Comments | toestablishties: Backward Beta-ing for Chapter Four

43sunsets in toestablishties

Backward Beta-ing for Chapter Four

May 23, 2005 21:48

Updated May 26, 28, 31, June 15, 18 2005

Most. Revamped. Chapter. Ever. ~_~

Hiya again.

Here's the revised chapter four, keeping in mind rea_saint and nazgul_lady’s beta-ing comments and suggestions. (I've rewritten Snape's description of Tonks)

( Revised Chapter Four )

ch 4

Comments 3

lissomelle June 14 2005, 23:58:44 UTC

Issues-

1. I think Snape's roaming thoughts flow quite nicely, actually, and cutting out any of them would most likely ruin the overall fluidity and effect. Snape is reminiscing, and his ideas mesh together very well.

2. My opinion is that Tonks is, indeed, very intelligent, although by no means graceful or skilled with great stealth. Indeed, her clumsiness was one of the only things that nearly kept her from becoming an Auror, a position that requires great perception and intellect in addition to skilled wandwork and stealth. It is then reasonable to assume that Tonks would excel in Divination and Astronomy, among other subjects.

a) *nods* The new, revised version works. Tonks's character includes impetuous, eager characteristics, and it didn't surprise me that she delivered her presentation in her usual garb.

b) *nods* This revision also works.

3. There are several places in this chapter that the present tense and past tense wording is a bit off.

"Now, six years after I met the little prince, I sat down to piece ( ... )

43sunsets June 16 2005, 06:59:04 UTC

Thank you!

What about:

Six years after I met the little prince, I sat down to piece together the story of his life and our encounter. Even though my memories of him were siphoned into a Pensieve, I still remember clearly his carefree laughter, his random remarks, the changing light in his green eyes.

Basically, in August 1993 (after the little prince goes back to his planet), Snape puts his memories of Harry into a Pensieve, so he will be sure to remember. But Snape only starts writing about Harry in 1999, probably prompted by Tonks' presentation. Before, it was too painful for him to write down his encounter.

lissomelle June 16 2005, 23:28:00 UTC

That sounds good.

Ah, that makes sense. Thanks for the info!