[Fic] broken hymns for a gutter princess, pt.2
Part deux of the unfinished fic.
(Part one found here!)
-
What kind of chocolate will you make for Tsuna, Hayako, she is asked. It's nearly Valentine's day, and apparently it's a pretty big deal for teenagers, maybe everyone, in Japan. Gokudera just blinks somewhat stupidly before remembering to frown, retorting with 'I don't know what you're talking about'.
Kyoko and Hana both look at her, both curious.
“You're making chocolate for Tsuna, right?” Sasagawa asks, voice full of interest.
“Why would I, for the Tenth? Is that expected or something?” Gokudera returns, brow furrowing.
“What else would you do for your boyfriend on Valentine's.” Kurokawa cuts in, almost bored with the conversation.
Gokudera turns crimson as her heart jolts into some empty cavity in her throat, waving her hands frantically and stammering out some denial; how absurd, the Tenth, such assumption, such disrespect, no, no, no, not the Tenth, not her, not nearly good enough!
They look between each other, blink, taken aback. Unexpected answer that they nod at with bare faced apologies, sorry, we just thought, you know. Gokudera swallows, lump in her throat as she forces that blush to recede.
Sasagawa takes up the plate.
“Then we should make chocolate together, for all of the boys.”
Perfect bitch with her perfect ideas; if only Gokudera was Japanese, knew more about their traditions, could have come up with something like that herself. Hana excuses herself from the activity, but that Haru is more than happy to join in. Hell, her sister offers to teach them all the art of making the perfect chocolate when she hears about it. Gokudera tries to put her off, but the other girls are more than happy to let someone 'experienced' like that help them out. Gokudera resolved to just accompany them and yet attempt to make her own chocolate without the help of that sister. Butting into others' business like that.
She considers what Kyoko said, later, when she was alone with her thoughts and didn't have to push them aside any longer; they thought she was dating the Tenth? H-how absurd...where would they get such an idea from, really! Almost laughable! Not that anything about the Tenth was laughable, but really, thinking a gutter princess like herself was on the arm of that white knight? Bizarre! Unbelievable! Utterly ridiculous!
But then...she lets herself imagine that scenario. Being that one step closer to the Tenth, being able to smile and laugh with him and have him do it back, to look deep into his eyes and see something there that wasn't there before...to have his hand curl around her own and maybe lean into-!
Her eyes jerk open. Why was her heart rattling against her ribs so loudly? What was this dryness in her mouth, this light-headed feeling? No, no, it couldn't be, she was just being silly. The Tenth was the Tenth, she would never dishonour him by pushing such feelings onto him! As if she would feel such things for him in the first place, it was her respect for him that was bigger than anything else; he was her boss first and foremost! Everyone knows office romances don't work!
But...it wasn't...really an office, was it...
Valentine's rolls around and she spends an afternoon in a hot kitchen with a sister she despises, an irritating bitch and a dumb airhead, making chocolate in her own corner and attempting to make it somewhat edible, unlike the stuff the others were making. She'd never done it before; not like it's a common thing to do in Italy, especially for a spoilt girl made street brat.
The two kids, Lambo, I-Pin, get under all of their feet, but Gokudera knows they try and pay more attention to her, trying to make her snap, fun and games to make Gokudera turn a funny shade of red before she screams at them. They hop up on the table and chase each other around, nudging her elbows as she tries so hard to make something worthwhile, no, perfect, to give to the Tenth. When she finally snaps and hurls a wooden spoon at the idiot cow, he screeches, their voices battling each other for dominance, the room breaks out into chaos. When Haru and Kyoko settle down the two children, they quietly tell them to leave Gokudera alone, all smiles, giving apologetic glances to the Italian, fuming silently to herself.
They manage to avert disaster in the kitchen between them, those two girls, patient with Gokudera's hit and miss temper. She wonders what the hell possessed them to do such a thing.
The others present their sweets with huge smiles, as Tsuna blanches, knowing Bianchi was the instructor in such an activity. They all laugh and squeal and laugh some more, happy fit to burst at the seams whilst Gokudera stands in the background, pretending to join in with the frivolities.
Her own chocolate lies in the trash, wrapped in a red ribbon. She tells herself it wasn't good enough to give to the Tenth, and she sure as hell wasn't giving it to that baseball idiot when she had nothing better for her boss, but...really-
-she's just too scared to admit being so madly in love with Sawada Tsunayoshi.
-
Life seems brighter now. Gokudera actually has fun in living, without having to struggle by. She's even growing used to that baseball idiot, annoying as he is. Since she can't exactly get rid of him, considered how bad it would make the Tenth feel, she deals with it. He lets her abuse fly right over his head, so she can hurl about as much of it as she wants and he isn't bothered.
They even end up spending some time together without the Tenth there, although Gokudera wasn't exactly a willing participant in any of these excursions. He treats her to sushi sometimes. He'd laughed when she first happened to get dragged to his father's restaurant (the Tenth, thankfully, was with them too) and it had been discovered, despite all her nonchalance and indifference like a true connoisseur, or true faker, whichever sounds better, that in reality, she'd never eaten anything that even resembled sushi. It turned out she was rather partial to the taste of good sashimi and after that was reluctant to turn down the offer of a plate of it on the house; her allowance was liveable on, but when luxuries like cigarettes were more of a necessity, food seemed again, to come second.
They tend to meet up before they reach the Tenth's place, considered their homes were closer. On mornings when the idiot saw fit to keep his mouth shut and would just walk along happily quiet (these occasions, granted, were rare) Gokudera could even somewhat enjoy his silent company. Then of course, there was the rest of the time, when he babbled on and on and on about completely inconsequential subjects, talking about games and baseball, school, people, and the silver-haired girl would grow tired of his voice very quickly, snapping at him in response, giving clipped answers, dry in wit and he laughs, bright eyed and bubbling, his happiness so bright it almost blinded little gutter princess who grew up in shadows. Still, she doesn't tell him to 'shut the hell up already, you annoy the hell outta me!'. Well, mostly.
Sometimes, she narrows her eyes at him, scrutinises everything he is. Not as stupid as he makes out to be. Not as dim as he makes out to be. In fact, if he spent less time practising his baseball, he'd probably be quite a good student, not that that was relevant to anything at all. But of course, that was an 'if' situation, and frankly, she couldn't even begin to understand what all those girls that confessed to him saw in the idiot. She'd watch them, as he lets those hopeful, useless girls down with smiles and excuses of business with his baseball. What bullshit, she scoffs. Can't help but huff when more girls flock to him with pink envelopes sprayed with cheap, stinking perfume, wafting their desperation around like shameless hookers. Idiot girls, going for him like that. Whatever, they deserve each other, him and his flock of mindless followers.
Yamamoto Takeshi was what he was and Gokudera had no desire to waste her time in changing him, even if it was for the better. Really, if he was taken out of context, if the Tenth wasn't related to the subject, if they'd met in a different world, and maybe if he was 100% less annoying and loud and stupid, she might, might just be able to bring herself to like him.
But of course, that was impossible. Because in this universe, this lifetime, he is just an annoying idiot that is hardly worth a sideward glance. They aren't friends. Gokudera isn't any of those guys' friends...really. Mostly. Almost completely, she's not their friend...although...it might be nice to say she had 'friends'. That she had a 'group of friends'. But no, the only one so far to be trusted was the Tenth, the rest would probably just drop her like everyone else did at some point, bored of her, tired of her, disgusted with her, gross little half-breed.
