Interlude I: Kenefer
Brief Author's note:
Soooo very very early this morning, before I went to sleep, I was talking to Spazzu and she was sharing some of her and her gf's RP logs. There was torture and gore and angst and blood and a broken cutie (<-- link!), and at some point during the logs I could hear Kinu having a nightmare in the back of my head. And by "hear" I mean he was screaming and writhing -- mentally, within the dream. And while in charastuffs, we woke Kinu up and brought him out and had Aesir try to calm him down (it didn't work, so Aesir knocked him out with a dreamless-sleep potion), I felt like writing this out.
The comment Kinu makes about Albel being a light sleeper is also an assumption on my part, but like hell I'm going to make an attempt to write Albel yet. XD So, he slept through it instead. If you think/say it would go differently in charastuffs, though, Anton, we can say it went differently and not apply this. 'Cause yeah.
I also wrote more after this on chapter four, but I'm not going to post it until it's finished. But be aware, though, that the writing style of the first section and the first few paragraphs of the following section in chapter four will proooobably deviate strongly from the rest of the chapter, because it was fucking four thirty in the morning when I wrote it. (... apparently when you're on pain meds and you're sick you keep even worse hours than usual. No, I don't get it, either.)
Interlude I: Kenefer
i was alone, falling free, trying my best not to forget
what happened to us, what happened to me,
what happened as i let it slip
i was confused by the powers that be, forgetting names and faces
passersby were looking at me
as if they could erase it
baby... did you forget to take your meds?
~ Placebo, “Meds”
bones twisting creaking breaking screaming blood blood hot thick slipping begging feathers ripping wings bending fingers groping digging screaming no no begging piercing thrusting Master Master please stop please don’t no I’m sorry please don’t please stop no no no screaming begging crying mercy Master Master why --
A scream lodges in his throat and his hands fly to his ears and clutches his hair and he wants to scream and scream and scream but no sound comes out there is silence except for Albel’s breathing and and… and… and…
Albel. Albel. Albel. He calms down. Slowly, he starts to calm down. He’s still clutching at his ears and his hair and his heart is in his throat and it’s hammering out of his chest and he thinks his wings are out and he’s trying to breathe, but he’s starting to calm down. Next to him, Albel is asleep on his side and breathing deeply. Albel’s gauntlet arm is still cast loosely around his waist.
Focus on the warmth, Kenef -- Kinu. Kinu, focus on the metal, and his breathing, and he’s right there beside you. Okay. You’re okay. Master is dead, he died, you killed him. You’re okay. He can’t get you. Even if he could, Albel would tear him limb from limb. Focus. Metal. Breathing. Albel.
As Kinu slowly comes back to himself, he realizes that he is sitting up. The nightmare scared him this bad…? Kinu takes a slow, deep breath, and slowly lets it out. He silently sheathes his wings again (magic, thank Aten for magic) and carefully, so as to not disturb Albel, he lies back down and buries his face in his pillow. To be honest, Kinu is surprised the man is still asleep; he would have pegged him for a light sleeper, what with all his time in the military…
There is a flash of fire and magic flare and blood and bodies in his mind’s eye, and Kinu quickly rolls over. I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay. Albel. He is right there in front of him, his thin face restless under his messy hair. Even if he’s sleeping, he can’t just do nothing. He’s beautiful, and the strength of his aura is soothing. Kinu reaches out with still-trembling fingers and, lightly, brushes his bangs from his face, tucking some hair behind his (small, rounded, human) ear.
Kinu isn’t sure if he’s relieved Albel didn’t wake up or a little disappointed. He could have had active comfort, but then Albel would have seen him weak and broken again. He must all ready think I’m pathetic or something, Kinu thinks, but then something in the back of his mind whispers, But he accepted me back, so he must see something of value.
… And in any case, it’s very likely Albel would have been awkward and uncomfortable trying to comfort him anyway, and he might have just thrown a blanket over him and waited for him to calm down. Kinu smiles a little at that thought, though, and he can feel himself relaxing. Look, see. You’re all ready better; you’re smiling. Of course he’s “all ready” doing better. It’s just a nightmare. … a nightmare of memories, a nightmare of a terrible, illogical fear, but just a nightmare nonetheless. I’m okay. I don’t need him to wake up and cuddle me back to sleep.
That’s not his style, anyway. And that’s okay, because Kinu honestly doesn’t mind. It’s the way he is, and he’s not going to expect -- or want -- Albel to turn his personality around. I like him the way he is. Kinu has another urge to reach over and play with his hair, but instead he drapes his arm lightly across Albel’s torso and touches his forehead to his chest. Safe. Safe. Everything’s okay. Everything’s okay.
Kinu will fall asleep just as Albel stirs to wake later in the morning.
