or was he just dreaming? He held back the urge to ask the customer if they had met before because it would be inappropriate for him to do so. His head was full with words, but he could just let the silence enveloped the surrounding as he waited for the men to order their breakfast. Time seemed to move slowly as he studied the taller man. When they finally made their order, the taller male gave him one last smile, before he turned to talk with his friend. Baekhyun straightaway left for the kitchen, assuming that he was imagining things again.
“Baekhyun, we need to talk.”
It was Tuesday evening, and lunch hour had passed a few hours ago. Baekhyun was cleaning the table, seemingly surprised when Sehun held his arm without a warning.
“What’s wrong?” There was a change of expression on Baekhyun’s face. He was happy just now, laughing with Minjoon and talking about a grumpy customer who just left the restaurant minutes ago, but when he heard Sehun’s cold voice, he didn’t feel at ease.
Sehun looked to be debating whether or not he should tell Baekhyun things that had been bothering him. He drew in his breath, let it out along with a heavy sigh. “Don’t write to Jongdae anymore.”
The silence then was cold and discomforting.
“What?”
Sehun bit his lips. “I said, don’t write to Jongdae anymore. I meant it.” Sehun’s firm hands now were on both Baekhyun’s shoulders, holding them tight as if Baekhyun was about to fall down.
Baekhyun shoved them away. “I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear anything.”
The smaller male was about to walk away as he lifted up the mop he leaned against the wall when Sehun stopped him, taking the mop and put it aside. “Listen here, Baekhyun.” He seemed to be contemplating on what he was about to say. “I… I don’t want you to hurt.”
“Then what does that have to do with me writing to Jongdae?”
“He’s just…” Sehun scratched his head. This is not going well, he thought before he blurted out, “Forget it.”
“Forget what? If you’re not going to tell me what’s going on, then I’ll be sending letters to him forever, even if you’re going to hate me.”
Sehun grunted. He ran his hand through his hair, letting strands of hair to settle on his forehead. “No, listen to me. Just don’t contact him anymore. I’m begging you.”
Baekhyun shook his head. “I’m going to the post office again this evening.”
Before Baekhyun could make his way away from Sehun, the latter pulled his shirt lightly. His eyes was full of hope, clearly asking Baekhyun to listen to every bit of his words. “No. Don’t go. You’re wasting your time.”
“So now I’m wasting my time?” Baekhyun sneered. “You don’t talk to me that way, Sehun! I know what I am doing!”
“You don’t know what’s going on right now!”
Baekhyun’s chest was heaving uncontrollably. He stared into Sehun’s eyes, demanding an answer from that man. “Then explain.” His voice was low and cold, almost emotionless.
“Why should I tell you about something that will hurt you? Do you think it will be easy for me to explain everything?”
“Then don’t bother! Why would you put yourself in trouble if you’re not going to tell me everything? Why would you refrain me from doing what I’ve been doing for the past few months? It’s been almost a year even.”
“Because I know how much you’ve been suffering waiting for him.”
The air got thinner, and the silence was loud. It had been a long time since they had fought like this. The last time they had a huge misunderstanding was when Baekhyun’s mother got into an accident, and Sehun just got himself into trouble by asking Baekhyun to move on. It was silly, especially when Sehun’s intention was good. But the news left Baekhyun devastated, making him forget that everything Sehun had reminded him about life was right. He should move on. And now, Sehun was doing the exact same thing too. However, Baekhyun was still the old Baekhyun, refusing to listen to people’s words even if he should have done so.
“I need to serve the customers,” Baekhyun finally said after a moment of silence. He pushed Sehun’s body slightly, but the latter ignored him. He held Baekhyun by the arms but the male struggled to set himself free from the touch.
“Baekhyun-”
Something fell down on the floor and Baekhyun’s world almost flipped upside down when he noticed what it was.
“What is that?” Baekhyun asked. His voice quivered, and there was uncertainty in his voice.