Something about that one guy, dumb baseball idiot, seems a little different. The others know when to back off, when to leave her alone, but him...he pushes her to her extremes, he makes an extra effort to force himself into her life, waving at her when he catches her eye across the class, the sports field during P.E. He makes that effort to walk just that little further with her, offering to walk her home completely which she reprimands him for (what am I, a kid? Get lost you bastard, I'm capable of walking myself home goddamnit). He makes an effort to be her 'friend', even when she yells at him and calls him stupid and tells him to leave her the fuck alone already. She wonders if he pities her, messy little foreign student with no family or friends out here. No, not that. She knows he's fascinated with her because of what she is, volatile, unusual looking Italian girl with a mouth dirtier than a delinquent's, God knows why he still pushed to be her friend after this initial intrigue.
Bastard, he'd just hurt her even more when he realised what trash she was, so she keeps him as far away as possible.
With his piercing looks and endless smiles, Yamamoto Takeshi continues to haunt her peripheral.
-
Dino Cavallone and his entourage sweep into town, flashy as ever with his taste in expensive cars that causes heads to turn wherever he goes. Golden boy, golden boy, that's all Gokudera remembers about him from her childhood. Now he's like a stranger, really, an irritating, clumsy, idiot in an adult's body, like the majority of the rest of the population.
He befriends the Tenth quickly enough, kindred spirits they seem to be. Gokudera is happy for the Tenth at least; despite that fool's over zealous airs and graces, his family was a powerful alliance to have. She knows that, at least.
She remembers, in a haze, of being madly in love with Dino Cavallone. It brings a blush to her cheeks as she recalls her infatuation with the boy who visited once a year, in summer. The first time he came, they were all, including Bianchi, very young, and even in their lack of years, Don Cavallone, Dino's father, was an elderly man, frail and weak and despite his riches lacking a pretty young wife hovering over his shoulder. Gokudera snorts at the memory of Dino, standing half hidden behind his father's leg and scowling at the floor (the horror, at having been dragged away from home, his friends, during summer; such indignance!), refusing to look up at any of Gokudera's family, or the maids and servants that were waiting on hand to welcome them into the castle.
Gokudera remembers because she was still happy, and so naïve. She had toddled right over to Don Cavallone, stepped in front of her father who was shaking his hand and speaking loudly, con gusto, and reached her pudgy hands towards the elderly gentleman, eyes wide with fascination. Her own grandfathers had died before she was born, and seeing a man like this was still quite an event. The man had chuckled, releasing her father's hand as he bent down to her and offered his arms in an open hug, saying how beautiful she was, how adorable, how sweet to come greet an old man as such, what a lucky man her father was. She had sunk into his fragile chest and wrapped her arms about his neck, just about peeping over his shoulder to see that glowering boy, much bigger and older than her, and deciding, quite instantly that she loved him.
She followed him around the entire summer, eyes wide with curiosity as he looked back to her, trying to leave her behind where she couldn't tag behind him, so he could go outside, run about with the cook's son and actually have a half decent time. Gokudera simply followed him out there too, and sat and watched as they ran around, playing soccer. So fascinated was she with that beautiful golden haired boy.
Eventually he gave in to her and gifted her a sheepish smile, offering his hand so she could toddle around with him, simply smiling and babbling away in childish tones to the boy she knew she would marry one day. After all, his father already doted upon her, and one day when she was as big as Bianchi she would go back to Dino's home and live there for the rest of their lives.
She wailed and wailed the day the Cavallones left again, the love of her life ripped from her as she sat in the entrance hall, face turned to the ceiling and screaming bloody murder whilst maids tried desperately to calm her down before her father became enraged at all the noise.
He came every summer after that, for a week, or two, and she would look forward to it eagerly, him looking more handsome with every year that passed, losing the petulant scowl and instead greeting Gokudera's father with a beaming smile and thanking him for inviting them to his home; perfect little polite boy. Gokudera would wear her best clothes, insist that she had to wear the white dress today and no she would not wear the blue dress because the blue dress wasn't nice enough. She would try and brush her own hair because the maids took too long and she grew impatient, and only end up making a big static puff ball, ringlets turned to bizarrely angled waves. He'd laugh and pat her head, smoothing down the sides for her. She felt like the most special girl in the world.
Soon enough, Bianchi started turning her charm on to that boy too and Gokudera would stand aside, glaring sulkily at them, jealous, because she couldn't surpass Bianchi, in anything, stupid big sister. Dino spent more time with Bianchi, and Gokudera would be left alone, too small to keep up with them. So she'd run away, tearful, to her music room and sit in front of her piano, hitting keys maliciously, making horrible noises that she knew would make her teachers grimace and press their palms to their foreheads.
The clashing dischords would fade to childish plinking until she finally started practising properly, feeling bad that she made the piano make such horrible noises. She watched her hands and played the best she could, stretching her little fingers to try and reach that elusive octave, only managing to reach a sixth at best. Practise, practise, practise makes perfect.
One time, he stood and peeked his head in, watching her play. Didn't say a word till she'd finished and dropped her hands into her lap, but then, she'd turned away, looking out of the window. He couldn't see the empty longing in her face, for the piano teacher she missed more than any of the others, so finally he stepped in, startling her out of her reverie. You're really good, he said with a smile, sorry for listening in. No, 'sfine, she mumbled in return, looking down at her lap to hide the blush. More than anything she wanted to marry that golden boy, be his wife, have a big wedding with a huge dress, have lots of children (the dream of being that beautiful queen in the castle is always forgotten when little Dino steps into the picture and remembered just as swiftly when he returns to his home on the other side of Italy).
Gokudera looks at him now, Dino Cavallone, and flushes just slightly, embarrassing, childish memories seeping into her mind. She sees the boy she was so infatuated with and she sees a man, filled out, handsome, intelligent and smooth-talking, friendly, and she can see the person she fell in love with. But Gokudera is no longer a child, and she no longer entertains fantasies of huge white weddings, or of being on anyone's arm at luxurious parties, flutes of champagne permanent accessories; such things are trivialities, and completely unimportant now that she has found her place in life.
Now all she sees is a man who is useful to the Tenth; all and everything for the Tenth.
-
Gokudera Hayako finds herself attending, Lord above, merciful God please save her; a sleepover. The very thought makes her shudder, clutching her things to her chest as she slowly, totally reluctantly makes her way towards Kyoko's house. She tries to think of excuses even as she walks there. She got run over on the way. Her long-lost aunt appeared and swept her away on a surprise trip. She...got struck by lightning, oh God, why her, why her.
It was the Tenth's encouragement. If it were anyone else, it would be their 'fault', but no, the Tenth, it was only his encouragement. There they'd been sat at school, all together and happily eating lunch, when Kyoko piped up that Haru and she were having a sleepover and Hana was welcome to join. Kurokawa gave an idle nod of her head, agreeing. Then, their gaze turned to Gokudera, who stopped all she was doing, hand hovering in the air like a child caught at the cookie jar. Hayako should come too, Kyoko says, it'll be fun, with all of us.
She tries her best to put them off, to say she's busy; oh no, I couldn't...be a burden, I don't think-
You should go, Gokudera, says Tsuna with a small smile, wouldn't it be fun? You spend so much time with us guys after all...he turned and gave a knowing look to Yamamoto, who laughed quietly and nodded, raising his milk carton in a silent salute. Gokudera hates milk. Hates him too.
She could hardly turn down the Tenth's idea, could she? She sighs and continues on her way to the Sasagawa house, praying that the brother wasn't there, lest she end up fighting with him.
Unfortunately, her feet have carried her all the way to the door before she has a chance to think of a decent excuse. She even had her cellphone clutched in one hand, so she could whip it open and dial Kyoko to let her know that a parachuter had just fallen out of the sky and she was trapped underneath him so she would be unable to attend the pre-arranged sleepover. So she candidly raises that hand and uses it to knock on the door.