Soooo very very early this morning, before I went to sleep, I was talking to Spazzu and she was sharing some of her and her gf's RP logs. There was torture and gore and angst and blood and a broken cutie (<-- link!), and at some point during the logs I could hear Kinu having a nightmare in the back of my head. And by "hear" I mean he was screaming and writhing -- mentally, within the dream. And while in charastuffs, we woke Kinu up and brought him out and had Aesir try to calm him down (it didn't work, so Aesir knocked him out with a dreamless-sleep potion), I felt like writing this out.
The comment Kinu makes about Albel being a light sleeper is also an assumption on my part, but like hell I'm going to make an attempt to write Albel yet. XD So, he slept through it instead. If you think/say it would go differently in charastuffs, though, Anton, we can say it went differently and not apply this. 'Cause yeah.
I also wrote more after this on chapter four, but I'm not going to post it until it's finished. But be aware, though, that the writing style of the first section and the first few paragraphs of the following section in chapter four will proooobably deviate strongly from the rest of the chapter, because it was fucking four thirty in the morning when I wrote it. (... apparently when you're on pain meds and you're sick you keep even worse hours than usual. No, I don't get it, either.)
Interlude I: Kenefer
i was alone, falling free, trying my best not to forget
what happened to us, what happened to me,
what happened as i let it slip
i was confused by the powers that be, forgetting names and faces
passersby were looking at me
as if they could erase it
baby... did you forget to take your meds?
~ Placebo, “Meds”
bones twisting creaking breaking screaming blood blood hot thick slipping begging feathers ripping wings bending fingers groping digging screaming no no begging piercing thrusting Master Master please stop please don’t no I’m sorry please don’t please stop no no no screaming begging crying mercy Master Master why --
A scream lodges in his throat and his hands fly to his ears and clutches his hair and he wants to scream and scream and scream but no sound comes out there is silence except for Albel’s breathing and and… and… and…
Albel. Albel. Albel. He calms down. Slowly, he starts to calm down. He’s still clutching at his ears and his hair and his heart is in his throat and it’s hammering out of his chest and he thinks his wings are out and he’s trying to breathe, but he’s starting to calm down. Next to him, Albel is asleep on his side and breathing deeply. Albel’s gauntlet arm is still cast loosely around his waist.
Focus on the warmth, Kenef -- Kinu. Kinu, focus on the metal, and his breathing, and he’s right there beside you. Okay. You’re okay. Master is dead, he died, you killed him. You’re okay. He can’t get you. Even if he could, Albel would tear him limb from limb. Focus. Metal. Breathing. Albel.
As Kinu slowly comes back to himself, he realizes that he is sitting up. The nightmare scared him this bad…? Kinu takes a slow, deep breath, and slowly lets it out. He silently sheathes his wings again (magic, thank Aten for magic) and carefully, so as to not disturb Albel, he lies back down and buries his face in his pillow. To be honest, Kinu is surprised the man is still asleep; he would have pegged him for a light sleeper, what with all his time in the military…
There is a flash of fire and magic flare and blood and bodies in his mind’s eye, and Kinu quickly rolls over. I’m okay, I’m okay, I’m okay. Albel. He is right there in front of him, his thin face restless under his messy hair. Even if he’s sleeping, he can’t just do nothing. He’s beautiful, and the strength of his aura is soothing. Kinu reaches out with still-trembling fingers and, lightly, brushes his bangs from his face, tucking some hair behind his (small, rounded, human) ear.
Kinu isn’t sure if he’s relieved Albel didn’t wake up or a little disappointed. He could have had active comfort, but then Albel would have seen him weak and broken again. He must all ready think I’m pathetic or something, Kinu thinks, but then something in the back of his mind whispers, But he accepted me back, so he must see something of value.
… And in any case, it’s very likely Albel would have been awkward and uncomfortable trying to comfort him anyway, and he might have just thrown a blanket over him and waited for him to calm down. Kinu smiles a little at that thought, though, and he can feel himself relaxing. Look, see. You’re all ready better; you’re smiling. Of course he’s “all ready” doing better. It’s just a nightmare. … a nightmare of memories, a nightmare of a terrible, illogical fear, but just a nightmare nonetheless. I’m okay. I don’t need him to wake up and cuddle me back to sleep.
That’s not his style, anyway. And that’s okay, because Kinu honestly doesn’t mind. It’s the way he is, and he’s not going to expect -- or want -- Albel to turn his personality around. I like him the way he is. Kinu has another urge to reach over and play with his hair, but instead he drapes his arm lightly across Albel’s torso and touches his forehead to his chest. Safe. Safe. Everything’s okay. Everything’s okay.
Kinu will fall asleep just as Albel stirs to wake later in the morning.