Shower Hole Day
Who would have thought a shower drain would be so powerful? Or that big ol' me could fit through?
But there I was, riding through. It felt like one of those tube water slides that I loved as a child (and still do, thank you very much). The twists and turns were slightly nauseating but I dealt with it fine because I'd developed an iron stomach. Literally; I was singing in the shower and NJ water, full of iron, dripped into my mouth and fortified my stomach lining in a way that it was tougher but I could still digest. I knew about that because I saw a snack shop while on the slide and was able to grab a banana twinkie. Well, I grabbed two but the second one fell into the water - and promptly started to bloat into a raft. I always knew that twinkies were made of the same material as shrinky dinks.
Things were going so well until they started blasting bad rap music at increasingly loud volumes. I was convinced I was going to go deaf and then the slide suddenly cut off - forty thousand feet in mid air. Not knowing what to do, I stuck my feet into the twinkie and started doing flips and spins. Cameras flashed and I thought I may have ended up at the X Games but they were flying cameras whose flashes sent stealth lasers! The twinkie started to heat up on my feet until it melted and I was stuck forty thousand feet in mid air, completely naked (what, you thought I showered in my clothes?). I started to pray and so my prayer was answered.
With my brand new clothes on, I realized I was still in the air. But I knew my cartoons well. If I walked nonchalantly and didn't look down I would never fall. Curious, I reached into the pockets of my pants. Well they say curiosity killed the cat, and maybe they were right? Because I pulled out a giant sign that read one word...seeing the first letter, I tried to force myself not to read it. Damn my insatiable curiosity!
"Yipe!"
WHY would I have a "Yipe" sign in my pocket?? Oh yeah, because I was about to fall.
A gauge appeared near me, telegraphing my fall. Thirty five thousand....thirty thousand...twenty thousand...
Then the idea came to mind. I grabbed onto the gauge and slid twenty thousand feet to safety!
"That was fun!" I couldn't help myself from saying. "Let's do that again!"
...
Curious, I reached into the pockets of my pants. Well they say curiosity killed the cat, and maybe they were right? Because I pulled out a giant sign that read one word...seeing the first letter, I tried to force myself not to read it. Damn my insatiable curiosity!
"Yipe!"
WHY would I have a "Yipe" sign in my pocket?? Oh yeah, because I was about to fall.
A gauge appeared near me, telegraphing my fall. Thirty five thousand....thirty thousand...twenty thousand...
"Why does this seem...hey wait a minute..."
I grabbed the gauge again, slid down to safety again.
"That was fun," I said aloud, "but let's not do that again. Okay? Okay."
The town I landed in looked like Madison but different. Everything was multiple colors, changing all the time. A tall man in a nylon coat, the colors changing all the time, saw me and waved me over. I shrugged and walked over.
"You must be Ryan!" he said. "I'm Dal, the mayor of Madinsane! Welcome!"
"Thanks," I said and shook his hand, looking around. "Why is this place called Madinsane?" A second passed, followed by a minute. I watched them walk into a deli. "Maybe I shouldn't have..."
"Oh," he laughed, watching my face contort into confusion. "Until time learns to fly, it walks. Come." He put his arm around my side and led me through the town. "You'll learn here that all our walls are padded. Go into any building, we have padded walls, trampoline floors, and velcro ceilings." I stopped him.
"That's messed up, man," I said.
"No, that's mad-insane!" he laughed and for the first time I saw the sign of clown makeup on his otherwise pale face. "Now we need to get you suited up."
"Wha..." a blue gas eminated from his ring. Or at least it smelled like blue, though it looked more greenish. I was out.
When I woke up, I found myself in a fuzzy black suit.
"Now," he said, "go get something to eat." I was hungry so I walked into the deli, took one step and bounced to the ceiling. And promptly stuck to it.
"I guess I should have seen that coming." What I didn't see coming was that I was moving. And that everything was velcroed to the ceiling. I was moved to a table and plopped onto the seat. The waitress glided over to me.
"What would you like, dear?" she asked. Her voice was kinda sweet.
"Some sense would be nice," I muttered.
"I see," she said, writing it down. "Will that be common or uncommon? Or perhaps our special, sense of reality?"
"That last one sounds delicious," I said. She was back five minutes later. I started eating and realized that the sense tasted horrible.
"Um, ma'am?" I called her. "This is horrible."
"I know," she replied. "Reality tastes horrible doesn't it?"
"Um, yeah."
"You don't want reality anymore, do you?" Her eyes glowed a strange blue with purple inside it.
I decided I didn't want reality.
.....
Hi, my name is Ryan. I'm the sheriff of Madinsane. Please come join us! Eat at one of our diners! But be sure to suit up before you do...