The other girls rush to meet her, brushing past all the formalities of announcing your presence in someone's home and instead just pulling her in quickly, barely allowing her time to kick her shoes off in the footwell. She stumbles after them, right up to Kyoko's room where they lock themselves in, giggling like hyenas. Gokudera feels out of her league, in between their clamouring, things pulled from her hands and pushed down onto the bed as they settle down around her, pulling her hands out, splaying her fingers and announcing they were just about to start their manicures, so she could go first, since she always painted her own nails!
Silver-haired Italian girl sits stunned for a while, blinking and complying quietly as they attack both hands simultaneously, scrubbing away the old polish before applying new stuff, a pearly shade of pink, with white across the tips; a French manicure, how nostalgic. They chatter the whole time, and she tries to disclude herself from their trivialities, since she barely knows any of these film stars, tv stars, pop stars that they chat about, even Hana looking mildly enthusiastic, wry smile twisting her lips. They do everyone's nails, and Gokudera even helps with the others'; they marvel at her accuracy and speed with a polish brush. She smirks and responds predictably; 'obviously'.
After that there's facepacks and homemade spa treatments, with steam and water and essential oils and god knows what else. Gokudera simply goes along with it, head spinning with the smells of perfumes and endless chit-chat. She hears, over their giggling, the sound of a TV downstairs, like some kind of sports channel; there's cheering. Perfect, that older brother was there. At least he wasn't bothering them, not like she would expect him too, acknowledging how much he adored his sister; as if he'd disrupt her little get together.
When nails are dried and facepacks scrubbed clean, sleepwear donned (Gokudera hurried into the bathroom to change whilst the others stayed in that bedroom, embarrassed to do such a thing in front of them, even as a shameless street rat; she had sidled back into the room and looked down, avoiding their gaze upon her baggy t-shirt and pyjama pants that nearly covered her toes, when they all wore small babydoll nightgowns and cute shorts and giggled nervously at first, but then exploded into 'gosh you're so cute Hayako', 'you look amazing in anything, Hayako', 'so unfair, Hayako!'), they finally settled down into their respective parts of the floor before the gossip started.
They ply her with snacks, chocolates and low-fat chips in bowls between them all. Gokudera picks at what is pushed in front of her, and secretly wishes she could sneak out for a desperately needed cigarette. Their voices were beginning to give her a headache, and her tolerance was leaning towards breaking point. She'd done well to last so long with girls she always feels uneasy around, especially that bitch always vying for the Tenth's attention, Haru, who, granted, had acted like Gokudera's best friend since the second she got there, brushing her hair and shoving it into all sorts of fancy styles, half up, half down, all up, all down with pretty little twists here and there, decorating her head like shiny snail shells, clips and accessories covering her curls; so lucky to have such lovely long hair, and such a beautiful colour! Is it from her mother or father? Bianchi doesn't have the same hair, they don't look all that similar except for their eyes, are they step siblings maybe?
Half-sister, she corrects after a long pause, quiet, doesn't answer where her hair came from.
It takes them a while to build up the courage to start asking Gokudera questions, but she expected it from the beginning and, suitably, gives them short answers that give a rather roundabout view of the truth. Born in Italy, raised by just an average Italian family, father a businessman and mother a housewife, happy enough childhood with her parents and sister, till she reached 12 years old and was moved to Japan to be closer to her heritage. Wouldn't be alone; she had the Sawadas, old friends of her parents, links going back three generations. Ooh, ah, they say, enraptured. Just a change of scene she explains without any hesitation, filthy lies slipping from her tongue, practised and fluent in this language; to get back to her grandfather's roots. A quarter Japanese they say, three quarters Italian, how exotic, no wonder you're so pretty Hayako!
They start asking more questions of each other, more personal questions that makes Gokudera pull the covers further and further up and around her blushing face. What about your first bra? First period? First kiss!
I don't remember... I-I had an uh infection or something when I was younger...and I developed slower, you know, not a big deal...I, uh...uhm...I don't-
Not had her period, that they sweep over, no, they almost pounce on her at the last answer; never been kissed?! Hayako, you?! Never been kissed, no, not someone as beautiful and mature as you! They squeal and squeal and start making plans, which boy in class would be most suitable for Hayako's first kiss? Who would be able to stand up to the scary little Italian who frightens away anyone and everything that came within her (or the Tenth's) little bubble?
She didn't have the courage to say she'd done things much worse than kiss a boy, just to keep surviving, as they jabber away and throw pillows around with silly suggestions.
“Do you want Tsuna to be your first kiss, Hayako!?” Haru says breathlessly, cutting over the other voices.
She feels jealousy in that voice, piercing and acute, three gazes trained on her as mouths come to a stop. There's heat, rising in her neck, to the tips of her ears. Looks between them; disinterested Hana, tentatively envious Haru...then Kyoko, head tilted, something in her eyes that wasn't curiosity, wasn't obvious jealousy, just...something, that stamps down on the feelings pummeling at her heart, roaring to be set free.
“N-no!” she yelps, a beat too late, colour in her cheeks, “No, not the Tenth, never, we're n-not...not like that, never, I couldn't-”
She shakes her head. The sigh of relief that drops Haru's shoulders is practically audible. Kyoko's eyes almost brighten. Gokudera feels leaden. Of course, why did she ever let herself even dream about her and the Tenth, when girls like Haru and Kyoko were there? Stupid, stupid, stupid stupid idiot Italian, head up in the clouds, not focusing on her real duty, getting so swept up in emotion, dishonourable, disrespectful emotion-
“Theennnn...” they chorused, “Yamamoto!”
“No!” Gokudera screeches, colour rising even higher in her face. “No, no, no, why would you say that?!”
They dissolve into fits of giggles as Gokudera hides her head beneath a pillow. Downstairs, Ryohei snorts to himself and simply turns the TV up.
-
There's attacks at Namimori. The ones always considered strong are being taken out, one by one, teeth ripped from their gums. Pretty macabre way of sending a message. The Tenth gets nervous, Reborn's eyes grow dark and the air seems to hang a little heavier than it did a week ago. Doesn't help when that ranking kid, Fuuta, does a vanishing act, or rather, is snatched away by the culprits. Really, who wouldn't want such a well of information?
Sasagawa Ryohei ends up in the hospital with bandages around his head and a weeping sister by his bedside. It unnerves them all. It unnerves Gokudera to receive a shaky text message from Kyoko saying she wouldn't be able to make it on their shopping trip tomorrow. That Kyoko, that solid, reliable one, broken down...how queer, stranger, to Gokudera, than people losing teeth and being beaten half to death in the middle of a dark alley. That was almost commonplace in her life.
Soon Gokudera is attacked, and she doesn't know she's been ranked as one of the strongest in the school, she doesn't know she was targeted specifically.
So she fights against some four eyed freak who took out two guys for merely looking over at them. Gokudera holds her own; she's not in the ranks of the strongest for no reason, even if she is a girl. Not like that's ever made a difference.
That guy, four eyed freak with a ridiculous beanie yanked onto his head, was from Kokuyo Junior High...and he was after the Tenth! No, never would she let him get to the Tenth; like she'd ever say a word about his whereabouts! She throws dynamite around, half blows herself up in the process, throws a punch and misses, probably flashes her panties to the whole street in the process and doesn't even care, throws more dynamite, even goes so far as to use that special little trick with those special little bombs and he's done, collapsed in a smoking heap. Done and dusted. She sits down heavily in the middle of the street, sore and smelling of burns, just enjoying what was left of her cigarette as she smiled proudly to herself. She protected the Tenth and beat some skinny four-eyed geek into the ground, ha!
