Why I am 86'd from the DNA Lounge for life.
I’m writing this to address the rumors floating back to me about why I was 86’d from the DNA Lounge. Evidently, some employees have been telling patrons that I was 86’d for dealing cocaine. I did not deal blow, nor have I ever done anything of the sort. This is not very amusing to me, but it does open the door to explain exactly WHY I was 86’d. I’ve had a lot of people ask me why and it’s not an easy thing to answer quickly for a number of reasons, mostly because I’ve known and distrusted Jamie Zawinski for literally years.
I first met him when I was working at Dimension X. My friend Chris Laurel had a birthday, and it was at Jamie’s apartment. I had just moved to SF, and of course the thing I was immediately attracted to were the old computer equipment around his place. Trying to talk to him only got me an insulting dismissal that I have never really forgotten - first impressions and all that.
Still, I kept trying to be friendly as interactions became more of a common occurance. I showed up to the hearings for the license, I supported them as much as I could, and over the past ten years or so I can pretty much say that I have spent well in excess of $30,000 at their establishment. Barry was always really nice to me and I appreciated this - I pretty much wrote this off to him trying to make up for Jamie always being a dick to me. I made up my final mind about Jamie a few years ago when I was homeless and working at Studio Z. I was standing next to him watching netik and baconmonkey do some work on the sound system, and I expressed my admiration for the job they were doing at Studio Z with the crap system they had to work with. The response I got was “You mean Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber?”
Of course, hearing things like this made me wonder exactly what sort of shit Jamie was talking about me. I’d already heard him call all my friends tools, and basically be a prick for close to 11 solid years. Right around a year ago he started actually getting nicer and smiling at me, which instantly put me on my guard. I stopped going to the DNA right after they got their all-ages permit. Besides having a club with a sound system so overbearing you can’t hear yourself think, I’d have to deal with under 21 folks? No thank you. And of course, it came out recently that the DNA was having legal problems - right around the time Jamie started creeping me out. Just like every other douchebag I’ve ever met, once they realize they need all the help they can get it’s time to change their tune until they don’t need help anymore.
I’ll admit, I do have a nasty streak in me. I can put up with abuse for years. Why? Because I’m mean. I will smile and let you think I’m an idiot until the time comes where you get to learn a lesson for being a shithead all those years. That’s partially why I started making a fuss when they started asking for donations for a legal fund. Sure, perhaps Jamie has lost all of his money in the depression that we are going through right now, but I seriously doubt his housing situation is in jeopardy or he’ll be eating out of garbage cans anytime soon. He’s a multi-millionairre and has more money than almost anyone reading this, and he’s asking for donations from people who live paycheck-to-paycheck? For shame.
The real people I am concerned about are my friends that work at the DNA, but as I have said before they are all competent people (I only befriend competent people) and can get a job anywhere even in this climate. I’m disgusted by some of the lies that they’ve led people to swallow, such as “Despite what you may think, the nightclub business is rarely a profitable one. The people who are in this business are in it as a labor of love.” (quote from their legal defense page). That’s such a complete load of horseshit I could fertilize a garden with it - if it were true, then there wouldn’t be any nightclubs around. Anyone who can’t make money with a nightclub in this town is severely deficient in business acumen, but quite frankly when I heard some of their decisions (not saying which, don’t want to help them actually turn a profit!) I knew they would have trouble eventually.
There is a lot that you are not being told about. I’ve written before in a time when I was more apt to give them the benefit of the doubt that in all probability someone neglected to pay a bribe to someone. This is extremely believable concerning the economic climate. The problem with this system is that it requires constant cash flow, and once you falter every other bribe-seeking agency is going to start hitting you up for money. I freely admit that Jamie might have lost all his money (which, by the way, makes me realize what a moron he is) and that this is what is happening now, but what was his reaction to me asking the awkward “What is a multi-millionairre doing asking for donations?” question? He 86’d me for life for “talking shit”, which is IRONIC AS FUCK considering what I’ve heard him say about people who consider him their bestest friend ever. Of course, the real thing to do would be to actually talk to me and ask me why I was annoyed about it. That would just be logical!
So now it’s degenerated to the point where their employees are telling people I deal coke. I can guess exactly who, but quite frankly I would just rather put this out there because I am getting sick of answering the question. Not only has this group of people gotten me really irritated, I’ve actually started hoping the management goes away. The DNA space will always be there and hopefully the next person running it will actually fix some of the issues. Very little will probably lure me back to it though. As I get older, I find that I actually like to be able to talk to people and wear truly nice clothes out to places that don’t look like someone’s garage. I was asked by an out-of-town DJ to get some gigs for him here and I told him I couldn’t deal with the DNA. His reaction? “Fuck that place, it’s a shithole.”
I realize that this diatribe will do nothing for my popularity. My answer to that is the same as it is to Barry when he decided to unfriend me from everything the instant I said I did not support their donation drive - if you really have drunk that much of the kool-aid, maybe you should unfriend me because I always say exactly what I think. This entire sordid episode has made me realize exactly who my friends are, and exactly how small-time and small-minded most of the jokers in this town are. I’m going to get on now with living well, because that’s the best revenge, as they say.
And by the way, I am completely evil enough to get ex-employees together and point them all at this web page while telling them complaints can be anonymous: http://www.abc.ca.gov/forms/PDFCompl.html