meme stolen from himechi
(because today couldn't possibly be more boring)
10 things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:
❶ I think you're holding me back because you don't believe in me. You seem to hang around just to tell me that things aren't possible. But I'm not like that. I can't survive without my crazy dreams. It's who I am.
➋ I love you. Eurgh! It's been driving me insane for so long. I. Love. You. You are so damn beautiful, and wonderful, and it makes me ache. I dream about you. Write letters to you. I'd drop everything right this moment to come to you if your arms are open. Instead, I can barely talk to you.
➌ You keep me sane. In all my ups and downs, you've never judged. I can tell you anything. And at the end of it you still smile at me and just see a flirty, precocious creature who you love to hang out with. There are other people I can say similar things to, but it's still censored. Made politically correct. I tell you I'm fucked up, you just smile and nod, and say "me too". And then we hang out or talk, and I don't worry about who I am.
➍ Sex with you is boring. And repetitive. You pretend you're free and sexual, but you don't get into it. You can't orgasm unless it's done in exactly the same way you've always done it- same position, same speed. Im not sure why I still sleep with you. I hope it's not pity. But when I sleep with you I feel as if you may as well be masturbating. And after lots of thought, I'm convinced it's not my fault. And it's not about your attraction to me. You just don't like sex. You like masturbation. So stop pretending. You are not a sexual person.
➎ I wish we had our old friendship back. You made me more princess than whore. I always wanted your dignity, your carriage, your grace.
➏ I think I made your life hell. I think I could have given more, and gotten so much more from our friendship. I know events don't really match how I think about it- but it feels like you were such a big part of my life. I hope in the end there was good from it. And when I trust myself again, I want to start again. To have our friendship go the way it looked like it would in the beginning.
➐ I am so jealous of you. You keep doing what I wanted to do, before me. I resent it a bit too. Because I wanted it first. You took courage from my desire to do it. I earned it. I fought for it. But you have the body. And you did it.
➑ It's pathetic, but I wish you'd just shut up more and kiss me. I promise I'll believe you if you tell me everything is going to be alright.
➒ I'm slightly obsessed by you. You're on my msn, but I never talk to you. I want to prove I'm better than you. I want to be better than you. But I don't know how. I do hate you. And I can't really say that about anyone else. But that hate is as much jealousy as anything else. Why the hell did he want you? Why do I want you? You're a vindictive, manipulative bitch, but I'd do anything to know your secrets.
➓ I still remember you. I remember watching you dance at Toast and wishing you'd dance with me. I remember catching sight of you nearly every night I went there and being unable to look away. For god's sake woman, I want to kiss you. But you were always too busy dancing so beautifully on your own. And I was too busy watching you.
09 things about yourself:
❶ Having written some of this stuff, I think I desperately want to find someone as troubled as I am.
➋ I have commitment issues. Not just with people. With everything.
➌ Nobody I know agrees with my political views.
➍ I need a girlfriend.
➎ I don't really like beer.
➏ Calling my mobile phone is pointless. I won't answer no matter who you are.
➐ Rasberries -always- make me happy.
➑ I think tomato is disgusting.
➒ I have fond dreams of running a house of illicit pleasures. Not geared for profit, but to allow myself and other women the chance to live the kind of indulgent, aesthetic, somewhat antiquated lifestyle I like so much.
08 ways to win your heart:
❶ Want. Anything. Just want it so badly it drives you. I can't resist passion. I need to be around passionate people. I desperately want to share in other people's passions. I want to watch them, encourage them, feel them. I want to surround myself.
➋ Life may be serious. Art may matter. But sex is fun.
➌ Love my music.
➍ Love my body.
➎ Don't be afraid of being different. Question everything. Speak up.
➏ Do nothing half-hearted.
➐ Dream big.
➑ Be impulsive.
07 things that cross your mind a lot:
❶ Beauty. And the pursuit of beauty.
➋ Fashion.
➌ Women.
➍ Philosophical motivations of sexual deviancy.
➎ Politics, and the eventual goal of social evolution.
➏ Physics, and searching for God in the mathematics, the language of the universe.
➐ Sex.
[Don't touch my sister. I will cut off your genitals. With a spoon.]
(I didn't write that, but somehow I just felt it should be left there :p -tk)
06 things you do before you fall asleep:
❶ Read.
➋ Take of all my clothes.
➌ Listen to the wind, watch the stars out my window.
➍ Shower.
➎ Talk to Sparkles.
➏ Enjoy the feeling of cuddling into my bed.
05 people who mean a lot:
❶ Me.
➋ My friends.
➌ My favourite artists.
➍ My favourite philosophers.
➎ Friendly strangers.
04 things you're wearing right now:
❶ Jeans.
➋ Black band-shirt.
➌ Black panties.
➍ Small silver earrings.
03 songs that you listen to often (currently):
❶ Want You Bad - The Offspring
➋ Post Blue- Placebo
➌ The Calendar Hung Itself- Bright Eyes
02 things you want to do before you die:
❶ Make beauty.
➋ Own beauty.
01 confession:
❶ Sometimes I feel ashamed of my excesses. Sometimes I wish I was just a nice girl. That I dreamed smaller, lived smaller. That the world was smaller and less vibrant. When I dream of it, it is peaceful.