Then the Tenth turns up and she's so happy, so swelling with pride she might float away, brushing it all off as if it was nothing, even though her bangs are singed and her cheek is bleeding. That guy, that enemy from Kokuyo pulls a vanishing act, in a puff of gunpowder smoke and all too suddenly he's there again, throwing around his weapons like a robot, rusty at he hinges; right towards the Tenth.
It doesn't take thinking about, that she puts herself in front of him, feels needles ramming into her chest, piercing her flesh and seeping poison under her skin. Asks him to run, asks him to go, weak voice, light head, please Tenth please be safe, don't get hurt, please please. Collapses, bleeding, legs ungainly splayed in unconsciousness.
That idiot appears and takes over, knew it would be Gokudera fighting, obviously, obviously he would know, since that intuition is just another of his perfect traits. Saves the Tenth, sees that girl sprawled out on the floor, pale and lying in a rapidly growing pool of blood, saves them all.
This is what she learns later, when she's being bandaged up, not sure who by, stuff's blurry. Shamal's there, sound of a kick or a punch, or something, some skin meeting skin, and it's Bianchi's voice that tells him to get the hell away from her sister, his perverted hands won't touch her; she would take care of little sister's recuperation. Yamamoto's there, and the Tenth too. Of course, of course the Tenth is there, concerned for her safety.
If only she could have seen her real white knight that day, dirty, poisonous, little gutter princess.
-
She feels an antidote slip through her veins incognito, then a crooning whisper in her ear, the dead of night. Our little secret, Hayako sweet, hm?
Next she knows she feels fine, sat up in that hospital bed and looking at her sister's goggled face with the usual scowl, demanding to be let free of such a place, to see the Tenth. So she gets out of bed herself, despite some protests that she doesn't hear or listen to, wincing at those puncture wounds in her chest. Puts on a brave face and waves the pain away; it's nothing, nothing at all.
Gokudera dashes away to find the Tenth, cleaned and dressed well again, as if nothing had ever happened. She's ready to meet those guys head on now, more than ready to go and save that kid from the bad guys and put a stop to their reign of terror, pull Namimori Junior High's name back out of the gutter, and even that idiot seems fired up to go. Sure, he thinks it's a game like everything else, but still, at least he's willing, gullible as he is.
From there on they make their way to Kokuyo's territory, along with Bianchi and Reborn in tow. She fights alongside him, proud to do that much, putting on a brave face and pretending like the whole thing was nothing, like she didn't feel any pain. She almost panics when Yamamoto falls down that hole and has to face up to that monster in a pit writhing in shadows. She wants to throw dynamite down there, light the whole place up with some pretty bangs and help him out, but she's stopped; she'd hurt that idiot too. Uneasy, uneasy, all she can do is watch. Scary to see someone she knew, not a friend, no no, not a friend, in such a situation. But of course he wins, typical. He's safe and she finds she was holding her breath, lungs twisted tight, stupidly.
They carry on and next her sister fights for them, doesn't seem to so much as break a sweat in beating down a girl with dollar signs for eyes. Doesn't feel quite as much unease. Feels a vague sense of admiration bubble in the pit of her stomach for her sister; never really seen her fight properly before. Poison Scorpion sure had a sting in her tail. Big sister more stylish than little sister, so much cooler, so much more effortless. Deep breath, half a smirk; more confident, more pumped.
Then, there's that man. That disgusting, wheezing old man with a bird on his shoulder, chirping away quite happily, as if it had no idea its master was controlling some unspeakable creatures over the shoulders of two innocent girls: Kyoko, Haru. Heart in her throat, confidence seems to leak out of her like air from a balloon, deflating so rapidly. Hit the Tenth, beat up the Tenth? Hands clench white, shaking, grab that old man's collar and threaten him with a cutting voice; bad idea, bad idea, who's in charge here? No, no, how could she, neither could that idiot- big sister does it for them, problem one solved; how could you sis, Tenth are you alright?! No time for that, there's a knife reflecting the light, glint of malice and beating blood streams from a pervert's nose as he gets off on startled fear as it flashes across teenagers' faces, mentions how nice it is to see a pretty young girl like Hayako, cowering before him. Fuck you, old man- No, Tenth, you can't, please, please don't listen to him, there must be another way, and then, there it is: Shamal, those brats, having jumped out of that inconvenient bazooka. Face flushes as that pervert doctor comments about the beautiful girls he's saving, not as exquisite as darling little Hayako, but such lovely maidens in their own right. Creatures burst at the seams, fall like rag dolls. Old man tries to hobble away, kick him in the fucking gut with a snarl and down he topples (how dare you try and take advantage of the Tenth like that, bastard bastard bastard!); one kick, are you serious? What a weakling!
Then there's that Rokudo Mukuro...fake, wreathed in black. There's only a twinge of anxiety when that Yamamoto gets taken out (sort of...maybe glad, kind of maybe relieved he can't carry on, idiot's in the wrong setting, wrong storyline), left unconscious in a safe place as they carry on, to the core of the hive. She's struggling, holding back her breath so she doesn't pant or gasp. Feels pain shooting up and down her spine as she walks upright, in her usual way, even though she'd rather be bent over double, clutching at those wounds.
That four eyes turns up again, and again she fights, sending the Tenth on; go, go! Go, Tenth, find Rokudo Mukuro and kick his ass! Little butterflies barrage the walls of her stomach when he nods, dashes away with Bianchi and Reborn to do just that. That's her Tenth, that's her boss, brave and strong and everything else he was.
Too bad she fights and loses, tumbling down some ravaged concrete steps and lying, spent, at the bottom, blood mingling with sweat. She clings to consciousness, sees stars in the blur of her vision and then...There's a bird song...funny, it couldn't be anyone else, not with that music, who else would go so far as to show a bird to do that? She lets dynamite roll unbidden from her gunpowder streaked hand, as they laugh and call lewd comments to her (hey, hey, cute chicky, get back up and play with us, come and play), blowing the wall behind her to pieces and letting that one free.
How terrible, that it should be Hibari Kyouya that saves her, leave that guy to finish her work. Feels like a silly little girl when he pulls her to her feet by her wrist, slings her arm over his shoulders, drags her back up the stairs. Silly little girl, not the right knight in Hibari Kyouya.
The story at Kokuyo continues, but it is Tsuna's, not hers. Really, it's not quite irrelevant, but seeminly unimportant in contrast, because they win, the Tenth wins his battles, of course he does, how could anyone dare to think otherwise, they grow stronger, they grow closer. The bad guys are put away and no-one dies.
Namimori is saved and the sun appears again.
-
A month later, they sit in the stands at Namimori's autumn baseball game, crowds cheering so loudly they raise they sky. Yamamoto stands on the field, doing his usual thing and being the star. Tsuna, both Sasagawas, Haru, the brats, they're all there, screaming and doing their part as friends and loyal students. Gokudera remains sat down, cigarette between her lips as she slouches, scowling at that bastard down there, dirty and scuffed and still looking damned good in his dumbass baseball uniform. Boring as hell game, watching some people hit a ball round a field with a stick. Even more pointless than soccer, at least that has a goal.
Can't believe they're struggling against a moron like him she mutters, vindictive. She pulls dynamite out and jumps to her feet; if you guys don't work hard, I'll start a riot!
A hand on her head, an argument with that idiot boxer who has the cheek to call her octopus-head, the bastard, even admits his stupidity with a foolish grin as he ribs Gokudera, laughing away her insults just like that other idiot.
Bianchi turns up. Gokudera collapses with a mouthful of vomit, hair bannering in the air like streamers.
There's laughter and Tsuna's yelps and sighs of exasperation. Children's screams and girls' giggles, Ryohei's over enthusiasm and Yamamoto's triumphant smile, down there on the field.