It was a letter lying on the floor, sealed and still new. It had Baekhyun’s name on it to add the confusion, and Baekhyun wondered why he had never seen that letter before. He was sure that the letter was still new since the seal was not opened yet. It must have fallen from Sehun’s pocket when he was trying to free himself from Sehun’s hold earlier. When he looked up, Sehun was gritting his teeth, and the male quickly bent down to pick up the letter. But before he knew it, Baekhyun had already grabbed it first, ensuring that it was really for him.
“This is…”
To: Byun Baekhyun
It really had his name on it. Something bothered Baekhyun when he noticed the change of expression on Sehun’s face. He couldn’t accept the fact that Sehun was hiding something from him. Something that he deemed he deserved to know.
“Why are you holding my letter?”
“Baekhyun, this is not-”
“You went to the post office, right? This isn’t the one I have in my boxes. Why are you keeping this?”
Sehun’s voice lowered down. He glanced everywhere, making sure the customers weren’t there watching them bicker. “There’s a reason why I asked you to stop writing to him.”
“But he did reply to me, right? That’s all that matters.”
Sehun was flustered. “No, you don’t understand me. Listen here, Baek-”
“I’m your friend, Sehun. We’ve been best friends since middle school and you should know me better. You know how much I love Jongdae and how long we’ve been writing to each other. I might look stupid enough for using the ancient and stupid way of contacting my loved one because yes, I can’t even afford a smartphone like you. I have other responsibilities I have to think of other things first before mine. I have a sick father confined to a wheelchair who needs to be taken care of all days and nights. And you expect me to understand you when you don’t understand my situation here, Sehun. What were you thinking?” Baekhyun’s voice broke. He sobbed silently, eyes filled with unpredictable emotions.
“This is just a misunderstanding. You don’t even let me explain for all that matters!”
“Like I said, I don’t need any explanation. This…” Baekhyun sneered and held up the letter right in front of Sehun’s face, provoking him. “...is more than enough.”
He stormed out the restaurant, leaving Sehun speechless once again.
To Baekhyun,
It’s been almost a long time since I last wrote a letter for you, right? How have you been? I’m sorry for keeping you wait for so long. I’m sorry for all the reckless things I’ve done to you. I shouldn’t have done that. Just… forget any of my letters if they somehow offended you in any way.
Anyway, life’s been so hard on me. I go to college like always but something came up one day. I failed my final exam, and I had to repeat it if I wanted to graduate early this year. But I don’t think I’ll be able to continue what I’ve been doing. Music is not my thing anymore. I just couldn’t find the feelings I used to have back when you were with me whenever I wrote my songs. It was different. Everything has changed. And that’s why I changed my course. I’m taking engineering now. You might think it’s difficult, filled with killing-subjects, but trust me, I’ve been better. I met new friends, and the lecturers are nice too. I’m sorry if I’ve been neglecting you all these while, but I had to catch up to everything fast. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake anymore. You understand me, right?
I’ll write again when I receive the next letter from you. So please, don’t be sad if I reply to you late. It’s just me… trying to blend in the new environment. I hope you understand that. I hope you’re just joking about you wanting to kill yourself if you don’t get any reply from me. Don’t ever do such a stupid thing, okay? You know I hate it. This isn’t like you. Where is the same man I love? Where is the man who never know what losing faith is all about? We’ve promised to love each other, no matter what happens, right? I’m trying to stay strong here, so that I can go and meet you when I graduate later. So that I can grant all your wishes to be with me. Remember that I always love you, okay?
Love,
Kim Jongdae
Baekhyun cried, because he was too immersed while reading the letter. It was more than enough, knowing that Jongdae was still there for him. He failed to notice that there was something unusual about the letter. Everything was different: The handwriting, the sentence structures and the last sentence. Jongdae never said he loved Baekhyun in all his letters. But Baekhyun was too happy to think about it when he huddled under his thick blanket, holding the letter tight against his chest as he was smiling and thinking of Jongdae. Everything else didn’t matter as long as he knew Jongdae was there.
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