And I will bear my soul in time...
I'm feeling slightly insane today. I always blame it on the rain, I think it brings out a weird aspect of us all.
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
It's amazing how you get the natural inclination to give back to people who have seemingly given so much to you. They don't know you. You're another face in the crowd, and realistically, you don't really matter. But still, you feel the need to give back. To offer them an ounce of what they gave you. I've never really credited them in saving my life--they really didn't. But they certainly made it slightly more bearable.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I often thought about what I had to offer. So many people have so much that I just can't even come close to. Lily has her amazing art. Kit has her infallibility. Amy has her life story. Lis has her unremitting compassion and ability to make you feel like you're the only person in the world that matters. She has her maternal instincts that, boyletmetellyou, are a force to be reckoned with.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
I don't have all that much. Not that it's a bad thing, it's just me. I don't offer up a whole lot to others because there's not much of me to give, really. I can't really share passion in any way that is known to me, and that's pretty much what I'm about. I can't share my existence, and yet exist is sometimes all I seem to do. I wouldn't share whatever "knowledge" being in pre-med gave me--because that's not me. I'm not a particularly good listener, I can be the most terrible friend, and my maternal instincts are just...not there. I don't nurture people, I'm terrible at comforting someone and sometimes I want way too much from people. From myself.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I don't have too much to give back to them. But I think, I think if I had the opportunity...I would dance. Because that's something that's me, and that's something I can share. I did more than just exist when I danced, I became me. I lived. They probably wouldn't give a damn in seeing me, but if I had my way, I'd sit them down in a dark theatre and hop up on stage, barefoot. I wouldn't have a choreography, I'd have nothing. I'd just have me, and I'd have my story.
I've just recently discovered the marvel of James Blunt. If it's the last thing you do, get your hands on a song called "Goodbye my Lover". Amazing.
PS: God, i'm so self-absorbed. I'm sorry guys, I missed a million of your birthdays. happyhappyhappyhappy (belated) birthday to you all. Love and kisses, I'm sorry I suck :-P