Even in the darkest skies, friends like these can light up.
(Part one found here!)
-
What kind of chocolate will you make for Tsuna, Hayako, she is asked. It's nearly Valentine's day, and apparently it's a pretty big deal for teenagers, maybe everyone, in Japan. Gokudera just blinks somewhat stupidly before remembering to frown, retorting with 'I don't know what you're talking about'.
Kyoko and Hana both look at her, both curious.
“You're making chocolate for Tsuna, right?” Sasagawa asks, voice full of interest.
“Why would I, for the Tenth? Is that expected or something?” Gokudera returns, brow furrowing.
“What else would you do for your boyfriend on Valentine's.” Kurokawa cuts in, almost bored with the conversation.
Gokudera turns crimson as her heart jolts into some empty cavity in her throat, waving her hands frantically and stammering out some denial; how absurd, the Tenth, such assumption, such disrespect, no, no, no, not the Tenth, not her, not nearly good enough!
They look between each other, blink, taken aback. Unexpected answer that they nod at with bare faced apologies, sorry, we just thought, you know. Gokudera swallows, lump in her throat as she forces that blush to recede.
Sasagawa takes up the plate.
“Then we should make chocolate together, for all of the boys.”
Perfect bitch with her perfect ideas; if only Gokudera was Japanese, knew more about their traditions, could have come up with something like that herself. Hana excuses herself from the activity, but that Haru is more than happy to join in. Hell, her sister offers to teach them all the art of making the perfect chocolate when she hears about it. Gokudera tries to put her off, but the other girls are more than happy to let someone 'experienced' like that help them out. Gokudera resolved to just accompany them and yet attempt to make her own chocolate without the help of that sister. Butting into others' business like that.
She considers what Kyoko said, later, when she was alone with her thoughts and didn't have to push them aside any longer; they thought she was dating the Tenth? H-how absurd...where would they get such an idea from, really! Almost laughable! Not that anything about the Tenth was laughable, but really, thinking a gutter princess like herself was on the arm of that white knight? Bizarre! Unbelievable! Utterly ridiculous!
But then...she lets herself imagine that scenario. Being that one step closer to the Tenth, being able to smile and laugh with him and have him do it back, to look deep into his eyes and see something there that wasn't there before...to have his hand curl around her own and maybe lean into-!
Her eyes jerk open. Why was her heart rattling against her ribs so loudly? What was this dryness in her mouth, this light-headed feeling? No, no, it couldn't be, she was just being silly. The Tenth was the Tenth, she would never dishonour him by pushing such feelings onto him! As if she would feel such things for him in the first place, it was her respect for him that was bigger than anything else; he was her boss first and foremost! Everyone knows office romances don't work!
But...it wasn't...really an office, was it...
Valentine's rolls around and she spends an afternoon in a hot kitchen with a sister she despises, an irritating bitch and a dumb airhead, making chocolate in her own corner and attempting to make it somewhat edible, unlike the stuff the others were making. She'd never done it before; not like it's a common thing to do in Italy, especially for a spoilt girl made street brat.
The two kids, Lambo, I-Pin, get under all of their feet, but Gokudera knows they try and pay more attention to her, trying to make her snap, fun and games to make Gokudera turn a funny shade of red before she screams at them. They hop up on the table and chase each other around, nudging her elbows as she tries so hard to make something worthwhile, no, perfect, to give to the Tenth. When she finally snaps and hurls a wooden spoon at the idiot cow, he screeches, their voices battling each other for dominance, the room breaks out into chaos. When Haru and Kyoko settle down the two children, they quietly tell them to leave Gokudera alone, all smiles, giving apologetic glances to the Italian, fuming silently to herself.
They manage to avert disaster in the kitchen between them, those two girls, patient with Gokudera's hit and miss temper. She wonders what the hell possessed them to do such a thing.
The others present their sweets with huge smiles, as Tsuna blanches, knowing Bianchi was the instructor in such an activity. They all laugh and squeal and laugh some more, happy fit to burst at the seams whilst Gokudera stands in the background, pretending to join in with the frivolities.
Her own chocolate lies in the trash, wrapped in a red ribbon. She tells herself it wasn't good enough to give to the Tenth, and she sure as hell wasn't giving it to that baseball idiot when she had nothing better for her boss, but...really-
-she's just too scared to admit being so madly in love with Sawada Tsunayoshi.
-
Life seems brighter now. Gokudera actually has fun in living, without having to struggle by. She's even growing used to that baseball idiot, annoying as he is. Since she can't exactly get rid of him, considered how bad it would make the Tenth feel, she deals with it. He lets her abuse fly right over his head, so she can hurl about as much of it as she wants and he isn't bothered.
They even end up spending some time together without the Tenth there, although Gokudera wasn't exactly a willing participant in any of these excursions. He treats her to sushi sometimes. He'd laughed when she first happened to get dragged to his father's restaurant (the Tenth, thankfully, was with them too) and it had been discovered, despite all her nonchalance and indifference like a true connoisseur, or true faker, whichever sounds better, that in reality, she'd never eaten anything that even resembled sushi. It turned out she was rather partial to the taste of good sashimi and after that was reluctant to turn down the offer of a plate of it on the house; her allowance was liveable on, but when luxuries like cigarettes were more of a necessity, food seemed again, to come second.
They tend to meet up before they reach the Tenth's place, considered their homes were closer. On mornings when the idiot saw fit to keep his mouth shut and would just walk along happily quiet (these occasions, granted, were rare) Gokudera could even somewhat enjoy his silent company. Then of course, there was the rest of the time, when he babbled on and on and on about completely inconsequential subjects, talking about games and baseball, school, people, and the silver-haired girl would grow tired of his voice very quickly, snapping at him in response, giving clipped answers, dry in wit and he laughs, bright eyed and bubbling, his happiness so bright it almost blinded little gutter princess who grew up in shadows. Still, she doesn't tell him to 'shut the hell up already, you annoy the hell outta me!'. Well, mostly.
Sometimes, she narrows her eyes at him, scrutinises everything he is. Not as stupid as he makes out to be. Not as dim as he makes out to be. In fact, if he spent less time practising his baseball, he'd probably be quite a good student, not that that was relevant to anything at all. But of course, that was an 'if' situation, and frankly, she couldn't even begin to understand what all those girls that confessed to him saw in the idiot. She'd watch them, as he lets those hopeful, useless girls down with smiles and excuses of business with his baseball. What bullshit, she scoffs. Can't help but huff when more girls flock to him with pink envelopes sprayed with cheap, stinking perfume, wafting their desperation around like shameless hookers. Idiot girls, going for him like that. Whatever, they deserve each other, him and his flock of mindless followers.
Yamamoto Takeshi was what he was and Gokudera had no desire to waste her time in changing him, even if it was for the better. Really, if he was taken out of context, if the Tenth wasn't related to the subject, if they'd met in a different world, and maybe if he was 100% less annoying and loud and stupid, she might, might just be able to bring herself to like him.
But of course, that was impossible. Because in this universe, this lifetime, he is just an annoying idiot that is hardly worth a sideward glance. They aren't friends. Gokudera isn't any of those guys' friends...really. Mostly. Almost completely, she's not their friend...although...it might be nice to say she had 'friends'. That she had a 'group of friends'. But no, the only one so far to be trusted was the Tenth, the rest would probably just drop her like everyone else did at some point, bored of her, tired of her, disgusted with her, gross little half-breed.
