meta: "What is Your Childhood Trauma?": Parenting and Attachment Styles in Buffy the Vampire Slayer

[tiny_white_hats]

Buffy meta for month_of_meta. This is psychological in nature, but I'm pretty sure it's totally accessible to anybody without any background in psychology. My entire background in psychology culminates in my big psych final exam tomorrow afternoon for my one semester psych class, so none of this is too advanced.

This is a discussion of Buffy Summers, Xander

Comments

[glinda_penguin]

This was really interesting, I know very little about psychology, but I found this really well argued and quite fascintating.

[tiny_white_hats]

Thank you! I'm glad you found it interesting!

[kikimay]

Interesting read! I studied the "strange situations" experiment a couple of years ago and I like how you managed to combine your knowledge with the different characters' analysis in your meta

[tiny_white_hats]

Thank you!

I interpreted Buffy's daddy issues to generally stem from the divorce, mostly because her artificial memory of Dawn coming home from the hospital features her dad in a positive light, but I definitely agree that their relationship was less than ideal. As for Joyce, I personally viewed her as a good mother even before season 3. She didn't always communicate well with her daughter, but she was definitely a supportive presence, especially in moments like the end of the episode "Innocence," when she comforts Buffy after Angel lost his soul, even though she has no idea what's going on in Buffy's life. She was definitely oblivious, but I think in large part that was representative of the generational gap that exists between most parents and their children.

[lunabee34]

What a fascinating essay.

I always felt like the show could have done a better job explaining what was going on with Willow's parents. Surely someone would notice if they were absent to that degree. IDK It felt like lazy writing to me at time. I completely agree with your assessment, though, of how their disinterest affected Willow.

[tiny_white_hats]

Thank you!

I feel like fuzzy parenting was one of the show's bigger blind spots, and not just with Willow. We knew next to nothing about Cordelia's parents other than they were rich and Oz never even mentioned his, while Riley and Faith's families are only mentioned tangentially at best. It was a weird choice on the writer's part, IMO.

[lunabee34]

*nods nods*

Especially since family of choice is one of the major themes of the entire Buffyverse, you'd think that family of origin would be more fleshed out to make the contrast more stark.

Hi! Here via month_of_meta

[cloudsinvenice]

Surely someone would notice if they were absent to that degree. I don't know... I have to make a disclaimer here that there are entire seasons of the show I haven't seen, but stuff like class and a child's achievement and behaviour can make a huge social difference between what (emotional or physical) neglect on the parents' part gets handwaved by society. I had friends growing up who knew a kid who hardly saw his parents - the guy lived on fancy Marks & Spencer ready meals. And it was sad and you have to figure it had a long-term effect, but as long as he was getting to school, passing exams and not getting into trouble, I can imagine the issue going unnoticed. But a kid from a less well-off background who is noticably struggling or acting up would be a much bigger alarm bell, and other people (the school, neighbours, friends' parents) would feel much more entitled to intervene or ask questions

[lokifan]

Interesting! And definitely fits with stuff like Willow's mum picking her clothes in S1 and yet not noticing much else.

[tiny_white_hats]

Thank you! I think that's what makes the show so interesting, the fact that the characterization is so well-constructed and consistent (espcially with Willow, IMO) and more or less psychologically relevant.

[dreamsofspike]

I agree with most of this :)

I do feel like Buffy had some major daddy issues following the divorce, when her dad basically emotionally divorced her too, not just her mom, gradually getting to the point where he disappeared from her life :( I think this influenced all of her relationships with men from that point on in a negative way... combined with her Slayer-ness and her increasing realization of how alone it really made her, I think she projected a fear of abandonment learned with her father onto every guy she was ever with, except possibly Riley, who then did abandon her, both emotionally and physically...

As for Xander, I think his is a textbook example, exactly as you described...

And with Willow, something interesting I thought about when watching the episodes toward the end of Season 5 - I think Willow's mother, as authoritarian parents generally do, regularly discounted Willow's feelings, dismissive and disrespectful of them, when she did take the time to listen to them - and the source of Willow and Tara's first big

[tiny_white_hats]

Thank you! I think you definitely raise some interesting points about Buffy and her abandonment issues, and I agree. I think her father exhibited a secure style of attachment when Buffy was younger, but that the divorce did adversely affect her as well, leaving her with some abandonment issues. Plus, Angel, Riley, and Giles all leaving her probably didn't help.