10 things you wish you could say to ten different people right now:
❶ I think you're holding me back because you don't believe in me. You seem to hang around just to tell me that things aren't possible. But I'm not like that. I can't survive without my crazy dreams. It's who I am.
➋ I love you. Eurgh! It's been driving me insane for so long. I. Love. You. You are so damn beautiful, and wonderful, and it makes me ache. I dream about you. Write letters to you. I'd drop everything right this moment to come to you if your arms are open. Instead, I can barely talk to you.
➌ You keep me sane. In all my ups and downs, you've never judged. I can tell you anything. And at the end of it you still smile at me and just see a flirty, precocious creature who you love to hang out with. There are other people I can say similar things to, but it's still censored. Made politically correct. I tell you I'm fucked up, you just smile and nod, and say "me too". And then we hang out or talk, and I don't worry about who I am.
➍ Sex with you is boring. And repetitive. You pretend you're free and sexual, but you don't get into it. You can't orgasm unless it's done in exactly the same way you've always done it- same position, same speed. Im not sure why I still sleep with you. I hope it's not pity. But when I sleep with you I feel as if you may as well be masturbating. And after lots of thought, I'm convinced it's not my fault. And it's not about your attraction to me. You just don't like sex. You like masturbation. So stop pretending. You are not a sexual person.
➎ I wish we had our old friendship back. You made me more princess than whore. I always wanted your dignity, your carriage, your grace.
➏ I think I made your life hell. I think I could have given more, and gotten so much more from our friendship. I know events don't really match how I think about it- but it feels like you were such a big part of my life. I hope in the end there was good from it. And when I trust myself again, I want to start again. To have our friendship go the way it looked like it would in the beginning.
➐ I am so jealous of you. You keep doing what I wanted to do, before me. I resent it a bit too. Because I wanted it first. You took courage from my desire to do it. I earned it. I fought for it. But you have the body. And you did it.
➑ It's pathetic, but I wish you'd just shut up more and kiss me. I promise I'll believe you if you tell me everything is going to be alright.
➒ I'm slightly obsessed by you. You're on my msn, but I never talk to you. I want to prove I'm better than you. I want to be better than you. But I don't know how. I do hate you. And I can't really say that about anyone else. But that hate is as much jealousy as anything else. Why the hell did he want you? Why do I want you? You're a vindictive, manipulative bitch, but I'd do anything to know your secrets.
➓ I still remember you. I remember watching you dance at Toast and wishing you'd dance with me. I remember catching sight of you nearly every night I went there and being unable to look away. For god's sake woman, I want to kiss you. But you were always too busy dancing so beautifully on your own. And I was too busy watching you.
09 things about yourself:
❶ Having written some of this stuff, I think I desperately want to find someone as troubled as I am.
➋ I have commitment issues. Not just with people. With everything.
➌ Nobody I know agrees with my political views.
➍ I need a girlfriend.
➎ I don't really like beer.
➏ Calling my mobile phone is pointless. I won't answer no matter who you are.
➐ Rasberries -always- make me happy.
➑ I think tomato is disgusting.
➒ I have fond dreams of running a house of illicit pleasures. Not geared for profit, but to allow myself and other women the chance to live the kind of indulgent, aesthetic, somewhat antiquated lifestyle I like so much.
08 ways to win your heart:
❶ Want. Anything. Just want it so badly it drives you. I can't resist passion. I need to be around passionate people. I desperately want to share in other people's passions. I want to watch them, encourage them, feel them. I want to surround myself.
➋ Life may be serious. Art may matter. But sex is fun.
➌ Love my music.
➍ Love my body.
➎ Don't be afraid of being different. Question everything. Speak up.
➏ Do nothing half-hearted.
➐ Dream big.
➑ Be impulsive.
07 things that cross your mind a lot:
❶ Beauty. And the pursuit of beauty.
➋ Fashion.
➌ Women.
➍ Philosophical motivations of sexual deviancy.
➎ Politics, and the eventual goal of social evolution.
➏ Physics, and searching for God in the mathematics, the language of the universe.
➐ Sex.
[Don't touch my sister. I will cut off your genitals. With a spoon.]
(I didn't write that, but somehow I just felt it should be left there :p -tk)
06 things you do before you fall asleep:
❶ Read.
➋ Take of all my clothes.
➌ Listen to the wind, watch the stars out my window.
➍ Shower.
➎ Talk to Sparkles.
➏ Enjoy the feeling of cuddling into my bed.
05 people who mean a lot:
❶ Me.
➋ My friends.
➌ My favourite artists.
➍ My favourite philosophers.
➎ Friendly strangers.
04 things you're wearing right now:
❶ Jeans.
➋ Black band-shirt.
➌ Black panties.
➍ Small silver earrings.
03 songs that you listen to often (currently):
❶ Want You Bad - The Offspring
➋ Post Blue- Placebo
➌ The Calendar Hung Itself- Bright Eyes
02 things you want to do before you die:
❶ Make beauty.
➋ Own beauty.
01 confession:
❶ Sometimes I feel ashamed of my excesses. Sometimes I wish I was just a nice girl. That I dreamed smaller, lived smaller. That the world was smaller and less vibrant. When I dream of it, it is peaceful.