Something about that one guy, dumb baseball idiot, seems a little different. The others know when to back off, when to leave her alone, but him...he pushes her to her extremes, he makes an extra effort to force himself into her life, waving at her when he catches her eye across the class, the sports field during P.E. He makes that effort to walk just that little further with her, offering to walk her home completely which she reprimands him for (what am I, a kid? Get lost you bastard, I'm capable of walking myself home goddamnit). He makes an effort to be her 'friend', even when she yells at him and calls him stupid and tells him to leave her the fuck alone already. She wonders if he pities her, messy little foreign student with no family or friends out here. No, not that. She knows he's fascinated with her because of what she is, volatile, unusual looking Italian girl with a mouth dirtier than a delinquent's, God knows why he still pushed to be her friend after this initial intrigue.
Bastard, he'd just hurt her even more when he realised what trash she was, so she keeps him as far away as possible.
With his piercing looks and endless smiles, Yamamoto Takeshi continues to haunt her peripheral.
-
Dino Cavallone and his entourage sweep into town, flashy as ever with his taste in expensive cars that causes heads to turn wherever he goes. Golden boy, golden boy, that's all Gokudera remembers about him from her childhood. Now he's like a stranger, really, an irritating, clumsy, idiot in an adult's body, like the majority of the rest of the population.
He befriends the Tenth quickly enough, kindred spirits they seem to be. Gokudera is happy for the Tenth at least; despite that fool's over zealous airs and graces, his family was a powerful alliance to have. She knows that, at least.
She remembers, in a haze, of being madly in love with Dino Cavallone. It brings a blush to her cheeks as she recalls her infatuation with the boy who visited once a year, in summer. The first time he came, they were all, including Bianchi, very young, and even in their lack of years, Don Cavallone, Dino's father, was an elderly man, frail and weak and despite his riches lacking a pretty young wife hovering over his shoulder. Gokudera snorts at the memory of Dino, standing half hidden behind his father's leg and scowling at the floor (the horror, at having been dragged away from home, his friends, during summer; such indignance!), refusing to look up at any of Gokudera's family, or the maids and servants that were waiting on hand to welcome them into the castle.
Gokudera remembers because she was still happy, and so naïve. She had toddled right over to Don Cavallone, stepped in front of her father who was shaking his hand and speaking loudly, con gusto, and reached her pudgy hands towards the elderly gentleman, eyes wide with fascination. Her own grandfathers had died before she was born, and seeing a man like this was still quite an event. The man had chuckled, releasing her father's hand as he bent down to her and offered his arms in an open hug, saying how beautiful she was, how adorable, how sweet to come greet an old man as such, what a lucky man her father was. She had sunk into his fragile chest and wrapped her arms about his neck, just about peeping over his shoulder to see that glowering boy, much bigger and older than her, and deciding, quite instantly that she loved him.
She followed him around the entire summer, eyes wide with curiosity as he looked back to her, trying to leave her behind where she couldn't tag behind him, so he could go outside, run about with the cook's son and actually have a half decent time. Gokudera simply followed him out there too, and sat and watched as they ran around, playing soccer. So fascinated was she with that beautiful golden haired boy.
Eventually he gave in to her and gifted her a sheepish smile, offering his hand so she could toddle around with him, simply smiling and babbling away in childish tones to the boy she knew she would marry one day. After all, his father already doted upon her, and one day when she was as big as Bianchi she would go back to Dino's home and live there for the rest of their lives.
She wailed and wailed the day the Cavallones left again, the love of her life ripped from her as she sat in the entrance hall, face turned to the ceiling and screaming bloody murder whilst maids tried desperately to calm her down before her father became enraged at all the noise.
He came every summer after that, for a week, or two, and she would look forward to it eagerly, him looking more handsome with every year that passed, losing the petulant scowl and instead greeting Gokudera's father with a beaming smile and thanking him for inviting them to his home; perfect little polite boy. Gokudera would wear her best clothes, insist that she had to wear the white dress today and no she would not wear the blue dress because the blue dress wasn't nice enough. She would try and brush her own hair because the maids took too long and she grew impatient, and only end up making a big static puff ball, ringlets turned to bizarrely angled waves. He'd laugh and pat her head, smoothing down the sides for her. She felt like the most special girl in the world.
Soon enough, Bianchi started turning her charm on to that boy too and Gokudera would stand aside, glaring sulkily at them, jealous, because she couldn't surpass Bianchi, in anything, stupid big sister. Dino spent more time with Bianchi, and Gokudera would be left alone, too small to keep up with them. So she'd run away, tearful, to her music room and sit in front of her piano, hitting keys maliciously, making horrible noises that she knew would make her teachers grimace and press their palms to their foreheads.
The clashing dischords would fade to childish plinking until she finally started practising properly, feeling bad that she made the piano make such horrible noises. She watched her hands and played the best she could, stretching her little fingers to try and reach that elusive octave, only managing to reach a sixth at best. Practise, practise, practise makes perfect.
One time, he stood and peeked his head in, watching her play. Didn't say a word till she'd finished and dropped her hands into her lap, but then, she'd turned away, looking out of the window. He couldn't see the empty longing in her face, for the piano teacher she missed more than any of the others, so finally he stepped in, startling her out of her reverie. You're really good, he said with a smile, sorry for listening in. No, 'sfine, she mumbled in return, looking down at her lap to hide the blush. More than anything she wanted to marry that golden boy, be his wife, have a big wedding with a huge dress, have lots of children (the dream of being that beautiful queen in the castle is always forgotten when little Dino steps into the picture and remembered just as swiftly when he returns to his home on the other side of Italy).
Gokudera looks at him now, Dino Cavallone, and flushes just slightly, embarrassing, childish memories seeping into her mind. She sees the boy she was so infatuated with and she sees a man, filled out, handsome, intelligent and smooth-talking, friendly, and she can see the person she fell in love with. But Gokudera is no longer a child, and she no longer entertains fantasies of huge white weddings, or of being on anyone's arm at luxurious parties, flutes of champagne permanent accessories; such things are trivialities, and completely unimportant now that she has found her place in life.
Now all she sees is a man who is useful to the Tenth; all and everything for the Tenth.
-
Gokudera Hayako finds herself attending, Lord above, merciful God please save her; a sleepover. The very thought makes her shudder, clutching her things to her chest as she slowly, totally reluctantly makes her way towards Kyoko's house. She tries to think of excuses even as she walks there. She got run over on the way. Her long-lost aunt appeared and swept her away on a surprise trip. She...got struck by lightning, oh God, why her, why her.
It was the Tenth's encouragement. If it were anyone else, it would be their 'fault', but no, the Tenth, it was only his encouragement. There they'd been sat at school, all together and happily eating lunch, when Kyoko piped up that Haru and she were having a sleepover and Hana was welcome to join. Kurokawa gave an idle nod of her head, agreeing. Then, their gaze turned to Gokudera, who stopped all she was doing, hand hovering in the air like a child caught at the cookie jar. Hayako should come too, Kyoko says, it'll be fun, with all of us.
She tries her best to put them off, to say she's busy; oh no, I couldn't...be a burden, I don't think-
You should go, Gokudera, says Tsuna with a small smile, wouldn't it be fun? You spend so much time with us guys after all...he turned and gave a knowing look to Yamamoto, who laughed quietly and nodded, raising his milk carton in a silent salute. Gokudera hates milk. Hates him too.
She could hardly turn down the Tenth's idea, could she? She sighs and continues on her way to the Sasagawa house, praying that the brother wasn't there, lest she end up fighting with him.
Unfortunately, her feet have carried her all the way to the door before she has a chance to think of a decent excuse. She even had her cellphone clutched in one hand, so she could whip it open and dial Kyoko to let her know that a parachuter had just fallen out of the sky and she was trapped underneath him so she would be unable to attend the pre-arranged sleepover. So she candidly raises that hand and uses it to knock on the door.
