Backward beta chapter three

[43sunsets]

Updated May 11, 16, 2005

Hi all :-)

Here's the “published” Chapter three, keeping in mind trixiegogobunny, tabigarasu and rea_saint’s beta-ing comments and suggestions.
(BTW, I’ve changed one sentence in Chapter two: The headmaster had appointed Hogwarts Potions Master, instead of the Deputy Headmistress, to meet a high-ranking French wizard to discuss possible ties between

Comments

[opsat]

Hi! =)
I have no idea what I'm talking about (hehe. I mean I have no talent whatsoever in writing... at all!) but...

for #5, can Snape maybe sneer at Harry when he asks him that question? I don't know how you can write it though. I'm not sure if just changing it to:
“So you,” I sneered, “came from another planet?”
is ok. Don't even know if the grammar is correct.

Hehe. Don't know if that helped at all.

[43sunsets]

Hi too :-) Congrats for winning another back-story *g*

Hhhmmm...maybe:

“So you,” I said slowly, careful to keep a blank face, “came from another planet?”

Because Snape thinks Harry is a nutjob and therefore should be treated with caution :-P

[opsat]

Uhm... can he raise an eyebrow, maybe?

[43sunsets]

Thanks! :-)

What about:

Fighting the urge to raise an eyebrow, I said slowly, "So you ... came from another planet?"

[rea_saint]

5) why would he even have to resist the urge to sneer or raise an eyebrow? I don't see why he would keep his face blank either.

>>>>>(Because Snape thinks Harry is a nutjob and therefore should be treated with caution :-P )

that doesn't mean Snape has to humor him though

I'm trying to think of a word that describes someone slurring words that is both smooth like a snake's hiss and at the same time reminiscent of a cat relishing a cornered mouse...or something like that. XD

"So you," I sneered, enunciating heavily, "came from another planet?"

[43sunsets]

Erm.

What about:

"So you," I enunciated slowly, "came from another planet?"

[allara]

"So." I fought the urge to raise my eyebrow. "You come from another planet?"

???

[43sunsets]

Hhm, I think I'm sticking with this:

"So you," I enunciated slowly, "came from another planet?"

(This way it's still 1000 words. LOL.)

Thanks for the input :-)

[allara]

mkay :)

RIGHT, the whole 1000 words thing.... XD

[43sunsets]

*g* Yes. I'm such a word count nazi. It's my journalism background.