The other girls rush to meet her, brushing past all the formalities of announcing your presence in someone's home and instead just pulling her in quickly, barely allowing her time to kick her shoes off in the footwell. She stumbles after them, right up to Kyoko's room where they lock themselves in, giggling like hyenas. Gokudera feels out of her league, in between their clamouring, things pulled from her hands and pushed down onto the bed as they settle down around her, pulling her hands out, splaying her fingers and announcing they were just about to start their manicures, so she could go first, since she always painted her own nails!
Silver-haired Italian girl sits stunned for a while, blinking and complying quietly as they attack both hands simultaneously, scrubbing away the old polish before applying new stuff, a pearly shade of pink, with white across the tips; a French manicure, how nostalgic. They chatter the whole time, and she tries to disclude herself from their trivialities, since she barely knows any of these film stars, tv stars, pop stars that they chat about, even Hana looking mildly enthusiastic, wry smile twisting her lips. They do everyone's nails, and Gokudera even helps with the others'; they marvel at her accuracy and speed with a polish brush. She smirks and responds predictably; 'obviously'.
After that there's facepacks and homemade spa treatments, with steam and water and essential oils and god knows what else. Gokudera simply goes along with it, head spinning with the smells of perfumes and endless chit-chat. She hears, over their giggling, the sound of a TV downstairs, like some kind of sports channel; there's cheering. Perfect, that older brother was there. At least he wasn't bothering them, not like she would expect him too, acknowledging how much he adored his sister; as if he'd disrupt her little get together.
When nails are dried and facepacks scrubbed clean, sleepwear donned (Gokudera hurried into the bathroom to change whilst the others stayed in that bedroom, embarrassed to do such a thing in front of them, even as a shameless street rat; she had sidled back into the room and looked down, avoiding their gaze upon her baggy t-shirt and pyjama pants that nearly covered her toes, when they all wore small babydoll nightgowns and cute shorts and giggled nervously at first, but then exploded into 'gosh you're so cute Hayako', 'you look amazing in anything, Hayako', 'so unfair, Hayako!'), they finally settled down into their respective parts of the floor before the gossip started.
They ply her with snacks, chocolates and low-fat chips in bowls between them all. Gokudera picks at what is pushed in front of her, and secretly wishes she could sneak out for a desperately needed cigarette. Their voices were beginning to give her a headache, and her tolerance was leaning towards breaking point. She'd done well to last so long with girls she always feels uneasy around, especially that bitch always vying for the Tenth's attention, Haru, who, granted, had acted like Gokudera's best friend since the second she got there, brushing her hair and shoving it into all sorts of fancy styles, half up, half down, all up, all down with pretty little twists here and there, decorating her head like shiny snail shells, clips and accessories covering her curls; so lucky to have such lovely long hair, and such a beautiful colour! Is it from her mother or father? Bianchi doesn't have the same hair, they don't look all that similar except for their eyes, are they step siblings maybe?
Half-sister, she corrects after a long pause, quiet, doesn't answer where her hair came from.
It takes them a while to build up the courage to start asking Gokudera questions, but she expected it from the beginning and, suitably, gives them short answers that give a rather roundabout view of the truth. Born in Italy, raised by just an average Italian family, father a businessman and mother a housewife, happy enough childhood with her parents and sister, till she reached 12 years old and was moved to Japan to be closer to her heritage. Wouldn't be alone; she had the Sawadas, old friends of her parents, links going back three generations. Ooh, ah, they say, enraptured. Just a change of scene she explains without any hesitation, filthy lies slipping from her tongue, practised and fluent in this language; to get back to her grandfather's roots. A quarter Japanese they say, three quarters Italian, how exotic, no wonder you're so pretty Hayako!
They start asking more questions of each other, more personal questions that makes Gokudera pull the covers further and further up and around her blushing face. What about your first bra? First period? First kiss!
I don't remember... I-I had an uh infection or something when I was younger...and I developed slower, you know, not a big deal...I, uh...uhm...I don't-
Not had her period, that they sweep over, no, they almost pounce on her at the last answer; never been kissed?! Hayako, you?! Never been kissed, no, not someone as beautiful and mature as you! They squeal and squeal and start making plans, which boy in class would be most suitable for Hayako's first kiss? Who would be able to stand up to the scary little Italian who frightens away anyone and everything that came within her (or the Tenth's) little bubble?
She didn't have the courage to say she'd done things much worse than kiss a boy, just to keep surviving, as they jabber away and throw pillows around with silly suggestions.
“Do you want Tsuna to be your first kiss, Hayako!?” Haru says breathlessly, cutting over the other voices.
She feels jealousy in that voice, piercing and acute, three gazes trained on her as mouths come to a stop. There's heat, rising in her neck, to the tips of her ears. Looks between them; disinterested Hana, tentatively envious Haru...then Kyoko, head tilted, something in her eyes that wasn't curiosity, wasn't obvious jealousy, just...something, that stamps down on the feelings pummeling at her heart, roaring to be set free.
“N-no!” she yelps, a beat too late, colour in her cheeks, “No, not the Tenth, never, we're n-not...not like that, never, I couldn't-”
She shakes her head. The sigh of relief that drops Haru's shoulders is practically audible. Kyoko's eyes almost brighten. Gokudera feels leaden. Of course, why did she ever let herself even dream about her and the Tenth, when girls like Haru and Kyoko were there? Stupid, stupid, stupid stupid idiot Italian, head up in the clouds, not focusing on her real duty, getting so swept up in emotion, dishonourable, disrespectful emotion-
“Theennnn...” they chorused, “Yamamoto!”
“No!” Gokudera screeches, colour rising even higher in her face. “No, no, no, why would you say that?!”
They dissolve into fits of giggles as Gokudera hides her head beneath a pillow. Downstairs, Ryohei snorts to himself and simply turns the TV up.
-
There's attacks at Namimori. The ones always considered strong are being taken out, one by one, teeth ripped from their gums. Pretty macabre way of sending a message. The Tenth gets nervous, Reborn's eyes grow dark and the air seems to hang a little heavier than it did a week ago. Doesn't help when that ranking kid, Fuuta, does a vanishing act, or rather, is snatched away by the culprits. Really, who wouldn't want such a well of information?
Sasagawa Ryohei ends up in the hospital with bandages around his head and a weeping sister by his bedside. It unnerves them all. It unnerves Gokudera to receive a shaky text message from Kyoko saying she wouldn't be able to make it on their shopping trip tomorrow. That Kyoko, that solid, reliable one, broken down...how queer, stranger, to Gokudera, than people losing teeth and being beaten half to death in the middle of a dark alley. That was almost commonplace in her life.
Soon Gokudera is attacked, and she doesn't know she's been ranked as one of the strongest in the school, she doesn't know she was targeted specifically.
So she fights against some four eyed freak who took out two guys for merely looking over at them. Gokudera holds her own; she's not in the ranks of the strongest for no reason, even if she is a girl. Not like that's ever made a difference.
That guy, four eyed freak with a ridiculous beanie yanked onto his head, was from Kokuyo Junior High...and he was after the Tenth! No, never would she let him get to the Tenth; like she'd ever say a word about his whereabouts! She throws dynamite around, half blows herself up in the process, throws a punch and misses, probably flashes her panties to the whole street in the process and doesn't even care, throws more dynamite, even goes so far as to use that special little trick with those special little bombs and he's done, collapsed in a smoking heap. Done and dusted. She sits down heavily in the middle of the street, sore and smelling of burns, just enjoying what was left of her cigarette as she smiled proudly to herself. She protected the Tenth and beat some skinny four-eyed geek into the ground, ha!
Then the Tenth turns up and she's so happy, so swelling with pride she might float away, brushing it all off as if it was nothing, even though her bangs are singed and her cheek is bleeding. That guy, that enemy from Kokuyo pulls a vanishing act, in a puff of gunpowder smoke and all too suddenly he's there again, throwing around his weapons like a robot, rusty at he hinges; right towards the Tenth.
It doesn't take thinking about, that she puts herself in front of him, feels needles ramming into her chest, piercing her flesh and seeping poison under her skin. Asks him to run, asks him to go, weak voice, light head, please Tenth please be safe, don't get hurt, please please. Collapses, bleeding, legs ungainly splayed in unconsciousness.
That idiot appears and takes over, knew it would be Gokudera fighting, obviously, obviously he would know, since that intuition is just another of his perfect traits. Saves the Tenth, sees that girl sprawled out on the floor, pale and lying in a rapidly growing pool of blood, saves them all.
This is what she learns later, when she's being bandaged up, not sure who by, stuff's blurry. Shamal's there, sound of a kick or a punch, or something, some skin meeting skin, and it's Bianchi's voice that tells him to get the hell away from her sister, his perverted hands won't touch her; she would take care of little sister's recuperation. Yamamoto's there, and the Tenth too. Of course, of course the Tenth is there, concerned for her safety.
If only she could have seen her real white knight that day, dirty, poisonous, little gutter princess.
-
She feels an antidote slip through her veins incognito, then a crooning whisper in her ear, the dead of night. Our little secret, Hayako sweet, hm?
Next she knows she feels fine, sat up in that hospital bed and looking at her sister's goggled face with the usual scowl, demanding to be let free of such a place, to see the Tenth. So she gets out of bed herself, despite some protests that she doesn't hear or listen to, wincing at those puncture wounds in her chest. Puts on a brave face and waves the pain away; it's nothing, nothing at all.
Gokudera dashes away to find the Tenth, cleaned and dressed well again, as if nothing had ever happened. She's ready to meet those guys head on now, more than ready to go and save that kid from the bad guys and put a stop to their reign of terror, pull Namimori Junior High's name back out of the gutter, and even that idiot seems fired up to go. Sure, he thinks it's a game like everything else, but still, at least he's willing, gullible as he is.
From there on they make their way to Kokuyo's territory, along with Bianchi and Reborn in tow. She fights alongside him, proud to do that much, putting on a brave face and pretending like the whole thing was nothing, like she didn't feel any pain. She almost panics when Yamamoto falls down that hole and has to face up to that monster in a pit writhing in shadows. She wants to throw dynamite down there, light the whole place up with some pretty bangs and help him out, but she's stopped; she'd hurt that idiot too. Uneasy, uneasy, all she can do is watch. Scary to see someone she knew, not a friend, no no, not a friend, in such a situation. But of course he wins, typical. He's safe and she finds she was holding her breath, lungs twisted tight, stupidly.
They carry on and next her sister fights for them, doesn't seem to so much as break a sweat in beating down a girl with dollar signs for eyes. Doesn't feel quite as much unease. Feels a vague sense of admiration bubble in the pit of her stomach for her sister; never really seen her fight properly before. Poison Scorpion sure had a sting in her tail. Big sister more stylish than little sister, so much cooler, so much more effortless. Deep breath, half a smirk; more confident, more pumped.
Then, there's that man. That disgusting, wheezing old man with a bird on his shoulder, chirping away quite happily, as if it had no idea its master was controlling some unspeakable creatures over the shoulders of two innocent girls: Kyoko, Haru. Heart in her throat, confidence seems to leak out of her like air from a balloon, deflating so rapidly. Hit the Tenth, beat up the Tenth? Hands clench white, shaking, grab that old man's collar and threaten him with a cutting voice; bad idea, bad idea, who's in charge here? No, no, how could she, neither could that idiot- big sister does it for them, problem one solved; how could you sis, Tenth are you alright?! No time for that, there's a knife reflecting the light, glint of malice and beating blood streams from a pervert's nose as he gets off on startled fear as it flashes across teenagers' faces, mentions how nice it is to see a pretty young girl like Hayako, cowering before him. Fuck you, old man- No, Tenth, you can't, please, please don't listen to him, there must be another way, and then, there it is: Shamal, those brats, having jumped out of that inconvenient bazooka. Face flushes as that pervert doctor comments about the beautiful girls he's saving, not as exquisite as darling little Hayako, but such lovely maidens in their own right. Creatures burst at the seams, fall like rag dolls. Old man tries to hobble away, kick him in the fucking gut with a snarl and down he topples (how dare you try and take advantage of the Tenth like that, bastard bastard bastard!); one kick, are you serious? What a weakling!
Then there's that Rokudo Mukuro...fake, wreathed in black. There's only a twinge of anxiety when that Yamamoto gets taken out (sort of...maybe glad, kind of maybe relieved he can't carry on, idiot's in the wrong setting, wrong storyline), left unconscious in a safe place as they carry on, to the core of the hive. She's struggling, holding back her breath so she doesn't pant or gasp. Feels pain shooting up and down her spine as she walks upright, in her usual way, even though she'd rather be bent over double, clutching at those wounds.
That four eyes turns up again, and again she fights, sending the Tenth on; go, go! Go, Tenth, find Rokudo Mukuro and kick his ass! Little butterflies barrage the walls of her stomach when he nods, dashes away with Bianchi and Reborn to do just that. That's her Tenth, that's her boss, brave and strong and everything else he was.
Too bad she fights and loses, tumbling down some ravaged concrete steps and lying, spent, at the bottom, blood mingling with sweat. She clings to consciousness, sees stars in the blur of her vision and then...There's a bird song...funny, it couldn't be anyone else, not with that music, who else would go so far as to show a bird to do that? She lets dynamite roll unbidden from her gunpowder streaked hand, as they laugh and call lewd comments to her (hey, hey, cute chicky, get back up and play with us, come and play), blowing the wall behind her to pieces and letting that one free.
How terrible, that it should be Hibari Kyouya that saves her, leave that guy to finish her work. Feels like a silly little girl when he pulls her to her feet by her wrist, slings her arm over his shoulders, drags her back up the stairs. Silly little girl, not the right knight in Hibari Kyouya.
The story at Kokuyo continues, but it is Tsuna's, not hers. Really, it's not quite irrelevant, but seeminly unimportant in contrast, because they win, the Tenth wins his battles, of course he does, how could anyone dare to think otherwise, they grow stronger, they grow closer. The bad guys are put away and no-one dies.
Namimori is saved and the sun appears again.
-
A month later, they sit in the stands at Namimori's autumn baseball game, crowds cheering so loudly they raise they sky. Yamamoto stands on the field, doing his usual thing and being the star. Tsuna, both Sasagawas, Haru, the brats, they're all there, screaming and doing their part as friends and loyal students. Gokudera remains sat down, cigarette between her lips as she slouches, scowling at that bastard down there, dirty and scuffed and still looking damned good in his dumbass baseball uniform. Boring as hell game, watching some people hit a ball round a field with a stick. Even more pointless than soccer, at least that has a goal.
Can't believe they're struggling against a moron like him she mutters, vindictive. She pulls dynamite out and jumps to her feet; if you guys don't work hard, I'll start a riot!
A hand on her head, an argument with that idiot boxer who has the cheek to call her octopus-head, the bastard, even admits his stupidity with a foolish grin as he ribs Gokudera, laughing away her insults just like that other idiot.
Bianchi turns up. Gokudera collapses with a mouthful of vomit, hair bannering in the air like streamers.
There's laughter and Tsuna's yelps and sighs of exasperation. Children's screams and girls' giggles, Ryohei's over enthusiasm and Yamamoto's triumphant smile, down there on the field.
Even in the darkest skies, friends like these can light up.